Coping...

[ShouldBlittler 89]

This site has been my main source of support since before I had my surgery on June 20, 2012. So far, I have lost 88 pounds, and I'm thrilled with the results. I have not had a terribly difficult time, but it has definitely been work. I am watching what I'm eating, and I am working out regularly. Overall, happy with the surgery so far.

I wanted to lose weight for myself, and my health, yes. I have a husband, and three small children who need me. A secondary reason that I wanted to lose weight was that my mother had cancer and was very worried about my high weight. So I am thankful that my mother has seen me lose weight, and is also happy with my loss.

My mother is now dying. Hospice is coming on Monday to meet with our family. My main coping mechanism has always been eating. I don't drink, I haven't smoked in 8 years. Now, I have not been eating to cope with stresses. My workouts have been helpful, especially my yoga routine.

So why am I posting this? I guess mostly because as I said, this site has been my main source of support for a year. I am distraught, and heartbroken and needed to put this out there. My family is extremely close. This loss will be devastating. I talk to my mom three or four times a day, and get together with her every weekend.

How are you coping with life's stressors? How are you coping with the big stresses of life? Any tips, help, or advice would be appreciated.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

This is one of th hardest times for u and ur family right now. Enjoy all the minutes u have left with her. Hospice care may be able to provide a therapist to help with the loss of ur loves one. Just know that she is in ur heart and is so proud of u.

[leeann71 539]

I lost my mom from cancer in 1993. I was only 21 yrs old. To me it was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life. Go and be with her every minute of everyday if you can. The hardest thing I learned at that time is they never come back and you will miss her sooo much. You only get one mother in your life. Cherish every second you have and tell her every minute how much you love and adore her. Tell her what she has meant to you your entire life. Im so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. One more thing, dont bottle your feelings, cry and cry and cry some more, let your emotions be felt and it will hopefully help you some during this time.

[Geminidrive 389]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, losing a parent is such an incredibly painful experience, and there is no other love like that of a mother. Continue to spend as much time as possible with your mom and continue to talk and touch her, I'm sure you are already doing this. This is most likely one of the biggest stressor of your lifetime. Everyone is different but what I found that helped me during this time was having the constant support of friends and family, lean on them when you can and I also created mental diversions which were listening to music and watching the most ridiculously silly comedies when possible. Like Leeann states above don't bottle your emotions, cry......it does help.

I'll be praying for you and your family.

[It's all new 453]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I, too, have a mother who is terminally Ill (pancreatic and peritoneal cancers). We at first expected only a very short time with her, but I made the decision to get the surgery during that time. Probably similar to you, I needed to know that after I lost my mom who is SO important in my life, that I really felt good about my own future. So, she has survived longer than anyone expected, and a year later we have been through an amazing journey together. She feels more secure knowing that after she is gone I'm going to be able to continue my life with a more secure future.

I specifically replaced eating with exercise. Not in an unhealthy way, but in that it makes me feel better and I find soothing. Right now I can't exercise, but it's ok - I've had time to adjust and say goodbye to food as my closest friend. I wish I had more ideas, but that has been my best source of support.

I hope that you are able to cherish whatever time you have while continuing to put your own care at the top of the list, too. I know that this is a hard time and a huge shock to the system. We are not far behind you in this same journey. Sending hugs your way.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I was very close to my mother and younger sister - they died within a few years of each other. Mom was 72 and my sis was 40. It was devastating beyond description. It is one of the reasons I got up over 300# - I could cope not just with the loss but some of the trauma around my sisters illness and passing.

I think you are doin the right thing by facing it up front, realizing it is a stressor/trigger, asking for help. I don't really have any tips or tidbits, for me exercise is the main destressor like you already mentioned. Whatever you do, don't let youself be fooled into trusting that food or booze will help any. The boost in feeling last such a short period of time and the consequences of over use lasts so terribly long. I like to use the analogy of the bad boyfriend, sure he is fun for a little bit but then he starts treating you bad and you make excuses and are in denial about how bad it is and before you know it... you are on the weight gain cycle.

