Let's talk about taxes

[bitteroldhag 0]

No, you will have taken care of her because she's your mother and she took care of you before you could take care of yourself.

I wish I could trade places with you. I got the inheritance, but my mother is dead.

I don't think people who haven't been caregivers understand the stress at all. I have friends who have sisters or brothers doing the caregiving. I tell them that they REALLY, REALLY owe their sisters and brothers. Like war, unless you have done this, you have no idea what it is like. I have been through two strokes, a heart attack, kidney failure, low blood sugar so that she completely lost her mind, two bleeds that required many units of blood, not being able to walk so we have an electric wheelchair, constant servitude, and constant worry, not to mention the minor stuff. I think someone deserves some pay for that. I figured out that my brother owes me something like $220,000 for care and that was two years ago. I'm sorry you lost you mother, but caregiving is a whole different ballgame. I have kept Mother alive for 5 years when my doctor didn't thing she'd live a year. I'm good at this, but it's wearing. At the moment, Mother is in the nursing home for skilled nursing care after receiving 6 units of blood and IV antibiotics for a week. My doctor told me not to visit her everyday, so I'm taking two days off. This kind of stress messes up my weight loss, but I am glad to still have Mother though she's very demanding, and I get tired of being the servant all the time. I'm 59 years old. I got Mother when I was 54. I talked to my pastor about it and said that Mother had done everything for me, including changing diapers. She asked me how old my mother was when I was a baby. She was 27. It sort of changed my perspective. I don't mean to be snotty, but you have to take care of the elderly to understand what that is like. I would like a payoff for all of this, but I won't get it. I don't want to seem to be only interested in Mother's money. She doesn't have all that much. I love my mother and she knows it. She says that she knows that her kids love her. She says if she dies tomorrow, she knows her kids loved her. I don't think my brother has exactly proved that, but he's the baby and it's not his job. I'm just tired of caregiving but we can't afford the nursing home. They told me that Mother's medication alone would cost $124 a day. That's about what I gross per month. Thank God for medicare.

[BJean 16]

Bitter: I went to school at Northeastern my Freshman year!! I dearly loved Tahlequah! I have wanted to go back to visit for years. We've lived all over the country and Montreal, but I still miss Oklahoma and Tahlequah is especially dear to my heart.

When they built the Indian center there about the Trail of Tears, my Mother loved it so much she considered it nearly sacred ground.

When I was young we used to go camping and fishing on our vacations at Ft. Gibson. I'm sure that it has changed a lot, but for us kids back then, it was a magical place. That's when I learned about fresh caught fish fried over an open fire and s'mores.

And then there are the tube rides down the Illinois River. My best friend in high school and my first roommate at Northeastern took me with her to her family's cabin in the summer and the innertube rides were the highlight of those weekends.

Thanks for just mentioning Tahlequah. It gave me pause to take a stroll down memory lane - sigh! Life seemed so simple back then.

When I transferred to O.S.U. things started getting way more complicated: I changed majors from elementary education to Interior Design and married an architecture student and he wound up getting drafted (Viet Nam), I had a baby and things have been way more difficult since those beautiful days at Northeastern. But I am lucky to have those wonderful memories and I appreciate having communicated with someone today from Tahlequah!

[BJean 16]

Bitter: I lost my Mom and my sister (who was like my twin) to breast cancer. I didn't have full time care of either of them, but I can tell you for sure that it takes a mighty special person to take on what you have done for your Mom. You totally lose your own life and if that's not enough, you are completely exhausted most of the time. I did things for my Mother that I thought I could never do. My brother and 2 sisters ran the other way.

My Mom was so crazy about my brother but he was completely worthless when she became ill. I know it was hard on him, but his lack of attention to her was very hurtful to her.

I don't regret one personal care thing that I did for her. I am proud of every particularly difficult job I managed to do for her. It was hard but it made me feel like I was a better person than before I did them. I lived in Orlando at the time and every month I flew home to help her and give my Dad a break. It took us 2 years to pay off all the airline tickets. (My family sacrificed some too.)

