update on body image topics

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have shared over the past year or so the many different struggles I have had with seeing myself accurately. I have had a couple of mental breakthroughs the last few weeks and I thought it might be insightful to some others who are struggling with the same thing.

I am like 5# from goal now. I felt that my goal is high - it is like a 26 or 27 BMI and I kept wondering if I really should lose another 10-15 or 20 (or honestly is there a number that is enough?) amount less then that to get to a "proper" weight for my height. I have had some friends concerned about this because they keep telling me it is time to stop losing. I had the plastic surgeon tell me the same thing - I am at a good healthy attractive weight.

Well, it is hard to believe that about yourself when the mirror keeps noticing every little imperfection.

A few weeks ago I went to a trapeze party and yes I swung on a flying trapeze (terrified, but did it). The photos from that party made me realize that I am thicker then the 20 year old waif girls but thinner then pretty much every one over 40. I am fitter then most of them too.

A good friend loaned me a dress for a work related 1970s themed party that I was so nervous about. That being dressed up and being SEEN. Well, the dress was a modest outfit - I went Saturday Night Fever theme. She is average sized and I never believed her dress would fit me. I slipped it on - a fitted medium - and it was pefect. No Shapewear squeezing me in, i just fit a medium, fitted, nonstretch costume. Even I couldn't deny that it made me seem so... normal sized.

Then, I went to this big work related event where I was declared attractive, not just by people who know and love me. For the first time in my adult life, I felt like an attractive, normal looking woman. It is such a strange thing to think about isn't it.... when you have always felt everything from lumpy frumpy all the way to huge.

Last night, I was waiting for a friend outside of a restaurant and got a whistle from a passing vehicle. I was wearing a winter coat over my leggings and boots - hardly dressed provocatively. In my past, I would have assumed alot of different things about that event.... but this time i had to turn away so no one could see my smile. I am not invisible anymore. I am 48 years old and for the first time in memory, I am not invisible, I am not frumpy, I am not embarrassed to be seen. I dress nice, wear stylish clothes and shoes, do up my hair and makeup - I look better then I did when I was 28 when I was frumpy and dressed like I was trying to hide. I am shocked that my looks have held up so well to time and all the weight gain and loss but I bet alot of it is my attitude. I like me pretty dang well and just feel like I have finally given myself permission to shed the fatsuit.

Yes, I still want to have that Tummy Tuck, but even if I never do... that will be okay too.

[Aussiegirl 580]

CowgirlJane, congrats, it is hard to get to the place where we are happy with our bodies.

I relate to your struggle completely. I too had a goal of a BMI around 27, not under 25. I always wanted to more Marilyn than some stick model.

I am somewhat around there at the moment, I go up and down a few pounds either way.

I still have moments when I walk into a normal size store and feel like a fraud and that nothing is going to fit me, then am surprised when the largest size is too big.

I had a moment like yours this morning, I was in my gym with my trainer and looked at my legs and actually said god, my legs are so thin...and toned.

Like you, I may or may not loose the last few pounds, I have a weight I will stay under, but I am happy with how I look clothed atleast...and am getting used to the extra male attention, being single I welcome it lol

[LindaS 316]

I am at the place where I am rethinking my goal weight. I am at a 26/27 BMI, and I am noticing a lot more loose skin with the last 5 pounds lost. I'm not sure if more loose skin is worth more pounds lost to get under 25 BMI. I am thinking it is NOT.

I like where I am. I am still trying to eat healthy, and I need to get more exercise in. I am not sure what I really want my goal weight to be.

[Kris 78]

Oh ladies thank goodness for you! I have a goal to be at at 25- 26 BMI, and it will be a struggle to stay there (got very close briefly, then backslid a bit and now trying to get back).

In my 20s I lost a lot of weight (70 lbs.) and got down to a 25 BMI (132 lbs) -- size 8P. I felt like I looked really good and was very healthy. I tried, but never could get below 130 lbs. So, when I had the surgery I set the goal to be at my lowest weight when I was in my 20s, even though it had me at the very top end of "normal BMI" range. I figured if I could just get back to that point -- some 20 years later -- I would be a great personal success.

