Why can't my husband understand????

[Altalomaguy 0]

Second - he is afraid about what happens if you do lose the weight and become this happy, outgoing person. Will you lose interest in him? Will you spend all your time with your new friends and neglect him? or - the most scary of all - will you find another MAN?

Yeah, big issue I think! Excellent observation!

I just quoted that 95-97% of people who diet, eventually fail gaining back all the weight.

Yeah some people just do not get this. I said it in another thread but it bears repeating. Meth addicts have a six percent success rate(or a 94% failure rate) at staying clean. It's sad that weight loss is just as hard to kick as drug addiction and people don't seem to understand it! This goes along with something I heard Dr. Dean Edell say in his radio spot today. He stated that a new study shows that over eaters get the same brain chemicals released while eating as when having sex or taking drugs. No wonder we have "comfort food".

Don't let your husband get you down OP! Nearly my whole family is against me getting a lap band. Even my fiancé with a BMI higher than me, and with probably even more failed dieting attempts. Do not let anyone tell you that you are a failure! Believe that this is the right decision in your life dealing with your health.

[Jachut 487]

The only thing that got through to my nearest and dearest was impressing on them that obesity was a disease, a disorder like any other, not a "failing" of my strenght as a person. I told them to look around them and see what society looks like, everybody is getting fatter and fatter!

That said, I argued that if I were to have surgery on my ankle (the thing that prompted me to look into banding) NOBODY would question my decision. Nor would they worry about me dying under the anaesthetic. My husband had experimental surgery for compartment syndrome on his legs, there was no guarantee of success but the risk was worth it becuase his legs were in terrible shape. Nobody questioned that. Nobody would questioin me needing my gall bladder out, nobody questioned my decision to have an elective caesarean for my daughter's birth and two lives were at stake there.

And, therefore, if obesity was fixable by means of surgery, why on earth wouldnt I take it. I was getting fatter and fatter, although I hadnt become morbidly obese at the time I had surgery. I feel I would have been by now. Ok, so its more of a lifelong management tool, not a fix, but you get my drift.

When people thought about this rationally, what I was saying made sense to them.

Why on earth would you wait - and then have MORE surgeries down the track, gall bladder, etc, or end up on a host of medications, or die young?

We have to stop judging obesity as a moral failing and realising it is a disease.

[niecyrenee 2]

We have to stop judging obesity as a moral failing and realising it is a disease.

:amen: We can only hope that some day people will realize this.

[TruBlueSue 0]

OMG - you are living my story - and I had the band put in in Sept, and am sloowly losing - do it for yourself - your hubby will come around...I cried my eyes out when I read what you wrote - I was in the exact same place doing the same thing - no friends, etc....it is getting better...

[waitingtiljan 0]

OMG! I just can't understand my family! My parents just offered me a free vacation if I'd NOT do the surgery. I'm 38 years old...please!!! I guess the best thing to do is just not ever mention it again or I'll never be at peace with my decision. Isn't that just too much? I know they care and are worried, but they just "KNOW" I'll be miserable. Ughhhh

Fun fun!

[bandina 0]

Oh hunny it is so not the "easy way out". Let me tell you. I was banded 11/28 last tuesday and I would kill for food. There is nothing easy about it.

I think your husband, and most Americans for that matter who have never been overweight or struggled with thier weight don't understand. THEY DON'T GET IT. Also, we are all creatures of habbit your hubby probibly likes you the way you are and dosen't want you to change. Not everyone deals with change the same way. It might bring up inscurites in him. It does sound like you are doing it for the right reasons and I think you should go through with it. I also believe your spirit will come alive after you shed the lbs. But remember to love youself and if you don't, learn how to (self help books, theripy, or life coach). Also, take some time out for yourself! You sound like a great mother, but need to have some "me" time.

Good luck and keep your spirits up. We are all here for you.:nervous

Bandina

[Alexandra 55]

My husband does support everything I do, he really just doesn't want to talk about this surgery with me. He thinks I should be able to do it without surgery. For me, this surgery won't cure me, but it will REALLY help me out!!

My DH was the same way, and I wondered if it was his own fear at work as someone else mentioned. In my case there was a lot of time to think and talk about it; my insurance battle took almost a year. During that time, it was clear that my husband did not want to speak too much about the surgery with me. He too honestly felt that I "should" be able to do it without surgical intervention. The bottom line was, though, that he supports me and trusts my judgment, and he was there for me every single step of the way. We didn't talk about it too much then or now, but he never gave me any resistance at any time.

It bothered me at first, not talking with him about it, but once I realized it was his way of supporting me I let it go. If he'd voiced his fears nothing I could say could make them vanish; I'd never BEEN thin so my telling him losing weight wouldn't change me would have been just empty talk. I couldn't promise him it would work, or salve his fears of my dying on the table, or assure him our lives wouldn't change. I didn't know the answers to these things any more than he did.

But what I DID know was that I had to try banding. Period. And he knew I was serious, and so let me be. He loves me fat or thin, but of course we agreed that healthier is better. And that's what banding was all about. We have children and my weight seriously threatened my parenting ability and of course compromised our futures, so my determination to try something serious was enough for both of us.

