Romance after the sleeve (Your experience?)

[asmaclare 38]

One of the things I am curious is how your relationships changed after your sleeve - especially those who are at goal now.

Both my husband and I are fat. We have both put on weight since we met each other over 10 years ago.. I am now - 50 lbs from my heaviest but probably not quite as low as when I first him but pretty darn close. (Still yet to be sleeved!) What's weird is that over the years I feel like he's become more attracted to me. I am wondering if weight loss will change this. I am also concerned with the possibility of a new attention I may get / or make even LIKE... This is something I've never really experienced before!

So this is a long list of probing questions that I hope will provoke some thought and maybe see what others' experiences are:

How has your weight loss has affected your relationship, if at all? Do you have a heavy partner? Do you think your partner's weight has anything to do with how attracted they are to you? Do you feel like your partner is more attracted to you / responsive to you after your weight loss? Maybe your partner prefers you heavier? Do you think your partner may be jealous of your weight loss? Do you get more attention / asked out / hit on / looked at more now that you've lost weight? If this is a NEW experience for you, do you like it? How do you deal with that if you're in a relationship? Does your partner notice it? Does it bother them / or make them feel more proud of you? Do you find that you are more flirtatious or entertain flirting from other people now that you may feel more confident about yourself? Have you had any relationship struggles because of that?

Just curious about anything you have to say or add! Thanks!

[pottergirl 261]

i am 65 lbs heavier than i was when i met my husband.....he is excited to see my weight loss....he is thin.....

[M2G 1,836]

My husband and I are both sleeved. We were both obese/overweight when we met, and have been married almost 17 years. I was more of the yo-yo dieter, due to having 2 babies 19 months apart. I had lost weight doing Medifast before getting pregnant but gained it ALL back with my first pregnancy. That helped set me up for many yo-yo diet failures since (my girls are 10 and 12 years old now and before the sleeve I had tried ALL the popular diets!)

I think it was probably really good that we did this together (I'm almost 2.5 years post-op, he is 2 years post-op) because we both ended up FEELING better, looking better, and we are both much more physically fit than we were before. I will say that I have the greatest husband ever, no matter what I weighed he never made me feel bad about it. He has always maintained that attraction, and vice versa. So even though we had gained weight together, it wasn't a deal breaker for either of us.

But as far as getting hit on/asked out, neither of us has had that happen. Maybe I just don't put out that "vibe." I will say that I've notice I have much more direct eye contact with men, and people in general. I truly think there is something about being larger that makes people look away. Like they don't want to "see" you.

And I do think feeling better about yourself does open you up for more conversations with strangers, and more interaction with people. As far as your relationship changing, my surgeon always says "if you have a rocky relationship to start, WLS isn't going to make it any better, if you have a good solid foundation you will probably be ok" Or in shorter terms, when I told him I was having my wedding ring made smaller, he only half-jokingly said "well it's either that or get a divorce"...meaning this relationship stuff could go either way. It's really all up to you and your partner about how you get through this.

[Beautyandbeyond 227]

I too had some concerns about the weight loss. My husband married me as a full figured woman. I had a convo with him prior to surgery to tell him how much i needed him to tell me he loves me as the thought of losing weight made me feel insecure even though my husband is of average weight.

I have always been heavy but also have always gotten attention from men. The difference when I lose weight is the men approaching me are progressively becoming more and more attractive. But I will handle them the same as the others. Say thank you to the compliments and don't engage any further...if they persist tell them to get the h$@# out of your face bc you are married!

Lastly, although my husband married me full and likes me this way he has enjoyed the perks of my sleeve from better intimacy to cheaper dining bills...ha ha. You may have to point out the perks to him. Im sure he will appreciate some things about your sleeve as well!