Un-supportive friends/family?

[samantha(: 1]

How many of you guys have friends or family who turned jealous cuz they're insecure that you might be skinnier than them and how did you deal with it? I have a friend's who's been a good friends for many years but she keeps giving me " back handed compliments".and I'm starting to see jealousy in some family members. =\

[Takingcontrol 467]

Unfortunately this is a reality sometimes...you can't fix them, all you can do is do what you need to do for you!

[COnative 192]

I have one close friend like that and we just don't talk about it anymore. We are still friends and I don't think less of her, I know its tough because I have had friends lose weight and look awesome and I'm sorry, I'm human so I was jealous too because I have been the fat girl many times. I think your friend will come around and if she doesn't, unfortunately, you have your answer. It is never okay to make back handed comments though. But the most important thing is that your are doing this for you. I think too, once your family and friends see how much more positive you become after the surgery they will approach this with more compassion and less judgement.

[Mystie 146]

My friends say things like, "Seriously, you look amazing. I hate you, b***h." But totally in jest. I have one friend I know of, though, that I know will be a problem because she's going to get depressed about her own weight. But when I was in my 6 month classes they told me I can only control myself. I have to reflect back on that. I can only control me, it's up to them to change themself.

[samantha(: 1]

Yeah my friend is like at the most 15 pounds over weight and shes always complaining she's fat ( even though she's still Hella skinny) and now that my surgery is in 11 days she feels the need to compete with me. Like seriously I'm not doing this to compete with anyone or make anyone jealous. I'm just trying to have a healthy and happy life. She's been a close friend for 8 years but lately I've just been avoiding her. I've been on kaisers pre- op diet for 2 months and lost 35 lbs on my own and ever since I have she's been weird. Do you think its jealousy or insecurities?

[Ima Loser 197]

I am sure it is jealousy... I have dealt with backhanded compliments... My sister in law is infamous for them... Recently she saw me and said "Ugh you are getting all skinny, you b***h" I just shook my head... Then she continued to make obvious comments all night until HER best friend literally had to tell her to stop being a Hater...

Sometimes I think people make comments with out thinking though as well... My best friend of almost 18 years is a heavier girl... She made a comment about how great I look but then added "I guess I better get my ass in gear" I know she didn't mean it in a nasty or malicous way at all it was just her own insecurities coming out! This comment bothered me for like a week... Then I asked her about it and told her it was bothering me and I felt it was a little backhanded and she was so upset that I had felt that way... She didn't mean it like that at all and she said she was just motivated by me to get her own ass in gear... I believe her becuase she is literally my biggest supporter aside from my husband!

[Jenah 20]

All of my co-workers are against me having it and my mother. She and I have stopped talking. She flew off the handle thinking Im gonna die. So she began insulting me and my family.

[anniemay 150]

Now I am scared - I was going to tell my parents this weekend.....my twin sister knows and is incredibly supportive - maybe I will make her go with me!

[bee13 44]

I am going to tell my parents after the fact. I don't want my mom to worry about me while I'm in Mexico having organs removed

[KanesMom 44]

My name is Samantha too!

It sounds like your friend is just jealous..which is odd because she should be supporting you right now. But she's probably just a little insecure. I've only told my parents, 3 sisters, boyfriend and 2 very best friends who have all been awesome. But a few months ago my older sister who has always been skinny and petite made a comment to me "It's going to be weird when you're skinny!" I know she didn't mean it to be rude, but it just made me feel a little blah. I know she's just used to me being bigger for the past 20 years. But now that I'm 2 weeks post op, and I'm down almost 40 pounds, she keeps telling me how good I look, so I'm guessing it was a momentary insecurity she had.

Don't let what anyone says bother you, you're doing this for you and hell yes you're going to be looking fabulous after! Work it girl!

[angelaet 23]

All of my co-workers are against me having it and my mother. She and I have stopped talking. She flew off the handle thinking Im gonna die. So she began insulting me and my family.

I'm sorry to hear that. I understand completely. My mom and dad are really not happy about this. I got the comment, "so you don't have will-power". I told her it had nothing to do with willpower! I haven't told anyone else, but one friend found out on a fb WLS from my hospital. I told her to tell no one else. She's supportive because she will be having the surgery herself. Keep the faith. You are doing what is best for you. When they see how happy you become after WLS, then they will understand. My surgery is April 1st. Best wishes!!

[NurseGrace 509]

You would really do yourself a service to stop counting these people among your friends. It's hard and it sucks because I think in most cultures cutting people off is considered sort of.... unstable or cold... but sometimes its really important. If you examine relationships like that there us usually a lot more issues than the back-handed comments anyway. Those are usually a system of other issues.

I'm not telling you to divorce all your buddies, but you might consider it. I did, and it stung for a while and it was hard to take sometimes and I DID experience some loneliness but working through that hsa allowed me to take my life to a completely different level, meanwhile those girls are still living with mom and dad at the age of 27 and mooching off other people and society in general.

[Jenah 20]

Thanks Angelaet, you are right they will not understand until they see the end result. Hang in there girl I know its gonna be worth it for the both of us.

[Geminidrive 389]

Are these people truly your friends? Sometimes you have to go through something to truly find out who is in your corner. While I have experienced nothing but support, I would certainly confront these people and tell them how you feel and that you don't appreciate this type of behavior. People will continue to do this until you put them on notice. Now your family on the otherhand, just embrace them and love them I'm sure they will come around some day when they see you healthier.

[angelaet 23]

Thanks Angelaet' date=' you are right they will not understand until they see the end result. Hang in there girl I know its gonna be worth it for the both of us. [/quote']

You are so welcome Jenah