Prayers for you.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

So so sorry you are going through this. You sound like me - I talk to my mother every chance I get, so I understand how close you are. What a wonderful gift you have given her - peace of mind that you will take care of yourself and you are a healthy weight. So many of us are stress eaters, and I think it's so positive that you recognize the potential impact. Prayers for you and your family.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

So very sorry you're dealing with this. I too lost my mom and and my brother at a young age...it was just so awful. Right now all I can spend every minute with them and talk to her until her last breath. They can hear all of your words regardless if she responds. Remind her how well she did raising you .. That's what my mom loved to hear. You know her best.. Keep her company and let her know you will be okay.. Their instinct to worry about you as their child never stops

[Spatters3 315]

I'm sorry you, your Mom, and your family have to go through this. This past year I was diagnosed with carcinosarcoma of the uterus ("unique, rare, and extremely aggressive cancer") and have had to deal with soooo much - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And not just me, my entire family has been on the same ride. In the end the only thing that is really important is love and it sounds like you and your mother have that. Praying, reading, singing, writing, and History channel TV viewing (or your fave) are good alternatives to overeating. Remember, not ALL eating is bad and it is ok to enjoy food. Give your Mom a hug and a kiss from all your online friends.

[ShouldBlittler 89]

Thank you... This is such pain that comes in waves. I just cannot believe it. I CANNOT believe it.

Spatters3, I remember when you posted about being diagnosed. How is treatment going? How much longer to you have to endure treatment?

[sarsar 824]

I don't have anything to add but wanted to say how very sorry I am that you are going through this.

[4ALongerLife 329]

I am so sorry to read your story. My mother died suddenly, a heart attack in her sleep, in 2008 (my father followed her death 9 months later, after he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the liver and lungs). The day my mom died, the world literally changed. I would give almost anything that I have to have her one back for more day. It's a heart ache, for sure. With that being said, please spend as much time with your mom as you can ... cherish moments, get her to tell you stories that will die with her, write them down/record her telling them if you can.

As an avenue to help you... have you ever been to counseling? I'm a big proponent of it (well I have a bachelors and masters in social work, my initial goal was to have my own "shop" after I got my LMSW-ACP, but a few years into professional social work I decided it wasn't for me). However, I know I used food for coping and we all know that stress can trigger those behaviors. A good coginitive behavioral therapist that perhaps specializes in food/eating or health psychology would be a good alternative for you, to talk to, to help you manage stress in other ways - as well as identify some of the reasons for the behavior. Just a thought.

I manage my stress now through exercise mostly. And I usually make sure that I get at least 7 hours of sleep a night (I swear it helps!).

[ShouldBlittler 89]

I wonder if stress can make you retain Water. I feel like ever since we've been going through this stress, I have been retaining water , Or maybe even gaining weight, but not really changing my diet very much.

[BenisaMartim4 369]

Aww sweet, I'm so sorry about your mom. Be with her all you can and make meaningful memories to last you the rest of your life.

I personally feel that I am not coping with stress very well at all. I have no crutch to turn to at all; I no longer enjoy food, I don't drink/smoke/use drugs and I have quit all Rx drugs including my antidepressants and pain meds. I have four children 5-12 years old, 3 of them are disabled and we also full time homeschool. To say I stay stressed would be an understatement! I feel like I have nowhere to turn. The more weight I have lost, the worse I have felt mentally. It's like I'm trapped with no hope or end in sight. I never realized how much eating actually fills a void in your life until I didn't want to eat any more. I wish I had something to help. I don't think it needs to be running though...if I ever started, I might not turn around and come back 0.o

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[feedyoureye 3,087]

ShouldBlittler, so sorry to hear about your moms illness, and sending best thoughts to her and the family. My mom is getting up there, becoming frail.. I just hate to see her going... I try to give her my love, and want to see her happy. What more can we do?

Aww sweet, I'm so sorry about your mom. Be with her all you can and make meaningful memories to last you the rest of your life.

I personally feel that I am not coping with stress very well at all. I have no crutch to turn to at all; I no longer enjoy food, I don't drink/smoke/use drugs and I have quit all Rx drugs including my antidepressants and pain meds. I have four children 5-12 years old, 3 of them are disabled and we also full time homeschool. To say I stay stressed would be an understatement! I feel like I have nowhere to turn. The more weight I have lost, the worse I have felt mentally. It's like I'm trapped with no hope or end in sight. I never realized how much eating actually fills a void in your life until I didn't want to eat any more. I wish I had something to help. I don't think it needs to be running though...if I ever started, I might not turn around and come back 0.o

Sent from my iPhone using VST

Get thee to the Dr! You sound depressed on top of all the stress of your obligations. Not sure if now is the time to stop antidepressants or pain management... You have a lot on your plate, you deserve to feel pleasure in your life again... your kids need you as an example as well! Please take care of yourself.