What did you tell your children?

[Linda 66 34]

Hi~ I will be sleeved March 19 and I was wondering what did you say to your children prior to surgery? I know most of us are nervous wrecks prior to any surgery and one of the biggest worries is *God forbid something happens, what is the last thing I say to my kids...besides I love you? * I've had quite a few surgeries in my past (lapband, plastic surg) and always give them a big loving see you later but now they are older 25 yo (which I got under control she understands). My 12 & 13 yr old daughter don't know I'm having the surgery YET. I really don't want them thinking/worrying about it now since its 2 months away. I just want to them to understand that i need this and not to think I'm selfish. What did you say?? Even as far as God forbid these were your last words? Am I the only nut that worries about this??

[iggychic 1,405]

My son is younger than your kids (he was six) so I wrote him a "what if" letter that he thankfully never saw. I covered all of the bases...how to deal with dad, how to deal with grandma, how much I would be watching over him and loved him, and most importantly, that I had this surgery for ME with no mention of it being for him just incase I didn't make it. WHen I had complications I was very glad to have written that letter. But I will say it was damn painful to write.

I advise all mom's or dad's to write those letters though. Say the things you want them to know at those special events, just in case, and then tuck it away and hope that they never ever see it. It is SO HARD to write but the weight off your shoulder when you do is worth the pain.

That said, this is how I dealt with it. If he were 12 I probably would tell him more than I did (I told him I was having my tummy fixed...which he took to mean I was bringing home a baby LOL). But I still think you can't say everything...your fears, etc to kids your age. I think I'd keep it bright and hopeful and then just write those letters and tuck them away so you don't worry them, but feel your bases are covered.

I wish you the best!

[Squisha 99]

My daughter was 12 when I had my surgery. I talked to her about my surgery from the very beginning (but I told, everyone). I told her if she had any question on concerns to ask me. I did make sure to tell her I loved her, and it was her choice on weather she wanted to see me in the hospital. She understood everything and asked lots of questions. She came to visit the day of surgery to make sure I was ok and she came to pick me up. She also acted like a little nurse and wanted to make sure I didn't get cold or need Water or anything the first few days home. I also explained that I would be cooking a lot differently and not buy as much junk food. She now likes to exercise with me and is glad that we are eating healthy.

[*Dean* 1,594]

For me, I couldn't write a letter like that. I went into this procedure with my eyes wide open but optimistic.

I have 8 year old twin girls. I was completely transparent with them, but age appropriate. I explained the procedure to them and what affect that would have after the surgery. I reassured them that I'd be alright, because that's my job.

I guess I could get killed at work, in a plane, crossing the street. I've seen people die at the dentist after a reaction to something they were given. Actually I've seen people die in lots of strange ways, but that's another story.

I'd hate them to read a letter later and think 'he was worried enough to write a letter, so why did he do it'. They know I love them with all my heart, because I tell them every day.

Long story short - the best policy with kids is to be age appropriate and honest.

My thoughts. Good luck with the way you go.

Deano

[AussieLady 521]

I think this is sooooo over-dramatic. Would you do this if you were having your tonsils or wisdom teeth out? Its self-indulgent and I agree with Dean. If you think you are going to die, your kids would think you are extremely selfish for taking that risk and leaving them without a parent.

These letters are for those who have cancer or other life threatening illnesses.

[No game 14,437]

My children are 10 and 16 .. i told them I was having this done and why. I answered all the questions that they had. And addressed their concerns. Which by the way weren't many

I tell them many times a day I love them ( yes even the sixteen year old, though if she cares or not is a different story).

They know they are loved no matter what the day brings.

[AussieLady 521]

That's all you need to do Laura. Tell them the truth then move on.

[jwaller7577 6]

My six year old is really supportive..if I get off my pre op diet she gets on to me. Its really cute but I'm not sure she really knows then extent of the surgery

[*Dean* 1,594]

And now my kids are on school holidays and going back in a week and a bit.

I've told them I've made new school bags out of my left over stomach, because I don't like waste.

[iggychic 1,405]

I think this is sooooo over-dramatic. Would you do this if you were having your tonsils or wisdom teeth out? Its self-indulgent and I agree with Dean. If you think you are going to die' date=' your kids would think you are extremely selfish for taking that risk and leaving them without a parent.

These letters are for those who have cancer or other life threatening illnesses.[/quote']

If the disclosures for tonsils or wisdom teeth were the same I would probably have written the letter, but oddly enough the fear of gum decay worried me less than the fear of bleeding out on the table.

