Eating With People Who Don't Know About My Sleeve

[alw1981 2]

I went to lunch with a coworker today that doesn't know about my sleeve. I had two bites of crab dip and about 1/8th of the piece of quiche I ordered. He finished all of the crab dip and his whole meal. I tried to pick at my food but I was way too full to keep eating. I said the food was a little too cheesy and my stomach was upset. I didn't really know how to play it off. I'm a month out. I know I will be able to eat more in the future. How do other people handle eating tiny amounts in front of others?

[notmeanymore 629]

If I eat around people that dont know about my sleeve, I tend to order a broth Soup so I can act like Im taking spoonful after spoonful. Plus the liquid wont take up as much real estate in your sleeve. Then I usually say that I had a big Breakfast and Im really in the mood for soup. You can get around it. I usually eat with people that know about my sleeve and they find it interesting, almost comical at the super small portion I eat. Just come up with a couple good lines and youll be fine.

[slojo 150]

I've told everyone I know about being sleeved so I don't have to hide it, but it is uncomfortable to finish my food after just a few bites and have to sit there while the other person is still eating. I think it's probably uncomfortable for the other person as well. I try to eat as slowly as possible and push the food around wiith my fork..

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

The people that don't know about my WLS know that I'm a perpetual dieter so they never ask.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

Why not just be honest? Instead of making your co worker feel like they are looked down upon because they happen to like a resturaunt that wasn't good enough for you to eat at, just tell the truth. What's wrong with saying, I really eat very small portions. It would help even more to say it before you even arrive at the resturaunt. You set the expectation before you arrive if you are really concerned about it.

What's the worst that will happen? They might see a big person eating a really small portion. They will think.

1. Maybe you are trying to slim down. BRAVO for you!!

2. How did you get this big eating so little? ( you didn't. You are getting smaller by eating that little.)

3. You don't like the food. (that will change when you say how good the food is, and how you are looking forward to having the leftovers at dinner)

4. They might express concern that you might have a real medical issue, because there is no way you should be big eating that little. That's when you say something like, I got this big by not taking control of my life, that has changed.

This surgery was done so you could have your life back. So take your life back. Be strong! Don't let what you think people might believe rule your life. You be you, don't pretend to be different.

[NurseGrace 509]

If I were trying to hide it I would order something like a Soup.< /p>

[debiosbo 36]

I have told everyone but thats (surgery tomorrow 2/6/13) but thats good advice OTR being on a diet dosent mean you had surgery.... I just want the world to know I care about myself and am doing something about it

[lwilliams65 102]

I'm not sleeved yet but I've kind of wondered the same thing. I really don't ever plan on telling my husband's family about it only because they have made me very insecure around them. All the women in his fam are at max a size 5 and all the men are tall and skinny (except my hubs is tall and stalky... dont know how that worked out). They have always made fun of big people around me and always make fun of me when I say I'm on a diet so I just don't want to be ridiculed for something I want so desperately. I know that it is sort of copping out but they are demons I dont want to face. My mother and father in law come visit every other weekend and take us to eat EVERYTIME! I'm like the worst liar ever. I mean there is no hope for me to lie unless I rehearse 100 times. So the first time we go I plan to say I'm not feeling good. The second time ill just say i ate before i came, the third time ill say im on a strict diet and hopefully by then they wont ask anymore but boy do i feel ugly even having to think up lies. I just really dont want to be the family joke anymore.

[missmeow 156]

You can just not go? Just because soneone offers doesn't mean you have to take them up on it, especially if they make fun of you or make you feel bad. You don't need that carp when you're healing.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

I'm not sleeved yet but I've kind of wondered the same thing. I really don't ever plan on telling my husband's family about it only because they have made me very insecure around them. All the women in his fam are at max a size 5 and all the men are tall and skinny (except my hubs is tall and stalky... dont know how that worked out). They have always made fun of big people around me and always make fun of me when I say I'm on a diet so I just don't want to be ridiculed for something I want so desperately. I know that it is sort of copping out but they are demons I dont want to face. My mother and father in law come visit every other weekend and take us to eat EVERYTIME! I'm like the worst liar ever. I mean there is no hope for me to lie unless I rehearse 100 times. So the first time we go I plan to say I'm not feeling good. The second time ill just say i ate before i came' date=' the third time ill say im on a strict diet and hopefully by then they wont ask anymore but boy do i feel ugly even having to think up lies. I just really dont want to be the family joke anymore.[/quote']

I think if I were you're husband, I'd be really interested in knowing you felt this way. Tell him how you feel, and let him talk to his family. I'm sure thay they don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, they probably just interact differently, for example, my dad and I can be pretty frank and blunt about things, and not hurt each other. We kid each other about getting old, getting fat, and a few other things, that might just be your husbands family dynamic.

Let him talk to them, it will be so much better in the long run than then finding out that you lied to them because you thought you couldn't trust them. Disception is a violation of trust that is very hard to get over.

