Weight Lost - Constant Topic of Conversation

[Telly 4]

Is it just me? Everytime I set foot into my in-laws home, (god bless them) my sister(s)-in-law, brother(s)-in-law and Mother and father-in-laws constantly talk about weightloss and gain, diet and nutrition and ask me 1,000 questions. Mind you, this happens each time I enter their home. I mean, I'm in the kitchen eating with them or just walking in and then BAM! Never fails! Constant questioning/interrogation of diet, goals, etc. I swear they ask the same thing everyday all the time.

Another gripe here...

My sister wants me to create a workout regimine and good eating diet for her. She's about 195lbs @ 4ft 10. She just had a baby so she's new to the weight, however.....

I tell her what foods to stay away from and what do I see her do every single time i set foot in the house? Butter'd bread in her mouth. Personal pan pizza in her oven, McDonalds bags, french fry frenzy and soda. She gets upset when i am over. She tries to hide her food, lol. Ok, I am putting together a plan for her but I don't think she will abide by it. Meanwhile she asks me the same questions every single time. "What should I eat and stay away from?"

Yesterday she asked again, "What should I be eating to lose the weight?" (as she took out a personal pan pizza from the oven) and this time I said..."Vane..I have persisently and consistently told you the same exact thing every single time you see me. What more do you want me to say? My answer is not going to change.":huytsao

[NJChick 3]

Well take it as a complement that they are all thrilled with your results and want your opinion/input (if you don't you'll go bonkers LOL). I have no doubt that all the diet whooplah will die down when they get used to seeing how great you look.

I bet what your telling your sister is common sense, eat right, eat healthy, Portion Control, and exercise right? well most people don't want to hear that... they want a quick fix or they want a miracle diet thats gonna make them lose weight over night, a magic diet pill if you will. It sounds like your sister is not ready to get serious so don't beat yourself up when you see her eating junk, she needs to learn and like me...learn the hard way.

Hang in there hon and don't get to frustrated

[KariK 0]

Ughh I hear a story like that Telly and im so glad noone but my sister and DH knows about my band. When ppl ask me what im doing to lose weight I just say "eating less, exercising more". Simple,quick answer and true.

[Woodys 0]

When people that don't know about my band relentlessly ask me about my weight loss I just tell them that I'm working very hard at it and so far so good....I leave it at that.

My MIL knows about my band and her biggest problem is that I paid so much money instead of doing it myself. She has never had more than 5 extra pounds to deal with so she has no idea how difficult it is to lose on your own when its close to 100 lbs. Everytime she sees me she compliments me but then her compliment is wiped out by making reference to the money I spent.....and then carries on to tell me that she doesn't understand why I couldn't have done this myself......ARRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Carol

[DerickM 1]

No insult intended but, I believe some people need to be slapped with a rotten fish...and then infested with the fleas of a thousand camels.

[Telly 4]

No insult intended but, I believe some people need to be slapped with a rotten fish...and then infested with the fleas of a thousand camels. :eek:

ROFLMAO! TOO FUNNY!

[Alexandra 55]

This is actually one of the reasons I didn't want the RNY when I was considering weight-loss surgery. The LAST thing I wanted was for my weight loss (or lack thereof) to be the topic of anyone's conversation. Back in 1990 when I lost 75 lbs in 3 months on Opti-Fast, the first thing out of everyone's mouth was a comment about my looks. It was horrible! My weight is MY issue, and I don't invite or welcome discussions about it.

With the band I have lost weight gradually enough that most people were able to pretend to ignore it. And that's exactly how I wanted it. :biggrin1:

[Telly 4]

Yes, I am constantly interrogated, can't tell you a time since the weight loss that I wasn't interrogated. "So how much is it now? What's the count to and what's your goal again???!!!???"

Now it's "Wow, where is Telly? I don't see her anymore." Kinda bothers me b/c I've always been there, I guess I was invisible. I feel like a new person, physically but it's the same me on the inside.

[NJChick 3]

Telly people are knuckleheads and think they are being funny or cute when they say stuff like "where's Telly" .... take it where it comes from and try to ignore it.

When people start talking about my WL, I quickly change the subject.... keeps me sane.

[MarySue33 0]

Ugh...they would drive me absolutely nuts! I am glad that I read your post this morning because after seeing the Lap Band commercial on TV I was starting to toy with the idea of 'going public' with my banding. Your post reminded me why I am keeping this a secret until I am at goal and have been there for a while.

Right now, the only people who know about it are my parents, my kids and three friends who live far out of state and who don't know any of my other friends. One of them was starting to drive me nuts with his constant quizzing of "How much more weight is off now?" in EVERY phone call or email.

I don't know if this would work for relatives without causing a family battle, but just the other day I told him to knock it off -- that if there was an 'announcement' to be made, he would certainly be the first to know, but to stop nagging at me. He started to protest telling me that he 'only' (gotta love when they qualify rude behavior with that) was trying to be helpful. I told him that there was a big difference between helpful and nagging and that I was beginning to wish I had never told him. That shut him up and he has not asked again.