But none of this even counts a tiny bit toward what you've been doing for your Mother. There is a very special star in heaven for you, I have no doubt. And although your brother would never agree with me I'm sure, you deserve every penny your Mother and your family could give you. And you would still not begin to be paid for what you've done for your Mom. I admire you very much for stepping up to the plate and taking charge of an extremely difficult situation!

[Carlene 12]

I don't mean to be snotty, but you have to take care of the elderly to understand what that is like. I would like a payoff for all of this, but I won't get it.

I was my mother's caregiver. She had Parkinson's Disease - the type that causes not only the involuntary movements of the upper body, but the type that also results in dementia, paranoia, etc. And she had severe Osteoporosis - so bad that her spine was crumbling with stress fractures and she couldn't wear her dentures because the bone in her lower jaw was just gone. Obviously, she could only walk very short distances, with the aid of a walker.

When my mom got so bad she couldn't be left alone at all, I hired people to stay with her while I was at work, and for several nights each week. The rest of the time, I took care of her. I did her laundry, and my own. I cooked for my family, plus whatever my mother wanted to eat at that particular moment in time. I changed the litter box for her 2 cats, did all her shopping, and ran all her errands. My family and I did all her yard work, as well. I had a job, a husband, and 4 children, but no life of my own. I could not go on a vacation, or even a weekend trip. I thought I was going to have to miss my son's wedding rehearsal because it was on Friday night and I didn't have a sitter for my mom.

I treasure the things I have that were my mother's. Every time I open her recipe box, I see all those little index cards covered with her handwriting. I couldn't have cared less about the money, but I would have fought for that recipe box.

Now my mother-in-law lives with me. She is almost 87 and I take care of her, although she's in great shape for a woman her age (but almost deaf as a post).

I know a little bit about caring for the elderly. It's not a lot of fun, I agree. But I can close my eyes and feel my mother's hand on my forehead when I was sick. She was a single mom - divorced from my alcoholic father when I was 5 years old. She raised us by herself. She was a teacher, but she worked two jobs most of my childhood, and she took in ironing to pay for my dancing lessons.

My brother, who did absolutely nothing as far as caring for our mother, got the same inheritance as I did, by the way.

[bitteroldhag 0]

Bitter: I went to school at Northeastern my Freshman year!! I dearly loved Tahlequah! I have wanted to go back to visit for years. We've lived all over the country and Montreal, but I still miss Oklahoma and Tahlequah is especially dear to my heart.

When they built the Indian center there about the Trail of Tears, my Mother loved it so much she considered it nearly sacred ground.

When I was young we used to go camping and fishing on our vacations at Ft. Gibson. I'm sure that it has changed a lot, but for us kids back then, it was a magical place. That's when I learned about fresh caught fish fried over an open fire and s'mores.

And then there are the tube rides down the Illinois River. My best friend in high school and my first roommate at Northeastern took me with her to her family's cabin in the summer and the innertube rides were the highlight of those weekends.

Thanks for just mentioning Tahlequah. It gave me pause to take a stroll down memory lane - sigh! Life seemed so simple back then.

When I transferred to O.S.U. things started getting way more complicated: I changed majors from elementary education to Interior Design and married an architecture student and he wound up getting drafted (Viet Nam), I had a baby and things have been way more difficult since those beautiful days at Northeastern. But I am lucky to have those wonderful memories and I appreciate having communicated with someone today from Tahlequah!

BJ -- I'm glad you enjoyed your time at NSU. I have taught there fror 14 years and, while NSU is not the greatest place to work, Tahlequah is good for the soul. I understand there are Ley lines in this area and they seem to have caught a bunch of people from other places. Our professors could get better jobs elsewhere, but they stay here because they love Tahlequah. It's a sort of magical place. I was born in Tulsa. My parents are from Checotah, so eastern Oklahoma is just my place. I noticed that I would go away and then drift back to eastern Oklahoma. It would take a big bomb to blast me out of Tahlequah. I intened to live here until I die unless I move to Wyoming which is another good place. I went to grade school there and I love the town of Saratoga there. But I think I'll just stick it out in Tahlequah.:clap2:

[bitteroldhag 0]

Bitter: I lost my Mom and my sister (who was like my twin) to breast cancer. I didn't have full time care of either of them, but I can tell you for sure that it takes a mighty special person to take on what you have done for your Mom. You totally lose your own life and if that's not enough, you are completely exhausted most of the time. I did things for my Mother that I thought I could never do. My brother and 2 sisters ran the other way.

