Relationship issues after surgery?

[Dreamingofhealth 223]

I was wondering how many people have had a partner who was supportive in the beginning become less so as time went on?

Also has your relationships changed for the better? Worse? How so?

I am Pre-sleeve and have a very loving, kind and supportive fiancé. We have been together since I was 16 (12 years now :-) ).

I'm scared that our relationship is going to change for the worse and either I'm going to go crazy and have an EARLY mid life crisis and become a slim party animal or he's going to become an insecure controlling a-hole. (As I have read on different WLS sites)

I love our relationship and I don't want things to change. I understand that it's impossible not to change as that is nature and we are changing all the time. But I'm NOT doing this to find another mate, or become a model. I want to be healthy and around for my kids for a long long time.

I guess I just want to know what the majority of you are going through relationship wise. This is a huge life change and I would even go as far as counseling together to make sure that he's with me at the end of this journey.

All your comments are MUCH appreciated!

-Sheena

[NewKristen 356]

I think the fact that you are already aware that WLS is hard on relationships will help preserve your relationship. I was watching lifetime one night and there was a show on called Unfaithful, I think. Or maybe it was on OWN. Anyways, this show told the story of this girl who had gastric bypass. She gained a lot of confidence, and then started cheating on her husband. The show flashed a statistic that said 80% of all WLS patients who were married at the time if surgery, will get a divorce. It freaked me out. I decided then and there I would do everything to preserve my marriage. I know I am physically and emotionally changing. But my husband is, too. I expect him to be kind and supportive of everything I am going through, so I should absolutely be the same to him. I have seen so many friends lose weight, and all of a sudden think they are too good for their spouse. I just don't get that. This man loved me and made me feel beautiful at my heaviest. How could I ever outgrow him?!?!

So again..,I think the fact that you already place such a high importance on your relationship will help carry you through!

[smbergie200 196]

I think I remember hearing that good relationships stay together but bad relationships probably don't make it. Bariatric surgery divorce statistics supports this and I myself did end up getting a divorce. My ex and I both got the surgery and realized that besides food we really didn't have much in common. Not to mention I was a pretty crappy husband being obese and miserable in life and that didn't exactly strengthen our marriage either. We remain long distance friends and have moved on with our new skinny lives. I never became a party animal or a model - Im still my self - just healthier and happier. If you find your relationship having issues there is nothing wrong with a little counseling. Not to worry - if its real love and you have a good relationship now you should be ok.

[JessicaAnn 564]

I can't imagine ever wanting to stray from my husband. He's in perfect shape. 6' 185lbs and very good looking. If he's still with me and in love with me now when I'm 5'3" 280lbs, I can only see our love and attraction growing. At least I hope.

[Tekara3927 265]

My fiancé and I have been together 8 years and it has always been amazing. Since my surgery, it's only gotten better. I'm down 100 lbs, he can't keep his hand or eyes off me and thinks I am by far the sexiest woman. He tells me everyday how much he's always loved me, but feels so much closer to me now. I think it will be wht you make it. Yes your eating changes, but your relationship doesn't change if you don't let it. (Plus... Skinny sex is a whole nother amazing plus!!!!!!!!!!) good luck. Don't stress. If its meant to be, it will.

[aaayoungs 13]

I just wanna,say thanks to everyone!

[ebonisekim 1,713]

My husband has been very supportive .. What I found help us to prepare for surgery was to educate him as you do your self when your on this forum .. Explain to him about the emotional side of the after affects of surgery .. It don't last long but I remember my forth day out I cried my emotion ran crazy but because I educated him he knew what I was going through and just what to say .. My relationship is so wonderful and he's even eating what I eat which makes my journey so much easier hes not over weight but he want to be healthy w me .. Just educate him and you guys will be fine .. I told my husband about the head hungry that happens after surgery even bring him along to a Doc appt or support group .. Testimony help my husband understand the reason for having surgery .. In the beginning he was so scared for me .. My husband has never had surgery before

[MrsG 329]

My husband has been very supportive .. What I found help us to prepare for surgery was to educate him as you do your self when your on this forum .. Explain to him about the emotional side of the after affects of surgery .. It don't last long but I remember my forth day out I cried my emotion ran crazy but because I educated him he knew what I was going through and just what to say .. My relationship is so wonderful and he's even eating what I eat which makes my journey so much easier hes not over weight but he want to be healthy w me .. Just educate him and you guys will be fine .. I told my husband about the head hungry that happens after surgery even bring him along to a Doc appt or support group .. Testimony help my husband understand the reason for having surgery .. In the beginning he was so scared for me .. My husband has never had surgery before

I completely agree! This journey involves the both of you and bringing him along to meetings, appt, etc is a great way to include him and make him feel part of things. My husband is the same way, very supportive. Hes a marathon runner with a great body but he loves me and wants to be there for me. He eats what i do and has even stopped drinking with his meals. All of this only makes me love him even more than I already do. I involved him in everything that I did from the start. I think the hardest thing for me was him hearing how much I weighed the day of my surgery. I was so ashamed but he was amazing and told me how proud he is that I'm doing something about it. You will need all the support you can get after surgery. I make sure to tell him too that I appreciate all of his support. And now that my libido has shot thru the roof I make sure to show him quite often too

[Jacqueline Marie 73]

I have a bit of an opposite story, but our relationship has many problems. My ex and I split mostly for other reasons, but he did not support me wanting surgery. He basically wanted to keep me trapped in this little bubble for him and him only. I think if the relationship has problems before surgery, your eyes will open and say wow I don't need or deserve this. WLS will not fix a relationship, and I have talked to many girls believing that it will. BUT If your relationship is great, and your partner loves you the true you before WLS then it will only improve!

