Hello

[Piper 0]

Hi everyone,

My doctor told me yesterday that I really should have Lap Band surgery and he wants to schedule me with the surgeon. We had discussed it before, but now it seems like it's more than a suggestion from him. Simple as that. Dieting hasn't worked. Pregnancy weight decided to stick around for the long run. It's my fault. I know. You don't get this fat on celery and 3 mile jogs. I did this. But I also always thought of my weight as my temporary problem. I didn't want to face obesity as "me" but rather as just something I had to get past - like a cold.

I feel like Lap Band is the point of no return. It defines me as an obese person - not a normal person who is temporarily obese. Does that make sense? And at the same time, a point of hope. Ok, not really. I say "hope" but I still keep saying in my head "I've become the fat person who gets obesity surgery." Can anyone relate? Meaning, I'm so fat that I've become one of "those" people. And yet, perhaps this is the chance to hope to be normal again.

My husband loves me, but he didn't sign up for someone quite as fat as I am.

My baby daughter loves me, but what sort of example am I setting for her? What will her expectations regarding weight be? Will she resign herself to one day being as fat as I am?

I am 5'5" and I just tipped 250 lbs. 250! It's a magic number, so it seems. 250 seems like it might as well be 300 or 400 or get-out-the-crane-she-wants-out-of-bed sort of deal. I could fool myself as long as I didn't hit this awful terrible number. And then I did, yesterday at the doctor's office, where he didn't have the scale set at -5lbs like I have the dial set at home (where I spit into the sink and take off my jewelry and use the toilet and stay in there until I can pretend I see 239.)

And with all this, maybe Lap Band can help me be normal again! Is there really hope? Dare I get so excited to think that there's a tool to help me solve this problem ... that if I just get past the mental block, I can actually be another boring normal-weight someone who disappears in a crowd?

~Piper

P.S. I am sorry if I have offended anyone by saying I don't want to be "one of those people." I'm just being honest with my feelings about what Lap Band suggests. Didn't anyone else feel like that? I'm sorry.

[Veggestyle 0]

Piper-I totally understand what you are saying. I am 5'3 and weigh 270 and havent had any kids! And I have tried...and tried...and failed...:faint:

I was also very very reluctant (and that is saying it lightly) to look further into the lapband b/c that would be admitting that I am obese, and not did I only find I am obese I am "morbidly obese." It was so hard to admit that to myself...even though deep down I knew it, I knew it when I couldnt fit on a roller coaster, I knew it when my pants size went up into the middle 20s...i knew it and now with this knowledge I can change and that makes me happy. It is also so worth it to be healthier and happier and now I am just a mere 10 days to my lapband surgery after I admitted to myself that I am "morbidly obese" back in july!!!

[bosteph 2]

I can totally relate!

Yesterday I had my pyschological evaluation (required by my insurance). One of the questions that was asked was, "Why now? What was the tipping point for you?"

My answer sounds very much like where you are coming from...

I had a very tough time admitting to myself that I needed help. I am a very controlling person. Admitting that I have no control in this area of my life has been very tough for me. In addition to finally admitting that I need help, I also had to face the fact that I have reached a point where this is severe enough for surgical intervention. I have never had surgery for anything. I felt extremely weak during the period when I made my decision.

I have to say that making a decision and moving forward has been the very best thing for me. I am no longer punishing myself for getting into this situation. I am taking control and moving forward. I am excited about getting my surgery date and starting the next phase to a brand new me. I also find myself less interested in food.

[kygal 0]

My children are older, and now I think they may model their eating after mine. :rolleyes I don't want them to think mommy had to resort to surgery becasue hse could not control her wieght with her own willpower, but I also want to see them grow up...and to enjoy life with them.

I am currently waiting for insurance approval, and maybe thinking that I may get denied , adn sent back for six months of supervised dieting.

