Spouses reaction 2 weight loss

[gmanbat 5,889]

My daughter is in advertising. She designs ads for companies both large and small. The ads have less than a second to send a message and attract the right kind of attention. Immediate impression is everything.

As we all know, the world is full of shallow people. Looking past appearances is something most people have not the desire to do. They judge you by how you look and accordingly how that look jives with their past experiences.

Men like their wives to look sexy. In public, they like their wives to look classy. Sexiness is classy when it is not flaunted and it still comes through. Too much gratuitous skin exhibition just says cheap and desperate and makes him embarrassed for you. It may even get your man into fights with jerks. We love you and don't want animals defiling you with their eyes. Makes us want to punch them out.

All I'm saying is give us a break. You have a new deluxe frame that makes your man proud that you are on his arm. We love it but don't want to go to jail defending your honor.

[PdxMan 4,292]

Getting attention from others is not why all people dress the way they do. Some' date=' sure, but not all. Some people just want to look good for themselves. Looking good can make you feel good. It doesn't mean you need attention from others. Even if I know I won't be leaving the house and seeing any other adults in a day, I still like to dress nice and put on makeup so that I look good for myself and it makes me feel good.

[/quote']

You are quite correct. You have identified your motivation for dressing the way you did that day.

Perfect

I seriously doubt any significant other would have a problem with that. I don't believe that is what we're talking about here, though, if we are being honest with ourselves.

Sometimes, that is the most difficult thing to do.

[SummersGirl 41]

Too much gratuitous skin exhibition...

What is considered too much? That would vary greatly depending on who you talk to. Maybe this difference is where the trouble lies? I come from an ultra conservative culture' date=' so my version of too much would be quite different than most.

You are quite correct. You have identified your motivation for dressing the way you did that day.

Perfect

I seriously doubt any significant other would have a problem with that. I don't believe that is what we're talking about here, though, if we are being honest with ourselves.

Sometimes, that is the most difficult thing to do.

I am being honest with myself. Thanks. I guess that's what I'm talking about, dressing for ourselves, not for others. If people are dressing for others, and to get attention from them I see the problem it could cause. I'm just trying to say that not all people do that. I'm just happy people aren't noticing me for my fatness anymore, lol. I don't avoid public places as I tended to before, and for that I am thankful. Now I'm just average, yay for average, lol.

[gmanbat 5,889]

What is considered too much? That would vary greatly depending on who you talk to. Maybe this difference is where the trouble lies? I come from an ultra conservative culture, so my version of too much would be quite different than most.

SummersGirl

I guess it depends on the situation, setting, and culture like you said. In Cocoa Beach walking around in a swimming suit is ignored. Do it on the streets of my home town and you would be descended upon like buzzards on a freshly road-killed muskrat.

[PdxMan 4,292]

SummersGirl, being true to ourselves is the best we can hope for. I have failed in this department more than once, for sure. But as long as I am able to be honest with myself and make corrective actions to my character defects, I will have no reason to be concerned about what other people think. Even my spouse.

I know, personally though this journey, it is easy to get sucked in to the attention from others. I had always been the fat kid never being noticed by anyone. Women never approached me, I had to gain their attention by other means, which worked somewhat. We all try to use our assets as best as possible to be validated in this world. I didn't have boobs, so ...

When I started losing weight, I started getting attention from people, including women, at a level I had never experienced. It was intoxicating, I have to admit, if I am being honest with myself. I wanted more. This led me down a path of ego-centric behaviors which could have easily destroyed my relationship with my spouse. It was only when I reflected honestly on my motivations for doing what I was doing that the root cause was revealed.

I don't think I am a unique case in this community. I'm guessing a few folks may have experienced the same thing or will be soon. Being honest with ourselves and looking at what motivates us in our behaviors is critical. If the answer is innocuous, fabulous, but if it isn't, then do the right thing.

That's all I have been trying to say here.

Good luck to all

[Huntingnurse 510]

You are quite correct. You have identified your motivation for dressing the way you did that day.

Perfect

I seriously doubt any significant other would have a problem with that. I don't believe that is what we're talking about here' date=' though, if we are being honest with ourselves.

Sometimes, that is the most difficult thing to do.[/quote']

So you say youre NOT insinuating shes seeking an affair (of any type) or the affections of another man... But is sure sounds like thats what youre implying in this post.

[PdxMan 4,292]

So you say youre NOT insinuating shes seeking an affair (of any type) or the affections of another man... But is sure sounds like thats what youre implying in this post.

Nope, not insinuation that whatsoever. Furthest thing from it, actually. Just because I am seeking attention from the opposite (or same, depending on the team you play for) sex doesn't mean I want to have an affair with them. It usually stems from something missing from your relationship or something within yourself. Self-esteem issues or things like that. It could be a number of reasons which I am not going to iterate here. Only one of those reasons would be to have an affair.

In my previous post, I was not motivated to have an affair for my behaviors. It was something far deeper.

[SummersGirl 41]

We all try to use our assets as best as possible to be validated in this world. I didn't have boobs' date=' so ...

When I started losing weight, I started getting attention from people, including women, at a level I had never experienced. It was intoxicating, I have to admit, if I am being honest with myself. I wanted more. This led me down a path of ego-centric behaviors which could have easily destroyed my relationship with my spouse. It was only when I reflected honestly on my motivations for doing what I was doing that the root cause was revealed.

[/quote']

First of all, the boobs comment gave me a chuckle

Second, thanks for your honesty. I haven't gotten attention from other men, but it is something I'll be keeping an eye out for, or rather, my reaction to it (I cannot imagine it as its never happened to me before). I don't want anything to jeopardize my marriage. That would be devastating. I actually quite like the guy I'm married to

[PdxMan 4,292]

And I quite love the woman I married. There is a reason why the divorce rate for WLS patients is so ridiculously high. I don't want to be on that side of the statistics. Leading a selfish, ego-centric life was taking me there fast.

Entitled thinking is for sports stars ... and everybody who thinks they have been wronged in life ... Right? Yeah. Uh huh.

[ns8iable1 1]

I recall reading a similar post on this forum....one of the comments really struck me and might be helpful in this case too....

Your husband deserves to have a fit' date=' pretty, and well dressed wife.[/quote']

I agree. I've been married 24 years. My husband meet me when I was 16. And a brick house. I still dress nice in my size 16 and he knows nothing will change bout me but my size.

[mini.mee 83]

I don't know how to say this' date=' so I am just going to say it: It seems like there is a much bigger issue here than you realize. If your husband already has an opinion as to what you wear when you go out, this surgery and your subsequent weight loss will only make the situation worse. I hate to say it but true! Before I started on my WLS journey my surgeon stated at the seminar that if you have relationship issues now, the surgery will only make them worse. I believe you when you say you love your husband and no desire to go elsewhere, but I truly believe there are some deeply rooted jealousy issues for your husband that need to be addressed. Maybe you could suggest he attend counseling to address his controlling nature.

I say live your life and do what you need to do to make you happy. If things don't work out with you guys then it was meant to be. You don't want to spend the next 10 years miserable with someone who is only concerened about their feelings.

Just my 2 cents--[/quote']

Exactly my opinion as well, how did you get so wise UTGal?? :-)

[UTGal99 327]

Exactly my opinion as well, how did you get so wise UTGal?? :-)

That is what a degree in Psychology will do for you!