Again, easier to do with friends than with family -- especially DH's family -- and especially if they 'think' they are being helpful. Can hubby gently intercede or would that not be worth the hard feelings that it might cause?

[Telly 4]

Maybe put a fake tatoo on your forehead with some stockquote style figures.....or one of those little handcarry message boards you can program...I've seen them advertised in the toy stores.

They are displaying the compulsive nature of uninterested people going thru their own program of trying to appear connected but really aren't.

And the sister is no more likely to follow your advise than she ever was in the past. Still, she has dreams....she just hasn't connected HER behavior with HER problem....

YOUR behavior has upset everyones theories, beliefs, and expectations. They need time to readjust to the NEW YOU. And it is a good training to be able to reaffirm your own behavior and methods with their prompting.

There is always a certain turmoil about the arrival of a new inhabitant of the old chicken house......until an even newer arrival tries to settle in....

Amazing analysis. I love it and it gives me a new perspective on things. Thanks Jack. You always give great input.

[YeeHaw 0]

Well at least your inlaws say something! Mine are so jealous and rude, they say NOTHING. I mean come on. Just say I look good. I have lost 50 pounds and yes it is obvious. Size 22 or 24 to 18. Everyone else notices, so I would think they could say something but nope. They don't know that I had wls, no one does, but hubby and mom. before and after are posted in Before and After Pictures - PIX ONLY thread. Page 34.

[Telly 4]

That's true. They could say something to acknowledge your hard work. I think some people think the weight just magically falls off once the band is in place. They have no idea just how hard we have to work to get the weight off.

Here's what happened on my first visit home for Thanksgiving

I have 2 mothers. My Bio Mother and my Step Mother. My Step Mother raised me since 9 years old, full time and my Bio Mother had me for the summers.

Ok so I went to see them both last weekend for the first time in 3 years as they both live in the same town. They both remember me @ 240lbs and saw me last when my father passed away in 2003.

Here was their reaction...

My Bio Mother - "Telly...you look like you lost a bit of weight..what are you now like 250lbs?" I asked if she was serious. She was dead serious and she persisted to ask again. My mother is 4ft 9inches @ 198lbs (she says) therefore my 5ft 3inch height towers over her. Her explanation to why I looked like I weighed soo much was that I was taller than her and my sisters. She looked at herself and said, "Oh maybe it's my belly that weighs soo much then since you weigh less than me and taller than me."

DH got upset about it. He's about 235lbs so I asked him to stand up next to me, which he gladly did (as he shook his head). I asked my mother if I looked to be my husbands weight. She replied.."NOOO!". In my mind, I'm thinking she thinks he's 600lbs. I said, "Good because he is 235lbs and your eyes are about 110lbs off on my actual weight mom."

My Step Mother never said anything about my weight the 4 days I was there. Truth is, she has gained quite a bit of weight since I last saw her and I am not sure if that may be the reason why she did not say anything, maybe to avoid talking about her own gain. I don't know.

Ok so we went shopping and she saw something that she thought would look good on me. She proceeded to ask me what my size was and then abruptly changed her mind and said, "Wait wait wait, I don't wanna know."

The entire time I was there I never once mentioned anything about my weightloss as I felt quite a bit of tension coming from both of my mothers. It was a "Don't ask, don't tell" kinda week.

So yeah, there is rudeness everywhere and where you'd least expect it. Now I guess I shouldn't complain so much about my in-laws and their questioning.

[threebeauties 0]

I would guess that 90% of the time when a person doesn't compliment another on their incredible success, whatever their success may be, its most likely jealousy!

You guys have done sooooo great. Everyone who matters knows it, whether they mention it or not;)

On the other hand, I have to say that about a year ago I had a friend who lost about 25 lbs. She didn't have a lot to lose and went from a size 16 to an 8 (so she says, I have my doubts, not the point though).

She CONSTANTLY talked about how great she looked, how her clothes were falling off of her, how sex was so great. She didn't stop there, she would bring me what she called her "fat clothes" since they were "like tents on her" and thought I might like to have them..........AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH

Don't get me wrong, I complimented her often and meant it. She looked great and I told her so. I just didn't want to listen to it 24/7, ya know?

Keep up the great work!!!! you are all my inspiration!

[Wheetsin 714]

A co-worker of mine looked like she was losing weight, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want her to take it the wrong way. "I do? I look like I've lost weight? Does that mean I looked fat before?"

Telly, my guess is that one is just pretty clueless, and the other probably felt akward seeing your success.

I have "that one lady" at work, the one who constantly looks at my body, watches what I eat, makes comments with questionable intentions, etc. 5 years from now I probably won't even remember her name, so guess how much her actions matter to me.

People say, "Hi skinny!" to me - which bugs the crap out of me. All that does is bring the harsh reality of how far from "skinny" I still am. A girl who sits next to me at work recently returned from an extended leave and her first words to me were, "You're small!" Uh -- not yet I'm not. But I know that's not how they mean it, it's just how I take it.