I guess my rambling is just to say that you can't make him "agree." You can ask him to support you, and if that means not talking about it then let him not talk about it. If he's not being hostile to the idea, or to you, then silence is quite possibly the support you seek.

[Katgirl 0]

Remind your husband of the years being taken away from you because of the unhealthy state of your weight!

Proceed with the lapband even if he doesn't want you to do it! He'll be in awe a few months down the road. So will you!

Oh, and I guarantee you will NOT feel like sleeping during the day!

Besos.

Kat.

[bandina 0]

WOW! Ya know I think that would be a great gift, but if I was offered this I would not think of where I was going.....I would think what was I going to wear-nothing fits, airplains suck if you are over 200lbs, Bathingsuit???? Yea right. A vacation would be more of a hassle.

It sounds like your parents are right if they could Detour you with a vacation you are not ready for surgery. I know parents play such a vital role in our lifes, but remember you are 38 and need to make this decision for you. Don't go through life with regrets. Bombard your folks with information about the LB. The decision is yours and though it may be hard if you feel in your heart of hearts this is for you-- Then Just do it. Your parents will see how happy you are after and it will be just fine.

Think of going on vacation a year or so from now, 100 lbs thiner?

Good Luck in All you do.

Bandina

OMG! I just can't understand my family! My parents just offered me a free vacation if I'd NOT do the surgery. I'm 38 years old...please!!! I guess the best thing to do is just not ever mention it again or I'll never be at peace with my decision. Isn't that just too much? I know they care and are worried, but they just "KNOW" I'll be miserable. Ughhhh

Fun fun!

[La_madam 20]

but how do I get him to understand that he will have a much happier wife as a result. [/quote

Have your husband call my husband. My husband will tell him the difference it has made in my life which only has resulted in a better life for my husband and my children. If you are not happy how does he expect you to make any one else happy. The band was the best thing I ever did. I wieghed 265 at my surgery date. I lost over 100 lbs with my band. I have my life back, my kids have their mother back and my husband has his wife back!

[waitingtiljan 0]

I so totally agree! I want myself back more than anything!!!!! I feel sometimes like I'm not really this person I've become. Does that make sense?? I'm so fun and outgoing and love sports and all that crazy stuff. I love swimming, running and jumping off a dock into the lake...and in a bathing suit instead of some big oversized tee that MUST be the color black to disguise all the weight..LOL!! My husband and my family will be so happy when I'm my old self. This weight is dragging me down and I hate it!!

As for the vacation from my parents!! I'll still be the same weight when I get back. The whole time I'll be mad because I won't have anything nice to wear that looks at all good. I'll dread an airplane...oh I remember how hard i tried to buckle that seatbelt before anyone came and got in the seat next to me..I tried soooo hard and I knew if someone sat down, I'd never be able to do it because they'd see me struggling...and then the embarrassment!! I just laid it on my lap and put my shirt over it...flew unbuckled. No way would I have asked for an extension. I've decided not to mention it to anyone again. They are all just as overweight as I am...I don't get it.

My husband seems to be a little more understanding. He actually sat and talked to me tonight about the surgery. He seemed genuinely interested and even if he wasn't...I told him thank you for talking to me. He just smiled. I love him...even though he is a little stubborn at times.

The seminar is on Wednesday..I can't wait until we go so he can understand it a little more.

[bandina 0]

Alright It sounds like you hubby might be on board with you! Is he over weight? Would this be something you could do together? I am so glad you two talked. I wanted to tell you a " my friend" story. My friends family is all over weight and against GB/LB, but my friends mother secretly did it (she is a nurse at Kaiser) She told her family after the fact. All her daughters have since then fallowed her and ether were banded or had gastirc. They are all so happy and according to them thier only regret is that they did not do it sooner.

Ask as many questions as you can think of at your seminar especialy the ones you think your husband would want to know the answer to.

Good luck girl.

Bandina

[jillrn 0]

I say take the vacation-- then come back and get banded! LOL and dont feel guilty about doing it!!!!!!!!!! =) I am joking of coarse!!!! That would really get your familly going! I hope your hubby gets on board with you!

[beachgirl 2]

I agree, he'll come around. My husband and I have been married for 25 years and 5 months ago I left the hospital after banding and we went to the guesthouse. He was MAD at me and I didn't realize it for having the surgery. We had one of the biggest loud arguments of our entire life there in Mexico. He had me crying. I kept saying, I've just had surgery, I'm in a foreign country and you pick a fight. I guess he was just scared but I really didn't need that at that time. Things are better but most of all I was 270, and 41, very close to your same stats. I too had tried every diet known to mankind and could loose but not keep it off. Now, 5 months later, although it's somewhat stalled, I have still lost 50 almost 60 pounds and feel sooooo much better. Your making the right decision for you and that's what counts. My husband is very trim so he had no clue what I was going through and still doesnt.

[reagansmom 0]

Waitingtiljan,

I am right there with you! I read your post and it was like my heart was being spelled out on the page. I have not had the courage to face the fact that I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, or be around people because I am embarressed about how I look.

I am a stay at home mom also and have a four year old. For the past year I have been taking naps with her, just to make the day go by faster. I understand what you are saying on so many levels.

Good luck with the seminar! I look forward to hearing how it goes. If you need to vent again, please email me, I really do understand.

Thanks for being so honest.