However, when I see so many sleevers setting goals (and many achieving them) of a BMI in the low 20s I wonder am I doing something wrong by setting a BMI goal that's higher than that?

So when I see other sleevers set a target for a slightly higher BMI -- thank you, thank you! Makes me feel not so much like I'm doing something wrong! PLUS -- holy smokes girls your pictures are AMAZING!!!! You look fit and gorgeous!!!

[dar1983 751]

I started this journey at 284lbs. I am currently at 210, with a goal of 140lbs...which at my height, would leave me with a BMI of 24. I will be honest and say I am not shoting for a particular BMI, size or anything. I am wearing a size 14 right now (was a 22/24), and if I reach a single digit clothing size, I will pass out from excitement!

I am not one of those who suffers from body dysmorphia or has trouble accepting a smaller me. I LOVE getting into smaller sizes! Just bought some skinny jeans today and still shocked and pleased at the fit. I just turned 53, and I intend to love life, and not get mired in head games. Enjoy the new body you have worked hard to get, and get out of your own way!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

An interesting thing happened to me yesterday that really shook me up. I was walking into Macy's yesterday and seen a reflection in the mirror of my daughter and me and at first I loved the body image I seen and then I noticed my face. I so totally freaked out because I looked or look like my grandmother....I was treated very poorly by this woman and I can't stand the loose skin on my face. I've been telling my DH that I want to get a face lift and he keeps telling me no, he likes the way I look. It makes him feel better about himself because he is 12 years older than I am. It makes me angry and I am telling him I'm going to do it anyways. the bottom line is, I hate the way my face looks........those past feelings and the reminder of my grandmother is so sad and depressing. I don't like this emotional baggage.

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

An interesting thing happened to me yesterday that really shook me up. I was walking into Macy's yesterday and seen a reflection in the mirror of my daughter and me and at first I loved the body image I seen and then I noticed my face. I so totally freaked out because I looked or look like my grandmother....I was treated very poorly by this woman and I can't stand the loose skin on my face. I've been telling my DH that I want to get a face lift and he keeps telling me no' date=' he likes the way I look. It makes him feel better about himself because he is 12 years older than I am. It makes me angry and I am telling him I'm going to do it anyways. the bottom line is, I hate the way my face looks........those past feelings and the reminder of my grandmother is so sad and depressing. I don't like this emotional baggage. [/quote']

I really wish I could do plastics too. But it is just not an option financially. I know how you feel

To finally be smaller and look so much older. It's heartbreaking to me. I just try not to think about it.

On another note my daughters want to do the beach this summer. I have avoided that my entire life. Now I'm faced with bathing suit issues. I'm sorry but nothing is going to hold in all this skin and hold up the damaged "girls" it is impossible.

[Puja 148]

An interesting thing happened to me yesterday that really shook me up. I was walking into Macy's yesterday and seen a reflection in the mirror of my daughter and me and at first I loved the body image I seen and then I noticed my face. I so totally freaked out because I looked or look like my grandmother....I was treated very poorly by this woman and I can't stand the loose skin on my face. I've been telling my DH that I want to get a face lift and he keeps telling me no, he likes the way I look. It makes him feel better about himself because he is 12 years older than I am. It makes me angry and I am telling him I'm going to do it anyways. the bottom line is, I hate the way my face looks........those past feelings and the reminder of my grandmother is so sad and depressing. I don't like this emotional baggage.

MsSkinniness, I don't have any advice for you, and I cannot imagine how difficult this must be! Does your surgeon's office have a counselor that could perhaps help you sort through this and find a positive way to acclimate to these changes?

Either way, everyone on here is always available to offer you support!

Perhaps another member who has also conquered demons from their past on their road to health will be able to swoop in on this with some words of experience.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

You deserve to address this, but remember - you are still you no matter what your eyes are telling you. Love thyself