Lying about Weight Loss Surgery !

[PdxMan 4,292]

And PDXman...I have only been around 6 weeks on here, I know that it must get frustrating for all vets to see threads being rehashed over and over by newbies. But hence the term "newbie". We are learning.

Oh, I know ...

Believe me, I love all the newbies more than anyone can know. It is the newbies that become the vets who continue to support all the other newbies. For the most part, I stay away from these threads which, as you can tell, is very polarizing.

I think IAmDeborah summed it up nicely in THIS post. People who have found the "answer" want to share the good news with everyone who will listen and can't understand why everyone else wouldn't want to do it to. It reminds me of my father. He loved having children (had 6) so much he often proselytized the virtues of being a parent and would tell you to your face what a dis-service you were doing to yourself and those around you by not having children.

Of course, those who choose not to have children do so for their own reasons. They have been on their own journey in life and have their own reasons for not having kids. When asked about their reproduction status, as happens constantly when couples don't have kids, are they responsible for sharing something they want to keep private? Is it wrong for them to even tell a white lie to protect their privacy? What if you overhear this conversation with your friend and you know she has fertility issues. Is it your responsiblity to tell her she is lying ... that she should share her journey because somebody else may also be suffering infertility issues and could benefit from her story? Whose job is it to determine whether this information is shared?

As for myself, I don't care at this point. I do share with most folks now that I am at goal. Even when I am not asked. As I have pointed out a few times, my concern is with the person researching WLS or the freshly sleeved individual who, because of the strong nature and language of the OP, feels coerced into doing something they may not feel comfortable doing. That if they decide to keep a personal matter private, they are lying. I just don't think that is fair and is irresponsible. We have to remember, there are hundreds if not thousands of people who merely browse these forums never joining or posting. They are researching and figuring out what the procedure is all about. It is my belief they should come away from the forum knowing that it is their decision to divulge whatever information they want to whoever they want. As has been pointed out on this thread and dozens of others, many people believe saying "reduced portion sizes (carbs ... whatever) and exercise" is not lying. I agree.

The OP has said I (or others) have put words in her mouth or twisted them. I have been quoting her postings, so I don't know how I could have done that, but ... That is fine. It seems she has softened her tune, which I appreciate.

GMan, you know I love you, but I, too, must disagree with your disagreement that this is not a form of bullying. Per wiki, bullying is: the use of force or coercion to abuse or intimidate others. Calling someone a liar is coercion to change their behavior.

So, in about two more weeks, this topic will be posted again. Perhaps I will be smart enough to avoid this serenity trap.

[gmanbat 5,889]

Calling someone a liar is coercion to change their behavior.

How about calling someone a bully?

And I love you, too....in a....Viking sort of way.

[maharet111 544]

What I don't understand about this thread is why both sides of the debate get so sensitive about it.

Some of the people who are open about it, get so judgmental about those who aren't. If you can be open about it, then be blessed that you have a support system that allows this...or you have reached a point in your life where you don't care what anyone else thinks.

On the other hand, if you have made the decision to not tell anyone, then stop being so defensive. Who care what anyone says or thinks about you deciding to keep it private. No one walks in your shoes.

I personally am very open with anyone who asks me. I am not offended when people notice my weight loss and ask me how I am doing it! It makes me feel great, and I want to share it with them. I had a friend who lied - out right lied - about what she is doing to lose weight after she had the sleeve. It wasn't because she doesn't want to tell anyone, it is because she is using her weight loss to make money! That anyway you look at it...is so wrong. I am blessed with a great support system all the way around me. If the people in my life weren't supportive.,,I would be all about moving on without them.

So stope being judgmental, defensive, angry...life is so short. Choose to care about relevance.

Not that I care either way about this subject but can't let the hypocrisy go here..you say don't judge but the say it is wrong your friend lied so she could make money..calling it wrong and saying don't judge is just too rich.

[PdxMan 4,292]

How about calling someone a bully?

And I love you, too....in a....Viking sort of way.

I believe I take ownership of my role HERE. But I do not call her a bully. I state that she is attempting to bully someone ... can you really disagree that in this context there is not bullying going on? Again, I take ownership of my role ...

[@RealScoobyDoo 94]

Can someone please tell me how I can cash in on the job that will pay me to lose weight? Maybe it will pay for my surgery!

[gmanbat 5,889]

I believe I take ownership of my role HERE. But I do not call her a bully. I state that she is attempting to bully someone ... can you really disagree that in this context there is not bullying going on? Again, I take ownership of my role ...

Edit:

Smart aleck answer deleted. Peace, love, and soul to everyone!!!

I love you guys!!!!

:wub: :wub: :wub:

We cool, PDX?

Relationships are more important than winning arguments. My wife taught me that, she also taught me that I could never win.

[NewKristen 356]

Not that I care either way about this subject but can't let the hypocrisy go here..you say don't judge but the say it is wrong your friend lied so she could make money..calling it wrong and saying don't judge is just too rich.

Hypocrisy? Yeah, ok. Maybe.

My friend started one of those "wrap" businesses that help people lose weight and "tone". She told people that she lost all of her weight through the wraps to sell them. She was quite successful. She also lied. She could have easily sold them and marketed them without the outright "lie" that she lost all of we weight through those wraps.

Not telling friends and family because you are afraid of judgement, that is not a lie. That is omission in my opinion.

Using the weight loss you achieved through this tool called sleeve" to make insecure women but your products...that is a lie.

