Dr. Gerald Kirshenbaum - Considering Dr. Kirshenbaum

Taynuh · July 15, 2008

Shelbi,
"Fake it til you make it!"

I have learned to live that way! When I was married, I spent my life faking it! But I realized over time that forcing myself to 'smile' when I didn't feel like it was actually helping me see things more positively and in the long run, helped me survive. If there is anything, I can do to help, let me know! The Oats, No Red and Moving is going well. I saw a big drop this week. I also think that the NO White Carbs and 30% Fats are helping too!

Well, guys, I have a nice little love story to tell you about. That guy that I met a month ago and I are still in contact and things are actually going extremely well. He insisted certain things and it made me feel I wasn't the right person for him, but we continued talking. We celebrated our One Month Anniversary on Saturday. He knows about the Band. I confessed and he wrote me the move loving and supportive letter. In my eyes, he's perfect for me. We plan to meet in October. I'm excited, anxious and just hoping no one wakes me from this sweet dream!

Hugs,

stephie~

Umm, I disagree on faking it... sexually or in life/relationships in general... if ya fake it, then the other party thinks that what they are doing is okay and there is no incentive to make things better... sexually or in other ways. You just end up cheating yourself and them. And resentment and frustration build up... initially it may feel like everything is okay, but eventually... :confused_smile: My motto is...tell them what works for you, show them (umm, men folks like that stuff), whatever... if they care...sexually, or again, in any other type of relationship, they will try to meet you halfway... or better yet, all the way! We deserve the best in every aspect of life and the other folks in our lives deserve to know what that is. Sorry, just my opinion...

As for the love possibility thing... You do realize that there are many men out there who love women of all sizes, that it's the inner beauty that matters most to them .. and some, who love bigger women exclusively too. You may have a guy who falls in one or both of those categories. Repeat after me... I am as beautiful and worthy of love as I believe I am... Because the truth is, you are. If you love yourself, others will love you too. Before the band or after the band... it's you, you, you that matters.... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, true; but it is also in the heart of the beholder too.

That's just my take on it...

Tina (on her soap box tonight)

PrtyAntOvrYt · July 15, 2008

Hi All,
It's not often I am willing to get this vulnerable publicly, but today is not a great day and I feel like if I want to break the cycle of emotional eating I should probably try and circumvent it with another activity....like talking.

Today I have been emotionally eating I think for a variety of reasons. I had a really bad hour and a half screaming session with my estranged father last week. It opened up a lot of old wounds that I thought were healed....or at least burried. My job is so overwhelming right now. I was recently promoted and put in charge of the biggest trainwreck in my company. It's a total crisis right now and we are in danger of losing national certifications that would result in millions of dollars of lost sales. All of this lands firmly in my lap....although I didn't create it, I am responsible for it now. It's a new product that I don't know anything about so I don't even know where to begin. My xboyfriend (whom I still care about very much) and I have agreed to have coffee to catch up. It's been a year and a half since we broke up and I haven't seen him and havent really spoken to him since. We are meeting up in a couple weeks but I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so worried about feeling rejected by him again. I still love him so much and I want him in my life. Of course, he doesn't know this and I'm imaginging both the worst and the best outcomes. I can't stop thinking about it and worrying about what he will think of me. ON top of it all, I just found out that my house taxes are being raised almost $400/month which I just cannot afford. This may force me into a forclosure. I've always had good credit and been very financially responsible, however I'm in a situation right now that I can't financially manage. I have a house in colorado Springs that is empty and I can't find renters, my roommate in Denver moved out, my taxes have gone up...way up, and I just can't figure out how to make it. I put the lap band surgery on my credit card (lower interest rate than the loan options) and that is looming over me also. I am humiliated that I have gotten myself into this situation. I don't have any family or friends I can rely on to help me out...there's just me. I wanted to leave work today and just go home and eat, and eat, and eat. However, I'm so worried that I will start an evil downward spiral that I have decided to do everything in my power right now to do something different. Not since my surgery have I had such a pull to emotionally eat. I know what foods I could get down right now that are very high calorie and would not make me pb....I want to sabotage myself so bad right now. The only thing that is going well for me right now is my weight loss progress and health. Interesting that it's the only thing I have left that can be sabotaged....and that's exactly what I feel compelled to do. I know that in order to get through all of the other icky stuff, my health, both physically and mentally, has to continue to be the #1 priority. Although I dont want to, here is what I am going to do instead of eating tonight:

1) go to the gym - work out for 1 hour----HARD

2)Call a friend and cry....(did that a few ago....)

