Feeling very frustrated and discouraged :(

[petra1124 33]

A little back story before I get into my real issue....Ive been over weight almost my entire life. My father and stepmother have always been on me about my weight and I think this has contributed to why I am over weight to begin with. They have always made me feel horrible, especially when they are both VERY image concious people, who also have 3 other children together....who are all skinny and pretty. I was the fat ugly duckling step child.

A few months before I decided to go through this whole process I brought up weight loss surgery to my step mom who is a nurse, just to get her reaction. I was expecting her to be a little suprised, and resistant, but she was really really resistant. She is a nurse, and has therefore "seen many people who now need to be fed with feeding tubes for the rest of their life because of bariatric surgery" ...in her own words. I decided then that I was not going to bring up the surgery again until after I had it. Well I finally have a surgery date, and I really wanted to tell my dad that I was going to have surgery, because I feel like he has a right to know...especially if anything were to happen to me.

So I had a talk with my dad last week. I spoke with him on the phone explaining that I will be getting surgery and why I decided to go this route. He seemed to be pretty supportive and positive, which I was worried about since he can be pretty judgemental...and also came as a big suprise. I asked him to tell my stepmother since the last time I tried to bring up the topic she pretty much almost bit my head off. He said he would have a talk with her...well I get a text the day before yesterday from my stepmother asking me to come over so she can talk with me. As soon as I got in the door, she one congradulated me on losing 20 lbs....and then proceeded to yell at me for chosing to have surgery. She just kept telling me how dangerous it was and how I wouldnt be able to have a baby because I wouldnt be able to get enough calories in blah blah...and that the risks are so high yada yada...my dad was more reserved. He told me that he would support whatever decision I made, but that he thinks I should stick to the diet that my NUT has me doing for at least 6 more months to try and lose the weight on my own.

I then explained to them that the issue Ive always faced was not feeling full (hardly ever) unless I eat a big meal, and feeling hungry all the time when I am on a diet. Its been a little easier with this new way of eating, but I still am more hungry than I feel the average person is. I also have intense cravings....I explained to them that by getting the surgery it will help with all these issues...but they still insisted that I could do it on my own with exercise and dieting.My dad is the "where theres a will theres a way" type of guy so I already knew he would say this to me... I expressed that I might be able to lose some weight, but that I dont trust my self to keep the weight off in the long run. I explained that I will always be able to eat as much as I do right now, and that is not good for me.

My step mother then said "its sad that you dont have faith in yourself." I felt like total SH*T. I felt like a loser who cant ever stick to anything to lose weight. I felt totally defeated at this point. I didnt cry, even though I wanted to and I tried to keep my face as calm looking as I could because I didnt want them to see the hurt I was feeling.

I dont even know how to feel anymore...I still want the surgery and I am keeping my date, but I feel so horrible now!!! I wish my dad had never told my step mom. They both agreed that they did not agree with my decision, but that they would support me. I still feel like a total failure and I dont know how to make myself feel better about this. Ive been really down since the whole conversation.....I told my dad and step mom that I wish they could see all the people who have had great success with the surgery. I also told her that she is biased by being a nurse because she will most likely see more people with complications, as that is her job. But nothing I could say would change their minds in the least....

Sorry for the lengthy post but I really needed to get that off my chest!

Any advice would be much appriciated.

[Kapu 16]

Everyone has an opinion !!! Be true to yourself and follow your heart. NO ONE in my family agreed with me .... And I even had surgery in Mexico.

Well, I have learned that some family members can be very toxic to me and kill my spirit, at 42 I decided to live life for me. In my family I was either too fat and got comments on it , and if I lost weight I got criticized for that to. So .... I decided .... **** em and did what I wanted , just asked them to send prayers my way , but didn't ask for their approval - even told them that I didn't want to hear anything from them, just that I needed to let them know out of love and respect.

Good luck honey, no one knows how painful it is being overweight if they have never walked this road. I had gotten to the point where I didn't want to live if I had to live with my extra 80 pounds ..... So for me ... Surgery was my last option .... I was done with the emotional pain I had for over 30 years.

