DH and I disagree on weight

[doinit4me 0]

I Just wondering if anyone else had this issue or if anyone has any ideas. Here it goes. I have lost 90 lbs, weigh 160 and am a size 9-10. I have met my original goal of 160 and have since decided I would be happiest at 150 or size 8. My DH is starting to complain (as nicely as he can) that I am getting bony, should stop losing weight, does not want me to get any smaller, ect…. He has even expressed this to my sister. Now I know a lot of you will say that as long as im happy, that’s all that matters, but the truth is, I want him to think im hot and my fear is, if I lose more, he will think (oh God, I never thought I would say this) that I am too skinny. After 15 years of being married and being overweight for 900% of that time, it’s very important to me that he is attracted to me. I mean really, besides the health issues of being overweight, a big driver of my decision to get the band was so that I could see what it feels like to be sexy again (for both my DH and myself). The dilemma is, how can I make him happy and be happy with myself. I can’t help but think that I didn’t pay 16K to weigh 160 lbs which is over the healthy BMI for my 5 ft. 4” frame, although I am totally happy with the success so far, I think I could stand to lose a few, but deep down, I want my sweetie to be attracted to me. So now, I really just don’t know what to do. Any advise???

[Carlene 12]

To thine own self be true. He will get used to it, believe me. If he really hates your skinny butt, you can always put it back on. As we all know, that won't be a problem!

[beversman 0]

WOW... I can't wait til I have that problem. You have me all excited I can't wait until the day when someone looks at me and says, "Brandi, you're getting a little bony." I can't wait.

Don't look at it as a negative at all. He just needs to get used to the new you. Stay where you are for now, and just very very slowly work your way down to 150. Once he gets used to the "you" now... it will just seem normal for him to see you that smaller size too. :-)

[Marimaru 7]

My thought would be to lose the weight, and see what you think when you get there. You can always put a few lbs back on if you decide that you want to. I know it seems weird to say you might WANT to put weight back on, lol.

[threebeauties 0]

First off, congrats on your awesome success.

I wonder if you lost another 10 lbs and didn't tell him, would he really think you were too skinny?????

Just a thought, go ahead and do what makes YOU happy and see if that 10 lbs makes much of a difference to him.

Good luck

[sunsett 2]

How about a compromise to 155 and then see how you feel.

Our minds play tricks on us our eyes see us looking bigger or smaller than we really are.

You have done fantastic!

Remember it is a number..I have to tell myself that all the time. But if you are wearing the clothes size that you want then perhaps the scale # in't something you sound worry so much about.

Wow you have lost 90 pounds in less than a year! That is FANTASTIC!

[JulieNYC 4]

I'm probably at core in the "lose as much as YOU want" camp, because the healthiest thing for you is to have a normal BMI.

That said, what do you think about taking a "pause" at 160 for a while? 90 lbs is a huge difference. Maybe if you tell your husband that you're done losing for a while and focus on things other than weight loss (the holidays is a good time for that), if, in a few months, you slowly lose a few more lbs, I doubt he'll even notice. I guess what I'm saying is he's probably just getting used to the new you. If you let him have some time for that, a few more lbs isn't going to make a difference in the way he sees you, even though it may make a big difference in the way you see yourself.

Good luck.

[Mommy0105 0]

Well the good news is, your DH must already think you are sexy. If he loved and stayed with the overweight you for 15 years, I can't see another 10 lbs. causing a major riff between you. I agree with everyone who says he just needs time to get used to the new slender you.

My DH and I have a very similar situation. Just yesterday at the mall I held up a size 4 pair of jeans. I commented on how nice it would be to fit into something so small. He was actually turned off by them, telling me it was way too skinny for my 5'4" frame. (I think I'd look damn hot though... lol) He proceeded to look through the pile to find an acceptable size (his opinion of course) and he held up a size 12. When I told him I was a 14 now and still wanted to lose 30-40 more lbs. he told me he thought I was perfect.

Men... Gotta love em, right?????

[doinit4me 0]

Thank you all for your replies. It's so nice to get the support here that I can't get elsewhere. I think I will just take it very slow, I thought that was a great idea. It's funny how we see ourselves so differently than our DH's do.

[tonya66 13]

I DREAM of the day to hear someone say "your getting too skinny". You've done great. And I know what you mean, even though we do lose weight for ouselves, we want to have our significant other be pleased as well and appreciate our new selves.

Maybe a compromise on the weight. Not sure if you work out or not, but if he thinks your too skinny/boney, you might work out with some weights to build some muscle, and you lose fat too. You will create an atheletic body - CHECK OUT TELLY - she is rockin! http://www.lapbandtalk.com/journal.php?do=showjournal&j=263

But if you never lose another pound, you need to know that you have done great and you truly are a success!

[piercedqt78 658]

We are the exact same size and have the same delima. My hubby also says I am great where I am, I want to lose another 20ish pounds. I also have to have a lower body lift. That will take another 12 or so pounds off. I am in a jr 11, but want to be in an 8. We will see what happens. ~Mandy

[Carlene 12]

WOW... I can't wait til I have that problem. You have me all excited I can't wait until the day when someone looks at me and says, "Brandi, you're getting a little bony." I can't wait.

It'll happen. My youngest son was visiting us one evening and when I walked into the room, he just stopped in the middle of a conversation with my DH and said, "Mom, you are so thin. I hope you aren't trying to lose more weight."

I told him he was my favorite child. I'm rewriting the will and cutting out everyone else...LOL.

[sleepyjean 0]

I find it hard to believe that ten pounds would be enough to turn him off so he's not attracted to you anymore. The only person it will make a significant difference to is you.

[sunsreturn 0]

Maybe a compromise on the weight. Not sure if you work out or not, but if he thinks your too skinny/boney, you might work out with some weights to build some muscle, and you lose fat too. You will create an atheletic body - CHECK OUT TELLY - she is rockin! http://www.lapbandtalk.com/journal.php?do=showjournal&j=263

I agree with Sunshine. Working out will create a lean body as well, especially since you've already lost 90 lbs (congrats by the way!!)...you may even gain "weight" but lose inches by adding weight training to your routine (if you haven't already). Ultimately I think the weight loss journey should be about finding a healthy weight for YOU...that's what is important is your health.

[TruBlueSue 0]

I agree - lose the weight, work out and see if he notices...my DH did the same thing to me yesterday - I am at 178.5 and losing very slowly - he told me that if I lost no more weight he'd be happy with me - said I loo great to him - 178.5 and 5'5"...I want to lose at least 30 more pounds...I was 150 when we married in '99 and would like to be there again. Nice to hear that from my hubby though!