male only Husband rant -- am I asking too much?

[sr910 55]

I don't like Walmart either, but I wanted the magic bullet for my preop diet, darn it! And my husband is an assistant store director at a large grocery chain...

I told him that I had been reading threads on here (I didn't tell him about this one, though -- I think he'd be pissed!) and I tried to get him to open up about his feelings on me being sleeved... Low and behold, he's afraid I'm going to lose some pounds, gain some self confidence, attract attention from other men, and leave him. I told him that was not my goal in having this surgery -- I just want to get healthy and feel better about myself -- not find a new man.

For the married folks... can you imagine dating again?! I would be sooo awkward... so anyway, we're working on things. I'm still getting sleeved and I'm still going to lose a few pounds and feel better about myself... but if my marriage ends, I'm adopting a bunch of cats and staying single!

[mrchris 98]

Yes but I can relate. My wife is a very slender and beautiful women (and I definitely married up) but one of her best friends growing up, knew him since they were 3, did the lap-band a few years back and lost 100 pounds.

He was married to this mean little troll of a women (no offense to the trolls) and after losing the weight and starting to attract the attention of other women he eventually had a brief affair. Wife found out and they shortly thereafter divorced. So for her having that happen in someone she knows that well is stuck in her head. I'm the kind of guy that despite my weight before surgery, I had spent most of my life at a normal size, even when larger still looked good enough and my personality is such that I still get hit on, get phone numbers etc (without trying to). And add to that I am professional photographer that has been pigeonholed into glamour more than any other genre and that means I spend lots of time in studios or on location with naked or nearly naked women. The two facts put together left her really questioning this at times and it meant she wasn't always as supportive as one might hope for.

As to dating, no I can't imagine it at all. A French philosopher back in the 1700's once said (and I'm paraphrasing) All husbands are basically the same, you should keep the first one you have. Now yes there are exceptions for the physically violent and truly mentally or emotionally abusive. But by and large none of us are perfect, we'll say and do stupid things usually out of fear of letting our guard down or looking weak and emotional.

[NewAshes 232]

I knew it was the surgery! Because its not my bf who is worried its me who is worried I will feel too hot for him...I can't imagine myself with anyone else or accepting my baggage but I know so many people who have lost weight and it changed them..fame,money does it too.

[southernsoul 773]

For what it's worth, your first priority has got to be you. Go to counseling on your own. This surgery is about to dump all kinds of changes on your plate, and when you add that to the marriage issues, it's a whole lot to handle! Having an objective & non-judgmental outlet in which to process all of this stuff can do you a world of good. It doesn't really matter if he goes or not...you go for you, and figure out what you need to do to have the life you want.

[delta_girl 931]

"A person with a well-differentiated "self" recognizes his realistic dependence on others, but he can stay calm and clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection to distinguish thinking rooted in a careful assessment of the facts from thinking clouded by emotionality. Thoughtfully acquired principles help guide decision-making about important family and social issues, making him less at the mercy of the feelings of the moment. What he decides and what he says matches what he does. He can act selflessly, but his acting in the best interests of the group is a thoughtful choice, not a response to relationship pressures. Confident in his thinking, he can either support another's view without being a disciple or reject another view without polarizing the differences. He defines himself without being pushy and deals with pressure to yield without being wishy-washy."

http://www.thebowencenter.org/pages/conceptds.html

[southernsoul 773]

deltagirl, I am currently working on a masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Your quote and link for Bowenian Family Therapy does my heart good. Thanks for sharing that!

[Jacqueline Marie 73]

I am coming into this late.... But this is one of the exact reason why I am single. My ex started with the attitude, moved to the verbal abuse, and kept getting worse. May not be your case... but you shouldn't be treated or talked to that way. Your his wife... you should be treated like a queen

[Rena's got this 274]

For the married folks... can you imagine dating again?! I would be sooo awkward... so anyway, we're working on things. I'm still getting sleeved and I'm still going to lose a few pounds and feel better about myself... but if my marriage ends, I'm adopting a bunch of cats and staying single!

I divorced in 2007, and have had a few relationships since then, but only one was special. That man totally respected me, and I treated him like royalty. Unfortunately, in 2011, he died from brain cancer. I haven't seriously dated since. I'm an introvert, and it is just difficult, so I adopted 3 cats, and am now the "Crazy Cat Lady" of my neighborhood. I'm happy, but some days, I do wish I had another adult around the house.

[NewAshes 232]

I divorced in 2007, and have had a few relationships since then, but only one was special. That man totally respected me, and I treated him like royalty. Unfortunately, in 2011, he died from brain cancer. I haven't seriously dated since. I'm an introvert, and it is just difficult, so I adopted 3 cats, and am now the "Crazy Cat Lady" of my neighborhood. I'm happy, but some days, I do wish I had another adult around the house.

im so sorry my bf and I together are introverted lol I'd still like to be the crazy animal lady but he won't let me! So I'm allowed to have my cat and get either a corgi or some ferrets...I want them all!

[Rena's got this 274]

im so sorry my bf and I together are introverted lol I'd still like to be the crazy animal lady but he won't let me! So I'm allowed to have my cat and get either a corgi or some ferrets...I want them all!

Um....I have a ferret too, but after he passes, I won't do that again! He is cute is a button, but he is a thief, hiding anything he can drag behind my couch, and he tears up the stuffing in my mattresses and couch! That little bugger even hid an umbrella under my couch!

[NewAshes 232]

Um....I have a ferret too, but after he passes, I won't do that again! He is cute is a button, but he is a thief, hiding anything he can drag behind my couch, and he tears up the stuffing in my mattresses and couch! That little bugger even hid an umbrella under my couch!

i had two a few years ago. Never tore anything up except their stuffys but they did hide stuff under the coffee table. One loved to take showers with you and the girl loved baths. I think it's funny watching them try to drag stuff to hide...getting them box trained was hard but eventually they would climb into their cage to use the box.

[Fiddleman 4,376]

Are you stating husbands are like Ferrets?

[Rena's got this 274]

Are you stating husbands are like Ferrets?

....only the cute part!

[Fiddleman 4,376]

....only the cute part!

I was being a little tongue in cheek on my ferret comment above because I think we can be like that from time to time in a marriage!! Just found it funny.

[Rena's got this 274]

I was being a little tongue in cheek on my ferret comment above because I think we can be like that from time to time in a marriage!! Just found it funny.

You could be right....I can see a husband possibly hiding things away, dragging things around, and getting frisky....