My Mom was so crazy about my brother but he was completely worthless when she became ill. I know it was hard on him, but his lack of attention to her was very hurtful to her.

I don't regret one personal care thing that I did for her. I am proud of every particularly difficult job I managed to do for her. It was hard but it made me feel like I was a better person than before I did them. I lived in Orlando at the time and every month I flew home to help her and give my Dad a break. It took us 2 years to pay off all the airline tickets. (My family sacrificed some too.)

But none of this even counts a tiny bit toward what you've been doing for your Mother. There is a very special star in heaven for you, I have no doubt. And although your brother would never agree with me I'm sure, you deserve every penny your Mother and your family could give you. And you would still not begin to be paid for what you've done for your Mom. I admire you very much for stepping up to the plate and taking charge of an extremely difficult situation!

Thanks for your understanding. I'm in the midst of caregiving and it's very stressful. I suspect that when Mother passes, I will be like Carlene and be very willing to do anything to get her back. She's have a big time at the nursing home. She got a permanent and her hair looks good. I was a beautician at one point in my spotty past but Mother couldn't stand up well enough for me to give her a permanent at home. I'm hoping the physical therapy at the nursing home helps her with that. She gets a big bang out of the old ladies at the nursing home. She thinks they are really funny, overlooking that fact that she's an old lady too. But, despite the signs of incipient Alzheimer's, mother is pretty sharp mentally. Actually I hope to have her for many more years.

[bitteroldhag 0]

I was my mother's caregiver. She had Parkinson's Disease - the type that causes not only the involuntary movements of the upper body, but the type that also results in dementia, paranoia, etc. And she had severe Osteoporosis - so bad that her spine was crumbling with stress fractures and she couldn't wear her dentures because the bone in her lower jaw was just gone. Obviously, she could only walk very short distances, with the aid of a walker.

When my mom got so bad she couldn't be left alone at all, I hired people to stay with her while I was at work, and for several nights each week. The rest of the time, I took care of her. I did her laundry, and my own. I cooked for my family, plus whatever my mother wanted to eat at that particular moment in time. I changed the litter box for her 2 cats, did all her shopping, and ran all her errands. My family and I did all her yard work, as well. I had a job, a husband, and 4 children, but no life of my own. I could not go on a vacation, or even a weekend trip. I thought I was going to have to miss my son's wedding rehearsal because it was on Friday night and I didn't have a sitter for my mom.

I treasure the things I have that were my mother's. Every time I open her recipe box, I see all those little index cards covered with her handwriting. I couldn't have cared less about the money, but I would have fought for that recipe box.

Now my mother-in-law lives with me. She is almost 87 and I take care of her, although she's in great shape for a woman her age (but almost deaf as a post).

I know a little bit about caring for the elderly. It's not a lot of fun, I agree. But I can close my eyes and feel my mother's hand on my forehead when I was sick. She was a single mom - divorced from my alcoholic father when I was 5 years old. She raised us by herself. She was a teacher, but she worked two jobs most of my childhood, and she took in ironing to pay for my dancing lessons.

My brother, who did absolutely nothing as far as caring for our mother, got the same inheritance as I did, by the way.

Carlene -- I see you have experience in caregiving. You are way too young for that. A friend of mine's father had Parkinson's and Alzheimer's and she took care of him for several years. She had a husband to help and it just decimated them. I have no one -- zilch, zero. It's just me. Mother can no longer walk though she still uses her walker for a TV tray. Actually I do have some help. I have a housekeeper to clean the house when she shows up, and I have Home Health care for mother. I cannot say enough about Home Health. Our aide is really caring and loves mother. She has just become a member of the family and we have become members of her family. It's just wonderful. We also have a home health nurse who takes superior care of mother and our physician, Donna, is just super. She actually makes house calls! She also saw mother in the nursing home this week to check things out. All of my friends now go to Donna if their insurance lets them. I once asked Donna how long she thought Mother would live and she said she would have already been dead if I wasn't taking care of her. It's just that it gets stressful and tiring sometimes, and since I had open heart surgery 13 years ago, I'm not in the best shape myself. But, hey, it's a learning experince though one of my friends who has Hepatitis C and a retarded son says she's getting tired of all those f....g learning experiences. I can relate. The dogs are eating the carpet so I'd better give them some chews. I apologize if I irritated you.

