no family support for having surgery..lots of guilt though

[cjbement 0]

We share the same surgery date! Congrats on making such a great decision. I think you should be proud of yourself. You deserve to have a better quality of life and the tool that can give it to you. I don't think Dave Ramsey would argue with that. Besides, if you drop dead from a stroke, heart attack or other obesity related disease, how would that affect the financial well-being of your family? Besides, you cannot put a value on a person's life.

The only negative responses I have had are from a few people who I now realize are trying to keep me as my fat self (for their own self-serving reasons.) IF YOU COULD REALLY DO IT, YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY. Your parents will be gone some day--will you still be unhealthy and overweight then? I hope not. You are making the best decision for you. Hang on and do it!

[Fran 1]

Hi,

I was a self-pay too and it cost me 21,200 which includes a year of fills and visits. I thought a lot about this, and lost a lot of sleep. My husband and children would not even think about talking to me about this. My mother did not know until after the surgery. I felt that for all the years I worked, cooked, cleaned and denied myself things so my family could have I was worth the money. In addition if I kept eating and got sick, how much would that cost? Please realize that money is only as good as the things it can do for you and this is a great thing. Be sure you want it and if you do go for it. You can always sue an insurance company afterwards for the money. I wish you well.

Fran

[BettyBoo9137 0]

I am not sure if this will inspire you or help you but I do want you to hear something. I was banded on November 15, 2006, 3 days before my 45th birthday. My parents are deceased and I am an only child. I am a single mother with two kids. I have a very supportive friend who puts up with me, but you have to do this for yourself. Sometimes I feel so alone, yet I know I made the right decision to get healthy for the first time in my life. I have dieted and failed, just like everyone else, but I know deep in my heart that this is the only thing that can save my life right now. Support on the back end is important but you have to make this decision for you. There are many places to get support and talk through issues. One of the best it rite at your fingertips here are Lap Band Talk. You can attend a local support group in your area. Where I live the surgery center will let you attend their support group even if your surgery was in Mexico. Each center is different you just need to check.

Try and not let your family make you feel guilty for doing someting to improve and save your life! This will save your life! Its not a miracle cure, you will have to change your eating habits, but try not to fell guilty for doing the right thing!

I suggest leaving reading material around where your family can see it. Let them see the success stories. Let them know how many people are getting healthy with this wonderfull tool. Maybe after they do some checking they will change their minds!

Take Care:)

Boo

[pelhamlisa 0]

I hate to hear you are carrying so much guilt around with you. Please understand that some people will lay a guilt trip on you just to try and control you. Since I do not know you or your family I can not say that this is what they are trying to do, but this has been my experience. And in letting them control you, you have given your power away. Never give your power to someone else and allow someone else to control you and make you do what they want. Take their concerns and advise into account and make a decision on what is best from there. I am sure your family loves you very much, but I know that some people will use that love against you. You are a grown woman and are able to make educated decisions concerning your own health care.

I understand wanting to be out of debt. Boy, that would be nice! I had to self pay for my surgery. It was November 13, so I am only 7 days out. My husband had a lot of questions concerning the device and the surgery. We sat down together and had a long discussion concerning everything. He took out a loan against his 401K in order to pay for my surgery. He, my 2 sons and my mother are the only ones that know about the surgery. I told no one else. I did not want to hear any negative remarks concerning the surgery or how I should be able to do it own my own.

But if your husband is unwilling to be supportive you have to ask yourself if your are willing to do this on your own. This is such a "sticky" situation. All of us here at Lapbandtalk can tell you to do it anyway, but we do not live in your life with these people. If you have the surgery against their wishes are you willing to face the consequences of your actions. You need to evaluate what those consequences may be and how that would effect your life.

Is it possible for your to take a second job with the understanding that all the money received from this job will go toward the surgery? Would this help your husband understand just how serious your are, not just about the surgery, but your health and happiness for yourself and him?

Please seek guidance from your doctor and God. God will never lead you astray. Your doctor, I am sure, has faced this situation before and may be able to guide you to an local group that will be able to help.

I will keep you in my prayers. I wish you luck and success on your journey.

