My friend keeps calling me a "Cheater"

[lilstyler 19]

Well, 4 days down, 3 to go! My date is March 7th and I couldn't be happier. The only thing on my mind that is bothering me has nothing to do with the surgery...

So my friend and I have been trying to lose our extra weight for some years now after our children. I have been trying with no luck at all for nearly 7 years. She has been trying and has lost about half of what she needs to for about 2 1/2 years. The difference is I have done this before, with my first child I dropped the excess within the first 3-4 yrs. I was 20 years old for goodness sake. My kids are 8 1/2 yrs apart. I had my youngest at 28, nearly 10 years after the first. I'll turn 35 on March 6, the day before my surgery. Things are not the same this time. Everything I did the first time is NOT working. Trust me, I have ALL the willpower in the world and motivation. My weight is literally on my mind 24/7! This time I have Hypothyroidism, PCOS, Metabolic Syndrome & I'm Pre-Diabetic! She has NONE of these and I had none the first time.

About two years ago I had looked into LapBand, she was onboard, even emailed me pics of people she knew of before & afters. She once even told me she was doing this even if she had to gain extra weight! I didn't get LapBand, which now I know was a blessing, and neither did she. Since then she has lost quite a bit of her weight on her own.

The point I'm getting at is now since I have decided to do this, she keeps calling me a CHEATER. The first time she said it I couldn't believe it. But now she even has her daughter, which is my dd's best friend, calling me that too. I just feel irritated and like a failure before I even get started. This weekend while on my pre-op diet, she saw how tough it's going to be and I thought "Ok, maybe she's going to see how tough it is and stop?" No, now she's telling me this isn't worth it, that she likes food too much and am I sure I know what this entails. She also proceeds to tell me what yummy food they're eating out as she knows I'm sipping my broth! She's the ink one giving me this kind of grief, yet she's one of the people I'm closest to.

I guess I just needed to write this down to get it out of my head and maybe now I can let it go. Thank you to everyone for all the support on this forum. You guys/gals have helped me so much and I am very excited for all of our lives to be changed for the better!

[delta_girl 931]

1. She's jealous.

2. She's being a shitty "friend."

3. You need support and encouragement. If she's not on board, cut that anchor loose.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

Wow, some friend. To me she sounds very jealous. She is hating that you finally made this decision. I think it is totally not cool that she even has her daughter calling you that! My daughter is seven and she doesn't even know I had WLS. You may just need to tell her that her support is not needed and her opinion not welcomed. Please do not let this one person make you doubt your decision. WLS is not an easy decision. If you are any thing like me you beat yourself up without needing outsiders beating you up. Good luck and congratulations!

[lilstyler 19]

Thank you, I keep thinking jealousy is possibly the thing here too, but why? She's done most of hers on her own. She's seen me struggle FOR 7 YEARS! What's there to be jealous of? Sheesh, I just don't get it!

[Geminidrive 389]

Friends are with you when you need them, she isn't a friend. It's very simple, friends don't act like that.

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

She is so jealous and is not a supportive friend. She is jealous that you will become thin and georgous and she will still be eating all that food(that she is bragging about). No worries, you will meet new, on board, friends to support you when you are successful and at your goal weight. No worries!!

[gmanbat 5,889]

Cheater? The last time I checked, life is not a board game. Ask her for a copy of the rules and ask her to highlight the one about weight loss surgery.

[SleeveandRNYchica 1,155]

Cheater? The last time I checked, life is not a board game. Ask her for a copy of the rules and ask her to highlight the one about weight loss surgery.

This^^^^^^^^

I am glad everyone thinks "this" is so easy! I still fight for my weightloss and if I f-up the scale reminds me. It is still a challenge after surgery and is not a cure for fatness. If not used correctly one can fail. I think it is horrible that her friend is being down right disrespectful.

[johnlatte 1,232]

I would sort of frame it this way" "I am very sorry that your and your daughter cannot support my decision to become more healthy and live a better life. It is disappointing that our friendship is not in a better place. I've made the decision that works best for me and will be moving on with my life once I have completed this step. I would appreciate your friendship and understanding, but if that's not something that you can do, I will understand. You will always be my friend regardless." Then move on.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Your friend is a hater!!! Don't let her sway your decision! She's extremely jealous. I was so jealous of my friend when she got the sleeve and I never thought it would be an option for me. I was never ugly to her though. I'll bet your friend is thinking the same thing though. I'll even bet she's looked into it as well.

[Mini Me Wanna~Be 56]

This is why I stopped telling people I was having the surgery. I was so tired of hearing "your taking the easy way out"...... well there just ignorant. Even if I was the laziest person in the world, by no means is this "EASY" I had surgery on 2-19 I do NOT regret it but having this surgery has changed every aspect of my life and my family. Mostly for the positive but it has it's work involved in it. The last person who told me that I told her to come on this site and read others post's and told her to figure out what you will be able to eat, how much planning will go into every meal and then on. Yes I have bee dealing with weight issues my whole life and have not been able to lose in the past 7 years due to major health issues but was also told by 3 Dr's that I need to lose at least 100 lbs or I wont be walking soon, I started at 285. She did come back to me and apologize and said she had no idea how involved it was and what life changes you have to make. So I have just decided to keep things to myself and once the weight is coming off then I will learn how to deal with people's comments. Until then only the important people in my life need to know what im doing.

