I Am My Own Worst Enemy. Advice?

[Khloé 89]

Now that I have a surgery date scheduled (April 8th), my mind won't stop going a mile a minute. I keep questioning whether or not this is the right procedure for me. I know that it is, but I can't help but be concerned that I won't lose all the weight I need to. I started this journey out at 391 and have lost about 38 lbs on my own in the past couple of months. I've made changes, including giving up caffeine, which includes chocolate, and drastically lowering my carb intake. My goal weight is anywhere from 150 to 180 lbs. I realize that is quite a lot to lose in order to get there (200 lbs), but I've seen and heard the success stories of people who have been sleeved and lost down to that much even from a higher weight than I am.

But… my mind. My mind. It won't shut up. It makes me keep questioning myself.

"Are you really sure that you can do this after all the times you've failed in the past?"

"If you could lose weight without any malabsorbtion, you would've done it in the past. Too many years of trying to lose and not being successful. You really think this time will be any different?"

"You're going to fail and be fat forever, fatty-fatty-bang-bang."

"You do realize that if you fail at this surgery, your family is going to know that you even failed at weight loss surgery. How humiliating to know you couldn't even lose weight with hardly any stomach left at all."

"I cannot believe you're risking your life to have a surgery knowing you have a husband and 2 year old son to take care of. And it's all your fault for getting fat in the first place. Loser."

Just stuff like that. Short of telling myself, "Quiet brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!" I don't know what the heck else to do. I am driving myself crazy. I am my own worst enemy as a chunk and apparently an even worse enemy of myself on my weight loss journey. Lord.

Please tell me that I'm not alone in this and that it is all relatively normal. Also, if you have any stories of inspiration, please share, so I can tell myself, "See? Shut up. You can do it. You will rock this!"

[ISleevedIt 380]

You are definitely not alone...so many of the same thoughts go through my head, but I just keep telling myself that I will now have a physical tool to help keep me on track. You won't be able to eat as much in a sitting and you won't have (or a much reduced amount) the grehlin hormones to make you hungry. You can do it...you can do it....you can do it...I'm cheering you on!

[fatrosie 176]

Hey! I'm 8 days out since surgery and I think you just stole my brain monologue.

No, you are not alone. I'm just as scared as you are and we aren't the only ones either. I have no advice on how to beat this, but I can tell you that I understand.

[joatsaint 2,814]

I had a similar internal dialogue and actually backed out on my first attempt to see the doctor.

What turned the corner for me was this question - Can I continue to live this way and do I want to be in this situation a year from now?

I realized that I couldn't do it on my own and I could only see my quality of life going downhill.

[SMO 193]

I think it is normal to believe that this will fail if you have suffered failure before. It seems too good to be true that you can really lose all that weight. I can tell you that I am 16 days out from surgery and hunger is not an issue for me anymore. And hunger was the primary enemy in my past weight loss attempts. Depriving yourself can only last so long and then something snaps. There is no deprivation here. I could go for a whole day not eating and I would not suffer hunger pains. I eat because I have a Protein goal to reach. I CANNOT overeat. Today I ate 2 TB cottage cheese, 2 oz chicken deli meat and 1oz cheese. I made up the rest of my protein with shakes. I was stuffed. I don't have head hunger. I have been overweight for 25 of my 47 years. This is just different. It is not a diet. Your body will not work the same way. You are transformed. Tell your voice to shut up. You can do this and be successful.

[Feb252013 16]

Everyone has already said it, but I'll say it too. This is totally normal! I'm having the same problems right now. We can't let our negative thoughts win! We are better than that. And we are better than this unhealthy life. Stay positive! Keep telling your evil inner voice to stfu!

[shelly77 20]

I did it, too...the same thoughts and more. I was self-pay...my insurance wouldn't cover it. So, I also had the "you've spent all this money on yourself, and its all your fault." You are completely normal. For me, it wasn't a choice anymore. I was a complete failure at it every time. I believe all of us that have gone through surgery tried everything else first. Just remember to tell yourself You Are Worth It!!!!

[JuliannaJ 83]

You have to replace all of those bad thoughts with positive ones! Get some post its and put positive things on them and put them all over your mirror and read them every time you are in there and when you get those negative thoughts! Before you know it, those positive affirmations will be the things you think of!

By the way I still think these things especially since I am a slow loser...wow I just called myself a "loser" but in this sitch it is a good thing! Don't worry, you will be a loser too!

[JuliannaJ 83]

Also if you have Netflix...watch Hungry for Change....it is a documentary about the diet industry and why diets fail and also talks about changing how we think.

[Tstorm1070 192]

As everyone else stated I think we all think similarly. I still worry I will not loose enough weight and then all this for nothing! I am 6 days post op. I lost 16 # on liquid diet and so far only 5# post op. I still am wearing the same clothes HOWEVER they do fit better. Then I think man these must of been super tight lol. You just have to get in the right mindset that you want to change your life and move forward to getting healthy. And you have started that process already (great job). This is a wonderful TOOL but you still have to do all the work. I too am never hungry and unless I had the goal I probably wouldn't eat or drink lol.

I have reached the 200#'s and I haven't seen those in YEARS! This is what encourages me and strive to do better.

YOU CAN DO THIS! this site 99% of the folks here are supportive and love to share and encourage us. I find myself on here often because everyone here is like me and you.

[angelaet 23]

Now that I have a surgery date scheduled (April 8th), my mind won't stop going a mile a minute. I keep questioning whether or not this is the right procedure for me. I know that it is, but I can't help but be concerned that I won't lose all the weight I need to. I started this journey out at 391 and have lost about 38 lbs on my own in the past couple of months. I've made changes, including giving up caffeine, which includes chocolate, and drastically lowering my carb intake. My goal weight is anywhere from 150 to 180 lbs. I realize that is quite a lot to lose in order to get there (200 lbs), but I've seen and heard the success stories of people who have been sleeved and lost down to that much even from a higher weight than I am.

But… my mind. My mind. It won't shut up. It makes me keep questioning myself.

"Are you really sure that you can do this after all the times you've failed in the past?"

"If you could lose weight without any malabsorbtion, you would've done it in the past. Too many years of trying to lose and not being successful. You really think this time will be any different?"

"You're going to fail and be fat forever, fatty-fatty-bang-bang."

"You do realize that if you fail at this surgery, your family is going to know that you even failed at weight loss surgery. How humiliating to know you couldn't even lose weight with hardly any stomach left at all."

"I cannot believe you're risking your life to have a surgery knowing you have a husband and 2 year old son to take care of. And it's all your fault for getting fat in the first place. Loser."

Just stuff like that. Short of telling myself, "Quiet brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!" I don't know what the heck else to do. I am driving myself crazy. I am my own worst enemy as a chunk and apparently an even worse enemy of myself on my weight loss journey. Lord.

Please tell me that I'm not alone in this and that it is all relatively normal. Also, if you have any stories of inspiration, please share, so I can tell myself, "See? Shut up. You can do it. You will rock this!"

First Congratulations on the 38lbs!! A great job. Secondly you are so not alone. I'm feeling the same way. I was feeling positive and then I hit this funk when I got my date Aoril 1st and the funk with my pre-op diet. I'm 42 and my parents still try to influence my decisions. My parents are against it and all they can say is, "what if you die? And I know each and everyone of us have either heard it or question ourselves. This is a huge life change for us and the fat person will disappear and we will be healthy and happy. We have to stay positive and keyp our eyes in the prize of healthy and happy. I wish you the best of luck!