My son is special to me. He is my world. He knows he's loved, have no fear. He has had a hard road since his premature birth, so how I deal with him might be different than how you deal with your children. What I felt I needed to say was different than what you needed to say. This is fine because we all know our children best and take the approach that is best for them.

I didn't walk into this thinking I was going to die. I actually thought it was going to be a cake walk as I'd be assured it would be I shared that in my letter as well. The surgery however is life threatening and heck for me it really was wasn't it So I didn't regret writing that letter. When I did think I might not make it that letter gave me peace.

My aunt died suddenly at the age of 40. Her children were young and I took on their care. Her oldest was 18 and the youngest 6. I remember their tears about mom at every event she missed and her oldest's sadness at not saying goodbye. This might be why I approached this differently than others have. The last time I saw her she said she wondered if she should tell her son (the youngest) about her heart (she died of sudden heart failure but had made an appointment the week earlier to have some palpitations checked out). My closest friend has leukemia and she urged me to write the letter. She writes a new one every year. They haven't seen any of them yet thank god.

The OP asked for an opinion and our approach so I shared mine. Is it really necessary to beat me up for that? Can't we share our opinions without the abuse? OP my approach was probably shaped from experiences I had in my life. I didn't mean to be overly dramatic, I just shared what I did and how I felt. Hopefully it didn't cause you any extra grief.

[onzeefence 3]

I like the letter idea because it's something they can hold on to - and you would explain why you were doing this procedure which might give them closure.

[AussieLady 521]

If the disclosures for tonsils or wisdom teeth were the same I would probably have written the letter' date=' but oddly enough the fear of gum decay worried me less than the fear of bleeding out on the table.

My son is special to me. He is my world. He knows he's loved, have no fear. He has had a hard road since his premature birth, so how I deal with him might be different than how you deal with your children. What I felt I needed to say was different than what you needed to say. This is fine because we all know our children best and take the approach that is best for them.

I didn't walk into this thinking I was going to die. I actually thought it was going to be a cake walk as I'd be assured it would be I shared that in my letter as well. The surgery however is life threatening and heck for me it really was wasn't it So I didn't regret writing that letter. When I did think I might not make it that letter gave me peace.

My aunt died suddenly at the age of 40. Her children were young and I took on their care. Her oldest was 18 and the youngest 6. I remember their tears about mom at every event she missed and her oldest's sadness at not saying goodbye. This might be why I approached this differently than others have. The last time I saw her she said she wondered if she should tell her son (the youngest) about her heart (she died of sudden heart failure but had made an appointment the week earlier to have some palpitations checked out). My closest friend has leukemia and she urged me to write the letter. She writes a new one every year. They haven't seen any of them yet thank god.

The OP asked for an opinion and our approach so I shared mine. Is it really necessary to beat me up for that? Can't we share our opinions without the abuse? OP my approach was probably shaped from experiences I had in my life. I didn't mean to be overly dramatic, I just shared what I did and how I felt. Hopefully it didn't cause you any extra grief.[/quote']

Ok, I can't take this anymore. Is Iggy working on a script for a Hollywood movie? Her story gets more dramatic with every post.

I think I am going to find another VSG support site. I just want to know where I am headed now that I have had this surgery. As I have said before, thank you God for not letting me find this site until after my surgery.

[KickRocks 163]

I actually already thought about the letter idea. Yes my kids know I'm having surgery and the risk but I still want them to have that last letter if something did happen! Hell I write them long letters on their birthdays now. I let them read them and then we put them up so they can keep them for memories.

I've had many friends that have lost parents and would love to have that last something from their parents. So don't try to bash someone for something you wouldn't do! I am very close to my kids so everything is a open book with us anyways.

[AussieLady 521]

I am really close to my kids too and maybe I am just old fashioned but instead of writing letters we talk to each other. And not on Facebook, we actually stand or sit opposite each other and speak. Novel in this day of technology, but when I am gone that is what they will remember, not the letter, SMS or email but the fact I cared enough to talk to them.

[KickRocks 163]

Trust me I talk to my kids about EVERYTHING the good,bad and ugly. So everything I would put in my letter would be something they already heard but its on paper and will never be forgotten . Something they can look back and read when they are adults. It's memories just like anything else. Even if I don't write a letter before this surgery I know they have things they will cherish forever.

Parents do different things. It's not fair to bash iggy or anyone else because they do something you wouldn't.

Btw my kids are 7,13,and 14 so even though my oldest understand more my 7 year old don't really grasp it. She thinks I'm going to come home skinny! Even though we have all told her that's not the case lol