Friend jealous or unsupportive, or both?

[cookie2012 44]

I'd be interested to know how my fellow sleevers deal with this. Since I've had my sleeve I have one particular friend who has not once, not a single time, mentioned my weight loss, asked me about it or anything - I thought she was a close friend too. Are my expectations too high? I'm not falling apart about it or anything but really intrigued/hurt by the indifference. She knows how much I've struggled with my weight....ok I'll be quiet now. Let me know what you think. Have you experienced this?

[AussieLady 521]

Is your friend overweight? If so then perhaps it is jealousy. If not, then might she think that you would feel uncomfortable if she made a comment. If you think that scenario is not the case then ask her. I would just say "how do you think I am looking these days"? The way she responds should give you a pretty clear picture of what the problem is.

[cookie2012 44]

My friend is overweight and I have taken steps in the last couple of years to improve myself, ie. braces to straighten my teeth, sleeve.

[AussieLady 521]

Then I think she is probably feeling somewhat left behind and threatened. Maybe jealousy but also she may just feel that your friendship may be threatened because you guys are different now. If you have a meal together she may feel subconscious about the difference in the quantities that you two eat. Really, if you sat down and thought about it you two have a lof of differences now. If you value her friendship it may be worth explaining that you still feel the same about her but you needed to do this to feel better about yourself.

[kczar 166]

I've been fortunate because all the people I'm closest with have been extremely supportive. Perhaps she's worried that you'll "leave her" once you've lost your weight. I'm sure insecurity has a lot to do with it. Don't most of us fatties (said with love) suffer from at least a bit of that? Maybe her insurance doesn't cover the sleeve and she can't afford to pay for the procedure out of pocket. Her seeing you succeed could be painful.

If you're truly close to her, I would suggest talking to her. If you said, "You know, if you were able to get the sleeve and I couldn't, I'd be kind of jealous of you", that might open the floodgates. It's hard to admit you have those kinds of feelings for someone you care about, so you taking the initiative would probably help a great deal. Remember, your life is changing while her's may not be. She might be afraid she'll be left alone.

[Geminidrive 389]

The only way you will know is if you ask her. It seems to me every time someone doesn't acknowledge something we are doing there is an automatic assumption that jealousy is the motive, perhaps it's just indifference. When we put too much stock in what others think of our journey we give them too much power. Ask her or this will continue to annoy you. Good luck!

[UndercoverBariatricGal 167]

I was lucky enough to hear peoples reaction to this surgery before it was even a thought for me so I knew in advance that I would be isolated in my weight loss I have not even told my best friend. Only two very close relatives and my fiance know I did this. The rest of the world has been closed out to this part of my life. I am not ashamed but don't feel I need to run around telling the world I had this done. One of those family members are heavy set and I have now past them in weight loss and they seem jealous so I feel I did the right thing. That is just one person so imagine how others may react to it? I'm not up for the challenge of feeling the need to explain myself or the why I did it or even up for hearing YOU TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT! Its all simply annoying and I myself would rather folks just say job well done on my hard earned work. Instead of saying you cheated by getting weight loss surgery. Smh If people only knew how hard this really was! You should just tell her she will always be a friend despite your weight loss.. I hope she comes around..

[*Dean* 1,594]

Hey Cookie. What ever the reason is it's her reason. If it were me, I'd just let it run it's natural course. Down the track it will probably come out.

[*Shell* 162]

Cookie, I am having the same with my sister and she is very overweight and just won't acknowledge anything. In the beginning I always talked about it and I found she was becoming distant and would never say anything so now I don't mention anything and I just hope one day the light goes on for her and she wants to talk about it and maybe consider changing her life with the op. it's funny because we used to always talk about our weight together and know it's a no go zone - sad

[Bella86 82]

I've had a crazy time with my friends!!

I've got one overweight friend who told all our other friends that I was getting it done and proceeded to tell me how jealous she was when drunk one night...

I've got another who when I told her ranted at me for not trusting her sooner with my personal info lol and how I've changed since having it done...then proceeded to 'out' me to another friend who already knew...along with how stupid I am for doing it (yeah right)

Mot females i tell, now have the urge to constantly remind me how hard it is for them to lose weight and eat right and exercise - yeah ppl I get it!

Oh and I barely tell anyone only ppl who I think I can trust...well u soon find out who ur real friends are!!

[BeardedBurbler 2]

Hey Cookie. What ever the reason is it's her reason. If it were me, I'd just let it run it's natural course. Down the track it will probably come out.

That is so right Dean. You can not, no matter how hard you try, change how other people GENUINELY think. They can say they support you but it is what is in their heart that matters. What you can change though...is how you respond/think...in your heart...to these people. If i bugs you so bad, ask your friend if she has noticed your weight loss...if she responds positively, you have broken the ice. But is she is negative, thats her issue, not yours. all the best

[k8ee 131]

I have a friend exactly like it too. I can confirm she is jealous though because she has always been infatuated with hers and everyone else's weight but never did anything about it.

When I initially told her about the surgery I was going to have she was like "why would you do that?" I just told her it was my choice and she should respect my choices. Well...since my surgery (may 7) I've heard from her once. She was my best friend but I guess since she hasn't even bothered to see if I'm still alive then she really isn't on that pedestal that I had her on which is really disappointing after 17 years of friendship.

She did the same to one of our other friends who lost a significant amount of weight and constantly puts her down. I just don't like it and won't stand for it!

If you have a good friend they'll be there through thick and thin and share your good times and bad with you.

[NurseGrace 509]

Thats hard, we all want to be acknowledged for our weight loss, but the truth is, almost no one noticed mine until I had lost nearly 40 pounds. I haven't gone back in your profile to see what type of losses you have been experiencing but thats just something to keep in mind. Also, in a lot of circles, commenting on peoples weight is extremely uncouth, even if it is concerned a positive change.

She might not agree with surgical methods of weight loss too, and that is her prerogative. I wouldn't over-think this too much. If shes a good friend, let it go. She might be struggling herself. Sometimes its hard to see people we are close to doing better than us.

[k8ee 131]

I totally understand but after the fact she was denied insurance for this surgery my thoughts are still otherwise.