SABATOGE--Is it how others are reacting?

[lins12 0]

So...I got up on Sunday morning and much to my surprise I had lost another 2 lbs...I was down to 173. I was AMAZED to say the least. I began to try on clothes that finally fit and pulled out the box with all of my old clothes. Several 12s fit and the 10s actually could be pulled up but not zipped. I was excited but something was bothering me. I could not figure it out. I went to the grocery store and decided to buy myself a treat of baked cheetos. The entire day I wanted to eat them....not uncontrolled binge like in the past but just steady need to eat. I was sabotaging myself and I couldn’t figure out. Something about being really cute again and fitting into shorter clothes scared the hell out of me.

I have been trying to figure out what it is… First of all, it is such a foreign feeling…so much so that it felt uncomfortable and second, is the male reaction. My best guy friend of 5 years hit on me two weeks ago. It really bothered me bc he never has hit on me before and because now I feel like he sees me in the “sexual” way—what about our friendship??? In addition, I find guys hitting on me and giving me the time of day that didn’t use to. When I was fat I wanted guys to still see me as pretty and now that I have lost weight—I want them to see my personality and not just me as a sexual object. Does this make any sense?

Now—how do I get out of the self sabotaging way and move past the uncomfortable-ness of this new foreign feeling and the male reaction to my outside and not me as a full person.

By the way...I was up 6 lbs between yesetrday and today. I finished th4e bag of cheetos and had a frozen yogurt. WAY less bad than I would have been 2 years ago but still frustrating. I suspect part of the weight is all the sodium. I didn't eat enought o gain that much weight. ARG!!

HELP!

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[Wheetsin 714]

Craving some Cheetos isn't sabotaging. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I've really noticed a difference in the way guys treat me, just in the last few weeks. And it pisses me off.

[ReneBean 3]

I know that most men are dogs - and certainly your friend hitting on you out of the blue must be somewhat disconcerting. Hopefully - if he is truly your friend - you will be able to discuss this with him.

Try to keep in mind that some of these other peripheral men might be hitting on you now because your actions have changed. Maybe you are smiling more, maybe you are more outgoing and they are noticing you for the first time NOT because you are thin - but because you are shining - because you are bubbly - because you are crossing your legs or walking like a woman....

Try to keep an open mind - even about your friend. Maybe he always liked you but was afraid because you were so depressed - or maybe you were always giving out such strong "buddy" signals that he never saw you as a girl before now.

I know that I do not feel sexy - and I never put out any "sexy" signals because I don't want all the men in the room to run screaming from my huge fatness. (trust me - I have seen this reaction from men).

But sometimes I wonder if I did start putting out the "sexy" vibe if I wouldn't get a reaction from some folks - even as fat as I am.

Now - maybe none of this applies to you - but it's another train of thought.

Hugs and good luck with the whole "man" issue.

I wouldn't panic about the baked cheeto episode, either. I understand that self sabotage is always a concern - but it's not like you ate a half gallon of Haagen Daaz....

:]

Maybe a counselor could help with your concerns. The "man" thing is scary for everybody - even normies. For those of us who never really did girl things in high school - who never had a normal social life - it's terrifying.

Hugs!!

[sweethot143 2]

I understand how you feel about the guys, I put on a lot of weight this year and have noticed a huge difference in the way i am treated now by the opposite sex compared to before I was this giant. I have always been chubby but this is a new fat for me.

I used to go into a store and actually get assistance from male employess, asked if I needed help ect. now I walk in and am completely ignored. I have to say excuse me!! Hello?? It is really eye opening. I guess people see me now more for my personality, and not for my cute face anymore, but it's sad. I was used the attention and liked it, I wasn't guy hunting or anything as I am happily married, but it made me feel like a woman.

I guess what I am trying to say is to enjoy your new look and the attention. As hard as it is to admit, fat is just not cute, sorry to say that, but to most people it is not attractive, no matter how awsome your personality is, they are just not physically attracted to a fat person right off the bat. Now that you have a cuter new figure, it's just natural that guys will be checking you out more. Don't get mad, they will still like you for your personality after getting to know you. Haven't you ever met that hot guy that you talked to because he was hot only to find out that his personality sucked which made him not so hot? And do you remember talking to the guy who wasn't so hot but had an awsome personality and became much better looking after getting to know them? Looks is what attracts us from the get go, hard to admit but it's true. Keep up the good work and enjoy!!!

[Red wine lover 0]

I'm sorry to say, as a man, that this is probably more of a normal response to a slimmer you. Whoever said men are pigs had it right, at least half the time!:phanvan

It's this stupid society of ours, where we value skinny, almost anorexic, looks in all our ads, be they print or T.V. Or look at the cover of any romance novel, the men are chiselled hunks and the women usually have some cleavage showing. Is this the real world? Of course not, but we've been trained this way for a long, long time.

And of course, it's not right! I've looked at some of the before/after pictures here and said to myself; what a looker! Then I look at the before picture and I can still see those good looks, but as a society we so often simply pass people by who don't fit that stereotyped look.

I include myself in this; I'm one or two hoops away from getting banded and I can't wait. In the meantime, I've become very cognescent about how people look at and treat me. Even as a (fat) man with a great sense of humor, it's humbling to be 'blown off' because people don't really know you, they're going simply by size!

End of rant . . .

Most of us aren't doing this to just look good, we're doing this to live!

Bill (Red wine lover)

[juliegeraci 7]

Lins12, you are doing great. I would take a few minutes and pray about it. Understand why you did this and pray for acceptance. Its natural to have the opposite sex notice you more. You are beautiful even before surgery. Don't take it personal. I would talk to your friend though and find out what he is thinking. That would bother me a lot too. Sometimes its not too bad to move a friendship into something else, but naturally it has to be what both of you want. Good luck. No more cheetos!

[lins12 0]

Thanks for ALL of your input. Just venting about it really helped.

[Boo 3]

Your story and experience sounds completely like mine! I don't think I put out any kind of "sexy" vibe, yet suddenly, the doors are opened for me, and the looks of longing are shocking me. Men aren't pigs, they are just wired to be interested. Just smile sweetly and go on your way. It is worse to be ignored.

As far as the sabotage goes, haven't we all derailed our best weight-loss plans in the past? Why would this be different? Even with the band, I need to focus on my goals and not let self-defeating behaviors creep into my life.

I bet that your six pounds will be gone in 1-2 days!

[Altalomaguy 0]

Hey now lets not rag too much on the guys. Do you think I had women bashing down my door to get to my hot 400 pound bod? I think not! I had a hard time getting girls in my age and weight range to even look at me as dating material let alone ones who weighed significantly less than me. It seemed like some of them would rather have "crushes" on cute guys who only wanted to be friends than date someone as overweight as they were. This of course applies only to my age range at the time, early 20's, and to the women I knew or met, but boy did it seem like a recurring theme in my life. Then I learned the joys of dating older more mature women. :whoo:

Use your experience in choosing who you have a relationship with wisely. Consider your time being overweight as a learning tool into the human experience. Don't be one of those people who pay lip service to "personality" but then only go after whom they consider good looking.

[rharriet62 0]

Hi,

Strange, but I have had these same things happen to me. When I notice that I am losing, looking thinner, wearing smaller clothes, it is SO foreign to me that I noticed I was "hungry" or craved "bad" foods that seem to never get stuck in my band! I think it's the emotional reaction to the change and so you do what (used to) comfort you: EAT! I think it's all part of the change experience and getting your brain wrapped around your new body image. The fact that you recognized it is GREAT! The first step to healing it!!!

R