It's ahrd to admit you are fat, and that you may stay this way, adn it is hard to admit that youcan't control yourself. I have been overweight for about fifteen years, and in a way can't believe I've waited this long. I think I have always thought the next diet, which was right around the corner, was going to work.

But I'm forty, and it's time for me. I have thought about it for some time now, and I am really mentally ready. I think you have to do what's best for you.

[bkgrandma 0]

Piper, don't let the doctor talk you into something your not ready to do. It's not easy, not a quick fix and can be a big disappointment to some people. I hate the word obese but we are what we are and I am and have been most of my life. I had my band done September of 2005 and I'm still at the same weight so think long and hard. Good luck, Sue

[Wheetsin 714]

Hi Piper, and welcome.

Some people struggle with obesity their entire lives. I didn't. I started gaining about 10 years ago, and just never quit. For a very long time, a time that I'm not even sure is over yet, I would tell myself I "just needed to get thin again". I understand what you mean when you say that you saw it as a temporary state. I did too, to some degree. It's not who I was, so I was just a little out of character.

Problem is, instead of "just getting thin again", I just kept gaining, and gained myself up near 400 lbs. Same as you, DH always loved me, but I physically was not the person he married and I felt bad about that.

350 was my magic number. I didn't weigh myself, but I KNEW there was no way I would ever let myself get THAT big. Surprise, during my consultation I was 370. I couldn't believe it.

People ask me how I feel now, and I tell them that I feel like I'm getting me back. Like I'm reclaiming my lost territory. I look back and can't believe I let myself gain that much weight... but at the time, I didn't really see it. I avoided the harsh reality of a scale like some people avoid going to the doctor when they know something is wrong, but as long as they don't actually hear it's wrong, there's still some hope of being OK. I denied it as it was happening... oh, these pants must have stretched hrunk in the dryer... oh, it's just a few pounds - I must be retaining Water... oh, I can always diet tomorrow.

Remember that the band isn't what defines you as an obese person. You're obese whether you have the band or not. The band defines you as an obese person who's willing to face the problem and do something to fix it.

It took me a long time to come to grips, so to speak, with getting the band. I contemplated it starting 2001, and just had surgery this year. I kept thinking, "All I need to do is diet". And I would. And I would lose the weight. My problem was that I could never maintain. I was perpetually in a state of losing or a state of gaining. No in between. And I felt that I should be strong enough to do it alone. I mean - dammit, I have accomplished *everything* I've really, truly put my mind to. Why was this so different? I kept wondering - what if I get this surgery, and all along "just one more diet" would have worked and been all I needed?

And then I realized - how do I REALLY think I'll be in a year? Because sure as shit, that year is going to pass, and when it's up I can be fatter and unhappier, or I can be thinner and much, much happier. The year doesn't care about me, it's going to come and go. My role is to decide what happens when it's up. If I'd done this a year ago, where would I be now? How many times did I tell myself, "I'll really think about the surgery if I don't lose 50 lbs by May" or "Ok, I'm going to try this one last diet and if I can't get below this BMI in this amount of time, I'm doing it" or "If by the time I turn 30 I'm not back down to this weight..."

So then I got real, and made the decision. And once I had made it, I knew it was right. I never regretted a single thing. I never felt deprived, never felt I had made a mistake. I never even had the "What the F did I just do?" reaction I'd heard so much about. After more than 5 years of contemplating this, I knew I had done the right thing.

I know people who have been obese their entire lives have it hard. At the same time, I know I could argue that people who weren't obese, then became obese and lost their self image, self esteem... saw how people started treating them differently... slowly watched themselves become invisible, and slowly saw themselves becoming this thing that wasn't who they were... probably have it a little harder, at least the mental game of it all.

For me, the band wasn't about losing the weight. I can lose the weight. For me the band was about helping me keep the weight off.

So don't let the surgeon make the decision for you. It has to be your decision. And it has to be 100% right. Don't feel any pressure from anyone. Ask yourself if the band is what it is going to take to get what you want. When you know the answer is yes, you're ready. Until then, you have plenty of time to research.

