unsupported spouse

[mrs red koolaide08 5]

I hope this is the right thread.. my husband doesn't support my decision to have vsg.. thinks its unnatural.. not a good idea.. of course he's found someone with complications and further States his case.. he's very controlling and always doesn't understand y I can't "just go on a diet..exercise more".. I really wanna go this and I think its right for me.. but I don't think my marriage would make it.. should I not do it cause he's insecure and afraid I'm gonna leave once I start loosing the weight? Thanks for listening..

[erp 2,016]

My guy doesn't support my decision either so I've simply stopped discussing it with him. I have turned to my parents for support and am flying them out to help me with my recovery. That way I am not surrounded by negativity. If you are certain in your decision than you said it best, you think it's right for you. That's what matters. I'm sorry to hear that you believe this could end your marriage but I think what could be worse is staying in a marriage with someone you resent. For me, if I let my DH stop me from doing what I need to do, I would resent him. Good luck in whatever you decide.

[*Dean* 1,594]

I hope this is the right thread.. my husband doesn't support my decision to have vsg.. thinks its unnatural.. not a good idea.. of course he's found someone with complications and further States his case.. he's very controlling and always doesn't understand y I can't "just go on a diet..exercise more".. I really wanna go this and I think its right for me.. but I don't think my marriage would make it.. should I not do it cause he's insecure and afraid I'm gonna leave once I start loosing the weight? Thanks for listening..

He's allowed to have an opinion. The part that's a worry is the 'controlling' bit.

If he says 'I don't think you should do it because of x y z, but it's your choice'

Is a lot different to 'I don't think you should do it and you're not doing it'

[sroan05 27]

My boyfriend wasn't very supportive of my decision at first either. He would always say "why don't you just go on a diet?" or "why don't you just exercise more?" What he didn't understand is that I've been on a million diets...and I'm depressed, so there's no drive to exercise (not to mention I feel like I can't physically stand it.) As time went on and I explained how much I needed to do it for me, he started to try to understand and slowly came to support me. I know it must be hard to have your husband not support you, especially when our significant others are always the ones we lean on for support. But like erp, maybe you should just stop talking to him about it? Turn to others who are supportive of your decision. Because the fact of the matter is, you're doing this for YOU...so you can live a healthier life. But at the end of the day, only you can decide if it's the right choice for you and your marriage. Good luck to you!

[mrs red koolaide08 5]

Thank u.. that helps a lot.. I appreciate u talking with me.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

I agree. If it weren't for the "controlling" I'd say he was maybe just worried, but I'm probably wrong. My husband didn't wnt me to do it because of safety.. He's gone through a lot with me and instead of stating the obvious he tends to keep quiet. (score one for husband) lol.. He doesn't comment on my loss because he's probably afraid I'll think he thought I wasn't nice looking before. My mouth tends to run a muck before engaging brain, so after almost forty years.. He has learned

Ooookay... Lol, OP.. Go with what is best or YOU!

We're here fer ya!

[wannabaloser 59]

There is a thread on here titled "what I won't miss about being overweight". I think that thread sums obesity up great. It is everyone just talking about the small things they are excited about when they lose weight. Its stuff normal people wouldn't even notice. You should search for that thread and show it to your husband. My husband is basically supportive but he was still nervous about the surgery. I showed him that thread and now he gets it. It was alot of stuff I could not bring myself to express because they were embarrassing things to talk about.

[wannabaloser 59]

I am sorry, I was wrong about the title of that thread. Here is the link to it. Read it and if you think it will help convince your husband let him read it.

www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/48360-i-cant-wait-to-not-have-to/

[DrmBig4Evr 152]

Coming from someone who has been in a controlling and abusive relationship I tell you to do what is best for you. Find a friend or family member who is supportive and just have them take you and support you in this. I agree, don't allow him to control decisions that you feel are the best for you. Be strong and confident knowing that you deserve it, if this is truly your decision. Best of luck to you and we are always here for you too!

[happilysleeved 114]

Before my surgery, my hubby was more scared than anything. We tried to talk about it several times and he was very nervous about me having surgery, etc. I had made a private list of the reasons I had for wanting the surgery and things I was looking forward to doing after losing weight. I decided to show the list to him and he admitted he was just nervous but supported me, and that really helped. 4 1/2 months later it has been the best decision I have ever made and mine and his relationship is stronger than ever!

Sent from my iPhone using VST

[Shellid 36]

My hubby wasn't supportive and found everything negative he could find to persuade me not to have the surgery. Little did he know that I had did research for over a year and for every negative I had 3 positives. It came down to this is my body and my life this is my surgery date. I knew this was what I wanted and was determined to have the VSG. he is more supportive since I didn't die on the table or have any complications. I'm 2 1/2 mths post op down 60 lbs, of blood pressure meds and I feel great.

Best of luck!!

[nyc8dove 40]

I hope this is the right thread.. my husband doesn't support my decision to have vsg.. thinks its unnatural.. not a good idea.. of course he's found someone with complications and further States his case.. he's very controlling and always doesn't understand y I can't "just go on a diet..exercise more".. I really wanna go this and I think its right for me.. but I don't think my marriage would make it.. should I not do it cause he's insecure and afraid I'm gonna leave once I start loosing the weight? Thanks for listening..

It can be very stressful not being able to discuss this life changing matter with your significant other. I hope you both find peace in your decision. This is about you and for you....my prayers are with you and anyone that is having a difficult time through this.

[gloriann 43]

When I first mentioned the surgery to my husband, he was like no way...are you crazy??? The lapband had failed me and I felt I didn't have any other choice. Once he realized that I had researched the procedure, he stepped back to see how everything else went. The EKG, bloodwork, NUT appt, psych eval, etc, etc. One the date was scheduled, he was like...I can't believe it! Well, here we are almost 9 mos later and he couldn't be happier for me. He compliments me and shows me how proud he is of me. He even told me to go ahead and buy a whole new wardrobe once I am at goal! Yeah baby!!! Hang in there, hopefully he will realize you are doing this for YOU! Good luck!

[lsereno 2,525]

I took my Mom with me to a surgeon pre-op appt and to a support group meeting. She was a lot more onboard after that, but still scared for me.

Lynda

[NurseGrace 509]

Its you choice in the end, however its important to consider your husband's feelings. I wish you would have expounded a little bit more then you said he was controlling. Is he controlling in all aspects, or just this?

My husband was not thrilled for this either, he came around but I put off this surgery twice on his account because relationships are give and take, and I wanted him to be informed and comfortable.