Divorce and split ups

[karen12345 7]

I know of people who have lost a large amount of weight and that changes the dynamics of the relationship...if communication was not good before then afterwards .....one or both find themselves having different paths to follow. Not all divorced but they all had to deal with issues in the relationship that were not addressed before the weight change.

[NewKristen 356]

Doesnt sound too far off. I've read of it being around 80% several times.

In fact' date=' I personally know over 20 people who have had some form of wls, not online, actually know them. and out of all them only 2 of them are still married. And 1 of those 2 are considering divorce, but holding on.

I've talked very openly to the happily married 9 year post op couple about how they make it work, what their secret is.[/quote']

I watched a TV show that said 80% also. When you think that the normal divorce rate if 50%, you have a 30% higher chance of getting divorced if you have WLS. surgery.

[sr910 55]

My marriage is pretty crappy. My husband has very little respect for me and makes me cry pretty regularly...

Sure I can say, "I deserve better" but realistically... I'm pre-op, I feel like **** about myself, I'm doubtful anyone could ever love my ogre-self, etc.

My post-op hopes are that I start to feel better about myself and truly start to believe that I deserve a loving, respectful relationship. And hey, if I do start getting attention from other men, maybe my husband will realize that I have options and treat me better -- I don't want to be treated like a queen, but better than a piece of crap would be nice.

When I started dating my husband in 2005 (& married in 2009), I would have never thought I would consider divorce -- EVER -- but somewhere along the way, the love and respect flew out the window on his part. I'm finding that I spend more days sad than happy, and I'm watching friends get married and be happy and not have their husbands yell at them in public... ugh. I'm crying just typing this so I'll stop -- just wanted to point out the "increased self worth" aspect that might be contributing to the divorce rate.

[sharonintx 1,275]

sr910 - I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I used to be married to a guy like your husband. Spent many years feeling absolutely horrible and thinking that one day he would realize the effect of his actions. Yep - I thought he would "change". I divorced him after 13 yrs of marriage. It took another 3-4 yrs for me to get back to my normal, mostly happy self. I'm about to be 47 years old now and have a real awareness of how many years I let slip away because of someone else's cruelty. I did myself and my children a major disservice. I can never get those years back. I know now that it was never me that was inadequate. It was him.. It was ALL him. Sometimes I think how dare he treat me in that way. But no - what was wrong with me to allow it is the real question. You need to live a happy life and whatever you need to do to achieve it - do it now. Don't waste years of your life. Those years are gone for good.

[katieb 80]

@sr910 - I am so sorry to hear about your marriage. I feel your pain. I was sleeved 11 mos ago. My marriage was going through the ups and downs before surgery. All my friends told me that once I lost weight I would get the self esteem to leave him. I have lost half of myself and am told daily how amazing I look from others. My husband sees attention I get from other men when we are out. He is no different with me today at 150lbs than he was with me 11 months ago at 265lbs. He still womanizes and lies.

My self confidence is now even worse than it use to be heavier. He is amazing to me to my face and to everyone around us. However, he loves to womanize behind my back and lie.

I am investor gadget ....lol... So, I find out everything. Sometimes too much. .

Stay strong and know that surgery won't cure everything. We have to be happy with ourselves and know our self worth. No one deserves to be lied to and cheated on. No one! I would never disrespect someone I say I love.

I hope for your sake things work out.

Take care. God bless!!