Jealous Friends

[nicden17 61]

So before I got my surgery, Jan 18,2011 one of the nurses warned me about friend reactions. I was just wondering if other people had similar situations. My best friend who is just a little overweight...but who has always been way skinner then me 100lbs 150 lbs lighter then me...would bring up my surgery with other people.Some people we know but mostly new people, random strangers. For example we were out at a resturant...I didn't eat all my food and the waitress asked if my food was okay. She seemed like she kind of went out of her way to tell her that i had weight loss surgery. .. And there are other examples,I have some of her other friends and at some point my surgery always comes up ...Just find it odd when she puts my business out there to people i dont know.. Pointing out my flaws...Didn't see a topic on this so i thought i would start one...anyone else ??? I know shes proud but it feels like there's more to it

[kmwheel 127]

I had the same thing happen where I was "outed" to a stranger (waitress) by a friend. I just gently remind them that it's my story to tell and I get to choose where and when. She probably is proud, and/or not really thinking. I think jealousy can be an issue, too. I've been really lucky with my friends...they all seem genuinely happy for me, but I also rarely even talk about my weight loss or other issues...good or bad. I'm just trying to be as "normal" as possible out in the world.

I can still remember, though, going out dancing with a friend (back in the olden days) and there was a hot guy who would not leave me alone. She seemed pretty pissy about it, and on the way home said, "I guess he just likes BIGGER girls." That was definitely not something a friend would say. I could have gone on and on that maybe he liked girls who were pretty, nice, had a great personality...etc., but the truth is, heavy or skinny, we all have our insecurity demons...and I'd much rather have mine than somebody else's!

[aroundhky 1,174]

I've just told a few of my friends, the closest ones and they were all good with it and happy for me, especially when I told them that it caused me to stop taking all of my medications. One guy even asked for a good bit of information on the surgery due to his mother's present interest in bariatric surgery. I gave him a lot of information and referred my Dr to her and last I heard, she was following through a little more seriously and starting the road to getting the sleeve herself. Nothing but positive reactions on my end. But maybe it's a little different with guys.......who knows.

[1happyloser2b 39]

Yes Sir definitely different with females!!! Women are sooooo Catty! It's about "***** Control!" ( not all women!)

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

I've been friends with "Kathy" for over 35 years. Love her to death, but she cannot keep anything in confidence. For most things it didn't bother me too much. But for this surgery, I made it very clear to her that any information about my surgery was to come from me, period. I asked her specifically not to share it with anyone. She, of course, didn't think she had an issue with keeping things private. Remind your friend that this is your story to tell if you choose to, not hers and you would appreciate her respecting that.

[Geminidrive 389]

Fortunately I have not had the same experience as you. Talk to her, tell her how you feel.

[MoreganK 164]

I have had a jealous friend moment. Someone who I thought understood a little better what wls patients go through, or at least would not use it to belittle me. We were out having a good time together, when she started talking about her weight. She wanted to lose 30 pounds, so she could go from her size 10s to her size 6s that she fit in when she was 19 (she is 28). She actually said, "I've thought about going the easy way out like you, and having surgery. But decided I'd do it the right way instead." I was so flabbergasted! So many things wrong with what she said. Disrespectful to me, wrong information about who should consider or get wls, just to point out the obvisous two. Since that day, I've placed some distance between us. She is a friend still, but I don't trust her in confidence as I once would have, and I do not see her hardly at all. The sad part is, she probably doesn't even notice or know why.

[gmanbat 5,889]

This surgery is a test...for you having the guts to get it and for those who know about it: how they are going to deal with you?

Ignorance of this operation is a given unless they have extensive medical training or have had experience personally or with someone they are involved with.

Ignorance is easily forgiven and remedied.

Cruelty and outright disrespect are another thing. Sometimes something like this surfaces what has been hidden all along. Having you along leveraged their ego, made them feel superior. Now you are looking better than them, (in their neurotic mind), and their tool is broken. They've switched places and don't like it. Apparently the affection that you thought they had for you was phony. It was only skin plus a fat layer deep.

If you have friends that rode this out with you and still love you...you have real friends.

[aroundhky 1,174]

Well said "gmanbat"!!

[Mayra 10]

This is one of the reason, I have kept my surgery to myself. But even though I haven't told my friends about my surgery I know a few of them will have something to say when they seem this summer. (We live in different states)

Honestly..when you loose weight...you loose friends. Some women like to be the smallest in the group or they like being around all plus size women. So when that changes, jealousy and drama start.

[Mayra 10]

This surgery is a test...for you having the guts to get it and for those who know about it: how they are going to deal with you?

Ignorance of this operation is a given unless they have extensive medical training or have had experience personally or with someone they are involved with.

Ignorance is easily forgiven and remedied.

Cruelty and outright disrespect are another thing. Sometimes something like this surfaces what has been hidden all along. Having you along leveraged their ego, made them feel superior. Now you are looking better than them, (in their neurotic mind), and their tool is broken. They've switched places and don't like it. Apparently the affection that you thought they had for you was phony. It was only skin plus a fat layer deep.

If you have friends that rode this out with you and still love you...you have real friends.

EXACTLY!

[BethAnn77 12]

I am 10 weeks pre-op and when I told a good friend of mine, she was very concerned about it being a healthy decision. I didn't take it as jealousy, just real concern because she wasn't knowledgable about the facts. So I told her more about it and thought we were ok. Now, anytime I bring it up, she ignores me or changes the subject. I am hoping that, as she gets used to it, she will come around. But she has her own weight struggles so I think there is a little side of her that is resentful/jealous. We will see how things play out as my journey progresses.

On another note, I am trying to take a proactive approach with people's reactions. Before I looked into VSG, I, myself, was ignorant of the facts and thought it was the easy way out. I am going to try to be as open as possible about my experience with people because I am so proud that I am taking this step. Maybe I can change some people's ignorance into knowledge and acceptance. We could all use more support, not criticism. I am so inspired by all of you! Thank you!!!!!

[Thik4Sho 6]

On 2/7/2013 at 9:41 AM, Mayra said:

This is one of the reason, I have kept my surgery to myself. But even though I haven't told my friends about my surgery I know a few of them will have something to say when they seem this summer. (We live in different states)

Honestly..when you loose weight...you loose friends. Some women like to be the smallest in the group or they like being around all plus size women. So when that changes, jealousy and drama start.

I totally agree with you. My friend and I have been friends since High School, but when she found out about my weight loss surgery, her demeanor changed. She is way overweight and has been for some time, but since I decided to do something about my weight, her whole personality changed. I called her the other night and she pretended like she didn't recognize my voice. She answered the phone and said, "who is this?" Nevertheless, I cut her off from that moment. I don't need friends who are unable to Celebrate my wins but are quick to celebrate my losses. F**k her!!

[Candigrl1 152]

On 6/22/2022 at 5:44 AM, Thik4Sho said:

I totally agree with you. My friend and I have been friends since High School, but when she found out about my weight loss surgery, her demeanor changed. She is way overweight and has been for some time, but since I decided to do something about my weight, her whole personality changed. I called her the other night and she pretended like she didn't recognize my voice. She answered the phone and said, "who is this?" Nevertheless, I cut her off from that moment. I don't need friends who are unable to Celebrate my wins but are quick to Celebrate my losses. F**k her!!

Damn...sorry you had to go through that and for her being that way. Her loss on losing a great friend. Guess I'm lucky I have had nothing but support from my friends.

[thorsmom 3]

I love when my friends tell me about all the people that had WLS that gained their weight back. Very encouraging

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