Unexpected depression anyone?

[sirensiren 67]

I know for me, and probably for a lot of us, I went into VSG with expectations: I'd be happier with myself, my body, and with that I know just like when I would diet when I was fat, came the sense that everything else in my life would be affected by it and somehow better.

Prior to VSG, my life often centered around food. Either I was avoiding it to lose weight (that never worked for long!) or binging on it and feeling guilty. My weight affected my mood, my joy, my pain- everything since I was a teenager. I imagine many of us can related to that.

The body of mine that was technically obese 2 years ago, now is at a BMI of 20 (yes, 20!) and getting a lot of praise and attention. I got married this year to the love of my life, and things are generally stable and positive.

What I didn't expect: depression and anxiety. The story I tell above sounds like it should lead to a place of extreme inner peace, joy, and self love. In fact, over the past 6 months, it's been the opposite. Once my thoughts and goals were all centered around getting my weight off, it was basically my #1 interest in life. Analogy: it's like I've been a rock climber all my life, but now I've climbed Everest, and there is no where else to go. Has any other VSG vet else dealt with this?

I say it all feeling a sense of guilt- there are people who are vets still struggling to lose weight, having personal problems, and health issues. I feel as though I should be told "what the #$%^& is wrong with you?! Enjoy your life you spoiled brat!"..but it's been extremely tough on me, particularly as I've reached my goal.

I'd love to hear from others who have dealt with this kind of issue after surgery. I know depression immediately after happens commonly, but I did not expect to feel it come on at this stable point more than a year after surgery.

[lsereno 2,525]

Well for me, my health has not improved as much as I'd hoped. And I have noticed, that I'm still here, warts and all, even if there is more than 100 lbs. less of me. I am still cranky, mean, and grumpy for no reason sometimes.

I am occasionally tired just realizing that even though I've been at goal for almost a year, I will have to be vigilant the rest of my life or I will gain weight again.

I set a new goal for myself each spring. This year, I had to really work at what that would be. I've decided I'm going to learn to play an instrument. Probably a keyboard or maybe a piano.

For depression, what has helped me has been: exercise, taking a cognitive behavior class (I didn't realize how I talked to myself!), and antidepressant medication.

Lynda

[Supersweetums 1,164]

I struggled with depression after I had my children and never sought the help I needed until after my surgery and it has been a really uphill battle. I am not sure if my feelings about surgery and my body are related to depression or vice-versa. I am now trying my 4th medication, hoping it will bring me some balance.

I had some of the same expectations that you do. Even writing this, I know I am not happy where I am at and read yours and think, "I wish I could have a BMI of 20". I had set my goal weight originally, and was so excited when I reached it. Logically I know that I really do not need to lose anymore weight, yet I never feel happy with where I am at. My head has not caught up. And I also had some of the same expectations that you did. I am married, and have been for almost 10 years. Although we have a great relationship, the romantic side sometimes is a struggle, especially with young children. I thought that my husband would be more attracted to me, that I would feel more attractive about myself. Instead, he loves me the same (which is good, but has done nothing for our love life), and I find myself just as anxious about being out in public, feeling like people are still judging me like I judge myself, and still comparing myself to everyone.

I have worked with a counselor for years, but I can't seem to get my head to catch up. I am working on trying to treat myself kinder, celebrating how far I have come, and accepting me for me. I also agree with Lynda. There are some days that I miss certain foods that I have mostly cut out of my diet, and, even though I knew the sleeve wasn't a magic cure, some days I get tired of being almost obsessive about the things I eat. I know that if I am not, I will gain. I have managed to over come the guilt with eating things that aren't "healthy" because I only have them once in a while.

Thank you for posting this. That is what I like about this forum that has drawn me back into VST. These are the struggles that can appear long after the initial operation that people do not think about.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

This is so me and even being a licensed therapist i too struggle with this. I know that just bc I've lost my fat suit I still have a lot of baggage to deal with. I am do tempted to eat more than my sleeve has the capacity hold. I too struggle with some social anxieties that keep me from going out at times. It's getting less often bc I work on changing my negative self talk that "I'm not liked or loved etc". I know that it's me so as of this moment. I will be challenging myself to go out and join the world of joy and happiness. I too am going to continue to do the inner work to decrease my depression. This is where exercising is going to kick in an increases my dopamine and seratonin levels. I live to practice what I teach.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Well, alot does depend on your going in expectations. I have been around long enough to know that thin does not equal happy. I also didn't really expect to get thin, becasue of my high BMI I expected to remain overweight/plump/matronly just hopefully not morbidly obese. I guess i am surprised at just how freaking happy I actually am! Not to say i don't have mental/emotional challenges with this whole weight loss thing because I surely do but depression is not one of them.

I am not a big fan of counseling as it hasn't helped me that much. I do think that talking it over and all can really really help.

You know, when I hit goal, I had an unplanned "celebration" with a Peanut Butter sandwich. It was the best dang thing I had in a long time, but then I wanted more and more... and then it wasn't good. I guess for me I am not yet bummed about the vigillence, but hyper aware that i am NOT normal even though I may look it. I will always need to really watch it or I will become morbidly obese again and I am just not letting that happen.

Thank you for posting this - lots to think about.

[sirensiren 67]

Wow, there are some really insightful responses to this- I am so glad I posted about this topic!

It's amazing what issues you can unearth when you undergo a change like this. I think without the outlet of being able to over eat, a lot of us have to adjust quite a bit.