3) Get a massage...luckily i have a free one saved up and Massage Envy and they are open late

4) Post on LBT and ask for support. (doing that now)

Thanks for listening guys. I'm going to the gym now.

Sweetie!

I want to give you a big hug and tell you that things will work out somehow.

First of all, you are doing exactly what you should be doing. You're coming here, venting and seeking support from those you know understand how it feels to want to eat everything and anything during highly emotional times. Secondly, look how you made your list of things to do instead of eat. That in itself is a victory! My Goodness, Rene, you are so much happening right now and you are in the right mind to list 4 different and totally doable things to keep your mind off of food. That is a triumph!

I am so sorry about your situation with your estranged father. Family problems suck! I do not know why some parents are not parental and they become toxic beings in our lives. The very people who were meant to be our biggest support. Bless you for having to endure that.

Honey, do you think that you could talk to a financial adviser who could help you organize your finances? Maybe they could work out a plan for you. I don't know, but I feel it is not something you should feel ashamed of. You had no control over your increase in taxes. $400.00 is a tremendous amount of money!

As far as your ex-boyfriend is concerned... I know how you're feeling. But Sweetie, if he was abusive to you, you need to try to move on. You are too good of a person to be with someone who doesn't appreciate you. Don't allow him, if he did or will, to ever abuse you, mentally or emotionally. You're working hard on becoming a healthy and happy person.

Lastly, is there someone you can talk to at your work, whom you trust and who has the power to make changes? Is there a way you can step down from the promotion? It doesn't seem fair that the worst trainwreck ended up in your lap and you are now responsible. I hated reading that. It made me angry!

I am so proud of you for coming here with your needs. We need you often and when you need all of us, we are here for you.

Don't forget it! AND if there is anything I can do, please let me know.

A Big Hug!

dee~

PrtyAntOvrYt · July 15, 2008

Umm, I disagree on faking it... sexually or in life/relationships in general... if ya fake it, then the other party thinks that what they are doing is okay and there is no incentive to make things better... sexually or in other ways. You just end up cheating yourself and them. And resentment and frustration build up... initially it may feel like everything is okay, but eventually... :smile2: My motto is...tell them what works for you, show them (umm, men folks like that stuff), whatever... if they care...sexually, or again, in any other type of relationship, they will try to meet you halfway... or better yet, all the way! We deserve the best in every aspect of life and the other folks in our lives deserve to know what that is. Sorry, just my opinion...
As for the love possibility thing... You do realize that there are many men out there who love women of all sizes, that it's the inner beauty that matters most to them .. and some, who love bigger women exclusively too. You may have a guy who falls in one or both of those categories. Repeat after me... I am as beautiful and worthy of love as I believe I am... Because the truth is, you are. If you love yourself, others will love you too. Before the band or after the band... it's you, you, you that matters.... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, true; but it is also in the heart of the beholder too.

That's just my take on it...

Tina (on her soap box tonight)

Tina, You're so sweet! I totally agree with you about faking it! I never faked it in my marriage. My ex knew exactly how I felt. I am a big communicator. I did however, fake it at work and when I was out in public. I tend to be pretty private, believe it or not, and working as the permanent night charge, I had to put on my happy face every night when I arrived at work. I had to fake that I was happy, even though my heart was breaking. I knew that no one wanted to see me crying my eyes out, every night at work!

In reference to my new man, he readily admits that the 'weight issue' would have easily been a deal breaker with anyone else. But he says that he realizes that I am someone he wants a relationship with and will do all he can to be with me. He admits that he doesn't want to say or do anything to hurt me - he accepts me. He has never dated or been with anyone who was obese. It's all new to him and to me. I haven't felt loved or appreciated in a very long time.

