A thread for Single Bandsters

[Elisabethsew 50]

I am single but in a casual relationship with a man who is a better friend than a potential life partner. While I am open to dating others, "they" are not asking. For now, I am fine with focusing on me, where I am going, what I want, etc.

[kym828 0]

hi all,

my name is kim, 38 and i live in Colorado. i was banded nov 2nd and loving this so far... i have been divorced for 3 yrs myself. I have to agree with Karen on this one. I know lots of bigger women that are always busy dating. I have alot of single guy friends and i can honestly say the good guys of the group seem to be much more open minded towards a larger woman because larger women tend to have developed better social skills and personalities. my motto as a big woman has alway been 'fake it till i make it!" what i mean is i suffer from low self-esteem and worry what others are thinking constantly, but i act like i am the most confident person around. it works beautifully with younger men as they often are sick of insecure young girls that have to be constantly reassured. i dont date often by choice - i want to focus on me for now, but when i do date it is always a younger guy. also, because of my own insecurities of not trusting my judgement on picking a good man my age- i choose to date younger guys knowing we are in totally different places in our lives and not compatable long term, but the initial ego boost is great. i want to eventually start dating men closer to my own age but i will have to learn to trust my judgement before i can ever do that. i know i know i am crazy but it works for now...

[NewBeginnings2018 81]

Karen - yes he does sound like a keeper!

Missy - all of my friends are married as well, and now starting to have kids. We are still great friends, but it's hard to get out these days. Ocassionaly I'll find myself getting a little jealous of my married friends, but then there are other times I love being single. I think the hardest part is that they just don't understand what it's like to be single. They've all been with their husbands since high school or college. If you haven't been a single adult, you just don't get the challenges of it and you don't understand how different it is from when you were 20 years old.

I'm curious to see if/how my dating life changes as I lose weight. I think I put a lot of blame on being overweight, and I will no longer be able to do that. Yet one more demon to face! haha

[KristiB 1]

I honestly don't think that I want any serious relationships very soon, simply because I have been overweight for so long, I don't know what to expect and act. I remember when I was younger, a man was looking at me and practically knocked himself out by walking into a pole! I miss those days, but I am also scared to be pursued again. Does this make any sense to anyone, because it doesn't to me!

I will be frightfully honest, one of the major reasons I decided to have the band now, as opposed to later, is that the darn hormones are starting to run amuck! I am in my 30s, and you all know what that means!! I am not saying I am going to go to bars and pick men up.....but I would like to get married one day. So why am I afraid of it?

Oh, well.

Kristi

[JDru 0]

I am so glad you started this thread Chris! I really struggle with being single here in Salt Lake City because people get married so young out here. I'm only 28, but all but one of my good friends from high school are married and have children. I'm definitely ready to settle down, but I think I need to work on myself for a few months first.

For the past 2 years I've been in this nebulous friendship that I like to call a fauxmance (ha ha!). His name is Allen and we hang out a lot, talk on the phone everyday, mess around every once and awhile...but it's going nowhere. Over the past 6 months things have become more friend-like, meaning no messing around because it made me feel horrible after since he doesn't seem to want a relationship with me. But it's hard to date people becuase it's so much easier and less scary just to hang out with Allen. I'm working on it though...it's hard.

Us single gals have to look out for one another!

[harlito 0]

Kristi, I think I know what you are saying. I know that I wanted to lose weight to get my life going as well. Being a man does not change that even without the hormones going amuck. Time doesn't stop ticking for any of us. There are so many things that I want to do in life and having a family is one of them and being in my 30s means that if I want to enjoy what most seem to enjoy I need to get a move on. But I don't know what is going to happen. What happens if I just go ape wild and become as lose as some of the wastebands in my shorts?! All these plans that are running around in my mind are on notice, things could change. I am almost afraid of what I will become! What if what I think I want is not that at all? Maybe going ape wild is what I need.

I think it's going to be fun either way... and healthier than the life I've been leading.

[Malice X Girl 0]

The band has going to be a secret...it will be hard letting someone in and letting them know about the band especially since 4 out of 5 friends don't know i've had it done. However with the port and the gurgling it's not going to be easy to hide it...plus the fact i can't eat much

[NewBeginnings2018 81]

I'm glad you posted harlito! I was sure that the single men out there felt similar to us girls. It's great to get the guys perspective as I'm sure you love reading ours.

JDru I think we've all had those friendships! Sometimes they serve their purpose, but it's tough because I think it's inevidible that one person will eventually want more. Good for you for being strong enough to stop the messing around part. You do deserve more, especially if you want more!

