Ow ow ow!

[SnapRoll 20]

Snaproll,

I myself, feel the same way alot of the other ladies do here. I have lost almost 70 lbs and have been bombarded by people stopping me asking "have I been loosing weight?", "How great I look". I think what is alarming is that it is overwhelming to us. Here we were invisible before and all of a sudden you have all of this attention that you didn't have before. And for me, I don't know how to handle it. It's been a very long time since I have received a compliment from anyone about the way I look. Women do that this personally. I have gotten used to not having this attention all of these years and then all of a sudden people are going out of their way to stop and talk to you. It has taken me 3 months to get used to how to handle the sleeve and get used to the sleeve lifestyle. That is overwhelming enough and then to add the pressure of everyone talking about it. I think that once I am further out, the comments won't bother me as much anymore because I will hopefully start getting used to all of this. I just know that this is the one part that the doctor's and nutritionist's don't prepare people for. And yes it is all mental. I think that goes to show how badly overweight people put themselves down. At least I did. I definitely have a better self esteem since I have lost some weight.

I hope I didn't say anything offensive, that is not my intention here. I am just trying to help Snaproll understand why we feel the way that we do.

Seems lime a good enough answer for me :)

[Healthy&Skinny 33]

Snaproll' date='

I myself, feel the same way alot of the other ladies do here. I have lost almost 70 lbs and have been bombarded by people stopping me asking "have I been loosing weight?", "How great I look". I think what is alarming is that it is overwhelming to us. Here we were invisible before and all of a sudden you have all of this attention that you didn't have before. And for me, I don't know how to handle it. It's been a very long time since I have received a compliment from anyone about the way I look. Women do that this personally. I have gotten used to not having this attention all of these years and then all of a sudden people are going out of their way to stop and talk to you. It has taken me 3 months to get used to how to handle the sleeve and get used to the sleeve lifestyle. That is overwhelming enough and then to add the pressure of everyone talking about it. I think that once I am further out, the comments won't bother me as much anymore because I will hopefully start getting used to all of this. I just know that this is the one part that the doctor's and nutritionist's don't prepare people for. And yes it is all mental. I think that goes to show how badly overweight people put themselves down. At least I did. I definitely have a better self esteem since I have lost some weight.

I hope I didn't say anything offensive, that is not my intention here. I am just trying to help Snaproll understand why we feel the way that we do. <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />[/quote']

Very well said, and oh so very true. I have my surgery booked for April 9, 2013. In the past anytime I started to lose the weight and somebody complimented me it upset me. I guess it scared me and reminded me of why I ate myself into being invisible to men. I struggled with male attention so in the past I sabotaged my weight loss out of fear to the point now that I am 100 lbs over weight and I'm very unhealthy. I need this to be a new way to eat and live. I need the assistance to get healthy for myself and especially for my 3 kids.

[NurseGrace 509]

I don't get this at all. Ones here go to great lengths to loose weight .....then you don't like it when people notice??? I'm not being offensive I just don't understand this kind of mental thinking. When I get sleeved I will be happy that people notice a slimmer me. I won't be bothered by it. I just don't get it. What's going to make you all happy??? That is a serious Serious question.

I HATE being the center of attention, when someone starts questioning me on weight loss and complimenting me, its great, but if it goes on for too long or calls a ton of attention my way suddenly I get very uncomfortable.

[SnapRoll 20]

Very well said, and oh so very true. I have my surgery booked for April 9, 2013. In the past anytime I started to lose the weight and somebody complimented me it upset me. I guess it scared me and reminded me of why I ate myself into being invisible to men. I struggled with male attention so in the past I sabotaged my weight loss out of fear to the point now that I am 100 lbs over weight and I'm very unhealthy. I need this to be a new way to eat and live. I need the assistance to get healthy for myself and especially for my 3 kids.

Compliments from men bothered you / struggled with male attention / ate yourself to being "invisible" to men. This kind of thinking cries out for professional therapy. It saddens me to know of your struggles. I'm truly sorry you feel that way. Honestly. The best to you and I hope you get help to deal with your inner feelings and possible past trauma. There is help out there.

[No game 14,437]

Snap,

I'm really trying to figure out where your coming from.... But I'm having a hard time O_o

I think we were being really open about some things. Maybe to much so, to help you understand. But at this point it might be useless..

I think everyone has "issues" around being fat.

We all have things we need to work on. none of us is perfect, even you

[SnapRoll 20]

Snap,

I'm really trying to figure out where your coming from.... But I'm having a hard time O_o

I think we were being really open about some things. Maybe to much so, to help you understand. But at this point it might be useless..

I think everyone has "issues" around being fat.

We all have things we need to work on. none of us is perfect, even you

I'm coming from a curiosity of why a choice made to so possitively change ones life leaves some "offended " of others noticing and being offended or uncomfortable when they are complimented on their efforts.

