Dr. Gerald Kirshenbaum - Considering Dr. Kirshenbaum

[PrtyAntOvrYt 6]

Ok guys I need to vent. I guess I took a leap of faith and started a profile at match.com a while ago. I have winked, emailed and im'd. Nothing:cursing: Most guys want fit and slender women. No one even gives me a chance to get to know one another. What's the harm in talking. My profile picture is not too bad either. My daughter thinks it looks nice.

I am feeling better about myself since I have started losing weight and I think I am ready to pursue a companion. I am not looking for a long-term relationship at this time but I would like to have someone to talk to and have the occasional date. Why are men so shallow. Should I take my picture off and let them get to know me first before they see me? Do men even look if there is no picture.

Has anyone been on this site?

Hey Bella,

My heart goes out to you and your dating situation.

I am in the same place as you. I went online and met a wonderful man. He's sweet and loving. However, I know with all my heart that I am not where I need to be to be attractive to him. As sad as this is, it's the truth!

I do not understand how men think. I do not think like they do and I think most women do not. My ex was extremely attractive. He was fit and very hot. He had a strong french accent that melted all of my co-workers when he'd call my work. BUT there were times he treated me like total crap! AND being unfaithful was the most disrespectful of all behaviors.

I believe to this day that foreplay begins in the morning and lasts all day. It's the sweetness of a conversation with your partner that makes loving them amazingly wonderful. However, men don't see it that way. They want the Supermodel, the Playboy Bunny, the Fantasy Babe! All of which, I will never be. They are shallow and for the most part, stupid. Forgive me, I'm not saying all men are that way, but the ones who focus only on looks are. Where are the men who know the importance of falling in love with a woman's heart and soul? They are few and far between. When I read Dork's words about meeting her hubby and he loving her for who she was, I was happy. Happy to hear that there are some men out there like that. Then I was on OH the other day and one girl had gone on a blind date and the date was rude to her because of her weight. She must have gotten over 30 replies from women who had met their spouses online - when obese - fell in love and are now happily married. SO my point is this (sorry, I took the long way to get here!) most men are very shallow, they will look at your picture and turn away. BUT Thank God there are a few sweet, good and SMART men out there, who will fall in love with you for your personality - realizing that years from now, the sweetness of Bella will be who they want to wake up next to each morning. That is the MAN you and I are deserving of! (I'd rather have my man desire the sweetness of Dee, not Bella, however.)

It takes patience and understanding, knowing WE ARE very special, we have a lot to offer and I'm not talking about our weight, I'm talking about our sweet souls... AND one day, a knight on a white horse (or driving a white Camry) will appear in our lives, look deep to our inner cores and fall head over heels in love with us. I believe! I'm a hopeful romantic! BECAUSE DAMNIT, I deserve to be loved!

Stay strong Bella, don't let those fools get your down. Take this time to prepare yourself - to be the best Bella you can be - take this time to fall in love with YOU!

dee~

[PrtyAntOvrYt 6]

Ok, so for the last few months, I have been telling my mom "I think if one more bad thing happens I will snap-I am that close." All things considered with the divorce, the financial difficulties I am having at times, the stress of my job, etc, I think I have been holding up pretty well. Especially since I haven't been on antidepressants.

Well, some of you may remember my dispute with my a-hole neighbors across the alley. For those of you that don't, I will make a long story short by telling you that they hated my husband, and therefore hate me by association (even though I have never done one thing to them) and they go out of their way to cause trouble in my life in very unscrupulous ways.

The latest is that the wife of this couple has relayed to the lawyer for the estate next door that my fence is over the property line. I received a letter from him today stating that it is 16 inches over the property line (which it isn't, if it is over the line, it is only 4-6 inches). They informed me it is going to cause problems selling the house and DEMANDED that I move it IMMEDIATELY. And if I want to dispute it, I am to apparently pay for the survey. Ok, rationally, I know they have the burden of truth-if they have a problem with the fence they should be paying for the surveyor. But the thing is, seriously, I have NO money to pay to have the fence moved if it is over the property line. I also have NO more money to pay my lawyer to take care of this matter for me. I don't know what to do. AND I DON'T KNOW WHY THESE PEOPLE CANNOT LEAVE ME ALONE. Seriously. I know they didn't like my husband, but he is gone. I don't do anything but go to work and stay in my house. I even pay someone to do my lawn work so I don't have to EVER go outside and interact with these people. I will not even take my garbage out if they are outside. That is how stressed they make me.

