the good and the bad

[kpaige77 49]

so let me start off by saying that i know what i've done is terrible so please don't kick me while i'm already down. i feel terrible, both physically and mentally. i have eaten horribly the last two days. i am 2 months out and my ride has been up and down constantly. i keep thinking "is this what my life will be like until i die". and if so what have i done?!?! i had lots of trouble with getting in food and liquids for a while. and then, literally, overnight it was better. i could eat and not feel like i had swallowed a rock. liquids are another story. can't stand the taste of Water (anyone else have this problem and if so does it go away???) and can't stomach anything artificial (crystal light...) I was getting anywhere from 70-85grams Protein which is plenty according to my nut. then i started with acid symptoms. my doc put me on 2xday protonix about a week ago. for the last 2 weeks i have had waves of nausea that has kept me from eating next to nothing. then yesterday i didn't have the nausea and i made the worst food choices- the worst being a donut. i ate the whole thing. not at one time of course but i still ate the whole darn thing. then today i ate 2 reeses Peanut Butter hearts and a few hershey kisses. oh and a few Jello jigglers i made for my kids. full sugar versions! i'm not drinking my Protein shakes in the morning like i have been. mostly because i am so nauseous when i wake up. i know that really gets me off on the wrong foot each day. seems like that big burst of Protein in the morning just sets the tone for the whole day. the good in all of this came at about 6pm. i had to go to kohl's to grab something for my kid and i decided to look in the "big girls" section for a shirt. nothing fit in the plus size. i could hardly believe it! i actually HAVE to shop in the regular ladies sized now- bought 2 shirts: 1 was an xl and one was a Lg. so apparently i fell off the wagon with my eating and most of all my attitude about what goes in my mouth. my day will start with a shake tomorrow and good choices for the rest of the day! because nothing tastes as good as buying new clothes in normal sizes feels. i actually had choices to make as far as what to buy when before i was just getting what fit without hugging too many fat rolls. i know i am human and will make mistakes in the future but i have to remember what my goal is and the extremes i've gone to with this surgery to make that happen. i just hope i didn't hurt my belly with my 2 days of bad choices!

tomorrow is a new day!

[DrmBig4Evr 152]

Stay focused, stay positive! You have several reasons for having this surgery, keep something with you at ALL times, photos of yourself pre op, photos of your kids, whatever motivates you! You can do this!

[SMO 193]

My sympathies. It sounds like you really went into a shame spiral over your sugar binge. I would think that if it was going to be really damaging to your sleeve, you probably would have felt it then. And no dumping? At least you didn't have that to add to your shame load. It sounds to me like you have picked yourself up and are ready to get back at it. I am only 9 days out and fear keeps me from straying off the path right now, but I'll say it again: if we had good self control we would not have needed our sleeve to help us. Thank you for sharing. I know all these stories will help me when I get there. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

[Leonafire 20]

This is an awesome post, you owned making the bad choices, eh! wish we were all perfect, but that aint goin to happen. and then reaped some of the benefits of your hard work and suffering. I'm so glad you found a positive place to grab onto and refocus. What an inspiration! Tomorrow will be a great day!

[melissa130 135]

You should ask your doctor for anti nausea medication. It will help u greatly. And stay positive dear. you are ok. And nothing tastes as good as being thin and fit and strong.

[Delena2/11 59]

KP you were brave to post this and I totally understand how you must be feeling. I think we all have to understand that we have an awesome tool to help us make better choices but our issues with food have not gone away. I am newly sleeved and I think that posts like yours are important. You had a bad day or two but you are still rocking that sleeve!

[mbyers66 3]

I appreciate you posting this...helps all of us to remember that it is one day at a time.... You pulled yourself up and carried on! Love it!