[juliegeraci 7]

Misltoe, Congrats on your decision to take control of your life. I know it must be difficult not to have the support around you. This forum should help. Good luck with your surgery. You will not regret it.

[officegirlblues 0]

Misltoe,

I completely understand what you are going through. When I first started this journey almost 4 years ago everyone in my family was absolutely 100% against it. I let them talk me out of following up after my first consultation, which btw my ex-husband (hubby at the time) was completely against. I've gone through all the programs... I've done all the diets... and I finally have decided I have cried all the tears I am going to cry over being fat and feeling like the most disgusting creature on the face of this earth.

Obesity is a disease. Plain and simple. But, people that don't suffer from it don't understand that not only is it a physical disease, it is a mental disease. If you had cancer wouldn't they want you to try every procedure available to help cure you? Even if those procedures could harm healthy parts of your body? This is no different in my opinion.

My insurance doesn't cover the procedure, either. But, at this point, I don't care. I will work an extra job or find some way to pay for the loan that I will have to get. I am a single mother and my children and I live with my mom... this surgery may mean living there for a few more years, but at least I will be LIVING. I've not really lived in a long time... I get by daily and do what I have to do, but I don't feel alive. I feel ashamed. That is one thing that insurance companies don't understand. Obesity is a disease, yes, but it is not a disease that we can hide. We wear it like a big neon sign because we have no choice. People with other diseases can hide them if they choose to. A woman with breast cancer can buy prosthesis to hide surgery or a wig to hide hair loss from treatment... a person with diabetes doesn't have to advertise to the world that they have diabetes... but an obese person has no where to hide. It proceeds us into a room. Before people even see our faces, they see our bodies. You can't hide 100 extra lbs. behind a size 12 to "appear" normal to everyone. It won't fit. It is the first thing someone sees when we walk up and the last thing they see when we go away and it is something that we live with every day and every insurance company that doesn't cover it is simply depriving us of the right to TRY to have a normal life. Please don't get me wrong, I am in no way belittling cancer or diabetes and I don't mean to offend anyone who might be suffering.. I have both prominently in my family... which is all the more reason to get myself healthy.

My point is, we have the opportunity to help ourselves with this surgery and I think we have a responsibility to ourselves and our families to do that. Maybe you should get them to go to a lap band seminar with you. I know once my mother finally sat down and read the information she totally changed her mind. You do need their support... no... actually, you DESERVE their support. The more sure you are, the less unsure they will be. And, once they see you loosing weight, they will be so excited for you. I don't think anyone should let someone talk them INTO surgery, much less out of it. In the end, no matter how difficult the decision is, you've got to do what you feel in your heart is best for you. Everything else will take care of itself.

Good Luck!

Hope

[Wheetsin 714]

Obesity is a disease. Plain and simple.

It may be someday, but actually as of about 3 months ago it is not. Technically it's an epidemic that contributes significantly to diseases, e.g. heart disease and type 2 diabetes. It can also be a symptom of some disease, e.g. metabolic diseases.

It's fine to believe it is, there are strong arguments for and against, but stating facts deserves caution. (don't think the insurance companies have any small role in the "against" argument, tho!)

[officegirlblues 0]

http://www.obesity.org/subs/fastfacts/obesity_what2.shtml

Maybe some people don't consider it a disease, true, but the IRS does: On April 2, 2002, the IRS announced a new policy (IRS Ruling 202-19) stating that "Obesity is medically accepted to be a disease in its own right." For taxpayers, this means that treatment specifically for obesity can now be claimed as a medical deduction..."

This website also has a lot of information on how to get involved in helping to make insurance companies pay for the surgery. Maybe if we all banded (no pun intended! HAHA!) together we could make big advances then people wouldn't have to loan themselves to death to pay for good health. :clap2:

[misltoe 0]

Thank you for all of your advice and support. My husband has accepted that I am going to get the surgery.

When I went to the initial informational seminal, the speaker (who lost about 100lbs with the band) said he was scared of two things about being banded...dying during the procedure and failing at loosing weight again.

I am letting myself get a little excited...but I am also pretty scared that this will be another attempt at loosing weight. I have read all the facts and know that if I follow the rules/use the band, I will lose weight. But I still have that nagging fear...that this is too good to be true. Did any of you feel that way before you were banded???

