HURT BY COWORKERS

[JuliannaJ 83]

I have worked for a company for over 15 years and the small office I work in collects money every month for things that come up...like if someone dies, gets sick etc. That way we can send flowers or whatever and not have to have a collection. Before my surgery, two other gals in the office went out on disability and instead of just using our collected funds we also threw one a second baby shower and the other one that had abdominal surgery we all got together and put together a basket of clear fluids for her post op...including some vodka (lol) but also had magazines and things for her to do. I even took the time and made a card for her from all of us.

So my issue is this...I got nothing and my feelings are really hurt. I cannot understand why my own office would not even send me a card when we send people in other offices cards and flowers when they are out. I don't want to have these feelings of resentment but I do.

On top of all of this, I get daily emails or texts from them about my work stuff that they do not know how to do. No one bothered them or called them when they were recovering except to ask how they were...I don't even get that! And when I said something like I guess you are finally seeing some of what I actually do and why I end up staying at work so late, I got "well let me play my little violin for you".

Up until now I thought these people were "friends" or at least friendly coworkers of mine and I don't know how to handle this. I am a pretty upfront person, if I feel one way I will say it but I am not even sure what or how to say something at this point.

[delta_girl 931]

I don't have an emotional investment with anyone in my workplace. They aren't your family and they aren't (usually) your friends. They are your coworkers. They are not obligated to provide anything to you or for you outside of their job descriptions and general professional courtesy.

It sounds like you didn't get back what you were putting into it so it may have only mattered to you that you put in that effort? Or your expectations were too high for them? I don't know not being in your shoes. But it does sound like you really are hurt by their lack of empathy and action. Sorry to hear that it caused you to feel bad, which is probably spilling over into your work relationships.

[Geminidrive 389]

Who typically sends the gifts, is it one particular person or a group effort? Did you tell them that you Weight Loss surgery? Could it be that someone just dropped the ball?

[DivaNurse 171]

You know I do feel for you,. First thing if you are not required to answer your emails from work I would stop. You are home recovering and having to deal the silly people I wouldn't answer a one. Second, they may be some jealousy there on there part and that is their problem not yours. The one thing I have learned over the years of being overweight is you can't change people their character nor their attitude, the only thing you can change it you and yours. This is the time for you to focus on you and be happy that you now have a new lease on life and enjoy it to the fullest. Also since it is not a requirement to put in a collection box for the office (at least I hope it is not) I wouldn't do it anymore. When work is over your stuff up and say goodnight and head on out the door and enjoy your life. they owe you nothing and you for dog on sure don't owe them a thing. What am I am saying: Julianna DO YOU, they don't matter, remember this is all about YOU....I hope I said something to help you on your wonderful journey of weight loss.....BIG SMILES GIRL YOU ON THE LOSER BENCH AND THINGS ONLY GET BETTER FROM HERE.........................

[sramos89 260]

I have worked in all male field and all female field and if I could go back to all male I would in a heart beat! Women in groups like that can be jealous and catty. I am sure if you had any other surgery they would have sent flowers and have been concerned about you. They are not because they see this as an elective surgery you are doing so that you will look hotter than them. They are not educated on this surgery or why we do it. People really only care about themselves. Stop investing in people in treat you like trash and invest in those who care and understand you. I sound a little bitter but after losing a bunch people now care and I don't have time for them.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

I'll be honest. This would hurt me a lot too.

I have no good answers, but just to shove it in their race why not send a beautiful flowering plant/soup care pkg to yourself/office and sign it "from all of us". Have it arrive on your first day back. This won't solve the issue, but at least you can pamper yourself.

[LifetimeLoser 208]

I can understand your resentment and your pain. It is hard to move past that. I think you should definitely block their texts and emails if at all possible. You don't need the added stress while you are recovering and if you are on vacation, then well you are on vacation. If they aren't taking into consideration your health, then why should you go out of your way to help them. As far as not getting a basket or anything...they or he or she might be in the mind set that this is not "major surgery" or that "you did it to yourself". They might figure that you chose to have this and it wasn't an emergency...you planned it out and maybe that is why they didn't give you anything. Which no matter what the reason they are wrong, but along my journey I have realized that weight loss surgery is still something that most people are not educated about.

I also agree with divanurse...jealousy could be there too. I know a few people who are mad because I qualify and they don't. They see it as an easy way out. Or they are jealous because they know you will look fabulous and they will be the same old same old. And some people...actually many people don't like change.

Keep your head up girl! Forget them. You can make new friends!

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

FACE, NOT "RACE"... Sheesh, what's with spell check lately? :-)

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

This is such a sad reality when we find out who are our friends. It sounds like you have given yourself to the others and the others don't really care. Don't rush to answer their calls, take a couple hours, they're figure it out. Let them miss you so they can see what they're missing. I don't believe it is your responsibility to coddle them. It's time to take care of your needs and only your needs. From today on, only hang with people that are loving and caring to you and screw the rest of those negative a**wipes..... You are important......It's YOU time, so now ROCK that SLEEVE of yours......

[Geminidrive 389]

Don't give them the power, continue what you were doing before, keep smiling and be the bigger person.

Why does everyone keep harping on jealousy?

Do we know for a fact that she told everyone what type of surgery she had and that had to be the reason they didn't send her flowers?

[flmama 105]

I'm guessing you are the one who usually coordinates the gift efforts aren't you?

Ive found people are rarely as nice as others are to them. I know it hurts. You just have to decide if you will continue to contribute going forward or not. It sounds like you are unappreciated on multiple levels.

Don't waste any of your time on this...not work expending your healing energy on people who don't matter.

[HoosierGirl 780]

JuliannaJ - please send me your mailing address....I would love to make this right for you!

Sadly, you work with a bunch of insensitive a-holes. Not only would I no longer contribute to the office fund, I would tell EVERYONE you work with why you are no longer contibuting to the fund...because it's only for some of the people some of the time.

If they continue to call and email you, I would simply tell them that you aren't really in a position to help them right now since you took time off work specifically to recover from surgery.

[AdeptDreamer 104]

I'm sorry this is happening to you... Ignore them and focus on yourself for now. Karma will take care of the rest.

[DivaNurse 171]

FACE, NOT "RACE"... Sheesh, what's with spell check lately? :-)

Sheesh Ms Anti-band I was hoping the sleeve would improve my spelling I guess not....lol

[gmanbat 5,889]

My Debbie was the gift coordinator and party giver of her workplace. When she got surgery and also when she retired from work....nada. She made note of it but totally forgot it. We moved to Florida, now laying in the sun, giving each other gifts, partying on our own.....who needs 'em.

Go on with life...expect nothing from them..let anything the least bit classy that they do be a surprise.