Do you ever regret your surgery?

[ArcusX 216]

I feel like the OP, that I could have done this on my own so far, and my wife is in my ear daily telling me the same thing.

Ugggh!! I can relate to that. I think... I know, the only reason my wife's okay with the surgery is because I won't be able to drink alcohol for several months. She is excellent at sabotaging my weight loss efforts.

[amytug 996]

Strange fruit, what if you read extensively about why the do its (etc) are SO bad for you? Instead of being sad that you can't have one, maybe it woul help you be happy you're not sticking that poison in your body.

[ArcusX 216]

... anyone who is on liquid Protein for five weeks straight would lose weight.

When the thought of WLS first entered my mind and I began to do the research, I thought the same thing: "liquid diet? Who wouldn't lose weight?

With more research, I realized that it's not just the liquid diet. It's the limited capacity, plus the reduction of the hormone that makes you feel hungry. That's the real difference. Much harder to fail, even if you wanted to.

[cygnusatratus 73]

Ugggh!! I can relate to that. I think... I know, the only reason my wife's okay with the surgery is because I won't be able to drink alcohol for several months. She is excellent at sabotaging my weight loss efforts.

This a topic for a whole other thread but my wife is VERY anti-WLS even though she is heavy too. She says she would never do it. She was very passive aggressive about my interest and ultimate pursuit of it. I am finally understanding that she feels like I deserted her, and did what I wanted, despite many many attempts over the years to lose weight together, with some temporary successes. She wants to lose weight naturally and she doesn't care how long it takes but neither of us has ever kept anything off long term. She won't accept that I did this to avoid the temporary part and get to a healthy weight so I could be here longer for her and the kids. I told her I don't any really old 400 pound guys walking around out there. I was/am deperate to save my life, but that argument is made harder by the fact that at 40, my heart is still healthy and I don't have diabetes or any major health issues (yet), just sleep apnea (treated) and osteo arthritis and gout. We are at an unfortunate impass where she doesn't believe my reasons for doing this and resents me for doing it against her wishes and leaving her behind in my weight loss plans. I get that, but from my perspective, it had to be done to give me some hope for the future and if she doesn't want to do it for herself, that is her issue and I had to do what I thought was right for me, even though I love her immensely, and always have. The other day I told her I hadn't lost any weight in about 3 weeks and I was afraid my metabolism is screwed and afraid the surgery will be a failure. I told her she should be happy that I haven't left her behind and I'll still be fatter than she is. She just went on a tirade about how the docs just want to make money and I and they should have thought about assessing my metabolism before doing surgery, becasue the truth be told, I have eaten pretty healthily for years (lowish carb, no sugar, whole grains, brown rice, no processed food, lean meats and veggies, limited healthy Snacks, etc). My portions are so small now she gets mad that I have no room for the veggies, let alone any whole grains. My big fear is that she is right, and I'll stay stalled forever in starvation mode with a shot metabolism, but my biggest fear is that this has done irreparable harm to our relationship, whether it works or not.

So any talk of regrets from me, factors in all that baggage. I could not care less about the food aspects.

[iggychic 1,405]

I'm sorry you're going through that Cyg. I did this surgery for myself and no one else. You have done the same. But that does not mean that other people whom we love aren't involved in the process does it? I hope things level out for you and your wife!

[RedCardinal 13]

This a topic for a whole other thread but my wife is VERY anti-WLS even though she is heavy too. She says she would never do it. She was very passive aggressive about my interest and ultimate pursuit of it. I am finally understanding that she feels like I deserted her, and did what I wanted, despite many many attempts over the years to lose weight together, with some temporary successes. She wants to lose weight naturally and she doesn't care how long it takes but neither of us has ever kept anything off long term. She won't accept that I did this to avoid the temporary part and get to a healthy weight so I could be here longer for her and the kids. I told her I don't any really old 400 pound guys walking around out there. I was/am deperate to save my life, but that argument is made harder by the fact that at 40, my heart is still healthy and I don't have diabetes or any major health issues (yet), just sleep apnea (treated) and osteo arthritis and gout. We are at an unfortunate impass where she doesn't believe my reasons for doing this and resents me for doing it against her wishes and leaving her behind in my weight loss plans. I get that, but from my perspective, it had to be done to give me some hope for the future and if she doesn't want to do it for herself, that is her issue and I had to do what I thought was right for me, even though I love her immensely, and always have. The other day I told her I hadn't lost any weight in about 3 weeks and I was afraid my metabolism is screwed and afraid the surgery will be a failure. I told her she should be happy that I haven't left her behind and I'll still be fatter than she is. She just went on a tirade about how the docs just want to make money and I and they should have thought about assessing my metabolism before doing surgery, becasue the truth be told, I have eaten pretty healthily for years (lowish carb, no sugar, whole grains, brown rice, no processed food, lean meats and veggies, limited healthy Snacks, etc). My portions are so small now she gets mad that I have no room for the veggies, let alone any whole grains. My big fear is that she is right, and I'll stay stalled forever in starvation mode with a shot metabolism, but my biggest fear is that this has done irreparable harm to our relationship, whether it works or not.

So any talk of regrets from me, factors in all that baggage. I could not care less about the food aspects.

The point is to fix the problem *before* all the complications, possibly irreversible, show up. I had my grandmother as an example. I can see what her life was like when she was older, and I know that that's what's in store for me if I don't address these problems now. Right now my comorbidities are not affecting my life, but it's been a steady progression of increased medication and additional affects from being overweight. We're trying to correct something that hasn't happened yet, and that's really hard to do. The brain and the heart don't always agree.