I merely gave support to the individual who specifically became obese to "be invisible " to men. There is help for her or anyone else who may have real life social issues. I'm not being judgemental. I'm being supportive. That's where I'm coming from. I'm merely trying to understand why some people get offended by others noticing a good thing ad being more healthy. I don't see how much more simple I can put it. I'm all in for SUPPORT.

[No game 14,437]

I'm coming from a curiosity of why a choice made to so possitively change ones life leaves some "offended " of others noticing and being offended or uncomfortable when they are complimented on their efforts.

I merely gave support to the individual who specifically became obese to "be invisible " to men. There is help for her or anyone else who may have real life social issues. I'm not being judgemental. I'm being supportive. That's where I'm coming from. I'm merely trying to understand why some people get offended by others noticing a good thing ad being more healthy. I don't see how much more simple I can put it. I'm all in for SUPPORT.

I think what we have here is a major disconnect..

We are, all of us making positive changes. As far as I know none of these women are house bound for fear of being noticed. But there is so much more to me as a person than just my physical appearance. I really don't need someone's approval on my looks. Nor do I really want it at this point, I have other things that I'd like to talk with various people along the way in life.

Men, well they are just a whole different animal..

I have spent a lifetime being judged on my looks by men.

I don't know, perhaps we are all just lesbians

( just a joke girls)

[No game 14,437]

I think where you might have gone wrong (for me anyway) is insinuating that we are not happy.

And telling us that there is professional help out there and we need it. I chose to have a therapist because I want to, and i like working on myself. I am pretty positive that the women here also know of that option.

[SnapRoll 20]

Hmmmmm. nobody said anything about anyone being house bound here on this thread.

Seems I have accidentally participated in the wrong thread of conversation specifically maybe because I'm a man. My apologies to anyone here who does not understand why I asked my questions. Suggesting that "there is help out there " was taken offense of apparently. That's not on me. Being supportive seems not to be recognised here by some people.

I had questions and I got some answers. I hope anyone here who has issues with anyone "recognising their better health " is not too judgemental on ones who are just trying to give possitive reinforcement. Please reread the beginning of this thread.

If most people don't understand that giving a compliment to someone loosing weight is either offensive or bugs them then you will just have to find it within yourselves to forgive them. Men or women.

[No game 14,437]

To clarify one thing, I never said it was offensive

And as to the rest, I guess we will have to agree to disagree!

I wish you luck on finding a surgeon and achieving you weight loss goals.

[SnapRoll 20]

Laura? Disagree about what??

[tigerbelle 328]

This thread has Enlightened me a lot to the differences between men and women and their thinking on this issue...I truly think that is the "disconnect" that Laura mentions...I have never had this conversation before with men--only other women...and it is interesting that the men who have commented in this thread are in the same boat, so to speak, as the women are, in that we all are overweight and have a desire to lose the extra weight for a multitude of reasons...this deal about discomfort on being recognized and complimented on the weight loss is something I do think it would be almost impossible for any man to really understand...that has to do not only with the struggles and emotional hurts of the individual women who've posted but a lot about society's views in general and the socialization of women of all sizes and weights...I think what Laura and maybe some other posters took issue with is the suggestion that these feelings of discomfort were somehow a "defect" and emotional impediment that warranted therapy...I am a big promoter of therapy, because I think almost everybody could use it in some way (lol, particularly those who say it is a sham!)...I just think that the discomfort is something so widespread among women who have lived with obesity that it is almost "normal" and not something for which therapy is absolutely necessary...it's hard to put this stuff in words

[SnapRoll 20]

Therapy is always possitive.

Not sure what Laura is trying to suggest about me directly. I'm for real healing and there is no shame in talking things out.

I expressed my sympathy in ones difficulty in taking possitive comments about the notice of weightloss they have achieved.

Tigerbelle expresses it clearly that its OK to talk these issues out. Its clearly a possitive thing to dig into negative feelings coming from a possitive reinforcement comments about a notice of better health in the form of noticeable weightloss.

[happytobehere 23]

This is the bad thing about typing responses, it's hard to distinguish the tone in which someone is speaking. Something very simple can get misconstrued as being mean or ugly. We all have different personalities and humor. Not that this subject is funny. I hope that everyone has a great day!!

[eclipse 67]

I don't get this at all. Ones here go to great lengths to loose weight .....then you don't like it when people notice??? I'm not being offensive I just don't understand this kind of mental thinking. When I get sleeved I will be happy that people notice a slimmer me. I won't be bothered by it. I just don't get it. What's going to make you all happy??? That is a serious Serious question.

Since I can remember, ie like age 8, I've gotten unwanted and sometimes inappropriate attention from men - yes men. I'm now 40, been through therapy, highly educated and maybe even more in touch with myself than some others. It doesn't matter, the attention is uncomfortable and I honestly don't like it. If you are not a woman, I'm not sure you can ever understand it.

That doesn't mean I can't take a compliment and I understand that more often than not people are currently genuinely interested and maybe even happy for me, but none of that knowledge takes away the discomfort.