Alien Body

[delta_girl 931]

Background:

At almost 5 months out I've lost 64 lbs. It has not always been easy. The first 8 weeks especially had a lot of ups and downs. On Jan. 1, 2013 I stopped drinking shakes/protein supplements per my surgeon's recommendation. I did have a stall for about 4-5 weeks in which I lost not a single pound, but my clothing was looser. After 2 weeks of extra D3 and Calcium, my weight loss has returned.

I started at 219 lbs and am now 155 lbs. I had around 4 different sizes in my closet and I have gradually cleaned out my closet as my size has changed and things became too big. I took some things to a consignment shop and the rest went to Goodwill. At this point, I have some things that I can still wear, and have many clothing items that are baggy. I'm not quite ready to invest in a whole new wardrobe.

I have 40 lbs to go to my personal goal of 115 lbs (5'3"). My doctor set my goal for 128 lbs, which makes me 27 lbs from his goal for me.

Current State:

My body feels so weird to me now. My layers of safety (fat), my buffer against the world (fat) is so reduced. My health is better, my health issues are gone, my skin quality has improved. Yes, I am losing a lot of hair and shedding all over the place and have to keep a lint roller nearby (not complaining).

As I sit here relaxing on a Sunday afternoon, still in my pajamas (hard week, I'm indulging in some extra laziness), my body feels so weird. It is so unfamiliar. I am beginning to be able to feel that I have bones in my body. I feel so light. My pajamas are so loose. Even the $4 pair of jeans that I wore yesterday (I got them 2 weeks ago at Goodwill) are now baggy in the butt. I have a waist where before there was just a lot of bulk.

My body is alien and my mind is not catching up. I still think of myself as a very fat person who has clothing too tight or that I buy things too big to try to hide my size. My car seatbelt is different on my body. A bra feels so different. I've gone from a 2 or 3 xl to a medium. For the first time since pre-surgery, I tried on some pants and the size 20 I was before is now a size 10 or 12 (though I haven't bought any new pants).

I eat 2-3 bites of cake and am more than satisfied. I have a glass of wine. I eat at a restaurant and can make 3 meals out of one serving, if I even want to eat it again. I can make 2 meals out of an appetizer. I'm not sure if that is a true normal because my normal size friends eat much more than I do. I can socialize in any situation and eat or drink, though it isn't extreme.

My body just feels so weird. Like it belongs to another person. Another 27 or 40 lbs and I can't even imagine what it will feel like.

[lsereno 2,525]

Hi Delta,

It does get better. I still am surprised sometimes at nearly 2 years out, but I don't feel like an alien in my body anymore.

First thing I noticed was I had to re-evaluate where I would fit, like a small aisle in a store. I would wait at the end for the other person to exit, till I finally realized now I fit down the aisle even if someone is standing there. Had to consciously remind myself of that for a few months.

Then I had to learn to walk differently. I realized I was walking with my legs too far apart after I got skinnier because I was used to having fat on my inside thighs. That took a little work! Also had to work on my posture because I walked a little hunched over from carrying the extra weight. And my necklaces got too long. I wasn't expecting that. I had to buy shorter chains for my pendants.

Lynda

[isajck 229]

Then I had to learn to walk differently. I realized I was walking with my legs too far apart after I got skinnier because I was used to having fat on my inside thighs. That took a little work! Also had to work on my posture because I walked a little hunched over from carrying the extra weight. And my necklaces got too long. I wasn't expecting that. I had to buy shorter chains for my pendants.

Lynda

This is very interesting Lynda. Hope did you work on your posture? Mine is currently horrible and I've been thinking about purchasing a corset to help force the issue.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I have noticed that after dropping the majority of my weight, the wind could actually blow me over. I sometimes still lose balance and when I start to walk, my legs feel like they are attached to rubber bands. So I have been working on my core muscles to tighten them up. Interesting about how we have a habit with walking with our legs spread apart to accomandate for the excess fat we had on our thighs. LOL Now it's just plain fun being hot and sexy.........

[lsereno 2,525]

This is very interesting Lynda. Hope did you work on your posture? Mine is currently horrible and I've been thinking about purchasing a corset to help force the issue.

I consciously thought about it a lot:

I pictured having a string running from the top of my head, through my shoulders and the base of my spine all the way to the floor.

I pulled my spine straighter and dropped my shoulders back. I practiced in a mirror till I knew what it felt like and could do it without a mirror.

I'm older, so I remember young Jackie K. I like to pretend I'm her and my posture perks up :-)

Lynda