I wish you the very best of luck with your surgery, it is an amazing journey I hope you enjoy it :}

[lexysdad04 43]

Sounds like she's jealous, I too was told this by my co worker " so I hear your taking the easy way out and cheating to loose weight." Now I still hadn't even told him I was getting it done (but figured word would get around it always dose) so I had to give him a quick lesson and some what brutal lesson in the sleeve, told him all the sacrifices I would be doing plus all the risk I would be taking and how it's more of a tool, so I ended with "if u could afford it I'm sure u would have it done too"

Now I know i was brutal with my last comment but i work in construction if u don't dish it out they will eat you alive, my coworkers actually used to make fun of a guy that had to have a hernia repair done not for having a hernia but for getting it repaired

[Livinglifeout 217]

Thank you, I keep thinking jealousy is possibly the thing here too, but why? She's done most of hers on her own. She's seen me struggle FOR 7 YEARS! What's there to be jealous of? Sheesh, I just don't get it!

Jealous, jealous , oh did I say she is jealous ? Right now she is happy because she is thinner than you, no competition. She does not want you to be thin and beautiful and her devil horns are showing. You will find some like this on your journey, just pay no attention. Right now you need only supportive, positive people in your life. I chose to only have my husband and myself know and I still have encountered some jealousies. My skinnier friends love the new me. My fellow chubby friends....not so much. But a couple are now dieting so that is a good thing:). Distance from her for awhile and if she is a true friend she will come back to you.

[T'snewstart 251]

Well, 4 days down, 3 to go! My date is March 7th and I couldn't be happier. The only thing on my mind that is bothering me has nothing to do with the surgery...

So my friend and I have been trying to lose our extra weight for some years now after our children. I have been trying with no luck at all for nearly 7 years. She has been trying and has lost about half of what she needs to for about 2 1/2 years. The difference is I have done this before, with my first child I dropped the excess within the first 3-4 yrs. I was 20 years old for goodness sake. My kids are 8 1/2 yrs apart. I had my youngest at 28, nearly 10 years after the first. I'll turn 35 on March 6, the day before my surgery. Things are not the same this time. Everything I did the first time is NOT working. Trust me, I have ALL the willpower in the world and motivation. My weight is literally on my mind 24/7! This time I have Hypothyroidism, PCOS, Metabolic Syndrome & I'm Pre-Diabetic! She has NONE of these and I had none the first time.

About two years ago I had looked into LapBand, she was onboard, even emailed me pics of people she knew of before & afters. She once even told me she was doing this even if she had to gain extra weight! I didn't get LapBand, which now I know was a blessing, and neither did she. Since then she has lost quite a bit of her weight on her own.

The point I'm getting at is now since I have decided to do this, she keeps calling me a CHEATER. The first time she said it I couldn't believe it. But now she even has her daughter, which is my dd's best friend, calling me that too. I just feel irritated and like a failure before I even get started. This weekend while on my pre-op diet, she saw how tough it's going to be and I thought "Ok, maybe she's going to see how tough it is and stop?" No, now she's telling me this isn't worth it, that she likes food too much and am I sure I know what this entails. She also proceeds to tell me what yummy food they're eating out as she knows I'm sipping my broth! She's the ink one giving me this kind of grief, yet she's one of the people I'm closest to.

I guess I just needed to write this down to get it out of my head and maybe now I can let it go. Thank you to everyone for all the support on this forum. You guys/gals have helped me so much and I am very excited for all of our lives to be changed for the better!

As long as you keep in mind these issues are "Her Issues" not yours. This is what I would do 1: confront her and tell her to stop that behavior. Or 2: pull away from her. If she values your friendship she will change.

I too have a friend that needs to lose weight. She had a awful response when she realized I was going to do this surgery and I did not care if she liked it or not. I was not looking for her approval. Or anyone else's approval for that matter. She starting making comments .. Great now that you are going to lose weight I will be the " Fat" one. She refused to stop making those comments, so I pulled away.

Who knows maybe one day when she is willing to deal with her issues she will come to you for help. However, in the meantime nobody needs such negativity in our lives. The people that think this surgery is the easy way or that we are cheaters have no idea what they are talking about. It is not the easy way out at all! It is work! A Whole new way of life... Lots of changes and they way we think.... The way we eat and live our lives. So no it is not the easy way out.... No it is not cheating.

Sorry for rambling.... I hope this helps you get throughout this struggle!

Best Wishes Tina

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Flip it on her.

When she gets in her car to go to the store, she's a cheater. The car is a tool to make transit easier

When she goes to a resturaunt, she's a cheater, she's s paying someone to cook for her.

When she buys new cloths, she's a cheater, why not break out the needle & thread?

We all do things to make our life easier every day. Many of us find food to be our weakness, if getting a tool to help with the heavy lifting is cheating, then I'm a proud cheater.