DEALING WITH ATTENTION

[Huntingnurse 510]

I enjoy the attention' date=' but it's no substitute for the real thing. It broke my heart that my husband couldn't handle the ways the surgery changed me in a very short amount of time. At my core I was still the same but because I'd changed so much on the outside, it was too much for him. So, if there's ever another that is genuinely interested in me, he's going to have to have known me as a fat girl or met me on here. dde0a[/quote']

Sorry to hear that :-/

[NewKristen 356]

I heard a statistic recently that 80% of those who are married and get a gastric bypass will get divorced. Granted, different surgery, same results. It really made me think.

For me, my husband is amazing and he loved me through everything...for 21 years! I will fight like heck to not be that statistic!

[stew2807 3]

How does everyone deal with the attention you get from the opposite sex? Especially those who are married/in a relationship? Does that question make sense? Please no judgement' date=' just wondering, my mind is racing with all the what ifs[/quote']

Really, this has less to do with the attention you get and more to do with how you feel as a person. Remember, we often times use our weight to protect ourselves from others. It serves as a shield. As you get thinner you'll need be aware of your emotions by trying to understand your actions and why you feel what you feel. I see a therapist weekly and he helps me get a handle on why Im heavy today, how to understand the reasons for over eating, and what the emotions I have really mean. If you're in a relationship you losing weight changes the relationship.....we'll if it is for the better then your weight may have been keeping you from being the type of partner you need to be. If the relationship ends then you finally addressed the situation.

[Geminidrive 389]

Really, this has less to do with the attention you get and more to do with how you feel as a person.

I absolutely agree. It all starts with yourself.

[doreen70 268]

Taking a compliment is one thing, but reacting to that attention in any other way is not good. My husband was able to tell me his concerns prior to surgery, and we talked about it. In fact, we continue to talk about it. He is very much a part of my weightloss journey. We will be married 22 years this summer, and have 3 handsome sons. This surgery will give me the opportunity to take my life back. I have always been on the sidelines, watching them do all the fun stuff because I was too fat. He is working at getting back into shape ( needs to lose 20 lbs ). We have decided to share our hobbies with each other-he's still trying to talk me into learning to ride his crotch rockets. However, the one I'm most terrified of I agreed to easily, skydiving.

The point is, losing the weight will be hard. Keeping a relationship alive is just as hard. If you don't give 100 percent, neither of those will be successful.

[Supersweetums 1,164]

Really, this has less to do with the attention you get and more to do with how you feel as a person.

I really think this is great. And I am happy that Amy put this thread out there. So many people think it is just about losing the weight, but there is so much more to it and if you are not ready for all the changes that will happen in every aspect of your life, you may find it more difficult.

[JeffA70 200]

Interesting topic. My wife is having a much tougher tine with the surgery than I am. Afraid I'm doing it so I can leave her, doesn't want me to get 'too skinny,' etc.

Do I get more attention from the opposite sex now? Doesn't feel that way to me, although I get the 'Wow, you've lost a lot of weight' a lot from both men and women. I've had a lot of good female friends for a long time, so I don't feel unusual that they have noticed or have commented. Some of them have been my most steadfast supporters since I started the whole process.

[OneWritersSoul 353]

This was addressed in therapy before my surgery ever took place. My husband said he wanted me healthy, etc. so my therapist and I decided to take him at his word after a month of joint therapy sessions. Ultimately, he wasn't okay with any of it, least of all the possibility that I may be attractive to someone else- even if I'd never in a million years act on it. He'd prefer a fat, barely functioning blob willing to put up with anything than a healthy woman unwilling to take anyone's abuse. Love should be stronger than all of the nonsense and if it's not, it's not the kind of love I thought it was.

So be it. What is done is done and it's probably for the best. Though goodness knows it may not feel that way sometimes!

[mrsderouen 12]

This post is something that A LOT of people feel or think about...but few have the guts to post it and be honest about it! Kudos to you for creating this thread.

I am going to my first apt on the 20 of this month...so I cannot speak from experience on the issue but I can offer some insight.

