Did you keep your surgery a secret?

[TES 858]

My biggest thing about not telling many people (I told my husband, one friend, and my parents and swore them all to secrecy) was because I don't want to be under a microscope during this journey. I don't want people judging what I am eating or asking me what I'm eating and why or asking me every day how much I've lost so far.

I've always been a slow loser and I had a feeling that since I'm hypothyroid, metabolically efficient, and I've restricted my calories for so many years, the weight wouldn't fly off of me after VSG either. That is what has happened, which makes me SO glad I made the decision that I did not to tell many people. I put enough pressure on myself and don't need added pressure from anyone else.

With that said, I know that if I can lose even 8 pounds a month or something along those lines, that's almost 100 pounds in a year! I know that I could not have done that without this tool. I really tried to go into this with realistic expectations. Sort of like when I got LASIK--I wasn't hoping for perfect vision, but wanted it to be better than it was pre-op. And it is--much.

I've thought a lot about what I would do if someone asked me once it's noticeable that I have lost a significant amount of weight how I did it. I have decided that if it's someone I am close to and they could potentially benefit from VSG, I will tell them. I will explain why I decided to keep the journey quiet. If they are a friend, they will understand.

[TES 858]

I have to say too that I was afraid by not telling many people that I wouldn't have a big enough support system. But I have found that the PAs at my surgeons' office and my RD (especially my RD!) have been amazing. My RD is a vegetarian like me so she really understands. I doubt she has ever struggled with her weight but I think that she truly understands my journey. She goes out of her way to email me little ideas and recipes here and there and she is so supportive.

[rdt210 82]

My biggest thing about not telling many people (I told my husband, one friend, and my parents and swore them all to secrecy) was because I don't want to be under a microscope during this journey. I don't want people judging what I am eating or asking me what I'm eating and why or asking me every day how much I've lost so far.

I've always been a slow loser and I had a feeling that since I'm hypothyroid, metabolically efficient, and I've restricted my calories for so many years, the weight wouldn't fly off of me after VSG either. That is what has happened, which makes me SO glad I made the decision that I did not to tell many people. I put enough pressure on myself and don't need added pressure from anyone else.

With that said, I know that if I can lose even 8 pounds a month or something along those lines, that's almost 100 pounds in a year! I know that I could not have done that without this tool. I really tried to go into this with realistic expectations. Sort of like when I got LASIK--I wasn't hoping for perfect vision, but wanted it to be better than it was pre-op. And it is--much.

I've thought a lot about what I would do if someone asked me once it's noticeable that I have lost a significant amount of weight how I did it. I have decided that if it's someone I am close to and they could potentially benefit from VSG, I will tell them. I will explain why I decided to keep the journey quiet. If they are a friend, they will understand.

I could have written this post myself - it is exactly how I feel - especially the first and last paragraphs. When talking with my friend who had gastric bypass nearly 8 years ago, she said that she told everyone she came in contact with that she had the surgery. She felt it was up to her to educate everyone. However, now she says if she had to do it all over again, she would be much more selective about who she told. I think there is a time and place for everything, and I will decide both when it is right for me.

[TES 858]

I think there is a time and place for everything, and I will decide both when it is right for me.

Amen!

[Kristina J. 581]

I could have written this post myself - it is exactly how I feel - especially the first and last paragraphs. When talking with my friend who had gastric bypass nearly 8 years ago' date=' she said that she told everyone she came in contact with that she had the surgery. She felt it was up to her to educate everyone. However, now she says if she had to do it all over again, she would be much more selective about who she told. I think there is a time and place for everything, and I will decide both when it is right for me.[/quote']

I think that's the most important point in all of this. There are almost a hundred answers to this thread and they're all varied. There is no right or wrong answer. Everyone has to do what is right for them and their situation!! That's the only thing that matters!

[Amie 90]

Why is it that keeping one's business to one's self equal being ashamed? I know we live in a world now that nothing is private anymore and everyone knows everyone's business but really, not everyone is like that. Maybe it's my age showing.

My husband and son know, that is the way I choose to keep for now. I am not ashamed of what I am doing. This is my decision and my health and I don't need to explain anything to anyone or justify it. Just because someone asks a question, does not mean an answer is required of me. I have always been a private person and this is no exception. Would you answer if someone asked you what your income was? Or how much your house cost? Or when did you last have sex? I most certainly would not. For me, that falls under the category "personal", as does my weight, weight loss and my health. People ask intrusive questions because they know most people will feel like they have to answer. I do not. It is really just that simple.

