A thread for Single Bandsters

[serious 2]

Wootsie73,

You know, that is good question, because, no she is not in a bad mood when I see her socially...Just in the shop. I used to to think that maybe her period coincided with my hair appointments, because I'm usually irritable and weepy that time of month, but I don't know. Like at Christmas time, the owner put a plant with a red bow on her station, it was cute, I thought. When I came for my appointment, she said, "Great now I have to worry about some spider crawling out of that plant!" Then Thursday, one of the other stylists said he was out of some product and was asking her how do they go about getting more, (she's been there the longest). She told him to just wait until the rep comes, sweetie. When he left, she said,"why is he asking me, do I look like the manager? I am so sick of him!" It's always some drama over the least little thing.

[serious 2]

Hi All, I am looking for an guy older than myself ,(36) who is a happy, sensitive and caring person. I do not need a control freak or someone who is angry all the time. I don't know that marriage is really my thing, but I want to have a baby/babies and live with a life partner.

Don't know if my perfect guy is even out there.

Susannah

Susannah,

Hey! I have been dating a couple of guys for the last few months. Both of them are nice, but...I have decided to step back for a while, work on losing at least 30# by summer, (goal is to lose 50-60#), and get my look together. Dating is so competitive these days. I just want to be on top of my game, and I am having body image issues right now that prevent me from going after the guys I really want. One of the great things about being single is you don't have to settle. I think I might want a baby one day too, I guess, just one, I vacillate back and forth on that.

[KristiB 1]

Wootsie,

Thanks for the website, I will try it now that I know where to find it. I already bought Hanks Protein Drink mix, I have had one, with some skim milk, they are pretty good. You get a lot of Protein in one drink. Not a lot of fat either. Thanks for posting that website on here. You will get that surgery, and hopefully the diabetes will go away with the weight. Your PCP will be so happy that he approved you for surgery becauses you will be SO much healthier in the long run.

Serious,

I think you should try to get an appt. with the girl that you are using now, on a day when she is not there. Then just ask if you could use the other gal instead. If she does a better job, keep her. If your "friend" the old stylist asks, just tell her you'd rather not know all the details about the shop and everyone else in there...maybe she willl get the hint not to talk about it while you are out with her socially. Tough to say. She sounds like she hates her job, maybe she needs to go somewhere else.

Susannah,

I wish you luck on your search. I am not having much luck here. I am not really trying, but still, you know what I mean.

Okay, so here is my problem. I have been doing our little valentines day challenge. I have been working out. Not lifting weights, just a bunch of cardio, even jogging. Walking, jogging, sledding, worked out with a trainer, and do the elliptical machine. But my weight hasn't budged in 3 weeks, or so. What gives? My clothes aren't fitting any differently either. It is really making me mad. I haven't cheated often, here and there, but usually I have a Protein Drink for Breakfast, a midmorning snack, usually something like crackers, a diet dinner for lunch, one of those small smart ones, NO pop, NO juice, NO ice cream, if I have chips, I only have small amounts for a snack, and they are the baked ones. I just don't get it. Everything I eat as a general rule is low fat, baked, or something like that. I don't have french fries, or burgers anymore. Any help for a struggling woman?

Kristi

[serious 2]

KristiB,

That has happened to me before, pre lapband. I hired a personal trainer, worked out religiously, ate right, the whole nine. Then I weighed myself after a month, no change. I felt better physically, but it through me into a depression. I talked with a clinical nutritionist about it and she said one of two things could be happening. First, some of the lean cuisine products I was choosing were full of sodium, so just because they were low fat and portioned controlled, my body was holding onto the weight. Second, because I had been at that weight for a while, my body considered it my set point and was going to take a while to budge from that number. So, I continued the working out, and after 6 weeks, I finally saw a 5# wt loss. But, I got depressed, fell off the wagon and gained back 15, the story of my life with diets it seems, pre lapband. So, continue what your doing, you're doing great, and give it a little more time. You are probably just at your setpoint for right now. I heard it happens a lot with bandsters, (the body kind of fights the whole thing), then they drop.

[ser123 0]

serious,

If your stylist is also a friend, maybe you should say something to her... although that is a pretty high risk situation and I am not sure I would do that myself.

If you do switch my thought is that at some point she is going to ask you about it anyway, either socially or if she sees you at the salon. So you kind of have to decide before you leave what you are going to say when she asks you about it.

I think if you avoid it, you are only going to be able to avoid it temporarily anyway. Sometimes it is hard to do business with friends for that reason.

I would almost just get a referral from someone else and go to an entirely different shop if I was going to switch. Then you don't have to constantly be worried when you are at the salon that you are going to see her.

Do keep us updated with what you decide to do....

[ser123 0]

Kristib, how much weight have you lost total since the band?

I am like serious in that I notice that when I lose weight, I plateau every so often before my body kick starts again. It is all about calories in and calories out, so if you are eating less and exercising more it has to come off. Eventually. If you have lost a decent amount of weight, maybe your body is at one of its set points like serious suggested.

Another thing is that if you do the same type of exercise routine your body gets used to it, unfortunately. Maybe talk to your trainer about that and see what she/he says about changing up your routine a bit.

I swear, if it was easy for us fat people to lose weight, we would all be skinny, wouldn't we? Skinny people seem to try about half as hard and get twice the results, not that I begrudge them that.