It is going to put a serious financial burden on me to hire my lawyer to deal with this issue also, but I don't really see any way around it.

Sorry for the long post, I need to vent. I don't even know what to do anymore, I have so many problems piling up on me. :tongue:

Also, moving is not an option for me at this point-I don't think I would be able to obtain a mortgage in todays housing market. AND, it would almost KILL me to give them the satisfaction of thinking they ran me out of here. I am far too stubborn to give them what they want!

Miss Munchkin!

I wondered about those ugly neighbors of yours and how they are acting recently! I am so sorry! Your plate has been filled with bad stuff for awhile! :eek:

Keep YOUR CHIN UP! Don't let those uglies make you stressed. Get your ducks in a row and figure out how you can work this situation with the least amount of money. I wish I could help! I don't know what I'd do, but I'd at least give you a BIG HUG!!!

just dee~

[PrtyAntOvrYt 6]

Lap,

Thanks for the info from that book. i have it on order at the library, but it hasn't come in yet.

Brandy,

What a cute puppy- my vote is for oakley, that's a cool name for a dog.

If you guys do decide on a red robin night, please let me know when and where, would love to meet you all.

I went to employee health today to follow up again on my back injury for my nursing job that happened in June. They still will not release me back to work. It was all I could do to restrain myself from picking up that twig of a doctor to prove that yes, I am now capable of lifting 50 pounds. Now I have to go back next week for a PT eval, and then yet another OCC healt visit to review the results. And won't this be fun to be downtown during the DNC too. Aggravation! Thank heavens this is only PRN, not my full time job.

I posted that I'm open for Red Robin on the 26th, 27th or 28th. That's Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. Will any of those dates work for you?

[munchkin392 1]

Miss Munchkin!

I wondered about those ugly neighbors of yours and how they are acting recently! I am so sorry! Your plate has been filled with bad stuff for awhile! :eek:

Keep YOUR CHIN UP! Don't let those uglies make you stressed. Get your ducks in a row and figure out how you can work this situation with the least amount of money. I wish I could help! I don't know what I'd do, but I'd at least give you a BIG HUG!!!

just dee~:eek:

Thanks Dee! I have had my plate full for awhile...when is it going to end???????? I had to take anti-anxiety meds for the first time in months.

Shelbi-Denver Girl suggested the same thing in a PM. I don't think our EAP offers legal consults, but I will call them Monday. If nothing else, maybe it would just be good for me to go talk to them! :tongue:

[PrtyAntOvrYt 6]

Dee -- I'm still eating my oats! But I've had some red meat a couple of times :tongue:. Hope you're doing ok. Keep looking until you get to a good fit. I have one now who's great, but I sure have had some tools in the past.

I'm still eating my oats too! I've been following a modified vegetarian diet lately. I'm going to go on the 21 day Detox diet that Oprah went on. It's 100% Vegan and you're supposed to lose 7lbs a week. The calories are 1200-1600 a day. Lower version fat, good carbs and adequate Protein (60grams) - I love those soy products and currently I'm eating lots of fruits and veggies! So this shouldn't be difficult! But first on Sept 1st, I'm doing a research project for Dr. Kuri's Lap Band Coordinator - she's studying the weight loss results with the different Liver Shrinking Diets. I'm going to follow Dr. K's LSD for 14 days. After that, I'll do the 21 day Detox!

I hope I lose weight! I've got to get this poundage off!!!

[PrtyAntOvrYt 6]

Dee ~ I hope the talking helped even if the therapist isn't a good fit. I quit going to a therapist once because she couldn't remember important things about me. I'm not sure why she was taking notes if she wasn't going to refer back to them!

Yeah! I wouldn't want a therapist who couldn't remember important things either!

I called to let the therapist know that I will be not returning. He was very nice. I felt bad. But I'm hoping I find a good one!

[PrtyAntOvrYt 6]

My son's friend is not doing well. Still in ICU, got pnemonia and a collapsed lung. The docs put him in a medicated coma. We can't really get a lot of info on what is happening because only family can see him and we don't want to bother the family. Last I heard he was paralyzed from the nipple line down with limited mobility at his elbows and shoulders.

I'm so sorry to hear your son's friend is having a hard time. Unfortunately, he will probably have pnemonia many times in his future. He's got a tough road ahead of him. Poor Guy!

The good thing is he's young and probably much stronger than an older person. My heart just aches for him and his family. It's so sad. How is your son doing with all of this? Can your son visit him if he wants?