So for those of us who choose to keep our private life private is no way equals that we are "ashamed" or that we are not "proud" of making the decision to better our life through surgery.

I"m sorry if you don't understand that but please don't judge us and dump us into the ashamed category.

I'm not saying everyone who keeps it a secret is ashamed of it. I was just addressing the one who are. I would be saying the same thing to who is gay and in the closet because we are afraid or worried what people might think. It's just not a happy way to live. I just if you think it is better to just go around lying to everyone that is your choice. I would just feel like I was living a fake life. But that is just me. And for the record if someone really wanted to know the last time I had sex, I would tell them, what's the big deal we all have sex. If someone asked me how much I make I would tell them because I am happy and content with my earnings, if I was ashamed or unhappy I guess I wouldn't tell people but I also would probably get a different job too. And yes if someone asked how much I paid for my house, of course I would tell them, it is public record anyway so if they really wanted to know they could just look it up. I'm just saying I don't understand the amount of lying that goes on in the world, even the stupid little lies. I know I am an open book which is not everyone. So this is just my opinion. Thanks for sharing yours. BTW I love your Helen Keller quote.

[Kristina J. 581]

Amie, I love you!!

I don't think ANYONE should be ashamed, at ALL with their decision to tell or not. It is so very very personal. And I also get the sentiment that we have become a share all culture and that doesn't work for some people. Some people will share everything, like myself and Amie. Some people would rather keep to themselves like my sister and some of the other posters here. No one is wrong. I think ashamed was maybe the wrong word, because I get what Amie meant and she has a wonderful heart and is coming from a place of support.

I'm glad that at the very least here at VST those who don't want to announce to the world can come and share with a little anonymity. It is a great forum to learn and share with people that all share the same struggles!

And for the record... Our annual income is only about 52K, our house cost $80K for 1600 sqft which equals about a $500 mortgage and the "last time" was 3 days ago... We've slowed down a bit since we had two kids I really do value the input from all of your experiences, both similar to mine and different. It helps me grow!!

[Amie 90]

Amie, I love you!!

I don't think ANYONE should be ashamed, at ALL with their decision to tell or not. It is so very very personal. And I also get the sentiment that we have become a share all culture and that doesn't work for some people. Some people will share everything, like myself and Amie. Some people would rather keep to themselves like my sister and some of the other posters here. No one is wrong. I think ashamed was maybe the wrong word, because I get what Amie meant and she has a wonderful heart and is coming from a place of support.

I'm glad that at the very least here at VST those who don't want to announce to the world can come and share with a little anonymity. It is a great forum to learn and share with people that all share the same struggles!

And for the record... Our annual income is only about 52K, our house cost $80K for 1600 sqft which equals about a $500 mortgage and the "last time" was 3 days ago... We've slowed down a bit since we had two kids I really do value the input from all of your experiences, both similar to mine and different. It helps me grow!!

That made me smile I was starting to think I was sounding a little to bitchy.

[Sooner girl36 27]

I am extremely private and so far have told only those close to me. Mainly because I don't want to listen to judgement and go thru the whole song and dance every time I reveal it. Most ppl look at you as if your crazy when you tell them that your traveling to Mexico to have surgery. They aren't educated about it and to them it sounds extreme. After surgery I might be more open.

[Kristina J. 581]

I am extremely private and so far have told only those close to me. Mainly because I don't want to listen to judgement and go thru the whole song and dance every time I reveal it. Most ppl look at you as if your crazy when you tell them that your traveling to Mexico to have surgery. They aren't educated about it and to them it sounds extreme. After surgery I might be more open.

SoonerGirl... I've had way more people confused about Mexico than the surgery itself!! I so know where you're coming from on that one!! Ugh!!! Lol

[missmeow 156]

It's not even about being tough--I am a pretty tough cookie. It's more about the fact that it is my personal business and not open for commentary. My body doesn't belong to anyone except me and frankly, I find the fact that people will openly comment on someone's weight loss or gain distasteful, kind of in the same way you wouldn't go up to someone and say "gee, your tits look big, did you get implants" or "wow, your skin is really tight, how much was your facelift?"