[carol453 0]

Hi Piper

Its nice to hear from you. I weigh 271 as of yesterday and I am not offended at all. I was painfully thin most of my younger life and I have learned weight doesn't have to define who I am but it can take a toll on my life. Believe it or not I woke up one day and thought whoa I am fat when did this happen? I truelly didn't see it untill I was over 200 lbs. I am having the lap band because I decided I can't lose weight on my own if I could I would have by now. I just want to take control of my life again. I believe I had to come to this decision my self, my Dr. or family couldn't do it for me. when the weight comes off I will still be who I am. I do know how you feel I didn't mind being obese but when I heard my cardiologist dictating on my case and he called me MORBIDLY OBESE I was shocked I was one of those people. LOL Please talk to people where you feel safe and let this be your decision. That is when it will be the right one for you.

Carol453

[OfferRocker 0]

Hey Piper, I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm waiting for my surgery date and have had several months to think about all this. The closer I get to my surgery, the more sure I am of my decision. What helped me through the feelings I was having about my failure at dieting and coming to terms with my "obesity" is I'm thinking of this procedure as a tool not a punishment for being obese. When I explained this procedure to some of my friends, you could tell their first thought was "she is so out of control she has to have surgery to lose weight." But I explained that their way of keeping their weight under control does not work for me; therefore, I need another "tool" to help me. And thank God for this wonderful "tool' we are going to have in our possession. Good luck with your journey. I'm sure we'll have a full range of emotions as go through all this. And how courageous we are to be taking control of our lives and doing everything we can to get healthy. Take care! Donna

[angie92 0]

Hi Piper,

I'm new here also. I'm 5'4" and weigh 277. I've been thinkin about this for almost a year now. You have too make sure this is what you want don't let anyone "talk" u into it. I do my 1st seminar on the 6th of Dec. I hope everything moves smoothly for all of us waiting. Good luck

[DouglasP13 0]

Hey guys! I know how you feel. I'm at 391 right now. I have never been anything but fat. I know I have been. I don't eat a lot, most people I hang out with eat far more than I do. I'm very active, I hike, and walk a mile 3 to 4 times per week. I actually jog some as well, and at times, I run. Yes, I run! I work with teens, and at times we do things like compete with running, and other things. I am a fast runner, but of course, I can't run very far. When I take the kids to 6-flags, they can't keep up with me. Of course, I can't ride most rides due to my weight. So I just tell them that I'm scared of roller coasters, or things like that. I love bumper cars, but I weigh too much, and my cart can never get up enough speed. I have always been happy with myself, and have been able to love me for me.

That being said, I have always tried to lose weight, but have never been successful. Even though I'm fat, I never felt fat when it has come to my activities, but I have felt it in my dating life. I finally decided to do the lap band. Since I have been talking to people on here, it has made me feel so much better about me doing this. I can now freely admit that I can't get my weight under control. And with the help of you all, I feel that I'm making the right choice more than I ever have. I have never doubted my decision, but it did take me a long time to come to this decision, and I believe that I will be happier in the long run.

[Piper 0]

Everyone, to say I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support here would be an understatement.

I actually don't know how to respond to all the thoughtfull responses. Whenever I've tried to talk about my weight with any of my friends or family, it's always been brushed off (you carry it well, you can lose it, you're ok, it's not so bad, etc - even though I knew that 100+ lbs of excess weight is not "ok") ... I'm not sure if the intent was to encourage me, to make me feel better, or whatever ... but I've never really been able to talk about this. And now I just post some lame random post about what's on the top of my mind, and suddenly I have all these responses - vegg, steph, kygal, bk, Wheetsin (!!!!), carol, nume, angie, doug. If I had only ONE of you to talk with over the last 5 years, let alone all of you. I'm overwhelmed, and confused, and I looked at the before/after pix and I can't believe it. I have so much thinking to do.

