How to handle critics?

[Tryingtobringsexyback 17]

Love this thread - i struggled with "what to say" also and then just decided to say "diet and exercise" - this is way too personal for me and i dont feel i need to tell people. Im embarrassed about my weight to begin with and dont want to have to answer the question of "well how big WERE you!!" - this will just make it worse. Only a handful of people know and that's it! For me, the less i say, the better off i am. Isnt it funny how, the more ammunition we give to people, the more they use it"? lol

That is so true I never thought of that (the more ammunition we give people the more they use it)

[ignats639 83]

believe me, there are so many people i want to tell because i just know this can help them, but i can tell they wont be supportive. They are very happy buying their meal supplements and entertaining their yo-yo diet - always posting on Facebook that they are starting something new "again" - and nothing ever changes. They are the same size, just frustrated Like you said "betraying the overweight community"..... i think its a real thing, as funny as that first sounded to me. I dont criticize them for what they choose to do - its their decision. Mine is to just enjoy watching them all freak out as i start to evaporate!! lol

[Dalola 12]

Yes...like i said earlier, I have heard you are not that big, 3 out of 4 times with a BMI of 35. I did not tell family or work. My medical history is no more their business than theirs is mine. Do I have the right to ask if they have ever been treated for an STD? Hemorroids? Plagued by yeast infections? NO! That would be extremely intrusive and tacky. At one of the first meetings I attended a very, very large woman said to her husband (loud enough for me to hear) "I don't know WHAT she thinks SHE is doing here?! Like all of us, my decision did not come easily and took me years to get to. Her snotty, rude comments were not tolerable. I looked her dead and the eye, smiled and said softly (although I wanted to yell), "I don't think that is very fair since I am not asking you why it took you so long to come here." She never even glanced in my direction again. Wise choice an her behalf. I was completely supportive of her choice, how dare she question mine. Stick to your guns and stick up for yourself. It is not their reflection you have to look at in the mirror. I explain my weight loss with some truth. I tell people I am staying under or around 1000 calories a day. Absolutley true. I am walking daily - again, absolutley true. When asked what my secret is? I tell them don't put it in your mouth. There is only one way in for calories to turn to fat. Chin up, you are going to love the way you feel and look. I still have a way to go but hope to be close by summer.

[sligh1983 7]

I'm so tried of having to deal with people and their negative reaction to my decision to have the sleeve. I'm 269...5'6...but the first thing people say is "you don't need that surgery!" I feel like I have to justify my decision to everyone. They are always saying things like "all you need to do is diet and exercise' date='" or "you're too young to make a drastic life changing decision like that." (I'm 26.) I try to let it roll off my back and let it go, but I can't help but to let their comments get to me. How did you handle negative feedback?[/quote']

I found myself with the same problem.. Then I just had to realize this was not an easy fix it was a decision for your health and you don't owe any one an explanation. ????

[MichiganChic 3,262]

For me, it's a private decision, and I only told a handful of people I thought would be supportive. They all have been, so I haven't run into any negativity.

[Dobeigh 69]

I'm so tried of having to deal with people and their negative reaction to my decision to have the sleeve. I'm 269...5'6...but the first thing people say is "you don't need that surgery!" I feel like I have to justify my decision to everyone. They are always saying things like "all you need to do is diet and exercise," or "you're too young to make a drastic life changing decision like that." (I'm 26.) I try to let it roll off my back and let it go, but I can't help but to let their comments get to me. How did you handle negative feedback?