My husband works out daily, eats Protein, downs shakes, and has his personal trainers license on top of working off shore almost 7 days a week. In the beginning of our relationship I was about 20 pounds lighter...200 pounds...and he was this muscle bound man who I thought would see me and run (we met online through a dating service). But he didn't...he loved me despite being opposite of him. I gained weight over the next few years and recently had a baby now I am up to 225 and I am only 5'2''.

He says no matter what he loves me...but he can't wait until I am healthier (not too skinny he likes some curves) because he wants to do all of the things we see on TV or read about and say "who does that?" I used to fear that he would leave me for another woman who was much more in shape (even though he never showed signs of straying) but now I am secure in our marriage I know that would never happen...but he jokes around sometimes now and says when you are skinny don't leave me for a younger man (he is almost 9 years my senior). I asked him one day if there was any seriousness to that statement and he said yes and no...I have never been SKINNY or THIN...so I do not how it will feel when people notice me or give me attention...he just wants to make sure I can handle it is all.

I think you will know if your relationship is healthy or if it is unhealthy just like "writer" did. Follow your heart it won't lead you wrong...but don't jump at the first thing that looks your way either!

Good luck!!!!!!

[VWbuslover 5]

The last time I lost weight was 10 years ago, my husband and I were dating . I lost 70 lbs and I looked super great at 160 . I got lots of attention that I did not know how to handle and mostly just left from where ever I felt uncomfortable. I even left work crying one day because I changed out of my scrubs into regular size 14 jeans and a nice fitted shirt. Everyone at work freaked out and started saying things and looking at me saying turn around AND OMG and just nice stuff . I was just overwhelmed and burst into tears . lol looking back I just wasn't ready for all that . I just left really quickly

When men were flirting with me I somehow brought out that I had a boyfriend into the conversation and most times that alleviated most of the stress. of course my husband and I were dating before I lost weight , He knows how uncomfortable I am now . I don't believe he will overreact when I loose weight . But I do think he will be worried , that's human nature. ( He know's how great I am ) hahaha.

I expect to have to go out of my way to reassure him , but thats ok by me.

If unwanted or uncomfortable attention comes your way - you can always just walk out of the room . In fact you should until you are comfortable with it.

[Dobeigh 69]

I'm absolutely 100% in love with my husband and would never leave him. He has helped me through so much. He keeps saying to me, "It's going to be weird, you being skinny." I think me losing weight is pushing him AND me out of our comfort zones. He was "joking" but he said to me that he hopes I don't leave him for someone else. But he is also 100% supportive of me getting the surgery. He even took off a week from work, just to be with me when I first get my surgery. Fantasies are fantasies. That is where they will stay for me. For some people, they might be realities.

[NewKristen 356]

This was addressed in therapy before my surgery ever took place. My husband said he wanted me healthy' date=' etc. so my therapist and I decided to take him at his word after a month of joint therapy sessions. Ultimately, he wasn't okay with any of it, least of all the possibility that I may be attractive to someone else- even if I'd never in a million years act on it. He'd prefer a fat, barely functioning blob willing to put up with anything than a healthy woman unwilling to take anyone's abuse. Love should be stronger than all of the nonsense and if it's not, it's not the kind of love I thought it was.

So be it. What is done is done and it's probably for the best. Though goodness knows it may not feel that way sometimes! [/quote']

I have head of so many people who have had the same experience as you have! Sometimes, you just have to know that you did everything you could do, and move on. I hope you find true love, and pure happiness moving forward!

[slimmingdani 57]

Don't believe you Actingnurse. You're quite dishy;).

lol I thought the same thing!!

[jkl94597 34]

I have no clue - never happens :-/

I find that hard to believe

[5kidzandmarried 16]

Ive just notice that my husband is all of a sudden jealous!! He wants me to be all over him or him all over me and to be honest its a little annoying!!! About the compliments I sometime dont know whether they are sincere or if they are just blowing smoke!! But I like the whole guys are checking me out and I love the little bit of confidence ive gotten in myself!! But I hope and pray that me n my hubby stay together forvever because he loved me at my worst he looked past the looks and loved me for me!!