A thread for Single Bandsters

[IndioGirl55 32]

Denise

I would say kick this guy to the curb.. Don't waste anytime with him cuz it really sounds like he does have a drinking problem.

And girlfreind you can get a hunk - don't settle for less than what you deserve.. He might not be mr olympaid - but he will be your hunk if he has all the qualities that you want... My verision of a hunk could be totally different than your.

This is one reason I'm not out there looking - I don't have the energy to have to meet 20 million guys to hopefully find that one. If he fell in my lap that would be great - but most guys our age who are divorce are divorced for a reason.

Gook luck.. but seriously kick this one to the curb - he has already given you the warning signs (calling you 11:30 p.m. drunk)

[jcgrove29 0]

Two Cents from a guys point of view red flags are flying.

1. Getting drunk

2. Calling late

3. Deceptive pictures

All this and we all know when we first meet someone we are on our best behavior!! If this is the best where would it go next? Don't sell yourself short,I beleive you can do better!

JC

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Thanks guys! You have already made me feel better.

I am taking my profile off plenty of fish. I'll put one back up without a picture for awhile, so I can read the forums. They are pretty interesting. The one thing I don't like about that website is unlike msn messenger, you can't hide when you're online. That's the reason he knew I was still up. He said he saw that I was online.

I have thought a lot about this and thank goodness for caller ID. I don't even plan on talking to him anymore. He doesn't have my email address and hopefully he will get the hint when I don't answer the phone anymore.

[NewBeginnings2018 81]

Good point JC! If this is his "best" behavior Denise then there is not much more to look forward to! I'm proud of you for getting out there though, and I'm sure next time it will be easier. Regarding the looks thing, there are lots of guys I've become attracted to when they are not the typical definition of attractiveness. Sometimes chemistry is in the weirdest places. But if there was no chemistry, don't try and force it. You deserve it all!

I am going out this weekend with that guy again. He was away last week for a conference. We're going out Sat night -- oooh our first weekend date. lol. It's my treat, and I think we're grabbing dinner. Of course, I can't eat much at all since my last fill. I may have to come clean. lol

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

JC, I am really glad we have you in here! We definitely need a guy's input. I hope things are going well for you.

Chrispy, That's great that you're getting together with him. Intesting that you want to come clean. I don't think I would do that unless I really knew for sure that the relationship was going in the direction of a definite long term thing. I can always come up with an excuse. I had a late lunch, My tummy has been a little upset today, Or how about the I like to watch my weight and try to limit my portions! I know what you mean though, my last fill has completely changed my eating habits. It's about time! I am excited that the band is finally working for me.

[jcgrove29 0]

Thanks Denise, I am actually going crazy. This past month has been a huge trial I haven't been able to think clearly. If I post something that doesn't make sense please don't take offense I am literally not my self right now. I feel as if I am treading Water and failing.

The 19th can't get her soon enough. I have been walking four miles a night, and I went kayaking this weekend my step son and I had a great weekend, we paddled over twenty miles from Friday to Sunday, swam with a couple Manatees, dove through some caverns I actually fit through the holes with no problem or fear of getting STUCK underwater! You name it we had a blast.

Then there was Monday I stepped on the scale and I am up TEN (10) pounds since my unfill!

I am thankful that this thread is very active, this one and a couple others keep me somewhat distracted.

JC

[eyespy 1]

JC, I agree. I am glad this thread is so active. Even when it's not, there's always another interesting thread to read somewhere.

My question is this: What do you guys do for fun, aka, get a life? I am so boring. :bored I just mostly stay at home, garden, or watch tv. I feel like I'm wasting my singleness by not doing stuff, but I don't really have any idea of things to do. I'd like to get out there to maybe meet some guys, but all of the activities I could think of to do would only have gay guys!! (taking a stained glass class, for example)

The other issue I am haivng is that I feel so fat that I am not comfortable going places. Nothing fits, and even when it does, I feel ugly. I've even stopped going to church lately. I have started my insurance required 6 months doctor supervised weight loss program (unsuccessfully), but if I can get started on that, I can lose some weight before my surgery, which will hopefully be in December right after Christmas.

