Spouses reaction 2 weight loss

[tpietrowski 102]

I'm looking for some advice about how spouses have dealt with their spouses and their weight loss. I'm finding my husband is going to have a huge issue with the weight loss and me feeling more confident/ sexy.... Difference in dressing and I'm not sure how to approach this without fighting. We have been married 10 years and I've given him no reason to not trust me but I want this to be a positive journey for us both has anyone else had the same issues? For example wearing capris was what I always went with and I'm thinking shorts or skirts and I always make sure to cover up the stomach so I'm questioning wearing summer dresses or tank tops. He does not like when the "girls" are showing and I'm only 32! so I don't feel like I need to dress like a nun. My goal is not to dress skanky or slutty but to dress my new body with clothing and confidence.

[misstiffsue 62]

My husband and I have been married for 11 years and I am 31! Very similar. I lucked out that my husband has been my biggest supporters and loves my new body more than I do I think. I would just deal with each issue as it comes up. Your new found sexyness and confidence is a huge ajustment for him as well. If you were like me I was always in yoga pants and long sleeved tshirts before I was sleeved. I have slowly started to feel confindent enough to change my wardrobe. I am sure it is not that your husband does not trust you but it might be hard for him to see the reaction and attention that you get from others. Just keep reassuring him.

[PdxMan 4,292]

I'm just curious, you said, "I'm finding my husband is going to have a huge issue with the weight loss and me feeling more confident/ sexy"

Why?

Is it a cultural thing? Has he not supported you in other endeavours? Is he a controlling type?

IMO, you should do whatever makes you happy, if it is a problem for him, then it is his problem, not yours.

As long as you stay true to yourself ... that is all that matters.

[tpietrowski 102]

My husband is not controlling he is very jealous but he definitely has an opinion as to what I wear even when I'm going out with him. Occasionally I do like to go to the clubs in Boston and obviously dress appropriate which creates a big issue with us ....so he is feeling that I'm going to change my way of life, my way of thinking and not want to be with him due to the fact that I'm losing this weight. I am happily married, in love with my husband and have no desire to go elsewhere. Because we are going to have these constant struggles with ourselves I don't want to have a struggle with my spouse

[notmeanymore 629]

My hubby couldnt keep his hands off of me even at my highest weight (242) but now that Im losing (currently at 200) he chases me around even more. Good thing I can run faster now lol. He wants to take me shopping and buy me new clothes and is always telling me how good I look. Im 42, he's 50 (but a super fit sexy 50). I couldnt ask for a more supportive loving husband.

[Karishero 57]

I'm not married but my "friend" has been giving me a real hard time telling me that i'm living a fairy tale that i'm not going to look good i'm going to look like a crack head and i'm just hoping he's wrong.. but i do know that my friend got gastric bypass and when he lost all his weight his confidence and ego went out the roof and he and his wife separated for a while till he got over it. I think it's an adjustment for you and your spouse and like the previous poster mentioned just take one issue at a time as they arise.. you'll be fine.

[Huntingnurse 510]

He needs to get over himself and his insecurities in my opinion. He shouldnt make you feel bad for losing this weight and feeling great about yourself imo.

[Huntingnurse 510]

I'm not married but my "friend" has been giving me a real hard time telling me that i'm living a fairy tale that i'm not going to look good i'm going to look like a crack head and i'm just hoping he's wrong..

So if your friend doesnt want to make it official and be your bf then hes probably getting very insecure that youll meet someone willing to make that commitment and youll leave. Thats on him.

[FeeIsMe2 508]

My husband is delighted with my weight loss, he keeps telling me I look hot!

[UTGal99 327]

My husband is not controlling he is very jealous but he definitely has an opinion as to what I wear even when I'm going out with him. Occasionally I do like to go to the clubs in Boston and obviously dress appropriate which creates a big issue with us ....so he is feeling that I'm going to change my way of life, my way of thinking and not want to be with him due to the fact that I'm losing this weight. I am happily married, in love with my husband and have no desire to go elsewhere. Because we are going to have these constant struggles with ourselves I don't want to have a struggle with my spouse

I don't know how to say this, so I am just going to say it: It seems like there is a much bigger issue here than you realize. If your husband already has an opinion as to what you wear when you go out, this surgery and your subsequent weight loss will only make the situation worse. I hate to say it but true! Before I started on my WLS journey my surgeon stated at the seminar that if you have relationship issues now, the surgery will only make them worse. I believe you when you say you love your husband and no desire to go elsewhere, but I truly believe there are some deeply rooted jealousy issues for your husband that need to be addressed. Maybe you could suggest he attend counseling to address his controlling nature.

I say live your life and do what you need to do to make you happy. If things don't work out with you guys then it was meant to be. You don't want to spend the next 10 years miserable with someone who is only concerened about their feelings.

Just my 2 cents--

[slojo 150]

My husband lays down little hints that he is insecure some about me losing weight. He has been supportive and encouraged me the whole way, but he has said kiddingly a few times that I would leave him after I lost all the weight. He even had some dreams that I left him for another man... He isn't controlling and likes to show off my pictures to his co-workers, but down inside he's a little insecure, but it hasn't caused any arguments or other problems. I'm at goal and he's glad for me. I just try to reassure him that I love him and am not going anywhere.

[gmanbat 5,889]

I have a relative in his 80's that is still jealous about his wife. She has never given any indication that she would step out on him through their many years of marriage. She is not ugly but not someone you would think men would be hitting on.

The problem is in him. He is insecure and harbors a deep seated lack of confidence which he masks with over confidence.

When he kids me about Deb looking great after her weight loss and that i should be worried I just tell him that I am so egotistical that I can't concieve of her ever wanting to step out on me. When you drive a Rolls Royce a Volkswagen doesn't tempt you.

So what am I saying? Build up his ego, girl. When he thinks you are sold on him he won't worry about you buying into something else. You know how to do it without him knowing what you are doing. I have discovered that women are light years ahead of men in the subtlety department.

[HoosierGirl 780]

I recall reading a similar post on this forum....one of the comments really struck me and might be helpful in this case too....

Your husband deserves to have a fit, pretty, and well dressed wife.

[Karishero 57]

He needs to get over himself and his insecurities in my opinion. He shouldnt make you feel bad for losing this weight and feeling great about yourself imo.

Thanks that what I think too. I thought at first he was just worried and didn't know how to express it but now it seems he may be "worried that i'll look better".. lol

[Karishero 57]

So if your friend doesnt want to make it official and be your bf then hes probably getting very insecure that youll meet someone willing to make that commitment and youll leave. Thats on him.

Oh he actually told me that he couldn't commit to me that becz of my weight that he would cheat.. so at that point i decided he doesn't deserve me heavy or skinny.. so you're right that's on him.