And I am so very very grateful for all of you who responded to my post. Thank you. I don't know how to respond because I feel like I'll sound stupid. But I've also read each response at least 5 times. I took today off of work (called in sick, yikes) because my mind is in a brain freeze. I can't think of anything else. It's almost like my first highschool crush where there's just one thing on my mind. So ... lap band. and all you people. And whether it's my idea or I'm being pressured into it. And what do I want.

I have no idea how any of made it through the early stages of seriously considering it. It's like life has stopped, and the idea of lap band has taken over.

At least I know I'm not taking the idea lightly :nervous

[DouglasP13 0]

Piper, I think this is an awesome site, and it has helped me immensely. Most everyone I know is not overweight, so it's like I'm just different from everyone. When I talk about my diet to anyone, they are like "you are fine for who you are" "I love you for you" "you wouldn't be doug if you weren't the way you are" "you don't need to lose a pound" and "you aren't fat, you're Doug!" This is nice, but GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! They may all feel that way, but not a one of them would consider me as boyfriend material. Finally I have found people to talk with about this. I have never felt comfortable saying what my weight was, but here I feel fine. I'm almost 400 pounds! I'm not ashamed, I love me for me, but I do need to lose, and I know it.

Piper, if you ever want to chat, pm me. I would love to get to know you better.

[OfferRocker 0]

Hi Douglas,

Congratulations on making the decision. I think that is the hardest part. Are you scheduled for surgery yet? I'm still waiting to hear if my insurance carrier is going to approve it. Best of luck with your journey.

[laurigee 545]

Piper

I Was 130lbs Less Than 15 Years Ago. I Was Anorexic For The First 5 Years I New My Husband. I Had 2 Boys And Gained Weight. I Got Back Down To 150lbs For About 3 Yrs. At That Time My Husband Joked That He Would Never Leave Me Unless I Got Over 300lbs. Well Guess What, After Being Thin Most Of My Life I Got Up To 260lbs. At That Point I Too, Thought My Husband Didn't Sign Up For This. I Actually Thought I Was A Fraud. Needless To Say, My Husband Told Me One Night When I Was Crying Cause My Legs Hurt So Bad From Being Outside Doing Yard Work All Day That I Had To Do Something For Myself. I Had A Hard Time Admitting That I Didn't Have The Willpower To Do What I Had Done So Many Times Before. I Also Learned It Is More Than Just Willpower. I Think When Everyone Heres Lap Band They Think It Is Horribly Restricting But It Truly Isn't. I Have Had Mine Since 9/05/06 And Have Lost 40lbs. I Eat Everything I Want. Smaller Portions Of Course. When You See The scale Moving In The Opposite Direction Your Use To It Gives You The Drive To Not Eat The Crap You May Have Before. It Turns You Into A More Aware Person Of What Your Putting In Your Mouth. I Will Say That I Can't Eat bread Or It Makes Me Sick But I Can Also Say I Truly Don't Miss It. Remember Its Reversible And Its Just A Tool For Us That Every Other Answer Hasn't Worked. Lap Band Won't Work If Your Not Ready, Because You Can Go Back To The Same Eating Routine As Before. Its A Tool For Those Of Us Who Are Not Ashamed To Say We Need The Extra Help.

[carol453 0]

Piper what a nice thing to say. You are here for us as much as we are here for you. I have had a hard time with the concept of obesity being a disease. I have felt like a personal failure because I can't lose but someone once told me "If you think you can control a disease with your mind the next time you get diarrhea try to control that with your mind. You will definity end up in a mess." LOL I am in a mess. oh well I am doing the best I can to get out of it. After I get banded I have mad some goals liek crossing my legsand painting my own toenails. I have all ready planed some gifts for myself , like painting my kitchen, somehow that doesn't sound like a reward huh? I am so glad you and the others are here for me thanks so much. email me anytime you feel like it.

Carol453:)