Kind of the same level of tacky to me.

[jac1970 39]

My husband obviously knows, and a few very select co-workers. As far as most people know, I'm going out for hernia surgery, which is partially true. I'm having a hernia fixed at the same time. My body, my weight and my eating habits are mine and mine alone. I don't need commentary at lunchtime and I don't want to be the defendant in the court of public opinion. I don't care what my co-worker who has had the sleeve is eating. I'm tired of hearing about what she eats and her workouts because it is ALL she talks about now. I won't subject my co-workers to that coming out of my mouth. So, yes I choose to stay on the down-low for now. I know that it will come out eventually.

[newat52 1,613]

I'm not saying everyone who keeps it a secret is ashamed of it. I was just addressing the one who are. I would be saying the same thing to who is gay and in the closet because we are afraid or worried what people might think. It's just not a happy way to live. I just if you think it is better to just go around lying to everyone that is your choice. I would just feel like I was living a fake life. But that is just me. And for the record if someone really wanted to know the last time I had sex, I would tell them, what's the big deal we all have sex. If someone asked me how much I make I would tell them because I am happy and content with my earnings, if I was ashamed or unhappy I guess I wouldn't tell people but I also would probably get a different job too. And yes if someone asked how much I paid for my house, of course I would tell them, it is public record anyway so if they really wanted to know they could just look it up. I'm just saying I don't understand the amount of lying that goes on in the world, even the stupid little lies. I know I am an open book which is not everyone. So this is just my opinion. Thanks for sharing yours. BTW I love your Helen Keller quote.

Sorry but choosing to keep personal things to one's self is not in any way, shape or form "going around lying" Doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, overweight or what have you. A person does have a right to to keep things personal. A lot of mature people do that and I can assure you we are not living a "fake life".

Tell anyone and everyone as much or as little as you want. I don't judge that. But just because not everyone sees it like you do doesn't mean it's a lie.

[newat52 1,613]

Amie, I love you!!

I don't think ANYONE should be ashamed, at ALL with their decision to tell or not. It is so very very personal. And I also get the sentiment that we have become a share all culture and that doesn't work for some people. Some people will share everything, like myself and Amie. Some people would rather keep to themselves like my sister and some of the other posters here. No one is wrong. I think ashamed was maybe the wrong word, because I get what Amie meant and she has a wonderful heart and is coming from a place of support.

I'm glad that at the very least here at VST those who don't want to announce to the world can come and share with a little anonymity. It is a great forum to learn and share with people that all share the same struggles!

And for the record... Our annual income is only about 52K, our house cost $80K for 1600 sqft which equals about a $500 mortgage and the "last time" was 3 days ago... We've slowed down a bit since we had two kids I really do value the input from all of your experiences, both similar to mine and different. It helps me grow!!

That was my point, it is a personal decision on anything to share with others or not. Weather you do or don't does not equal one is "ashamed" or "going around lying". It just means it's personal to you. If you are a "share it all" then do it with a smile! Not judging it.

Just seems like a lot of the folks who fall in the "share it all" like to put the ashamed and lying stigma on it. It's just a wrong assessment for most of those people. Just say..

[NewKristen 356]

Some people in this forum don't tell family and friends because they are ashamed that they had WLS. Some people don't tell them because they don't have the support systems they need.

If you don't tell anyone because you are ashamed that you had WLS, I don't get that...but it isn't my place to, either. You shouldn't be ashamed that you did this tho..,because it is one of the most awesomely courageous things you have done in your whole life.

If you don't tell anyone because you don't have a good support system around you...I am sorry! I have been in this place before, and it is miserable.

I started off by telling my husband and kids. Then I told my mom and dad and a couple really good friends. After surgery, when I started losing really fast, I started telling more people. I actually told anyone who asked. I personally felt guilty about lying, because I didn't want people think they could lose like this by "eating right and working out!" More than that, I am 39...if I get a crappy reaction, then I don't need that person in my life. I am too awesome to have people judge me and not be supportive. I had a couple weird reactions and several people who put their foot in their mouth. But all have come around. Good for them, because of they didn't, we would have to part ways. I am not apologizing for being the best me, nor will I ever let them shame me.

Please know that I am not judging anyone. As I said this is me and the way I life my life. You do yours anyway you want, as long as you are happy and healthy!