[GabyK 20]

My husband and I have been together since my senior year in high school. I was thin then & through most of the beginning of our relationship. But as time goes by, age, comfort, bad habits, & two kids later I am now here two days before my surgery. My husband doesn't think I need it & loves me at any size. But he is supportive & understanding that this isn't for looks or attention. It's for my health & enjoying my life with my children & him. I don't see our relationship faltering because of this but know that it will be better because I will be a better me.

[ebonisekim 1,713]

I completely agree! This journey involves the both of you and bringing him along to meetings' date=' appt, etc is a great way to include him and make him feel part of things. My husband is the same way, very supportive. Hes a marathon runner with a great body but he loves me and wants to be there for me. He eats what i do and has even stopped drinking with his meals. All of this only makes me love him even more than I already do. I involved him in everything that I did from the start. I think the hardest thing for me was him hearing how much I weighed the day of my surgery. I was so ashamed but he was amazing and told me how proud he is that I'm doing something about it. You will need all the support you can get after surgery. I make sure to tell him too that I appreciate all of his support. And now that my libido has shot thru the roof I make sure to show him quite often too [/quote']

Laughing yes in deed the libido .. But yes him knowing my weight cause I carried it well

[Dreamingofhealth 223]

I think the fact that you are already aware that WLS is hard on relationships will help preserve your relationship. I was watching lifetime one night and there was a show on called Unfaithful' date=' I think. Or maybe it was on OWN. Anyways, this show told the story of this girl who had gastric bypass. She gained a lot of confidence, and then started cheating on her husband. The show flashed a statistic that said 80% of all WLS patients who were married at the time if surgery, will get a divorce. It freaked me out. I decided then and there I would do everything to preserve my marriage. I know I am physically and emotionally changing. But my husband is, too. I expect him to be kind and supportive of everything I am going through, so I should absolutely be the same to him. I have seen so many friends lose weight, and all of a sudden think they are too good for their spouse. I just don't get that. This man loved me and made me feel beautiful at my heaviest. How could I ever outgrow him?!?!

So again..,I think the fact that you already place such a high importance on your relationship will help carry you through![/quote']

Thank you so much for responding. Mike and I have a great relationship right now and I don't want to jeopardize it. He's loved me like this without any conditions, and I want to keep it that way!

I'm so happy that you and your husband have made it through this journey together! It's very inspiring <3

[Dreamingofhealth 223]

My fiancé and I have been together 8 years and it has always been amazing. Since my surgery' date=' it's only gotten better. I'm down 100 lbs, he can't keep his hand or eyes off me and thinks I am by far the sexiest woman. He tells me everyday how much he's always loved me, but feels so much closer to me now. I think it will be wht you make it. Yes your eating changes, but your relationship doesn't change if you don't let it. (Plus... Skinny sex is a whole nother amazing plus!!!!!!!!!!) good luck. Don't stress. If its meant to be, it will.[/quote']

This is what I'm looking forward to! I have NEVER been skinny and it sounds cliché but I can't wait to have a 'skinny love making session' hahahah!!

[Dreamingofhealth 223]

My husband has been very supportive .. What I found help us to prepare for surgery was to educate him as you do your self when your on this forum .. Explain to him about the emotional side of the after affects of surgery .. It don't last long but I remember my forth day out I cried my emotion ran crazy but because I educated him he knew what I was going through and just what to say .. My relationship is so wonderful and he's even eating what I eat which makes my journey so much easier hes not over weight but he want to be healthy w me .. Just educate him and you guys will be fine .. I told my husband about the head hungry that happens after surgery even bring him along to a Doc appt or support group .. Testimony help my husband understand the reason for having surgery .. In the beginning he was so scared for me .. My husband has never had surgery before

I totally agree! I think the next thing on my list is to sit down with my man and go over the procedure and what to expect the days fallowing so he's prepared for what's to come.

He knows my reason for doing this and he is so happy for me, but scared something is going to go wrong and he doesn't want to lose me or have anything bad happen.

[*Dean* 1,594]

People talk about 'the change' but really, I feel like the same guy I've always been. I guess I've always thought I was a skinny bloke in a fat (and getting fatter) body!

My wife and I have been married 16 years. We do things by consensus. IE We talk things through and decide together what we will do. I couldn't imagine doing something without her support.

I'm happy losing weight and being healthier. If I'm happy she's happy. If she's happy, I'm happy.

That's how we roll.