Spouse dought!

[elvacano 0]

Have anyone have had trouble with their spouse. I'm getting my surgery on April first and my wife is not happy!

[lilbearzmom 584]

Either she is uninformed about the surgery or she doesn't want you to have it due to her own insecurities and doesn't want you to change. I can't think of any other reasons for her to not be supportive of you having lifesaving surgery!

-Kendra

[dat_sweetmami 81]

Have anyone have had trouble with their spouse. I'm getting my surgery on April first and my wife is not happy!

mira .. go for it. it's your life ...your health...and you have to take advantage of it. She has to love you and be there for you no matter what

[hinportland 83]

My husband and I are divorcing because of it. Hope your outcome is better.

[CherylA 9]

One of my co-workers has had so much trouble with her husband. He asked her did she have the surgery for another man. I hope it works out for you!

[elvacano 0]

My husband and I are divorcing because of it. Hope your outcome is better.

Can I ask what when wrong?

[erp 2,016]

Mine was very opposed but mostly out of fear and concern for me. He was unsupportive until we had a very frank conversation a few days before my surgery. I told him what an asshat he was being and so while he didn't agree with my decision, he drove me to the hospital and took time off to be with me afterward. Two things that he wasn't going to do prior to my confronting him. Now that I'm on the other side, he sees that I am ok and hasn't continued with the negativity. He still doesn't really understand it all and wants to know when I'm going to eat a sandwich and some chips but that's ok. Lol!

[hinportland 83]

Can I ask what when wrong?

He made digs about my weight for years, but was opposed to surgery. He believes exercise is the solution, which I agree is a necessary part of weight loss, but not THE solution for everyone.

I started talking about looking into the surgery a year ago, asked him to be part of it, but he refused to talk to me about it or support me. So the last time I brought it up I told him I would proceed without him and do it all on my own.

My surgery was scheduled when he was going to be out of town. He found out about it the day before he left. He didn't talk to me for the next month and moved out of our bedroom when he returned from his trip. That was 3 months ago.

One minute he says he loves me and doesn't want a divorce, the next he doesn't know what he wants. He cringes when I touch him. He does whatever he wants and barely talks to me. I can't take it anymore so I filed for divorce on Tuesday.

[froggymama15@yahoo.com 24]

I had trouble with my husband before the surgery. I was on the 6 month diet plan before surgery like most people. He would go to McDonald's or some other place like that and bring home food. He was very angry that I had started the process. Even up until the month before my surgery, he refused to meet my doctor. My support system was my best friend and parents by phone. I had my surgery on May 16, 2012 and files for divorce in July. I hope things work out better for you. Just explain to her that its this surgery or a funeral because that is where I was headed. Obesity is not something that is easy to change but this surgery can help. This is also not an easy fix so you will need support to overcome it.

[serenity1959 67]

Oh, yeah, my spouse is not happy about it. The expense bothers him. I have to do self pay as my insurance excludes coverage and will be going to Mexico which is cheaper.

[dmgl0130 5]

Glad to know I wasn't the only one. My husband of 32 years was absolutely, positively against this surgery. I am absolutely positive that his objections were due to fear of losing me, meaning death. My surgery was 11/12/12 and I am down 90+ lbs. and still happily married.

I had thought long and hard about this for about 9 months. When I finally told him about my intentions he was mad. Then when I told him I had called the insurance to find out if it was covered he had problems that I hadn’t discussed it with him (furious is a good word). I explained my reasons and there were many. He went with me to the doctor visits and he did ask questions. Then my gallbladder decided it was wanting to come out and my bariatric surgeon did the surgery. I ended up in ICU because I’ve always had a bleeding problem. Everything was fine though. I pointed out repeatedly that this was a sign that I would be okay. He didn’t buy it.

He started coming with me to the monthly WLS group meetings. I’d get excited and he would just always bring me down. We argued about this for about 6 months. At that time I did have to wait the 6 months for insurance reasons. My knees popped out on me in February and I ended up being taken out of my work in an ambulance and staying overnight in the hospital (I tore my meniscus, but not enough for surgery). One of my arguments had been that I have arthritis in my knees and the surgery will help. I was on a walker for 3 months and then physical therapy and onto a cane. I was waiting for him to say something about understanding my reasons for the surgery. Never came and we had another “discussion.”

Then his health changed (Sarcoidosis) and I made the appointment to take him to mayo Clinic. I cancelled my surgeon’s appointment for this and this was the one where I was going to get my surgery date. When we came back, I started with the hematologist and specialists for the bleeding. We were still having our discussions. I changed yet another appointment to take him back to Mayo in June. He had lost 60 lbs. since December without trying (ironic isn’t it?). He was fine and they attributed the weight loss to stress and the Sarcoidosis. I rescheduled my surgeon’s appointment and got a date for July 7. His reaction in the doctor’s office was not good (he was also on 40 mg/day of Prednisone).

Well, the hematologist called me said I had to cancel the 7/9 surgery. I was devastated. He wasn’t. I went for more testing and just needed a filter put in, platelet transfusions before surgery and no blood thinners. I was ecstatic. He wasn’t. I scheduled my appointment with the surgeon yet again.

I also had another chat with my husband. We have always respected each other’s opinions. It was very, very difficult for me to be doing something that I know he was so against. However, I had reached my limit. I told him it was my body, my business and that I was doing this not just for me, but for us. I wanted to live longer and be able to travel and do more things. I also suggested we meet with the therapist that I had to see before the surgery. We went and the therapist said he wanted to see my husband again without me. This therapist was a life saver. My husband is still going to see him once a week. The therapist helped him through the surgery (he was on the phone with him during the surgery). It was the best decision for both of us. My husband is still on the Prednisone but not as much. I do know this was a contributing factor to the harshness of his reactions.

He has had some problems with my eating after the surgery. I wasn’t quite on the schedule that the surgeon gave me and I finally told my husband that I wasn’t going to eat to please him. I was going to eat what I can and get over it.

We are okay and he is seeing that I’m doing more than I used. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! Sorry for the life story here. During all this, I was looking on this site for anyone else experiencing the same thing. I didn’t find anyone.

[jen1211 203]

My husband was super supportive before surgery, helooked up the surgery on-line and learned about it. He and I both agreed that it would be best for me. I have to say that now that it is done, things are different. I don't want to say that he is unsupportive necessarily but he just doesn't realize a lot of my restrictions. He bought me a bottle yesterday (super nice) but it's a straw one and I can't drink out of a straw. He said oh I'll make rice for us the other day...I can't eat rice. I guess he just forgets a lot but sometimes it drives me crazy!? It makes me feel like he doesn't really care.

[confidence 46]

Well when i first told what suppose to by fiance his first responce was i was selfish n only thinking about myself. He go on to say what was in it for him (whatever that suppose to mean). Can u believe that! He is the one being selfish.

[elvacano 0]

Well when i first told what suppose to by fiance his first responce was i was selfish n only thinking about myself. He go on to say what was in it for him (whatever that suppose to mean). Can u believe that! He is the one being selfish.

Sorry to hear that.

[confidence 46]

Thanks. I am doing this for my health. I wanr to c my son grow up. Ok let me admit i want to feel sexy n confidence.