[tparkerc59 334]

I just told everyone the truth...and if a waiter raises his/her eyebrows when I order or eat off my husband's plate, I tell them as well. The truth will set you free! I don't think this surgery is anything to be ashamed of. I was more ashamed of being obese!

[lwilliams65 102]

I think if I were you're husband, I'd be really interested in knowing you felt this way. Tell him how you feel, and let him talk to his family. I'm sure thay they don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, they probably just interact differently, for example, my dad and I can be pretty frank and blunt about things, and not hurt each other. We kid each other about getting old, getting fat, and a few other things, that might just be your husbands family dynamic.

Let him talk to them, it will be so much better in the long run than then finding out that you lied to them because you thought you couldn't trust them. Disception is a violation of trust that is very hard to get over.

We actually just started talking to them again. We didn't talk to his family for 6 months because of a stupid miss understanding. It is really hard getting through to them. I'm a really blunt person and they don't like it at all. So I don't feel like they do it out of bluntness I just think it's because it's one thing they know will hurt me. I hate to say that they are out to hurt me but sometimes that's how it feels. My husband has tried talking to them several times and it just makes it worse. Excuse my mouth but its just a shitty situation. The only reason I do anything with them is because my kids adore them and my family is 2000 miles away :/ I don't want to lie to them but I also don't want them to laugh at me. Last time I went on a diet his dad said, "well if this one lasts maybe you'll actually fit in with our family" and then his mom and sister started giggling. I'm not really a very insecure person, I've kinda just always rocked what i had ya know but they are in my opinion just mean spirited and I just don't want them to ruin this for me. I'm so excited beyond belief. Like I don't think anyone is as thrilled to get cut open as I am and my family is kind of already being downers so thats why I'm on here so much. I'd rather surround myself around people that are excited for me and see the beauty in this surgery rather then the people that think its a cop out or a hoaks.

[lwilliams65 102]

We actually just started talking to them again. We didn't talk to his family for 6 months because of a stupid miss understanding. It is really hard getting through to them. I'm a really blunt person and they don't like it at all. So I don't feel like they do it out of bluntness I just think it's because it's one thing they know will hurt me. I hate to say that they are out to hurt me but sometimes that's how it feels. My husband has tried talking to them several times and it just makes it worse. Excuse my mouth but its just a shitty situation. The only reason I do anything with them is because my kids adore them and my family is 2000 miles away :/ I don't want to lie to them but I also don't want them to laugh at me. Last time I went on a diet his dad said, "well if this one lasts maybe you'll actually fit in with our family" and then his mom and sister started giggling. I'm not really a very insecure person, I've kinda just always rocked what i had ya know but they are in my opinion just mean spirited and I just don't want them to ruin this for me. I'm so excited beyond belief. Like I don't think anyone is as thrilled to get cut open as I am and my family is kind of already being downers so thats why I'm on here so much. I'd rather surround myself around people that are excited for me and see the beauty in this surgery rather then the people that think its a cop out or a hoaks.

Boy I didnt know I wrote sch a novel till I pushed send... sorry about that.

[Alabamasleever 58]

I'm one of the ones that didn't tell many ppl at all, not because I'm ashamed, just because I don't like being questioned and having to defend my decision, if you will. I would either not go, or tell them you are citing back on your portions to get healthy. If they make some nasty comment, first of all, thats exactly when your husband needs to step in. I would NEVER allow my family to talk down talk my husband and that should be nipped in the bud immediately. If he doesn't say anything then you should. I would certainly point out to them that health is your top priority, not 'fitting in with their family'. I think when you hand it right back to them, they may see how stupid their comments are and that you aren't phased by them. Oooh girl, what's their number, I want to call them right now! Where do ppl get off thinking it's okay to talk to ppl like that?! If you dont want to tel them, don't! They can say what they want but when it works and you are rocking it, they can all kiss your skinny tail!

[Lexy 8]

I was sleeved on Dec. 17 and went on a humanitarian trip to Guatemala on Jan. 20. I was part of a Rotary group that went and stayed with Rotarians in that country. We were wined and dined in upscale restaurants and homes unless we were in a village where we were usually given chicken broth with tough chicken parts. I was usually in the presence of 9-20 people who did not know about my surgery (with exception of 2 of them). Sometimes, if the person sitting next to me said something about how little I was eating, I would just tell them I had stomach surgery and was still recuperating. If they pressed, I told them what type of surgery and found them to be very supportive. I always told my host families though, just so I would not offend them. They can't wait to see me in my new body next year. In my travel group of 9, there was one gal who is about a size zero, who observed my eating pattern and said, after a few days, she could not wait to see the day when I actually ate a meal. I thought for several days about what to do with that comment as I could tell that it really bothered her. So, toward the end of the trip, 7 out of our group got very sick with a virus and no one could eat. Toward the end of the illness I went to bfast with that person and we both had a poached egg on toast. While we were eating, I told her about my surgery. She was incredibly supportive and was relieved to know I didn't have an eating disorder:-) She said I was eating the way she and others should be eating - small portions. Overall, I found I could eat anything set in front of me, but usually just a bite or two of each item on the plate.