Melissa

[QTkidsmom 0]

Misltoe, we are all here for you. I was just banded on 11/14. My husband supported my decision but the rest of the family was mixed. They are just worried about you but they need to remember, obesity causes more complications than this surgery.

I also had a little struggle with my insurance, Blue cross of California. They didn't deny me or make me go through any silly requirements, they just drug their feet for 5 months before I threatened to call the Department of Managed Health Care (DMHC). They knew this could potentially cause them to pay fines (which, I was happy to remind them about). The surgery was approved and scheduled the very next day.

Although, not all insurers will cover the surgery, know your rights. I have work in managed care here in California for more 17 years so I had an advantage. Find a local advocate center and inlist their help before paying for yourself.

God Bless!

[pelhamlisa 0]

Yes, I can tell you I fear this is just another attempt at weight loss. Since it has only been eight days after my surgery I still feel that way. I question everything I put in my mouth, and I am still on liquids and not not seen any weight loss. I guess it will always be a struggle but at least I am very aware of what is going in my mouth and I do question if this food is a healthy choice for me. I have put a lot of money, time and effort in to this process, not to mention the pain of surgery, which is bearable but it is still surgery. It has made me stop and realize what food choices I have to make and make the food I eat count for health and not pleasure. I guess to put it simply, Eat to live not live to eat!!!!!

Good Luck!!!! And God Bless!!!!

[juliegeraci 7]

Hi Melissa,

A few days before surgery I couldn't control the tears. In some funny way maybe I was mourning food. I thought to myself, "how have I gotten this far". Then I can to this forum and did a post about my fear. It is natural to be afraid so I'm glad you have this forum to post as well.

Congrata on making the life changing decision. I have never looked back now. The first time in my life I've ever lost 30 lbs without dieting. Its so exciting. You will love your band. Its your new best friend. Good luck. Julie

[julier 0]

You bet from my mom. I took her out to lunch and told her what i was doing and all was fine. She was excited for me. Then she had her physical therapist tell her that i was doing what i perseive she thought was a gastric bypass and all went down hill. We have not talked since as she just said to many wrong things and got really ugly. Ignorance is not bliss, i tell ya. And as for your husband! Mine supported me 100% and boy is he happy! I have lost 30#s and have 30# to go! I now am in a size 10 from a 14 and can wear sexy things that he dreamed about me wearing. My confidence is on the roof and my spirit is healing from my insecurities from the past. You are young it sounds like to make this decision. If you have tried faithfully other avenues and failed and you are a volume eater then this will probably be sucessful. But realize and be sure that if you are consuming your calories from liquids (includes chocolate, liquor) then to be careful in choosing the lapband.

In closing! Do what is right for you. I am turning 50 next year and thankful that i found this before i loose all my elatisity. If i had known about this back 6 to 8 years ago i would have done it in a heart beat. :clap2:

[julier 0]

I paid $10,700 8-8-06 with Dr Rambaut. He has done far more than any USA surgeon and trained many of them. He started doing this in i think1997. He is in Monterrey Mexico. The hospital was incrediable as well as the whole experience. I know you family will think OH NO NOT MEXICO, but im telling yah i couldnt have had a better procedure. I met many new friends as we all were in the same hotel until and after surgery. Dr Rambaut is a bandster as well and is so wonderful!

[Betsyjane 2]

My husband and I follow Dave Ramsey religiously, and if we hadn't, we would never have gotten out of the mess we were in. Now it's another mess.....getting out of the obesity problem I've had, and doing it self pay. As far as we are concerned, it is a better investment than a house; fewer medical bills in the long run, better income potential for me being thinner, more activities we can do together, better sex. Some things are just worth the money. As my husband says, some people face a huge problem and just live with it, year after year. I'm tackling my problem, whatever it takes. Just like we did when we started following Dave Ramsey. What others who aren't morbidy obese don't get is that the TV ads are lies. You can't just "eat less, exercise more" at this stage, and especially if you've further mucked things up with frequent dieting, pills or whatever. People are being duped by ads for miracle weight loss pills or gyms wanting memberships. We are medically obese, and we need a mechanical tool to help us do what others can do without it. Just like we needed the financial tools Ramsey gave us.