[BJean 16]

Bitter, you gave me a chuckle when you told us about your mom getting a bang out of the old ladies at the nursing home - like she doesn't realize she's old too.

My dad was the same way. He lived in a retirement community and he was spry and very active all of his life. He used to drive a lot of the old folks to the doctor and they played Bingo and all that. But he was hilarious when he would laugh at something those "old folks" did. He never admitted that he might be even older than they were!

Good grief, before I know it I'm going to be doing the same thing!!

One day I'm going to drive to Tahlequah and go exploring. You're lucky to be able to work and live there.

[Carlene 12]

I apologize if I irritated you.

You did not irritate me at all. Your post just made me think about how much I would love to trade places with you for even a day. After your mom is gone, you will feel the same way. No matter what kind of relationship you have with her, no matter how difficult it may be or how many sacrifices you have to make as she grows older, you are NEVER ready to lose your mother.

My brother was my mom's "favorite", and he was worthless as far as taking care of her, or even visiting, etc. When I called him from the hospital and told him she was in ICU and if he wanted to see her before she died, he should come that night, his response was, "You know how I feel about hospitals." I was so angry at him.

But about a month previous he had called me and asked if I knew what was in her will. I wanted to say, "Of course....and you will get exactly what you deserve." He didn't, though....he got a lot more than he deserved, if you ask me. But all he got was money. I got all of our mothers personal effects and family keepsakes. So I'm not complaining. Every special dinner, we eat off my mother's china. The gold is beginning to fade and some of the pieces are crazed, and it has to be hand washed, but I don't care. I wouldn't trade it for all the Spode or Wedgwood in the world.

[bitteroldhag 0]

Bitter, you gave me a chuckle when you told us about your mom getting a bang out of the old ladies at the nursing home - like she doesn't realize she's old too.

My dad was the same way. He lived in a retirement community and he was spry and very active all of his life. He used to drive a lot of the old folks to the doctor and they played Bingo and all that. But he was hilarious when he would laugh at something those "old folks" did. He never admitted that he might be even older than they were!

Good grief, before I know it I'm going to be doing the same thing!!

One day I'm going to drive to Tahlequah and go exploring. You're lucky to be able to work and live there.

Come visit. I have 7 animals -- four obnoxious dogs and three cats who ignore me and the dogs. Come on down and I'll show you the new stuff. T The major new building is Roger's last erection which is a tribute to our former President who couldn't seem to keep his pants on.

[bitteroldhag 0]

You did not irritate me at all. Your post just made me think about how much I would love to trade places with you for even a day. After your mom is gone, you will feel the same way. No matter what kind of relationship you have with her, no matter how difficult it may be or how many sacrifices you have to make as she grows older, you are NEVER ready to lose your mother.

My brother was my mom's "favorite", and he was worthless as far as taking care of her, or even visiting, etc. When I called him from the hospital and told him she was in ICU and if he wanted to see her before she died, he should come that night, his response was, "You know how I feel about hospitals." I was so angry at him.

But about a month previous he had called me and asked if I knew what was in her will. I wanted to say, "Of course....and you will get exactly what you deserve." He didn't, though....he got a lot more than he deserved, if you ask me. But all he got was money. I got all of our mothers personal effects and family keepsakes. So I'm not complaining. Every special dinner, we eat off my mother's china. The gold is beginning to fade and some of the pieces are crazed, and it has to be hand washed, but I don't care. I wouldn't trade it for all the Spode or Wedgwood in the world.

