Issues? I've got Subscriptions...(vent)

[devichan 79]

I know so many of you will be able to relate, so please sing along if you know the words!

It still amazes me how powerful things that happen in childhood can be. In my case as in so many others', there was no safety from fat criticism at home. In fact, my worst critic was there every night: my mother. My Dad came from a family of alcoholic men and settled in to be one himself. He was also fat, as was my older brother. My younger sisters took after my former-ballerina mother. Mom didn't criticize Dad's drinking in front of us, but his weight? Oh, yeah, that was fair game.

Dad and my brother (affectionately known as Doc) and I were all geeky and book-oriented. Rather than running around the yard playing tag, I wanted to read books inside. My first gym teacher was apoplectic at my utter lack of love for sports and running. Mom didn't care so much about that - she still tells the story of how she utterly destroyed the teacher when the teacher called to complain that I didn't know how to skip - but she did care very much about my weight. I don't want to talk yet in-depth about what she said. The post would need a trigger warning if I did. We all know the words, anyway.

Years later, I am so very unwilling to tell my family about what I'm doing. Every time I have taken initiative on a health decision, my family has found a way to credit someone else with telling me to do it. My brother-in-law got banded last October, and I know for sure that if I tell my family what I'm considering they'll have two reactions at once: Tell me I'm utterly insane for mutilating myself and also (in the same conversation) it's a good thing I'm FINALLY getting a brain, because W. looks so much better now and I should have done this years ago.

I can't tell my sisters, because they'll run straight to Mom. I can't tell my brother, because he lives with Mom while he's looking for work. (These are the brothers and sisters who had an actual, sit-down-and-come-to-Jesus intervention with me when I said I was going to move to Minnesota. Good thing I don't drink or do drugs.)

It hurts that I cannot rely on any support from my blood family. It hurts more than I can say. My friends and loves are totally behind me and supportive. Why can't my family be?

[jlbstep 26]

Congratulations on the step you are taking for your health. I did not tell my family or my husbands family. I do not need the criticism and what you are doing is for you and your health! Do this for you and noone else. Hold your head high and stick with those that support you. You can do it, one step at a time, one day at a time. You will be in my prayers! Keep us posted and you will have support from those of who have been sleeved. I am fairly new at this and learning as I go through this journey.

[devichan 79]

Thanks so much, jibstep. It just frosts me that I can't trust my own blood. And the worst part of it is that they love me, but we just can't communicate.

Ah well. My heart-family is on my side, completely and without reservation, and some of my spiritual community have already said they will come to the hospital and pray over me post-surgery for better healing.

[jlbstep 26]

Thanks so much' date=' jibstep. It just frosts me that I can't trust my own blood. And the worst part of it is that they love me, but we just can't communicate. <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

Ah well. My heart-family is on my side, completely and without reservation, and some of my spiritual community have already said they will come to the hospital and pray over me post-surgery for better healing. <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />[/quote']

I know it is hard. My family and husband's family would have tried to talk me out of it. If I were you I would go ahead and ask for prayers before surgery.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.