Now, I am 5 weeks post op, and my family RARELY talks about the fact I had surgery ..... It's fine by me- I am spending this time learning how to live my life and getting some space from toxic people and situations (which I used to eat over )

Good luck to you - follow your heart and be true to yourself-

❤

[giggles232000 56]

Ok first off you are not a loser. If this is what you want you need to stick to your guns, as far as not being able to have babys so not true many people w/this surgery have normal health babys, but ultimatly its your choice if its going to make you happy and you want to do it, then do it, yes it would be great to always have our loved ones support but that is not always the case. We will be here for you.

I can tell you I was the same way as far as the cravings and ALWAYS being hungry I could have a huge meal and 30mins later be hungry,

Keep your head up and tell your self you are worth it cause you are,

Good luck and keeps us updated

[IsB 209]

My sister in law had gastric bypass surgery 4 years ago. She had her first child at the age of 37 6 weeks ago. Her pregnancy and delivery were absolutely normal. It would have been a lot more difficult at the 290 pounds she had been at for the previous decade. Who knows if she would have been able to even conceive at that weight? Now she is a healthy and happy mother and enjoying her new life. She got that surgery to live a life she felt she couldn't have at the weight she was and has no regrets.

Whatever you do you need to do it for yourself. Do what is right for you. There is no harm in waiting 6 months and trying to lose the weight without surgery if you feel you want to try it that way. The surgeons will still be there if it doesn't work out. If on the other hand you've been down that road before and feel that the diet alone won't work then do the surgery. Just make sure it's your decision and no one elses since you are the one who has to live with it. Good luck

[petra1124 33]

Thank you for the kind words! I feel like my father and stepmother will never understand me as they have never been very overweight. I told my stepmom this and she compared my being overweight to when she was pregnant and gained a few lbs. I told her that is way different than being obese.

[petra1124 33]

And this is the kind of behavior and treatment that drives me to eat when I am around them!!!

[giggles232000 56]

thats very understandable, yes if you have never been obese in your life you have no clue what its like, even down to the way people treat you, I lost alot of weight in the past and its sad how diff people treated be for the better just because I was thin

[petra1124 33]

thats very understandable, yes if you have never been obese in your life you have no clue what its like, even down to the way people treat you, I lost alot of weight in the past and its sad how diff people treated be for the better just because I was thin

I totally understand how you feel! Ive been there too....its like all anyone can do is focus on your weight.

[Chaparra 85]

I had a coworker whose spouse is a nurse. When I mentioned to her that I was thinking about getting this surgery, she gave me the riot act and talked about all the negative things her husband had to say about it. I think that RN's only see the negative in this surgery as that is what they have to deal with. They don't see all the possitive outcomes of this surgery because those of us that are lucky to not have serious complications don't every go back to the hospital. Do what feels right for you. Trust the doctors that specialize in this surgery and the stories you hear from others that have gone through it. Those are the experts. Yes, it hurts to not have support, but you have to do what is best for you. Good luck!

[Takingcontrol 467]

I'm a nurse, and there are several nurses & even doctors on this site who have had surgery! My former PCP had this surgery! And there are at least a couple of people I have seen here who are pregnant or have had children post-op....so that shouldn't concern you either! Giggles is right...it's very easy for others who do not go through the issues we have to have judgmental attitudes, you have to go with what you feel in your heart is right for you! I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of the regular up & down emotion of having surgery. Stay focused, & good luck on your journey!

[makemyownluck 785]

You absolutely CAN have a baby post-WLS. I'm surprised a nurse would tell you otherwise!!

Also, I work as a medical underwriter, so I've seen the horror stories of people post-WLS, and that hasn't discouraged me. Complications are possible with ANY surgery, even routine appendectomies and gall bladder surgeries. It's just a fact. Can something terrible happen to you, of course. But statistics show that YOU WILL BE FINE.

I've been lucky - my parents have been super supportive. If I were in your position, I'd thank them for their concern, but remind them that you're an adult. You aren't asking for their permission. You aren't required to take their advice. It's your life, and as people who have never had to deal with weight issues like you have, they can't possibly understand where you're coming from, period. And if they can't get behind you after that, then let them know that YOU are disappointed with the fact that YOUR OWN FAMILY can't be supportive to you in this endeavor. You shouldn't be shamed into taking their advice to wait, and it's kind of insulting that they don't believe you've done your research or aren't capable of making your own choices.