My only options on timing due to work travel is December or next summer. I don't think I could wait that long! If I go in December, I will have to tell my supervisor because I will probably not be able to travel at all in January. The surgeon said about a month. My suitcases can be heavy, and even though they're on wheels, I still have to lift them in and out of the car. Plus, a lot of the flights I take, we get off on the tarmack and sometimes you have to climb stairs. I could do that just fine, just not with the suitcases, probably. WHat do you think? Based on your healing experiences, do you think 2 or 3 weeks would be enough or do you think a whole month? The only healing is the incisions from the laproscopic equipment, right?

Anyway, I got off topic, but what do you do to have a life?

Alysa

[Oilburner 0]

From a guy's pov..

First on the healing: - I had surgery on a thursday and mowed the yard the following monday. After the first 3 or 4 days the only "adjustment" was getting used to the decreased calories (and of course not over-doing it).

On the life thing: From the brief time I've spent looking at some of the dating sites I can tell you that world travel, mountain climbing, wine tasting and watching foreign films will condemn you to being single forever (just take a look at all the single women and what they list as things they "like to do"...case closed). Tell the truth, you might be surprised what happens.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

JC, You know, I had a boyfriend in my 20's named JC. I wonder what happened to him hmmmmmmm. I am sorry to hear of your weight gain. That has to be hard. I can't remember why you got unfilled. I need to read back.

I wish I had some good answers for you. I am just now starting to lose again, after a very long plateau, from not having the right fill.

I wish all of us could get together. They are talking about a lapband talk get together someday.

Alysa, My advice to you is to start exercising. I had a very easy recovery, or actually none at all. I think it's because I was in good shape from exercising prior to surgery. I went into day surgery at 7 am and was home posing on lap band talk byt 11 am. The next day I was out walking 3 dogs. I had surgery on Fri and Mon was a holiday, but I could have gone back to work easily on Mon. I think being in good shape makes a faster recovery.

As for what to do with ourselves, I am with you. I spend so many weekends alone, renting movies, wondering what other people are doing. If you have any answers, I would love to hear them.

[eyespy 1]

I know I should be exercising. In fact, I'm not one of those who hates exercise. When I get in the grove, I like it. I'm in that weird place where I have low energy and I feel too tired to exercise. I know that I would feel better and have more energy if I did, but I can't seem to make myself do it. Of course if we all did what we know we should instead what feels better, none of us would need the surgery! I asked my mom to start walking with me when she gets over her bronchitis. I was doing a little yoga. Maybe this will motivate me.

I would like to take a belly dancing class, but I'm not sure if there are any around here. I hear that belly dancing makes you feel sensual and gives you a good body image. I like dancing, but not in public. I'd be okay in a room full of women, though. I guess I'll check out my local parks department and see what's available.

Has anyone ever joined a book club?

A friend of my mom's does scrapbooking once/month. I think that would be a group of ladies a lot older than me, but I guess it would give me something to do.

See, everything I like is girlie!

JC, you do see a lot of "likes to travel and wine tasting" on those sites. I wonder how many responses I would get if I said, "I like to sit on the couch and watch tv, never leave my house, and binge on junk food."

I think I also need to volunteer somewhere. Anybody do volunteering? My fantasy volunteer job would be working with overweight kids. I think that would help me get on the straight and narrow if I wanted to be an example. I don't think there are any programs here, but I've seen programs on news shows about those kind of programs. (Did I mention I like to watch tv?) Maybe I'll call the health department and see if they know of any programs around here.

[NewBeginnings2018 81]

Eyespy I was just going to say that I do a lot of volunteering and I love it! We have a local women's group here and we do community projects, fundraising, and lots of social stuff. There is always something to do, which I often find to be a pain in the butt, but at the end of the day I'm happy I volunteer. I'm a firm believer that if everyone did a little bit for their community, then we would make a big difference. Hokey, I know, but it's how I feel. I've made some great friendships though, and have had the chance to do some fun things with my "volunteer" friends. Go for it!

As far as recovery, I needed two weeks. I had soooo much shoulder pain after surgery I really was in agony. That, and I think I ate less than 300 calories a day for the first 7 days so I was very weak and didn't feel well. The second week I felt better, but I did get tired easily. Some people bounce right back though, so it's hard to tell how you'll do.

