My turn for my life to start

[skinnywithin 23]

It all began when I graduated high school, moved out with my sweet heart and married him two years later. food became some sort of a comfort for me, through all my ups and downs. they say that the first year of marriage is the hardest, well try two years. It was hell most of the time. Food became the only thing that I felt I could turn to. When I cried, ice cream was my friend. When I was mad and felt like giving up with this whole weight loss thing Mcdonalds was my choice of meal. I thought about food all the time. I celebrated with it, and lived for it. It controlled me. I remember walking through the mall and passing that cinnabon place and every time it got me. I would indulge on the biggest cinnamon bun they had.

I tried diet after diet, one being the cabbage Soup diet which resulted in bad breath and a hate for cabbage. I only lost a few pounds. then of course Atkins, oh my. GROSS. I couldnt stand the sight of an egg for weeks afterwards. and I gained.

It was 5 years into our marriage and finally I was pregnant! we were so very excited! It was a bit of a rough pregnancy due to my weight but I made it through. although sadly we lost our little boy after 4 months..... downward I spiraled into a depression so deep I wanted to die. I hated everyone, blamed God, and diddnt care about myself. Two weeks after we buried our baby boy I felt a familiar sick feeling and realized I had missed a few periods. To my surprise I was pregnant. Something I wasnt ready for at all as I had my mind set on no kids. I hated not being able to turn to alcohol like i desired to. now here I was pregnant again and I was scared to death. I cried my way through it, worried constantly and half expected to plan another funeral. on novemver 16 2010 we welcomed our little girl into the world. she was perfect! she was healthy and happy and over the months i gradually let my guard down. maybe it was ok to be happy...

now i had a sudden new lease on life. i got back on the weight loss wagon and went on a year long diet exercise program. I lost 10 pounds. yes 10 pounds. thats when i went to the doctor. he checked me out and of course all the tests came back normal. my old coworker told me about how she got gastric sleeve surgery so i asked my doctor about it and he sent in a referral to the bariatric clinic in red deer alberta. i was so excted at this chance at weight loss! however they called me a few months later and i actually wasnt big enough for it. my bmi was 37 and you need a min of 41. so i wasnt accepted. so crushed, i went on with my destructive ways of diet then sabotage. a year later and 20 more pounds gained. I got a call out of the blue from the clinic again saying they got another referral for me and this time they accepted me!!!!!!!! i was on cloud 9!!!!!! my life was going to change! i went through 10 months of pre op program and on november 30 2012 i got sleeved. it went fine, my recovery was rough but i made it. ive lost 35 pounds post op, 8 pant sizes, 2 shirt sizes, 3 dress sizes and ive discovered my long lost collarbone. lol. im happy as can be and i have no regrets. ive realized its not about a number on a scale but how i feel. if i can be a healthy size for me whatever that number is, thats good. i want to look good in a bikini, be able to play more with my daughter and feel more attractive to my husband. thats what matters. i know i will make mistakes and i know i can get back up. i know that i can do it and if i keep trying my best and focus i will get there. im on my way to achieving my dream of being skinny and nothing can stop me! ive overcome my emotional need for food and now i eat to live. food no longer means allot to me at all. im FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!