I know I need to love myself first and foremost. And I believe, I'm getting there, one day at a time.

You're very kind for addressing my needs... and you can jump up on that soap box anytime!

BTW, sexually, I never faked it! I never had to -- :confused_smile: Reaching that Brass Ring is just too enjoyable for me!

Hugs,

dee!

Taynuh · July 15, 2008

Tina, You're so sweet! I totally agree with you about faking it! I never faked it in my marriage. My ex knew exactly how I felt. I am a big communicator. I did however, fake it at work and when I was out in public. I tend to be pretty private, believe it or not, and working as the permanent night charge, I had to put on my happy face every night when I arrived at work. I had to fake that I was happy, even though my heart was breaking. I knew that no one wanted to see me crying my eyes out, every night at work!
In reference to my new man, he readily admits that the 'weight issue' would have easily been a deal breaker with anyone else. But he says that he realizes that I am someone he wants a relationship with and will do all he can to be with me. He admits that he doesn't want to say or do anything to hurt me - he accepts me. He has never dated or been with anyone who was obese. It's all new to him and to me. I haven't felt loved or appreciated in a very long time.

I know I need to love myself first and foremost. And I believe, I'm getting there, one day at a time.

You're very kind for addressing my needs... and you can jump up on that soap box anytime!

BTW, sexually, I never faked it! I never had to -- :tongue_smilie: Reaching that Brass Ring is just too enjoyable for me!

Hugs,

dee!

Be careful with your heart, but be willing to take chances (knowing what the risks are and being open to that) with it too... It's a tough line to walk. I met my boyfriend/domestic partner/significant other, 7 years ago this August on yahoo personals of all places (so I know its possible!). I was reluctant to meet him, because while he had seen my pic, he too had not dated someone large (I also dated a few others previously in the same situation" and know some can hurt your feelings/self-esteem too) and I normally only dated from the self-professed BBW lover pool. With Paul, it worked out well, he fit in the first category (although I suspect a bit in the second category too, just his initial attraction was socialized outta him :eek:) and I later learned that what attracted him was my self-confidence (I'm a Leo...so full of myself naturally).

Still, do be careful, because while I met my handsome prince, I met a lot of toads on the way (admittedly some of them were just plain "fun"!)... and sometimes let them too deeply into my heart too soon. Not trying to scare you or make you doubt your new guy, just telling ya to be careful from one former online dater to another. :wink2:

By the way, for a nurse, I do agree faking it there is a good thing. I wouldn't want to be near death and have my nurse look like she is mourning my impending death already. :tt1: And similarly, for folks that don't matter, I do bite my tongue... but not for the ones that matter.

When dating, you meet a few who can't get you to the brass ring (not all people are good lovers.. for many reasons). If they are worth it, ya work with them (well for a little bit anyhow... it is definitely part of the big picture for me.. some times ya can't teach an old dog a new trick or a new dog for that matter), if not, ya lose their phone number... Then again, sometimes ya luck out and never encounter the, umm, less talented... LOL Also depends on how many ya encounter too... :wub:

Hugs, Tina (damn I am self-centered...) (oh well...)

lifesaver · July 15, 2008

Thanks everyone for your kind words of support tonight. I just knew that when I got home tonight there would be a bunch of reassurance from you guys and there was. It made me cry (in a good way). I did as I planned. Worked out, got a massage, called a friend to cry and vented to you guys. I think I may have made up for those 25 hershey kisses I ate today:-) My problems didn't magically get solved in the last few hours, however I do feel stronger knowing I didn't let it get the best of me (this time). I will be ok and may have a few more weepy, weak moments...but I guess that's just life, right? Thank you everyone for just being who you are and for making this a safe place to be real.

So who's going to RR on Wed?

Denise...I wont be able to do lunch tomorrow. What about Friday? Or will you be out of town?

Lap_dancer · July 15, 2008

Hey Pals!! I feel like it has been forever since I posted. Wow. Only one week out here though.Daughter is big, achy, crabby and crying. Starting off by posting some pictures:Texas landscape: