Grieving the Loss of a our Friend.

[courtoomp 107]

I don't know about you, but food has long been a best friend to me. When my "real" friends weren't available or when I just didn't want to bother them with why I was depressed/sad/lonely/stressed yet again...I could turn to food. Always there to support me, numb me out to all feelings, and help temporarily turn off those damn self-critical voices polluting my brain.

I knew I had a lot of food head issues going into this surgery. Accordingly, I have been seeing a therapist for eight weeks, twice a week. I am now moving to once a week. I started at my therapist's office thinking we would work on behavioral changes...you know, distraction and healthy habits to avoid bingeing. What I've found is that we've barely talked about food at all. Instead, we speak about WHY I turn to food...you know, core issues and all. For me, it's about loneliness and self-criticism. I am, as most of us are, my own worst critic, and I exert so much energy trying to control how others perceive me that I'm left exhausted at the end of my day...and food is there to nurture me in a way I haven't been nurturing myself (and in a way I haven't let others nurture me either).

Enough of my psychobabble. I really wanted to start this thread to offer a safe place to discuss the emotional toll food has taken on us. And a place to discuss how our disordered eating is really a parallell too, and extension of, or disordered thinking/feeling. And further, to offer each other support as we grieve the loss of our good friend, food.

I grieved super hard core last Wednesday at my therapy appointment. I was a hot freaking mess, and my therapist was the one who pointed out it sounds like I'm grieving. And she was right! I was so upset because I was feeling isolated from my friends and family AND didn't have my comforting binge foods to soothe me either. So I had to soothe myself (read a book, took a hot shower, wrote down my feelings). How do you get through hard spots without food to lean on?

Wishing you all a nurturing day and hope to hear how you have dealt with the loss of your old best friend.

Courtney

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

There was a point where I actually panicked when I thought about not being able to eat like I used to. That's when I went on a horrific eating binge and overrate EVERYTHING I could get my hands on. Gained a lot of weight, but I made myself hate food at that point. Luckily.. I don't miss food like I thought I would.

Things change after surgery nd for the better! Once you lose some weight you know things are possible and you're really on a postive journey.

I love my sleeve!

[Gina6682 8]

Thank you for starting this thread. I read your online profile and a lot of what you said reminds me of myself - I'm tired of being the "funny friend" or the girl with the pretty face! I'm sick of relying on my awesome personality, trying to distract people from my weight!

I was sleeved 2/18 and am down 23 lbs and could not be more thrilled about that, but I, too, am grieving food. I didn't tell a lot of people about the surgery and while those I did tell have been extremely supportive, I don't want to wear them out with constant talk about my weight loss, the changes I'm making, etc. Even though its what is occupying a lot of my waking thoughts these days, I'm sure it gets old to talk about if you're not going through it. So, I am looking for a therapist. Are you seeing a therapist that was referred to you by your surgeon? Does he/she specialize in bariatric patients? I know there's one who works with my surgeon but because I was self pay, it wasn't really pushed and wasn't a requirement for me to see a therapist to have the surgery.

So far, I've been able to get through the hard spots by focusing on my future and the goals I've set for myself but I can see where it's going to get hard. Vacations, birthdays, holidays.....I've got to learn some coping mechanisms! The one I've found so far (this may sound weird) - I LOVE clothes & fashion and have not been able to wear really cute outfits for a long time because I've been so heavy and don't fit into normal "designer" sizes. But I do have a killer purse and shoe collection since they always fit! So, I've encouraged myself by going into stores where nothing fits me yet (namely: Neiman Marcus) and instead of heading for the accessories like I normally do, I've been browsing the clothing section thinking to myself "I'm going to get to wear these fabulous clothes soon!". It really lifts my spirits because I know it's going to happen and I can't wait!!!

I'm looking forward to hearing where everyone else is channeling their food focus.....

[TD41 33]

Courtney,

Thx for the thread.... Yes food is truly a comfort for alot of us. I agree some days are better than others and i truly have to take one day at a time. I struggle the most when i am not busy, I find myself wanting to eat like i use to in my former life. I cant honestly believe how all the emotions creep up and often i cant pinpoint what makes me want to snack more than i should. I am thankful that i have the sleeve but i do miss comfort foods at times. I know im not alone and I truly have to focus more on my overall health. I am not quite 3 months post op but have dropped 2sizes which i am happy about and feel more alive! I know the food demon will be apart of my life and i have to find ways to combat it in a positive way so that i dont sabatoge my progress in the present or future. Thx for listening and much continued success to all!

TD41

[pottergirl 261]

i grieved hard the first days post op...i am afood addict...it tastes good....i love to eat.... instant comfort....i to celebrate...to do something when out am bored....

[blindjustice 7]

I grieved for probably the 1st 4 months after surgery. Even now at almost 16 months out, if I go to dinner with friends and they have plates and plates of food that I just can't have anymore, I catch myself falling into a pity party. I just try to remember why I did this surgery and how far I have come. I have lost 153lbs. I'm learning that going to dinner and eating like my sleeve wants me to is just as satisfying as going to gorge myself like I did all the years I was morbidly obese. I am also learning that I don't have to stuff food in my mouth in order to be included in the socialization piece of dinnertime. I That is the hardest part of this WL journey for me.