female only Relationhip with dh is different now

[amytug 996]

I think we must have talked a LOT about food, because now that I'm sleeved (4 weeks) we just don't talk much.

Also, and this is totally shallow and I'm working on it and praying about it, but:

I can't stand to watch him eat. Not that I sit around staring at him, it just seems so constant. Part of it is probably kindof jealousy but mostly I just realize how much he eats when he's just bored or just because. He'll go in for more. And then more. And then dessert. And then dessert again.

And I used to eat more than him!!

Man. This "diet" really changes things. I don't like these feelings I'm having. And I really want to find new ways to relate to him.

And my libido is close to zero. Probably because of the reasons listed above.

Words of wisdom? Will this just change with time?

[danyelleb 386]

I went through some of the same things. The eating did bother me too. I noticed this with everyone I sat down with. I think it's because I never really paid attention to other people eating because I was so busy shoveling in food myself. It is truly eye opening. It did pass though, however I still kind of get taken aback by how much people eat.

As for chatting, yeah I noticed a change in this too. My dh was not pleased with the beginning stages of the sleeve. He had a hard time adjusting to eating at home, my body , and my crazy mood swings probably didn't help. Lol. That man put up with a lot. He would say that he liked me as I was, yadda, yadda. Couple that with a major change in put sex life. Yeah, it was difficult. BUT it does get better! I think he likes that he can pick me up and carry me around- he's always doing this. Lol! He buys clothes for me. He makes sure that I have all my special food items that I eat (Protein powder, Vitamins, string cheese, Jerky, etc). He has adjusted to the new body. My hip bones are "grab bars". He's a goober!

As for the libido, I have not returned to normal yet. we keep waiting. We were fairly active people before and now it's about a third. I'm in constant search of the O, as it has seemed to pack up and move away. Humph. :I this is odd because the positions, flexibility, and stamina has changed for the better. We keep waiting. Lol

Keep your chin up, Amytug. Most of this will pass.

[Museum-Mama 196]

This is hard to answer. I am no marriage councilor, just a divorcee who learned from her failures. In my humble opinion, you are taking the right first steps: prayer, recognition of your feelings, and the desire to work things out.

Is your dh supportive of the choice you made? Is he heavy too? Have you talked to him about how you are feeling (without sounding scolding or accusing)? If he is supportive, ask him for help. let him know that seeing him get to eat so much is hurting you. you don't have to ask him to stop, just snack at times you are not so aware of it.

Communication is always the start to finding your answers or plan of action. I wont say that it always is a good, positive experience. If he gets upset, you need to hear him out as well; but you may not like what he has to say. however, it will allow you both to have all the cards on the table, so to speak, and then you can make your plan of attack on the blue feelings.

That's all I've got. Sorry that it doesn't exactly give you the answers. I am not sleeved yet, so I cannot say how the surgery effects each person. I have read that many go through a down period for a little while after surgery. If the sun is shining where you are, get out for your walk and soak in that Vitamin D happiness!

Hugs, prayers, and happy thoughts!

[RebecaSparkles 247]

Maybe find a non food centered activity that both of you can enjoy? My hubby and I recently over xmas started watching dr. Who on netflix, -all caught up on seasons and now we have something to talk about that isn't food or work.

This can be any activity you may have to meet him in the middle or a little over on his side. Maybe you can learn about poker & play online as a team? Learn guitar hero 3 and play 2 player. Etc...

I know that whenever I felt us growing apart or I would be disgusted by him it wasn't only him changing it was me too.

Hope this helps.

[amytug 996]

Thank your girls for chiming in! I really appreciate it.

I also noticed that I woke up SUPER crabby today. I'm stuffing it all inside and its kindof festering and I feel like I might explode. Darn hormones! I DO need to go for a walk. Then maybe ill feel like taking on all of today's tasks.

I really need to poop. I think it's been like 5 days. I'm going to make a green smoothie today, those usually make me feel better about myself and feel cleaner and should get things moving. Lol

I know dh isn't the whole problem. I'm also having air of emotions about exercise, the way my body is changing, wether or not I should weigh in weekly or monthly (tomorrow is wi day), these kittens I need to find a home for in a week and I SO wish it was this week but Not because they are bad, just because I feel like I have too much on my plate. Whether or not I should go on antidepressants(common side effect, weight gain), etc.

I'm a mess. And I can't eat my emotions, so I'm angry that everyone else can go on like normal, eating.

BUT!!! I really do loove my sleeve and I wouldn't have It any other way, so I'm pulling up my big girl panties and figuring this thing out.

(Hug)

[MrsG 329]

Aww Amy, I'm sorry you're feeling this way! I know for me it used to drive me crazy watching my husband eat. I've gotten over it and now it doesn't bother me so much. My husband is a marathon runner with a nice fast metabolism. He was my eating partner before surgery, so it's taking some time to figure out other things to do. Sad, I know. Now I see how much food played a part in our lives.

So last weekend he took me out on his motorcycle! He has asked and asked me to ride with him but I was always too afraid and worried about looking like a huge whale on the back of it. I promised him after I lost 50 lbs I would go. I've lost 60lbs and we went out on Sunday for a ride, i was like screw what anyone thinks! Omg I had soooo much fun! He had Monday off too and we went out again. It's so much fun! We're actually going on a little road trip to a town an hour away tomorrow and I'm so excited! It's something he enjoys doing and now I can do it with him!

I'm not saying to go out a ride a motorcycle but try to find something to do that you both enjoy doing that doesn't revolve around food. Put your focus into something else.

All that you are feeling is normal! And I know from experience when you need to poop it's easy to get down. Sounds dumb but seriously I feel so much better all the way around after I can go! I feel lighter and happier! Lol!

So put on your big girl panties but know that we are all in this together and you are not alone in your feelings! It's a big change and adjusting to it is not as easy as we think in our heads before surgery. Just take one day at a time. Life throws us challenges every day, it's life. Try to focus on the positive. You are losing weight, you're getting healthy and know things like hormones should balance themselves out in a few more weeks! Feel better!

[SusieK710 130]

Take a girlfriend out for Decaf coffee! They roll with all the variety of things in our heads! Or write it out (then burn it, hide it or frame it!) Make a list. Basically get it out. We've "cut out" our bury it/stuff it coping tool. Bless you!

[NewKristen 356]

There is some great advice here! Kind of restores the idea of why we all come to this website for support.

When I get irritated with my husband or friends about the eating thing...I try to remember two things.

1. They didn't change. I did. If they put up with me before, I can learn to change my attitude about minor irritations with them now.

2. My attitude is my choice. I can't control what anyone in this world does, but i can control the way I react to them. I saw a sign the other day that said "no one can drive you crazy, if you don't give them the keys."

[kshepa 77]

I love it!!! Ain't no one getting my keys!!