Carlene -- I moved a bunch of Mother's stuff down here and we have a wonderful set of dishes (occupied Japan Noritake) that mother got for $25 at a garage sale in Enid, Oklahoma. We also have some sterling silver silverware that my father and my brother bought her years ago. It's really expensive even on ebay, so I don't think we'll get much more. Mother is doing really well in the nursing home but wants to come home which she can do in about 10 days. We are figuring out how to use the cell phone. This one is a lot easier than the old one. Mother is still very alert and seems to be having a good time. She doesn't like the food or the bed, but she doesn't have to be there forever. I look forward to having her home though I've enjoyed my vacation for the last few weeks. It's amazing that one's whole life revolves around one's mother, father, etc. I used to have a life of my own, but no more. But I hope to keep mother around for a long time.

[Carlene 12]

Mother is doing really well in the nursing home but wants to come home which she can do in about 10 days. We are figuring out how to use the cell phone. This one is a lot easier than the old one. Mother is still very alert and seems to be having a good time. She doesn't like the food or the bed, but she doesn't have to be there forever. I look forward to having her home though I've enjoyed my vacation for the last few weeks. It's amazing that one's whole life revolves around one's mother, father, etc. I used to have a life of my own, but no more. But I hope to keep mother around for a long time.

My mom had surgery a year or so before she died. Of course, it couldn't be an uneventful thing. She got a staph infection and had to spend 3 weeks in isolation before she could even go to rehab. She was so not happy. Same as your mom....she complained about the food and the bed.

My girlfriend's mom will be 96 next month and she keeps her at home still. She gets brief respites from her sister, but for the most part, Betsy does it all alone. The rest of her family thinks that since she doesn't have a husband, children, or granchildren, she has no life anyway, so she gets to do the lion's share. I am so in awe of her. She rarely complains and she has been doing this for the last 15 years.

A funny little story....

I used to work about 5 minutes from Betsy's house, whereas she worked in the next county. She called me one day and asked if I would mind ducking out and checking on her mom. She had been calling for hours and no one answered. When I got there I found that Lois (her mom) was just fine. Yes....she heard the phone ring but when she answered it, there was no one there. She was answering the TV remote.

[mousecrazy 2]

I would support a flat tax of 10% across the board.

Is that a plan that the DNC, or Hillary, is promoting for their national agenda?

I do not support an inheritance tax on the general principal that the money was taxed when it was made. Why should it be taxed when it is passed on? That is double taxation in my mind.

I hold no grudge against rich people, or big corporations. In fact, I rather like them. After all, they create jobs and wealth for others. I hope this is not taken as a statement meaning I support illegal activities of large corporations, which I don't. But wealth and prosperity is not something to punish. So, Wheetsin, to your original questions, no. I don't agree with the sliding scale of taxing at a higher percentage for those who make high incomes. I like a flat tax rate.

[Lisa99 1]

I agree that there should be a flat tax. I'm in the same bracket as you Wheetsin and it annoys the HECK out of me that people who make tons more than we do have attorneys that get them out of paying most of their rightful taxes.

The other thing that gets my blood boiling is the marriage tax. Just because we're married and our salaries are combined we're taxed at a higher rate!! Grrrrr

[green 6]

We in Soviet Canuckistan are much more heavily taxed than our neighbours to the south. These taxes go towards paying for our social programmes and our general infrastructure. You must realise that our population is very small compared to yours, only somewhere around 35 million I believe, and yet our land mass is large. This means that a lot of highways, etc. to nowhere have got to be paid for.

Still, we've been told that we boring Canadians seem to be a nation of savers, folks who have little nest eggs squirreled away. On the blog of an American who chose to move to Canada for political reasons she mentions that, along with all our good qualities, we are cheap. I was kinda shocked until I thought about it. She is likely right: we are a nation of bargain hunters and savers. Perhaps it has something to do with the climate, eh.

My friends who live in the highly industrialised western European countries pay much more tax than we do. They like to visit Canada because the living here is cheap in much the same way that we Canucks love crossing the border for our holidays.

The idea of a flat across the board tax with no loop holes seems intriguing to me. It would put a lot of accountants out of business, though. How much weight do they carry in Washington? Perhaps if the flat tax works south of the border this concept could be imported up here.