Dear Red States...

[Carlene 12]

I cut and pasted this from Craig's List. Too funny!

"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!

Date: 2005-06-24, 11:54AM PDT

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and

we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,

Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We

believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially

to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot

Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You

get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states

pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the

Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a

bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and

anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at

once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have

kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no

purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their

children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and

hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our

resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent

of the country's fresh Water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple

and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of

America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)

90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most

of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and

condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,

Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88

percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care

costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the

tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern

Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,

Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was

actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred

unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say

that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved

in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people

with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt

weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States

[vinesqueen 2]

I've seen a couple versions of this, thanks Carlene!

[the best me 6]

Dang, then why am I happy to be Red?

That was funny, Carlene. Really!!! :bolt:

[green 6]

I am so glad that I had gone to the bathroom before I read this. Otherwise I would have peed my knickers! Brilliant!!!

[Morsaille 4]

Posting just to subscribe so I can share this later. Thanks.

I'm blue, da BA dee da ba da...

[Ariel 1]

and thats why i'm blue. lol

[Penni60 45]

Can we say BLUE! I love BLUE!!

[Carlene 12]

Better dead than red!

(Although I live in a red state that was BLUE for many, many years.)

[bitteroldhag 0]

I live in one of the approximately 3 counties in Oklahoma that are blue. I'm so glad. I'm going to change the old slogan "better red than dead" to "better blue than dead" even though it doesn't rhyme.

[Penni60 45]

How about "better blue than glue"

"better blue than poo"

"better blue than stew" or "better blue than stew-pid" Points at Bush

"better blue than you (points to red state)"

Works for me!!

[DrewsLou 3]

LOVE this! Sent it to my hubby and he put it on his myspace page.

[LessThanBaxter 0]

You get Hollywood ... And that's a good thing?

Hahaha...

[Carlene 12]

You get Hollywood ... And that's a good thing?

Hahaha...

I know....I had the same thought. But better Hollywood than Dollywood.

[vinesqueen 2]

Well, I think having Hollywood is a good thing if you enjoy popular culture, like movies and tv and People Magazine and stuff like that.

[the best me 6]

Here's a political funny along the same lines...meant for a good laugh, please enjoy. :confused:

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Republican's Answer: BANG!

..................................................................

Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 911? Wonder why this street is so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing.... I need to debate this with some friends for a few days, and try to come to some sort of consensus.

.................................................................

Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click ...

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy!!! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"

Wife: "You AIN'T taking that to the Taxidermist!!!