People are so jealous of you, that you are actually going to have help to lose weight, when they can't or won't. It is 100% jealousy, for the most part (if it isn't concern). There is this nurse at the hospital I work at and she was making fun of me because I'm fat and was telling all the nurses that getting that surgery won't help me lose weight. She told them how sick it made her to watch me eat and that she wanted to vomit just watching me eat. She's this skinny b***h that is always on a diet. I can't wait to lose weight and make her sooo jealous. People get jealous like that when relationships change. I'm much younger than her, much prettier than her, and now I'm going to be skinny too? And I'm almost done graduating nursing school. So it levels the playing field in her eyes. She considers me beneath her because of my weight. And now I'm changing it up on her. Let her be insecure and jealous, I don't care. I enjoy other people's jealousy. If you can't be happy for me than why do I care what you think about me? It used to bother me too, when people would say stuff and try to change my mind but once you have the surgery, they will 1. be happy for you or 2. be jealous of you.

[Tryingtobringsexyback 17]

I'm only telling people I work closely with because I'm taking 3 weeks off and they will wonder where I've been. I couldn't lie and say it was something else.

[sroan05 27]

Yes...like i said earlier, I have heard you are not that big, 3 out of 4 times with a BMI of 35. I did not tell family or work. My medical history is no more their business than theirs is mine. Do I have the right to ask if they have ever been treated for an STD? Hemorroids? Plagued by yeast infections? NO! That would be extremely intrusive and tacky. At one of the first meetings I attended a very, very large woman said to her husband (loud enough for me to hear) "I don't know WHAT she thinks SHE is doing here?! Like all of us, my decision did not come easily and took me years to get to. Her snotty, rude comments were not tolerable. I looked her dead and the eye, smiled and said softly (although I wanted to yell), "I don't think that is very fair since I am not asking you why it took you so long to come here." She never even glanced in my direction again. Wise choice an her behalf. I was completely supportive of her choice, how dare she question mine. Stick to your guns and stick up for yourself. It is not their reflection you have to look at in the mirror. I explain my weight loss with some truth. I tell people I am staying under or around 1000 calories a day. Absolutley true. I am walking daily - again, absolutley true. When asked what my secret is? I tell them don't put it in your mouth. There is only one way in for calories to turn to fat. Chin up, you are going to love the way you feel and look. I still have a way to go but hope to be close by summer.

That is AWESOME that you stood up for yourself. I was afraid people were going to be judging me when I went to the seminar...looking at me and thinking I'm not "that" big. I also feel like people are thinking the same thing when I'm in the bariatric office for my appointments. Then one day, I finally said to myself "I don't care what they think...I'm doing something about this NOW." I already feel uncomfortable at 270, I can't imagine being any bigger. Going back to work after surgery will be a challenge...with all of the questions and whispering...but, I'm going to be looking and feeling fabulous...I won't let them get me down!

[taylokat 180]

People are so jealous of you' date=' that you are actually going to have help to lose weight, when they can't or won't. It is 100% jealousy, for the most part (if it isn't concern). There is this nurse at the hospital I work at and she was making fun of me because I'm fat and was telling all the nurses that getting that surgery won't help me lose weight. She told them how sick it made her to watch me eat and that she wanted to vomit just watching me eat. She's this skinny b***h that is always on a diet. I can't wait to lose weight and make her sooo jealous. People get jealous like that when relationships change. I'm much younger than her, much prettier than her, and now I'm going to be skinny too? And I'm almost done graduating nursing school. So it levels the playing field in her eyes. She considers me beneath her because of my weight. And now I'm changing it up on her. Let her be insecure and jealous, I don't care. I enjoy other people's jealousy. If you can't be happy for me than why do I care what you think about me? It used to bother me too, when people would say stuff and try to change my mind but once you have the surgery, they will 1. be happy for you or 2. be jealous of you.[/quote']

Dobeigh, what she is doing is called lateral violence and should not be tolerated! If I heard her saying those things, I would write it up and give it to my nurse manager. We recently had a nurse who got fired because of lateral violence. Most hospitals have a ZERO tolerance policy! Nobody deserves to be bullied like that!!

[Dobeigh 69]

Dobeigh, what she is doing is called lateral violence and should not be tolerated! If I heard her saying those things, I would write it up and give it to my nurse manager. We recently had a nurse who got fired because of lateral violence. Most hospitals have a ZERO tolerance policy! Nobody deserves to be bullied like that!!

