Child free... Way off topic

[RebecaSparkles 247]

I have not yet had a child. I lost an ovary in 2009 & diagnosed with pcos in 2010. My dr told me that I was running out of time & that I needed to lose weight if I wanted a shot to do it without IVF.

Hubby has come around to the possibility/probability of having to adopt.

Good news is that because of my work I've had many social workers try to get me to adopt my patients. Special needs kids aren't easy to adopt out especially the older ones. They usually are 90% normal but are missing a leg or arm. For someone like me not a big deal. For regular person 15-20k per leg per year. Kids grow & need new ones every year.

I think that getting an older child would solve a lot of my problems with having a child.

[capeciw 18]

Such a personal choice. I have biological children 5&6 and an adopted 16 years old who joined our family at 14. I have a pretty demanding career and can tell you that being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done. The best thing too. I always say my kids are not my whole life, but they are my priority. I think anyone who is insightful enough to know themselves and that they aren't ready to take on that priority is very brave and wise, and shouldn't we ashamed at all. Don't let lack of motherly instinct be your only deciding factor, many of us have felt that way... Even when our babies were first born. I remember looking at my daughter in the hospital and expecting this rush of joy and connection, instead I was like "who the eff is this person and what have I done?!"

This makes me think of how I have some family members who think that all you are is how you look, I wasn't worthy in their eyes because I was overweight. Ne'er mind that I was the first to graduate college in my family and went in to get advanced degrees and was a successful, kind person. Same thing with being a parent, not one thing defines you. You are you and magnificent- with or without children.

[NewKristen 356]

I didn't want kids when I was in high school. I was voted the most likely to become President and the most likely to succeed. I wanted college & a career more than anything. After HS grad, I met this amazing blonde boy with blue eyes. He was leaving for the USAF a few months later, but I thought we would would hang out and date till he left. We fell in love, and ran off and eloped 3 days before he left for basic. We were both 18. One year later, we had a little girl, and 19 mo. After that a little boy. I always told people that I didn't have maternal instincts and I had to work twice as hard to be a good mom. Both kids were conceived on BC.

My kids were both grown and in college by the time I turned 39! So My husband and i have a lot of great years ahead of us to do whatever we want. I am glad things worked out the way they did, because I am not sure if I would have ever chosen to be a mom in my own. It was an incredible experience and they are the greatest things that ever happened to me. I agree with several other posters...don't let anyone pressure you. Live your life, as there is no road map that leads everyone to a canned life.

[eclipse 67]

I didn't want children, don't like them, and didn't really have any mothering instincts. I now have a 7 yo daughter by choice.

When I turned 32 I had been married for 8 years and was successful in my career. Hubby (special Ed teacher) didn't want kids either. I had a moment where I asked myself, what if I'm supposed to be a mom? What if there are lessons I'm supposed to learn in this life that I can only learn from being a mom? I told my husband that I was having my iud removed and we would see what happens. A baby girl happened 2 months later.

She is the best thing that has happened to me. I have indeed learned many lessons - the most important one is to control what I say. I grew a compassionate heart that I didn't have before. I am a mom now, but I will not have more. Whatever I'm supposed to learn and experience I will do so with this one child.

Had I never had kids I would have been happy, fulfilled and fine though. You know what's right for you.

Had I not had a child I would have picked a small relative to 'adopt' so that I'd have someone to check on me when I'm old though. My daughters godfather isn't going to have kids and I've told her for years that she's going to need to look after mommy, daddy and him when we're all old. She is pretty much his kid too and I've taught her that just as we are responsible for her now she will be responsible for us later (not financially).

[ArtSong 291]

I have 3 kids 19,12 and 6 . If you don't want kids you don't want kids. You may not want them now you may want them later. If your young and don't want them that's cool. You can have kids at age 40 you will be 60 when they get the hell out your house lmao. So I say do what feels best for you enjoy your young years and get a good career first kids are needy and they need money lmao.

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[bee13 44]

I'm also not sure about having kids. Like others on here, my husband and I enjoy the DINK lifestyle and the loss of that freedom seems unfathomable. Maybe we'll adopt someday. I'm 28 now, so I could wait five more years or so before I make that decision. I have a lot of vacations to take before then

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

I am 33. Very happily married. Now a normal weight. I self payed in the states. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. Everyone keeps making comments about pregnancy easier now that I am smaller or aren't you worried about pregnancy weight. Thing is' date=' I don't think I want kids. Ever. I would like some feed back on the pros and cons of that choice. Anyone who has an opinion, young, old, male female, parent or not. Thanks!

[/quote']

I was like you, I didn't want children no how, no way. Well about 7 seven years ago, I didn't make the best choices and found myself pregnant at the age of 28. I freaked out. My little boy just turned 6 in December, and everyday I think about how he was the best thing that happened to me. He and I are super close, his father is not involved in his life at all. Do I want any more children? No. But I'm glad I had this "accident".

[Macy6 356]

My sister in law and brother decided to stay kid free. It was a shock to most the family, especially my mother, as hard as it was to come to terms with it we have all been very respectful of their decision (their reasoning is they enjoy their freedom and enjoy traveling) I had my son young (I was 18 he is now 13) I get asked all the time when I'm having another, why didn't I have another, and told I'd better get on it soon if I want another. I'm adopted and I would love to be a foster mom someday and maybe adopt a child, particularly with special needs. I have 8 months left in school and I really want to go on for my Masters. I've already put my son thru the craziness of my bachelors and I have no intention of jumping into my masters until he graduates high school. Not to mention I started school when he was 6, I'm ready to have some time to be a grown up, maybe date, hike a mountain, or sit on a beach with out worrying about school. I'm also a little selfish in I want to be able to travel and buy my son nice things and it makes it a little harder when you add more kids in. Someday? Maybe, right now? No, do I (or you) need to explain that go anyone? Nope!

[taurabird 142]

Count me as another woman who never felt the maternal instinct. I am 39 y.o. and "fixed". It is a nonissue for my husband and I, been married 10 years this October and each of us had "no kids" on the list when discussing whether we were compatible. People still look at me weird when asked how many kids i have and I say none and dont want any....then I look at them weird and say birth control works great when used properly, its amazing to me how many accidental children are born each year.

[leeann71 539]

I feel this way about it. I was very young when I had my son at age 18 and the had my twin girls at 19. To me and my husband they are a blessing from God. As for anyone who does not want children than please don't have them! There are way to many children out there whose parents did not want them to begin with :’( . Stick to your decision. You are the one person who has to live with the choice you make.

[Kdedeo 52]

I had always thought I didn't want children either. I married at 41 and then I thought that I would have a child and i wanted one at that point. But then cancer struck and I was told I couldn't have children. Now I regret that I didn't have one earlier, but still it wasn't the right decision at that time. It's just too bad that when it became the right decision, it was impossible. People say that I can adopt, but I don't want to. I've come to terms with the fact that I won't have children and I'm enjoying my freedom.

Sleeve date: Oct. 15. HW: 315; SW: 283; CW: 225; GW: 150