Can you make it to Red Robin next week? Tues, Wed., Thursday?

[Lap_dancer 8]

The latest is that the wife of this couple has relayed to the lawyer for the estate next door that my fence is over the property line. I received a letter from him today stating that it is 16 inches over the property line (which it isn't, if it is over the line, it is only 4-6 inches). They informed me it is going to cause problems selling the house and DEMANDED that I move it IMMEDIATELY. And if I want to dispute it, I am to apparently pay for the survey. Ok, rationally, I know they have the burden of truth-if they have a problem with the fence they should be paying for the surveyor. But the thing is, seriously, I have NO money to pay to have the fence moved if it is over the property line. I also have NO more money to pay my lawyer to take care of this matter for me. I don't know what to do. AND I DON'T KNOW WHY THESE PEOPLE CANNOT LEAVE ME ALONE. !

Possession is Nine-Tenths of the law.

Lawyers can say whatever they want. It's a Judge that has to rule in favor of your neighbors and bind you to legal responsibility to pay for a survey of the land. Of course that will require a court date, a hearing..MONEY and honestly, to cog the court system up with trite things like this is annoying.

Remember:

Every time the lawyer sends you a letter, it costs your neighbors money.

After so many letters it would be cheaper for them to move the fence and buy the survey.

As an FYI... we bought land 10 years ago. Our neighbor had put a fence up that was two feet over onto our land. The result? Since the fence had been there for so long, the general consensus was to let it go, not worth the cost and we would probably lose because...possession is 9 / 10ths of the law after that much time.

No worries. You have greater things to focus on such as yourself. Put your energy there.:tongue:

[Lap_dancer 8]

Bella-Although Lap said it much more eloquently than I would have, I was going to tell you something along those lines. I have a friend at work who wanted to jump into dating the MINUTE she got divorced, and she kept meeting these bad men from the internet. She asked me why I didn't want to date yet, and that was my answer. What is meant to be will be, and if I am supposed to meet someone, it will happen. I believe, as cheesy as it may sound, that there is a life path or destiny chosen for all of us, and we will get to the good stuff sooner or later.:tongue:

We must be kindred spirits! So often I read something you have posted and thought to myself (hmmmmm....yes).

*Another thought for all, look at the mistakes other people make and learn from them. It's free and costs you nothing.

A good friend had an affair with a younger man. The thrill of his young body, his stamina, sent her to the moon. That was all well and good for the first few months then she tried to continue on with him and establish a LIFE. Life as in living day to day, bills, home mortgage, family, car payments, and suddenly her stud was not so studly. He was not the responsible one her husband had been who enabled her to drive a nice car, have a good home and live in a comfortable place that was warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Gone were surprise weekend getaways. Sure, hubby was losing his hair, getting a paunch belly but there was a lesson in there. My friend ended up having a nervous breakdown. Worth it? Not in my eyes.

The media portrays romance as this imaginary state of life with oiled bodies and candles and exotic beaches. Those people go into hair and makeup before they start being filmed or photographed.

Romance for me is when the rubber hits the road. I think a mature, responsible man is sexy hot. Take away some of the stress in my life, pay the bills, think of me and rub my back after a long day of hard work, speak kindly and respectfully the way you do to strangers. THAT is showing me love not just saying the words. And as I so often am known to say in this house: " Your actions speak so loudly I can't hear your words."

Edited August 23, 2008 by Lap_dancer

[PrtyAntOvrYt 6]

Romance for me is when the rubber hits the road. I think a mature, responsible man is sexy hot. Take away some of the stress in my life, pay the bills, think of me and rub my back after a long day of hard work, speak kindly and respectfully the way you do to strangers. THAT is showing me love not just saying the words. And as I so often am known to say in this house: " Your actions speak so loudly I can't hear your words."

I couldn't agree with you more! I have always said that! Actions speak SO much louder than words to me! YOU can say anything you want, but if you're not backing those words up with actions, they mean nothing to me!

Being hateful during the day, day in and day out and then wanting me in the bedroom -- is not going to turn me on!

[Lap_dancer 8]

Friends do take the time to photograph yourselves.

I have a digital camera and took nudies of myself prior to the surgery. I took side photos of my volumous stomach.

DANG

Had I not taken another set today and compared them I wouldn't realize the VOLUME that is gone from my stomach. I can see the lifting of fat off the bottom of my stomach and it pulling inward.