Denise - congrats on the fill working! I hit a point after this last fill where I said "ah ha, THIS is how it's supposed to work". lol.

JC hang in there! I know the weight gain is devastating, even with all that exercising, but you're doing great. Look at all the positive changes you have made in your life since you've had the band. I can bet a 4 mile walk and kyaking was not a part of your regular routine in your past. You should be pround of that accomplishment!

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Alysa,

I know exactly how you feel. I would be lost without the tv. I spend way too much time in the house, watching tv or on the computer. I live in the middle of nowhere, and there is nothing to do here.

I started exercising in my last attempt to lose weight. I had lost 60 lbs on the Atkins diet and had gained half of it back. I started exercising like crazy to try not to gain the rest of it back. No matter how much I exercised, I couldn't lose anything though. I found out that exercise kept me from getting depressed and now I am really glad I am so used to it that I miss it if I don't go to the gym.

I hope you figure out some stuff to do, and hope I can too. It's too bad we don't live near each other.

[jcgrove29 0]

Alysa, I try to stay in motion, when my wife and I split I left with practcally nothing. The furnishings I chose for my new place were a ab-lounger, a recumbent stationary bicycle and the most uncomfortable, cheapest, futon I could find (wal-mart 99.00). I made sure my excercise equipment was preferable to sit on , that way I end up doing some crunches or cranking out a couple miles while I clear out my DVR for the day (tv junkie as well). I purchased two different style recumbent bikes , one is actually a trike. I am fortunate enough to live very close to several of the rails to trails systems. I try to ride alot you will meet snobs there but you will also meet very good natured people as well. Finally I purchased a couple Kayaks which is not only good arm workout but abs too.

The first thing I do after work is change clothes and either walk the local Jr. High School Track or one leg of the rails to trails system. I have worked up to 4 miles in an hour and have met some nice people there too.

I also just joined a local gym that offers weight lifting, martial arts and aerobics.

These are all good places to meet people, the sad thing is it seems you almost have to prove yourself by showing up consistantly, then the other people working out start accepting and opening up sometimes mentoring as well.

Positive attitude helps more than I can describe. I have also become more involved in practicing my faith I try to attend church as often as possible I try to devote time to prayer and reflection I find the more inner peace I have the more patience and strength I gain. I was sad to read you stopped going to church regularly but at the same time I understand, when you feel miserable it is hard to stay motivated for any reason I will keep you in my prayers.

One thought I will share ...be a little selfish focus on yourself and do not allow your mind to make you feel guilty for doing so, fight any feelings of guilt. When you find peace peace will find you. What I am saying is start making changes for you, don't worry about doing things that guys want to do. If you like "girlie" things do them. You usually find someone to date when and where you least expect it.

You are starting on a new journey with this lapband procedure, focus on Alysa focus on doing things that will make you happy with yourself. I found once I started liking JC and what he is doing others joined in, I am not dating anyone yet but I am sure I could because I have noticed that the more impressed I am with myself the more other people are impressed too. There are always people who are going to try to drag you down the difference is if you have your self esteem and inner peace on your side and not theirs YOU WILL PREVAIL. You have also found a like-minded group of people here who have never met you and still they care about you and your well-being that has to give some level of comfort it does for me.

I would just say be patient you have made a decision to change things about yourself you don't like, this says a lot of positive things about who you really are!! Smile you are moving in a forward direction!!

As far as work is concerned my Dr. put this glue over my incisions it was great they never gave me any trouble I even helped an old girlfriend move in one day, three days after my surgery (her husband turned abusive on her), point is I was lifting some heavy stuff at a fast pace. Probably not smart but.....

Sorry for being so long winded.

btw for anyone interested I have posted the pics of my last Kayaking trip on my photobucket account there is also a before & after album you are more than welcome to look at it as well just proceed with caution "shirtless" lol str8jacket29 - Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

JC

[jcgrove29 0]

Hey Denise something about those JCs hmmmmmmmmmmm? I agree it would be very cool to get together as a group.

Chrispy, thanks i'm hangin in for the long haul. I agree with the volunteering as well I forget to mention that in the last book I mean post I wrote!

JC

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

JC, You wrote some very wise things. You seem like such a great guy, and you really have it together! Great pictures!