Certain Uncertainty

[devichan 79]

Wow, Rebeca... I think you're right. You look so very much like me when I was in my 20s. Right down to the size. The hair color in your profile pic is somewhat darker than mine, but yeah. And I don't take it in a mean way. I might still be your size if I hadn't killed my knees.

(And I love the pink-hair passport thing. I can just imagine the "seriously, WTH?" looks. )

Feel free to message and geek with me about things.

[mwrarr 244]

Helloooooo! Nerd-pagan-fabulous fatty, here, too! they shouldn't care about your confidence. They mostly want to make sure you're not a head-case & can understand the implications of what you are about to put yourself through. I've been nerves since day 1, & that was 15 months ago! I'm glad to meet ya.

[vlb4vols 16]

You have an awesome way of telling your journey .... A true story teller of sorts ...I am also going through the beginning stages actually on my last step (sleep study) ... I look forward to reading more of your journey, finding strength in your confidence and honesty

[devichan 79]

Two appointments back-to-back, two positive results.

Yesterday was my second nutritionist appointment. I am down 9 pounds in a month. She is thrilled, and when I gave her my food journals (yay, Sparkpeople!) she says she wants me to keep doing what I'm doing.

The results of my psych tests came back. Unsurprisingly, I came back as a nonconformist. But they are also seeing my motivation and like the fact I'm taking what I'm learning here and devising strategies to make this work. I already have begun to be more mindful of my food intake, I'm practicing chewing to applesauce consistency, and I've already dropped soft drinks, caffeine, and drinking with my meals and for half an hour after. They didn't see signs of psychopathology or of disordered eating. All of these things plus my success so far reassured him and he is going to recommend the surgery for me.

Other successes: I have had the pre-existing clause removed from my insurance with the proof I was insured at my last job. I joined the gym on the first floor of my office and start tomorrow (today I didn't have time to go before work after my appointment). Work pays for a personal trainer visit every four weeks, so I'm going to set that up soon. Until then, I'm going to walk. I put together my exercise playlist today, and I also have some podcasts I can enjoy while working out.

My sleep study showed no apneas, but plenty of hypnopneas. I think that is something that might go away with shrinking size.

I told my sixteen-year-old last weekend. True to her awesomeness, her reaction was "Grandmother likes to be bossy and nosy, so I won't tell her. It's your body. I hope it works out for you. Should I be worried about anything?" I love this girl, I really do. (She just got into art school. <3 SO PROUD. <3)

Now I'm flickering back and forth between calm and nerves. My next dietician appointment is 9-MAY. My daughter (who normally lives with her biodad and stepmom) will be arriving in early June. I would like to have the surgery before she visits. If I don't have it by the end of May, I might not be able to do all my summer plans and would have to wait until September because travel is important. I really don't want to wait until September. On the other hand, my insurance requires six months of supervised dieting. If they decide my visit to my PCP back in December counts, I'm in. If they don't, it's September.

I don't want to be stuck in my pre-operation supervised diet phase for six more months....but I have to admit on a money level, I wouldn't mind. I guess that now that I'm on the road, I want to get to the destination and get it done.

Still certain. Still uncertain.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Dee, welcome! I think you have very realistic views but, you might be surprised too. I was pretty outgoing and felt self confident in most aspects of my life too. I have been obese most ofmy life and at some level had some peace with it. Well, I thought I did - I don't see it quite the same now.

Anyway, the inspiration I want to share that for a person who is motivated, who understands that the road won't always be easy and how to ask for help and actually USE the information provided - you can be wildly successfull. That is how I feel anyway!

It took me 14 months to lose 150#. I could have lost it faster, but after I lost the first.... 110-120 or so I took a little break before pushing for the homestretch. I needed the mental break - surprise surprise... I discovered I wasn't actually sure I wanted to be that "normal sized". I am sure glad I did though!

Even my family... the people who see me everyday are shocked to see my before pictures. Somehow we were all in a little denial...

Don't I just look happier now? I sure do feel better..

[devichan 79]

It's been a while since I updated.

Today, I got my approval from insurance. I meet with the surgeon on Friday at 10:45. As it happens, I have a stomach bug today and where I thought I'd be really excited, what I am is tired. I'm down to 269 on my home scale, so I'm sure I've met their pre-surgery requirements. (And I'm down 40 since December.)

We've told my 7-year-old. She is understanding and promised not to tacklehug me while I'm recovering. Her big question was would I be asleep, like her friend Jacob who got tubes in his ears because "he got earaches, like, ALL the TIME Mom, it was so sad!" She also says she'll be happy to help make me Soup in the microwave and eat the noodles out of my Soup for me. We've made our morning chewable Vitamins into a mommy-daughter time, which is kinda nice. She says she's looking forward to me being skinny like her and eating little meals like she does. <3 The rest of my chosen family remains supportive.

I've started taking Biotin, collagen, and Calcium with D already on top of my daily multi and B complex and the D I was prescribed. (In Minnesota just about everyone has Vitamin D issues, I'm told.)I am noticing an improvement in my skin and hair since I've been doing that, and I hope it will be enough to keep the Hair loss to a minimum. I remember what it was like to lose hair after my kids were born, so I have some perspective on what I'm looking at.

I finally told a few of my friends what was going on. The basic response was "do what you have to do to stop hurting. You really have tried everything else, and we love you regardless." It's good to have friends...

I guess I'm moving more toward the certain end of things?

[babywools 34]

I love how you tell your story. I started this journey about the time you did. Finished my supervised diet (3 months) and was approved by insurance. My surgeon requires a cardiology clearance - I have CAD and a heart valve issue - so I do that tomorrow. I hope to meet with the surgeon later this week or next get scheduled for mid- June. Ready to start the next phase of this journey.

[devichan 79]

Before....

And two months after!

[LBD 121]

Just read through this thread & really appreciate your story- good for you!!! Well on your way. I am pre-op & having the same kinds of aches & pains you described... Are you feeling better? How was the surgery?

[devichan 79]

The surgery was fine, actually. Not painless, but I didn't experience much pain at all. I was off the pain meds by three days out and working from work at 9 days. (Don't tell my doc.) My knees don't even feel like the same joints I had two months ago, there's such a big difference. I have only needed to take Tylenol one time for knee pain since the surgery, and I had been a 6-Advil-A-Day habit. NO regrets.

[LBD 121]

Awesome! Great to hear. Starting to feel a sense of peace about my decision moving forward for so many reasons, including the possibility that my knees won't crunch anymore!! Thanks again for sharing your story.

[mrs.petethecat 62]

The surgery was fine, actually. Not painless, but I didn't experience much pain at all. I was off the pain meds by three days out and working from work at 9 days. (Don't tell my doc.) My knees don't even feel like the same joints I had two months ago, there's such a big difference. I have only needed to take Tylenol one time for knee pain since the surgery, and I had been a 6-Advil-A-Day habit. NO regrets.

And Dee, you know what??? It is only going to get better from here on out. I was like you in that I had lots of pain in my knees, hips, back, etc. I got to the point where I would not go out with friends because I could not keep up. The pain was just too much. Could not even go shopping, grocery or otherwise. My poor hubby did it all. Today 7.5 weeks out, 35lbs down, I went to Super Target, walked every inch of the store. No pain and no loss of breath. You will experience so much more freedom. I was always thinking about the shortest route to do things so I did not have to walk and be in pain. I can't wait for you to see how much your life will change! Best wishes to you and a big hug!