KrisitB - I understand what you mean and also partly got my band at this juncture because there is so much more I want out of life and I know this is the first step towards that. I know that being "normal" size won't solve all my problems, or make it so that I'll find my soul mate. Instead I'm looking to make peace with myself and get over this "thing" that has plagued me since I was 5 years old.

[mommy3boys 0]

Been single for 2.5 years after 11 year marriage and dating is hard. Finally have had a couple of dates with a nice man who thinks i'm the sh*ts and it feels great. I have developed new friendships with other single/divorced women and feel that has helped me the most. Love my married friends and really love my single life now...i'm alone not lonely. Life is good so far. But dating is very intimidating. I've decided I'm just goind to enjoy the ride no matter where it takes me. I've experienced extreme sadness and loneliness being with someone who no longer caried for me and never wish for that again.

Good luck.

ana

[roxy123 1]

Chrispy and all other single bandsters, (On a lighter note) I have to tell you this story of my friend who is also a single bandster. I about fell off my chair when she told me this.

My friend lost a significiant amount of weight, aroud 60lbs and she has been going out alot and having a good time going out on dates. Well, she met this guy that she liked and decided to be intimate with him. I guess she didnt prepare for explaining her band scars, which you can barely see anyway- So this guy asks her in bed "How did you get those scars?" She quickly answers and says "I was in a knifing accident"!!!!!

[NewBeginnings2018 81]

Oh roxy that is hysterical! Guess we all better plan our answers ahead of time so we're ready in case we're asked!! Top of my list - shark attack.

[GiGGlesTX 0]

I have been overweight since the age of 10. This put a real damper on the non-existent dates in high school. I have always been a shy girl, but really out-going with my friends. I've had it in my head to not even think I was worth dating or having a relationship over the last 10 years. In my early twenties I had a few "physical relationships" which left me temporarily satisfied, but miserable in the long run. Other than that, I have had "on-line" relationships and some very odd first/last dates.

But, the best thing in the world happened a few weeks ago. I have been friends with this guy for 6-7 years. In the beginning we always partied together. Well, in the last 2-3 years I would only see him a couple times a year at a mutual friends house. We always flirted back and forth (flirting for me is smiling....a lot....lol). Guess what, he asked me out on a date...FINALLY!!! :faint: Come to find out he has liked me for a couple of years, but the timing was never right. For the first few days I was in shock...how can this totally hot guy who is a GREAT person want to take me out. That's when it hit me, he liked me for the inside and he liked what he saw on the outside too...shocking (haha). Of course, he has always dated skinny hot women in the past. So, we have had a few dates and it has been really great! I haven't felt pressured to make it physical either, like in the past.

I too am scared about men's reaction to my appearance when I'm skinnier. I want to process this in a healthy way! I have decided to get counseling for this reason. I don't want to become a buck wild woman at the bars OR be skinny and still have no self esteem. I know it's all a process and I'm excited about learning to love me. It was a real boost to my self confidence when I was asked out...I know it happened for a reason.

[beversman 0]

I noticed single or married... there are only a few men on this site. I think for the most part this is a "female thing" right now. I don't see why. I think it is great for both sexes, but all the sites i've gone too are mostly women.

Either that or we just like to talk and type more.

[KristiB 1]

That is way too funny!! I wouldn't have thought of something cool like that. I have told everyone at work, my family, everyone. So I guess I won't mind talking about it to someone I am dating, if they ask. If they have a problem with it, it's their problem. Sorry for the earlier post, it was probably TMI with the hormone thing, but it is nice to hear from some men going through the same thought processes.

Another reason I don't think I can date and get very serious now is that, I have a 6 year old who still sleeps with me. I would sure hate to kick her out just because I got married!!LOL

What do you guys and girls do for fun? I am not really going to be into the bar scene anymore. Just can't do that. I feel like I am really boring now. But I guess it comes with having a family. I would like to take my daughter snorkeling in Florida for spring break. I just got my open Water diver scuba certification, so I want to go to FL to scuba dive.

Have any of you ever heard of Weeki Wachee? Thats where I would like to go, if I am taking my daughter. If she stays with her gparents, then I may go to cozumel.

Any different ideas for kids vacations?

Kristi

[roxy123 1]

KristiB, Ive been to Weeki Wachee! The mermaids are there! Thats what my two daughters would say. Now they are 12 and 13 but when they were around your childs age we went. I live in Orlando so we did a day trip. Its only about an hour or so away. I would make it a combo Orlando/WW though. Not too much going on in that area but the Water park itself. Im a single Mom and have always taken my girls on trips every year by myself. We just got back from the Atlantis in the Bahamas. The girls loved it.