non-supportive boyfriend

[drmom 0]

Hi -

I am new to the forum - Banded 10/17 and had my first fill today. I feel I am doing terrific with all this. the PROBLEM I am having is that my boyfriend appreciates the weight loss - but hates the band. He was very angry with me today that I had the fill and told me I was going to cheat and I was going to fail and and and

Also wanted me to continue liquids instead of doing the fill....

I cant figure out if he is scared or just being a jerk.

In everything else we have done in the past 3 years we have been together he has been terrific

[coltonwade 27]

Well it sounds like to me from what you have said that he's nervous that he might loose you and that he's insecure. HOWEVER , I must say as someone who was in a verbally and physcially abusive relationship for many many yrs... This sort of thing with the wrong kind of personality can turn nasty .

He can turn very needy, possesive, controlling ect. Not that this is what your boyfriend is like now . But its something to watch out for if he feels he's loosing you . Myself personally after being in an abusive relationship for so long I would NEVER put up with my spouse not supporting this , calling me fat , tellling me im going to fail, being so disrespectful to me.

Personally if this is not his norm, sounds like it might be a good idea to get into counseling .

I hope things work out. Im not banded yet and I hope my husband remains the same loving supportive husband he is now . But if not he has agreed to get into counseling if we need to

HTH

Mindy

[flabuless 18]

hi and welcome drmom

It certainly sounds a little worrying...I would probably think he is a bit insecure that you will loose the weight and him... see if he gets over it...if he doesn't don't let his negativity get the better of you...Who are you doing this for? If, as I hope it is, you are doing for YOU then stand firm...and if he is dragging you down deal with that bridge when you come to it.

I look forward to hearing more of your progress.

[threebeauties 0]

I hate to say this but....it sounds like some part of him WANTS you to cheat and fail??????

I'll throw in another two cents... that isn't what love acts like and for you, that isn't what love feels like.

Good luck

[apinksoprano 0]

just giving you my opinion....when i started my journey or thinnking about it i had a boyfriend for a year and he flipped out...he said to me just stop eating and go to the gym and stop looking for a way out...well i flipped out back and was so upset...but after talking with him about it I just realized he hated thinner women and also was insecure of losing me...which he did anyways cause he was lazy, hahah but i understand...just try to talk to him...

[Wheetsin 714]

Wow, can definitely be insecurity, but man oh man, being told "I was going to fail" is an entirely different issue, one that would warrant some serious 'splaining.

[barbara465 2]

Just as a side note you should be on liquids the day of the fill and depending on your doctor, a few days after. Mine requires 3 days of liquids and 3 days of mushies.

Sorry to say it, but he sounds like a jerk. If that's being supportive what's abuse sound like? I'd be watching him and if this continues I wouldn't stick around.

[tonya66 13]

Well, I have to throw my 2 cents in too. I think, and please don't take me wrong, he might have seen you on so many diets before and they didn't work, that he feels this is just another attempt.

I feel like that is the way people will view it when I tell them about the band, so I am opting not to tell anyone buy my DH.

Not sure if you have been on many diets, but if your like most of us, or like me, I've been on a diet since I was 12.

He might just feel a little angry that you got this surgery and feeling that with your past performance, you will cheat.

Give it some time, and in time he will see that this become a WOL (Way of Life) for you and cheating won't be an option for you and you can prove him wrong and the entire world.

Good luck to you.

[ReneBean 3]

I would say he was just insecure and afraid if he gave you this line BEFORE the surgery - but now that it's a done deal - he really needs to get over it.

If he likes the weight loss - then he needs to just keep his mouth shut about what you are doing.

Most docs want you to graduate slowly back to normal foods after a fill - so do take at least 1 day on liquids - follow your doc's orders. Mine wants 1 day liquids, 1 day mushies and then 1 day soft foods.

Since your BF is not a doc - I would ignore him.

Hugs! and welcome to LBT.

Maybe he is afraid that other men will steal you away. A little more attention toward him MIGHT help the situation. If that doesn't work - try slapping him up side the head.

:]

[juliegeraci 7]

I would take him with you to the doctor. I did that and it really helped my husband understand the procedure. Fills can be necessary as they help the band to work. I hope it all works out for you. good luck.

[kwhenrykerr 0]

If I was your boyfriend and loved you (this is not a come on) I would wish you sucess in your goal. I would be fearfull of the increased looks from other guys.

Having said that let me tell you that my girl has lost almost 200 lb and she is getting more looks from the guys. As a matter of fact this has caused me to be in a fix, she wants more looks than I can give her. She feels better about herself and it is great. I smile inside when I see her getting "looks" if this leads to another then it is for the best.

I do not want to see her go. So I must try to keep up. We love each other more now than when we met, but the door is always unlocked.