If having a strong opinion about that makes me judgmental. I can live with that.

[Recycled 2,182]

I'm a newbie, but that has nothing to do with it. I couldn't help but laugh all through this thread. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Who cares what anybody thinks........including this post by me. Most people come on here and other forums to help them with their upcoming surgeries by getting "first hand " information from real patients. Then if they stick around after their procedures, it is to offer the same information to other newbies. It really isn't in my mind what anybody thinks of me or my values or even my personality. And that being said, there isn't a chance in h*ll that I'll agree with everyone on here or them with me for that matter. So......everybody shake hands......chill out and and tell me where it hurts......Oh, and just to get my own totally biased opinion into the mix........."The surgery won't lose the weight for me.......eating a whole lot less.....and correct foods.... and exercise and and and and and..... for always.... is what is going to make me lose the weight. And if I don't do it......or if I don't keep doing it......I'll remain fat or put it all back on like I have done in the past. All the surgery will do is help me limit intake......something I have not been able to do in the past. No different then if someone put a gun to my head and said they'd shoot me unless I limit my intake..........Kinda drastic.....but effective analogy. Both alternatives, quite uncomfortable or even lethal. So......as far a I'm (JUST ME....got that.....no one else.) concerned.......I'm the one responsible for losing any weight. Not the surgery.....not any pills.....just me. Yeah sure I don't want any discomfort the tiny little stomach will cause if I eat too much......so I won't. Hence the reason to get the surgery........But still just me responsible for actually losing any weight and keeping it off. Done! that's my opinion. Not meant to be anyone else's and I don't care what anyone's reaction to it is either. I just want to be skinny and healthy ......for whatever time I have left. And what I tell or don't tell anyone is of no consequence to me. Now let's get back to me finding out about the crappy food and drinks I'm gonna have to switch to.

[PdxMan 4,292]

Deleted smart aleck post out of respect for my good friend ...

I was not present during any of her exchanges with her friend, so I cannot speak to that. I can only go by the words she identified. As I have pointed out, we each live by our own moral compass. It cannot be written on parchment with chicken blood and stored in a vault. I do not wish to live by your moral compass and I am positive nobody wants to live by mine.

If I am not 100% honest on my resume or job application, to what degree am I guilty of lying in order to make money? Have we ever told a white lie to tip the scales in our favor to get ahead ... to get someone in bed ... what weight was on your driver's licence pre-WLS? Are all of us saints?

Really?

Sorry, folks. I am far from perfect. I have lied like M/F in my days. But I'm trying to make myself a better person. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying. I just don't like it when other saintly folks have to drag others down. Perhaps they are dragging others down to their level or something ... don't know. I'm going to try to keep my side of the street clean. How does your side look?

[PdxMan 4,292]

I have good news for you, Recycled. The crappy food and drink period is only a few months. Everything will be back to normal in 6 months or less. Just far smaller quantities.

Welcome to the board. We are a family, a disfunctional family at times, but in the end, we do love and support each other.

[gmanbat 5,889]

I was not present during any of her exchanges with her friend, so I cannot speak to that. I can only go by the words she identified. As I have pointed out, we each live by our own moral compass. It cannot be written on parchment with chicken blood and stored in a vault. I do not wish to live by your moral compass and I am positive nobody wants to live by mine.

If I am not 100% honest on my resume or job application, to what degree am I guilty of lying in order to make money? Have we ever told a white lie to tip the scales in our favor to get ahead ... to get someone in bed ... what weight was on your driver's licence pre-WLS? Are all of us saints?

Really?

Sorry, folks. I am far from perfect. I have lied like M/F in my days. But I'm trying to make myself a better person. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying. I just don't like it when other saintly folks have to drag others down. Perhaps they are dragging others down to their level or something ... don't know. I'm going to try to keep my side of the street clean. How does your side look?

Darn, edited my post too late. Sorry, PDXMan. I wrote the definitive book on far from perfect. You can see that by the sarcasm in my deleted post. I am confused about far more than I actually know. If I had any class I would keep my mouth shut and my typing fingers to myself. But alas, no class.

[Recycled 2,182]

I have good news for you, Recycled. The crappy food and drink period is only a few months. Everything will be back to normal in 6 months or less. Just far smaller quantities.

Hey, I can certainly do a few months......BTW.....you look really great. So looking forward to saying that about myself.

[Dobeigh 69]

For me it's very simple' date=' I have an opportunity to educate and me telling others about the surgery eliminates the gossip.[/quote']

Exactly. I have a friend that had gastric sleeve and chooses not to tell anyone. That is just how she is. Me? I don't care. I tell everyone my business. About everything! I probably would tell them if I got a hemroid removed too! I'm an open book that way.

[PdxMan 4,292]

Edit:

Smart aleck answer deleted. Peace, love, and soul to everyone!!!

I love you guys!!!!

:wub: :wub: :wub:

We cool, PDX?

Relationships are more important than winning arguments. My wife taught me that, she also taught me that I could never win.

Of course we're cool, GMan. I love your contributions to VST. You bring needed clarity to this place. You are the hippy uncle who can right-size an issue with a few words.

[gmanbat 5,889]

You are the hippy uncle who can right-size an issue with a few words.

That's what my nephews call me, probably because my brother squealed on me about my profound weirdness and the times he had to rescue me in the 60's.

I changed my title to "Your Hippy Uncle". Why fight it? Wonder wear I can score some bell bottoms?