I'm really sorry you've had this reaction. The more I read these boards, the more thankful I am to have the loving support of my parents and the select few friends I've told. Anyone whose reaction I'm not sure of isn't getting told about this. Especially before surgery. Maybe if people ask how I've lost so much weight, I'll tell them - but even then, not everyone is entitled to know my business.

Good luck to you. I really recommend having a frank discussion with your family about how they have made you feel. If they have no concern about making you feel terrible, then don't worry about hurting their feelings by telling them the truth about how their behavior has affected you for your entire life. It's really shameful that they can't see they are hurting you in the process of being "helpful".

Don't let naysayers get you down!

[Newme48 104]

I totally understand. I had a stepfather and 4 half sisters. I was the only overweight one and suffered verbal abuse from him all my life. I became an emotional eater. I had my sleeve so that I would have the full feeling and be able to control my diet better. It is a tool. Your parents do not know fully how you feel because they do not walk in your shoes. You must do this for yourself. You will be so happy because you will finally have a tool to help you achieve your goals. It sounds like you have done your research. Make your Nut your best friend and keep in contact with any questions or advice. Keep venting on here too!! We are all in the same boat but maybe in different ways and for different reasons. You should always find support on here too!! Good luck to you!

[Sassygirl06 962]

When I was first starting out my RN gave me the riot act over having surgery.told me that I would most likely become a drug user or an alcoholic. They do only see the negative parts....but remember a DOCTOR is doing the surgery! If they didn't think it was healthier for you then being obese then they wouldn't be doing the surgery in the first place!

[Lissa 2,631]

My best friend is an ER nurse and works in a hospital where the main doctor is a bariatric surgeon, so she sees the complications that can happen. When I was researching WLS initially, I kept everything on the down low because I had similar feelings to the OP. Then I had some major health complications, including pneumonia and pulmonary embolisms that put me in the hospital three times in two months. My regular doctors told me that if I didn't lose at least 100 pounds in a hurry, I wouldn't live another year. I didn't like the WLS doctors I was researching and finally asked my RN friend about whether she though WLS was right for me, and she immediately recommend the doctor that she worked with, Dr Domkowski. I was sold from the first seminar I attended with him. For me, WLS was the right choice. I had all the same doubts and fears that it wouldn't work for me, or that WLS was somehow cheating. But, 19 months later, 120 pounds lighter, I DON'T CARE if WLS is cheating. I just care that I have a new, improved life and my health prognosis is once again normal. I still have more weight to lose, but I'm not in the red flag danger zone I was living in before. Thank God, Dr. Domkowski and whomever invented WLS! Your family needs to be supportive, or at least keep their mouths shut. Would they rather you wait until you're in the position I was in pre-sleeve? I applaud you for making a life-changing decision for yourself and for your ability to be resolute in the face of their disapproval. But, when it comes down to it, YOU are the person in charge of making decisions for your life. Their opinion is just that, their opinion. You are the person who has to live with the consequences and you are the one who gets to make the choices based on your own research. Oh, and as for having children, Tiffykins has two of the most adorable littles you'll ever see. Both were conceived and born after her sleeve...and she's been able to get back down to her goal weight fairly quickly, even after having two babies in quick succession. It is possible to have healthy children without sacrificing your own health after the sleeve. BTW, I apologize that I cannot seem to make paragraph breaks in my posts here lately.

[asmaclare 38]

I'm a doctor and my date is April 18!

I have faith in the surgery because I see it works. We all have to come to terms with the possibility of a complication but its a relatively small risk over the benefit of losing the weight. I think if I had seen more people with complication I may give it a third or fourth thought. I'm scared out of my mind to do this surgery.. But it's not because I'm scared of the procedure, aftercare or post op diet. I'm scared of ME. I'm worried about my own psychology after this surgery and that I won't be happy with the lifestyle changes to make the sleeve work for me. I think if you can get over that, which it sounds like you have and YOU an your brain are ready, then you should go for it.. And proudly! Keep your chin up and stand tall knowing you are doing the right thing for yourself!