Well, I did tell my nurse manager but I also told her I was afraid she would do something back to me if I did tell her. This nurse is also our charge nurse. I told her I already told her one time to back off but it didn't work. I'm a very smiley person so maybe she didn't take me seriously. I told my nurse manager that I was going to have one more talk with her if she did it again (to handle the situation myself) and if she kept doing it THEN she can do something about it. But I have a feeling this nurse is going to be offly busy because she is going to become a float nurse while I'm off getting my surgery. She's used to having 2-3 easy patients but now she's going to have a full load soooo she's going to be too busy working to actually say anything.

[taylokat 180]

LOL, what goes around, comes around! That's good, but I suggest you write down specific places and times you have experienced this, just in case you need it for the future. Any complaint must be in writing and also state your fear of retaliation. Hopefully she floats away and won't be a problem so you won't need that documentation, but you never know!

[Dobeigh 69]

LOL, what goes around, comes around! That's good, but I suggest you write down specific places and times you have experienced this, just in case you need it for the future. Any complaint must be in writing and also state your fear of retaliation. Hopefully she floats away and won't be a problem so you won't need that documentation, but you never know!

You're right. I need to document. She also says stuff to other people who have told me the things she says but they are not willing to go to the manager about it. So that kinda stinks. Oh well. God will take care of her. =) What amazes me more is she quotes the Bible every other word she says yet she does what she does. Such a hypocrite! =) Oh well!! Thanks taylokat!

[ignats639 83]

People are so jealous of you' date=' that you are actually going to have help to lose weight, when they can't or won't. It is 100% jealousy, for the most part (if it isn't concern). There is this nurse at the hospital I work at and she was making fun of me because I'm fat and was telling all the nurses that getting that surgery won't help me lose weight. She told them how sick it made her to watch me eat and that she wanted to vomit just watching me eat. She's this skinny b***h that is always on a diet. I can't wait to lose weight and make her sooo jealous. People get jealous like that when relationships change. I'm much younger than her, much prettier than her, and now I'm going to be skinny too? And I'm almost done graduating nursing school. So it levels the playing field in her eyes. She considers me beneath her because of my weight. And now I'm changing it up on her. Let her be insecure and jealous, I don't care. I enjoy other people's jealousy. If you can't be happy for me than why do I care what you think about me? It used to bother me too, when people would say stuff and try to change my mind but once you have the surgery, they will 1. be happy for you or 2. be jealous of you.[/quote']

She really said that? Someone would have had to hold me back on that one!!!! Better to get even by looking better than she ever can! Wow. What a jerk!

[ignats639 83]

Yes...like i said earlier' date=' I have heard you are not that big, 3 out of 4 times with a BMI of 35. I did not tell family or work. My medical history is no more their business than theirs is mine. Do I have the right to ask if they have ever been treated for an STD? Hemorroids? Plagued by yeast infections? NO! That would be extremely intrusive and tacky. At one of the first meetings I attended a very, very large woman said to her husband (loud enough for me to hear) "I don't know WHAT she thinks SHE is doing here?! Like all of us, my decision did not come easily and took me years to get to. Her snotty, rude comments were not tolerable. I looked her dead and the eye, smiled and said softly (although I wanted to yell), "I don't think that is very fair since I am not asking you why it took you so long to come here." She never even glanced in my direction again. Wise choice an her behalf. I was completely supportive of her choice, how dare she question mine. Stick to your guns and stick up for yourself. It is not their reflection you have to look at in the mirror. I explain my weight loss with some truth. I tell people I am staying under or around 1000 calories a day. Absolutley true. I am walking daily - again, absolutley true. When asked what my secret is? I tell them don't put it in your mouth. There is only one way in for calories to turn to fat. Chin up, you are going to love the way you feel and look. I still have a way to go but hope to be close by summer.[/quote']

That was an awesome response to her!