I can really identify with you Supersweetums- you set yourself up with expectations of how things will improve, and even if you tell yourself weight loss is not a "fix everything", it's extremely difficult to truly understand that in a deep manner.

Also, interesting stuff: ghrelin may play a role protecting us against stress induced depression, from Wikipedia: "

Stress-induced depression

The hormone might help defend against symptoms of stress-induced depression and anxiety.^[39] To test whether ghrelin could regulate depressive symptoms brought on by chronic stress, the researchers subjected mice to daily bouts of social stress, using a standard laboratory technique that induces stress by exposing normal mice to very aggressive “bully” mice. Such animals have been shown to be good models for studying depression in humans. The researchers stressed both wild-type mice and altered mice that were unable to respond to ghrelin. They found that, after experiencing stress, both types of mice had significantly elevated levels of ghrelin that persisted at least four weeks after their last defeat encounter. The altered mice, however, displayed significantly greater social avoidance than their wild-type counterparts, indicating an exacerbation of depression-like symptoms. They also ate less than the wild-type mice.^[40]"

[Carrie's Journey 130]

My husband is wondering when all the sex is going to happen. Lol. My excuse for not wanting to have sex very often before was because I was fat and felt so unattractive. Now that I'm a normal BMI, I think my husband was under the impression that I'd be making up for all that lost time. Poor guy. Now I feel saggy with deflated boobs. So this part didnt change for me, which makes me sad. Overall, I'm happy I had the surgery but being skinny doesn't solve every problem.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

And I was wondering why my hubs isn't more interested... i FEEL hot...LOL... But apparently it is my own personal flame and it hasn't started a general fire at this time !

My husband is wondering when all the sex is going to happen. Lol. My excuse for not wanting to have sex very often before was because I was fat and felt so unattractive. Now that I'm a normal BMI' date=' I think my husband was under the impression that I'd be making up for all that lost time. Poor guy. Now I feel saggy with deflated boobs. So this part didnt change for me, which makes me sad. Overall, I'm happy I had the surgery but being skinny doesn't solve every problem.[/quote']

[It's all new 453]

Well, this is really a timely topic for me to read about. I hit my goal, or well below my goal just recently. And in some ways I am more outgoing, feel hotter, and have a more optimistic outlook for my future.

However. I am having some problems. I am easily tearful - mostly about my weight struggles. Up two lbs, lord forbid three lbs, and I am convinced I am a failure. Not just a little failure - more like, in whatever way I may have been a role model I am now an example of what not to do and how weight loss surgery doesn't work for everyone. But it is the difference between 126 and 129 at 5'6".

I shouldn't be labeling myself that way logically, but my mind plays tricks on me. I feel like if I could just lose 10-12 more lbs I could be happy with myself - but my plastic surgeon has told me if I do that she will refuse to operate.

And it is harder and harder to stay away from carbs. And then the vicious cycle of feeling like even a greater failure.

There are two things that are getting me through. First, the support on MFP, and there are a particular few people who have been AMAZING. And then my therapist. I am not ashamed to admit, I work on my food issues with a therapist. I need to do that. I have begun to really look at it as a food addiction which I wasn't willing to do initially.

I think I am rambling. I just want to say, you are not alone.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

You are so right! this a food addiction and it's harder with food than anything else. I remember being a small kid around 10 years old and I was skinny....Everyone told me I eat like a bird. Somewhere along the way, I took this as a bad thing and started eating more. Now I look back and reckonize that I didn't care about eating and foods did not occupy my thoughts at that age. My family never went out to eat, everything we ate was prepared at home..... Now, it's the complete opposite. I am so consumed with foods at times and I'm beginning to realize that I need to find something else to occupy myself with. I am reading a book called No More Overeating and it talks about what the restarant businesses and food manufacter's do to get us hooked on foods. The foods at most restaronts are loaded with fat, on top of fat, on top of fat, sugars and salt.... I have found that my view on food has changed 10 fold by learning about the methods of producers of precooked foods and restarant foods...... Now I want to control what's in my food by keeping it simple with less fat, sugar, and salt. I do know that it's very helpful to have a therapist help you to learn about the triggers to eating and learning coping skills change and stop the triggers... It's hard work and I congradulate you! GOOD JOB!

Well, this is really a timely topic for me to read about. I hit my goal, or well below my goal just recently. And in some ways I am more outgoing, feel hotter, and have a more optimistic outlook for my future.

However. I am having some problems. I am easily tearful - mostly about my weight struggles. Up two lbs, lord forbid three lbs, and I am convinced I am a failure. Not just a little failure - more like, in whatever way I may have been a role model I am now an example of what not to do and how weight loss surgery doesn't work for everyone. But it is the difference between 126 and 129 at 5'6".

I shouldn't be labeling myself that way logically, but my mind plays tricks on me. I feel like if I could just lose 10-12 more lbs I could be happy with myself - but my plastic surgeon has told me if I do that she will refuse to operate.

And it is harder and harder to stay away from carbs. And then the vicious cycle of feeling like even a greater failure.

There are two things that are getting me through. First, the support on MFP, and there are a particular few people who have been AMAZING. And then my therapist. I am not ashamed to admit, I work on my food issues with a therapist. I need to do that. I have begun to really look at it as a food addiction which I wasn't willing to do initially.

I think I am rambling. I just want to say, you are not alone.