[ser123 0]

Wootsie,

I am like you. I want it IMMEDIATELY. I decided to do the surgery at the beginning of December and had it in the beginning of January. I am very glad that I didn't have to undergo a lot of extensive testing that would have thwarted my plans for lapband domination in 2007. I understand totally where you are at. 13 days left now though, sister.

[cchristys 0]

Hi Mine name is Charlotte. Wow, where do I start with this? Okay, I'm a big woman who can't stand to go out with men who love big women. Something about that creeps me out. Especially since I long to be thin. Also, I have friends who have tried to set me up with heavy men in the past. I'm not attracted to heavy men. Even though I am a big woman, I am very active. I bike ride, hike, walk along the beach, etc. I don't want a heavy man who will slow me down. But, then again, not attracted. (I know, double standard) Do I expect skinny men to be attracted to me...NO! However, if one is, I usually go out with them and have a great time. But, I usually don't date. Right now, I hate dating.

I hope my outlook on dating changes once I finally lose this weight. I will be banded on January 30.

So, I guess this is where I stand..I understand men not wanting to date heavy women because I only want to date active, thin men. I want someone who will challenge me and be active with me. My last relationship (last year) was with a lazy thin man. I gained weight with him around because all he wanted to do was eat and watch T.V.. UGH!! I stress ACTIVE. ;-

I hope I'm not seen as petty..but, it's what I want.

[ser123 0]

I date a lot. I guess I figure almost everyone is worth a free lunch to meet and see if we click. I have a doctorate degree and have gone out with people who work in factories and only a high school education because we clicked. I have dated people shorter than me, taller than me, superskinny (which I don't prefer), fatter. I even once dated a smoker (YUK) because he was exceptionally charming at our lunch date.

I guess I think that it doesn't hurt to meet someone, and if you have a good time, just go out with them. I usually end things after about 3 months if I don't think it is going anywhere or if the other person hasn't ended it. Having a good time with someone isn't necessarily getting super serious.

[wootsie73 0]

You know Serious,

Genius just might have something there. You probably would be better off going to an entirely different shop.

She will probably ask you abut it eventually if you stop going to her, but at least you won't be going to someone in the same shop. I would think that would really hurt her feeling.

Probably better to go somewhere totally different. Great idea Genius.

Joan

[ser123 0]

Thanks Wootsie! You are making me feel like a .... genius.

Don't forget to keep everyone updated on your situation either. I am waiting for the next installment!

[ser123 0]

Also, I wanted to amend my previous post about going out and dating someone just to have fun even if they aren't your perfect person.....

If you have a bad date, BELIEVE ME, all of your single friends will laugh with you and you will realize even a bad date will give you a lot of mileage.

Example: I went on a dinner date with a man. Seemed great, until he kissed me. He licked me around the mouth. EWWWW!!! WTF was he thinking?

Example: My best friend went on a date with a man to the zoo. It was over 90* out and he bought a slushie and wouldn't share it with her. Uhhh, okay.

Example: My best guy friend went on a date and got up and went to the bathroom. He came back and the girl had ordered a bottle of wine on his tab without asking.

Just one example of many of bad dates that make good stories....

[wootsie73 0]

Thanks Wootsie! You are making me feel like a .... genius.

Don't forget to keep everyone updated on your situation either. I am waiting for the next installment!

Well Genius,

You do have a doctorate degree! I mean, that must make you very intelligent! LOL I only have an assosicate degree and working sometimes on my BSN, so I'm just not as smart as you are. Sorry, I can't help it. LOL

Besides, I'm jealous that I'm having to wait for months to get my surgery and you got yours in a month! How fair is that? Actually, I made my appointment with my surgeon either in late October or early November, and January 5th was the soonest I could get in.

Anyway, I have a couple of questions for you guys. They may seem pretty stupid, but I'm asking anyway.

First, my PCP has suggested I get into therapy to deal with the issues that caused me to get fat in the first place. Do you guys think that's a good idea? I'm a very private person and I don't feel comfortable telling people very private things. I know I need to, but I'm kinda scared to. Are any of you in therapy? I was just wondering if I should just get over my shyness and go for it, or stay in my shell?

The other question is totally unrelated to weight loss or the band. I have a birthday coming up in a little over a week. Damn I'm getting old! Should I wait for Donny to ask me out, or should I mention it to him? I still haven't gotten to give him his Christmas presents, nor him giving me mine, because it's been snowy and icy most of the time since I've been back here. So, I don't know what to do about it. I know he knows when my BD is, because he has mentioned it several times and asked if I was shocked that he remembered it. I just don't want to make him feel obligated to take me out if he doesn't really want to. Know what I mean? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Joan

[ser123 0]

My thought is if he knows when your birthday is, then you don't have to tell him, especially if you had a conversation about it. If he doesn't do anything for your birthday that will tell you a lot about his interest level.

On the other hand, sometimes even when you know someone's birthday, you forget. So maybe in casual conversation with him say something along the lines of, "The people at work are taking me to lunch for my birthday on Tuesday" and then he is reminded but you haven't asked him to do anything. If all he says is Happy Birthday, well then you can distance yourself some.

[ser123 0]

As far as therapy goes....

I think therapy is great for people who want to go to therapy. If you are in therapy because someone dragged you there or because someone suggested it, well that may be just a waste of money.

I have been to therapy a couple of times. The first time was for me, and because I wanted to go (not for my weight) and it helped tremendously. The second time it wasn't nearly as helpful. I didn't think I had the problem, LOL, but I was trying to save a relationship. So going because you want the other person to change doesn't really work, LOL. Duh.