.......................

Loss for this week is a shiney little 1 pound.

............

Physical therapy hurts like a son of a gun. Doing CORE STRENGTHENING:

Pelvic tilt: Flatten back by tightening stomach muscles and butt, hold 3 seconds, repeat 5 times, twice daily.

Hip and Knee strengthening: Isometic Hip Adduction: With folded pillow between knees laying on my side on the bed, squeeze knees into the pillow, Hold 3 seconds, repeat 5 times, do twice daily.

Khip and Kneww Quadriceps: Tighten muscles on top of thigh by pushing knees down into the bed. Hold 3 seconds, Repeat five times, twice a day.

Abdominal Bracing: Breath in and pull belly inward at the navel, hold for five count, breathe out, relax. Repeat ten times.

[Sidann 0]

Lap - Reducing the stress on your back with your weight loss has gone a long way in helping you feel better. I'm just sorry that physical torture umm I mean therapy is also involved. I have found that those CORE exercises are doing a great thing for me in improving my posture as I am losing weight.

I believe the advice all of you have given Bella about reentering the dating world has been right on target. I have been divorced FOREVER. I would like to someday marry again but I'm not putting my life on hold for that. Quite honestly as some of my weight has come off there are some out there who have taken a second look. But come on - I am the same woman who didn't get the time of day 4 months ago. It scares me at times to think that's all some men want but I know there are those out there who have their head on straight. I'll just wait until one comes along. If he never does then I have pursued my goals and live a very full life. I would like someone to share my life but don't need someone to complete me.

My fill still seems to be in a good place. I have to be much more careful than before with chewing well and not drinking with the meal but that's what I needed. I hope I'm like Dee and this is my sweet spot.

Guess I better go grade some papers - it's that time of year. School started on Aug 18th. I have been dropping in here to read then rushing off to catch up on something else. You all are a great addition to my life. My weight has taken many things away from me but in trying to get healthy I have found all of you along the way! What a great benefit.

[Snowgator 3]

I can do red robin Wed. or Thurs night next week. What time & which one?

[PrtyAntOvrYt 6]

I can do red robin Wed. or Thurs night next week. What time & which one?

I can do either Wednesday or Thursday. We meet at 7pm at the Red Robin at Arapahoe and I-25.

Anyone else? Wednesday or Thursday, Peeps!???

Anita, Mal, Mare, Denise, Rene, Brandy, Bookholder???

[munchkin392 1]

Possession is Nine-Tenths of the law.

Lawyers can say whatever they want. It's a Judge that has to rule in favor of your neighbors and bind you to legal responsibility to pay for a survey of the land. Of course that will require a court date, a hearing..MONEY and honestly, to cog the court system up with trite things like this is annoying.

Remember:

Every time the lawyer sends you a letter, it costs your neighbors money.

After so many letters it would be cheaper for them to move the fence and buy the survey.

As an FYI... we bought land 10 years ago. Our neighbor had put a fence up that was two feet over onto our land. The result? Since the fence had been there for so long, the general consensus was to let it go, not worth the cost and we would probably lose because...possession is 9 / 10ths of the law after that much time.

No worries. You have greater things to focus on such as yourself. Put your energy there.:tongue:

Good thoughts as always Lap. The other thing is, we had a verbal agreement with the gentleman who owned the house who has since passed away to let it go that it was slightly over the property line. It was put up 3 years ago. If he did not pursue actions to get it moved, I cannot imagine they have any standing to now. (But I have been wrong before!) Plus, he has a concrete parking slab that he had poured AFTER the fence was erected. (Which also shows, IMHO, that he was ok with where the fence was). It runs right up to the fence. If I was to move the fence, there would obviously be a huge drop off right where someone would get out of a car, which is potentially hazardous.

One of my friends said I should move the fence over, but then paint something atrociously UGLY on the side facing their house so the house will never sell. Luckily for them, I am not that petty!

And I would like to focus on myself, but it is hard when there are people all around you that seem hellbent on making you as miserably as THEY ARE, you know what I mean? And that is what these people are-miserable, hateful people.

The executor of the estate is a nurse at the hospital. I know her from committees and such. I emailed her this morning and told her that I have always respected her and thought highly of her, and that I was very disappointed she had to resort to such heavy handed tactics instead of coming to me personally in an attempt to resolve this. Especially since this complaint is based on the hateful neighbors putting a bug in her ear. I personally would be embarrassed if I were her!