[csantana1228 57]

Yes.. The first three day.. Lol.. Now i love it..

[Quita 40]

Only thing that I wish is that I did it in school in soon in like 04 in 05 06 in more but that pass but loving looking small yes I do I love my sleeve.

[HikeEveryMountain 112]

What a powerful thread. I'm getting surgery in two weeks and like many of you, I'm noticing how much I'm dropping in the pre-op diet, and the "see, I can do this on my own", "do I really NEED this surgery?" thoughts are flying. That, combined with most people trying to argue me out of the surgery because they don't think I'm heavy enough for it (silly people, you just don't realize how much weight I can spread out on a six foot body), has me doubting myself at times.

But the fact remains, I'm 95 lbs overweight. I have fluctuated between 50 and 110 lbs overweight for 25 years now. This is not a new dance for me. I deserve a medal for being an expert dieter (Slimfast, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Atkins, Hcg, fat free, Soup diet, etc), and I deserve a bigger medal for Fastest Regainer, EVERY SINGLE TIME. In fact, I've never had a one month stretch of maintaining any level of weight loss, it's always an immediate give up and steady climb from there.

I know that I'm going to cry myself to sleep at night sometimes wondering why I did this. I know that I'm going to be the crazy ex-girlfriend with my bff food. But I'm also fairly certain that I'm going to wake up to life again and have the energy and passion that has been missing for too long. I'm not going to hide socially. And I will love not avoiding mirrors or seeking out the back row in any photo.

It's a huge step. I wish my life book would have a chapter about me losing weight naturally and keeping it off happily ever after, but let's face it, that's not my story. I'm giving it a slightly different chapter but still insisting on the happily ever after.

[Strangefruit 179]

Post script - Tawny - your comments were spot on for me... I think because I am seeing the scale move sooooo slowly, I do get discouraged. And, I did not take pre surgery measurements - I don't know HOW I missed doing that - so I am not sure of the inches... But today, I went into a crate from my basement of clothes I wore about 4 years ago... I remember myself weighing much less than NOW...yet most of them were clothes that I (surprise!) could wear now... a few pairs of pants I could get ON, but were snug... so, I should be in them in a couple of months...

Don't get me wrong - I am grateful for the surgery... but I would not be honest if I didn't say that there are times that I miss/mourn my past relationship with food.

[sarahzamudio1091 185]

No !!!! One of the best thing that ever happened t

[apricot1119 105]

No. Not once. I am so relieved knowing it is forever. This is me in control.

[SummersGirl 41]

Post script - Tawny - your comments were spot on for me... I think because I am seeing the scale move sooooo slowly' date=' I do get discouraged. And, I did not take pre surgery measurements - I don't know HOW I missed doing that - so I am not sure of the inches... But today, I went into a crate from my basement of clothes I wore about 4 years ago... I remember myself weighing much less than NOW...yet most of them were clothes that I (surprise!) could wear now... a few pairs of pants I could get ON, but were snug... so, I should be in them in a couple of months...

Don't get me wrong - I am grateful for the surgery... but I would not be honest if I didn't say that there are times that I miss/mourn my past relationship with food.[/quote']

Somehow I missed the measuring too, what's up with that?!?! But I too found a bin of clothes in my basement that I can wear now too Good thing as I don't have the cash to buy new clothes.

My regret? Not doing the surgery long ago. My other regret is not taking more advantage of the initial restriction as I can eat more now than I think I should.

[clk 3,519]

I think, Cheri that you hit the nail on the head... what I am "regretting" is really mourning my relationship (albeit) unhealthy - with food. I am 52, and for over 40 yrs have had a love / hate relationship with food... I have "broken up" with food, loved food, gone back to food, and what I am feeling now is the inability to resume that broken relationship. I have to look at food differently now - food as nutrition, not food as comfort, as love, as entertainment, as so many things...

With the sleeve, even when I eat healthy food, I have to stop before *I* am ready...not when my stomach is sated... it is a hard thing to unlearn. My relationship with food is what I am mourning... I used food to reward myself for so long, I resent that when I really *want* something, I can't have it - even when I *think* I deserve it.

This is exactly it. This is the real reason behind why the majority of people that regret surgery regret it. Some have complications that make the journey even harder. But this is the heart of it. Because people feel entitled to instant gratification when they follow a restrictive diet and mourn their old relationship with food. But it simply doesn't work that way. The time expectation gets almost everyone at some point or another, but how quickly we lose is NEVER a guarantee. So people vent that they don't see the results...but they're really saying the scale isn't moving and they aren't considering all of the other things that have improved in their lives. And the scale always catches up.

If it's worth anything, I've seen some vocal regretters on VST but I'm not sure any of them are out there living life in maintenance yet. Meaning, I can't be sure that they're done with their journey and won't feel differently later.

As for Krispy Kreme, there is not one single thing in the world stopping you from eating part of a doughnut. Odds are good your sleeve will stop you from eating a whole one. And yes, you will almost certainly have a reaction from all that sugar and fat. But you don't need to use the word "can't" when it comes to food. You could still choose to eat that doughnut. One day you might. I've been into Krispy Kreme three times since surgery and only wanted a doughnut once. I ate most of one. I felt sick but I also kind of felt that satisfaction of knowing that I made the choice. I am not denied any food I want. I tracked that doughnut and it wasn't worth the calories wasted. By the next time I was in a shop, all I could smell was grease and sugar and it wasn't even a temptation any longer.

So learn that balance. That's the real struggle here. Learn when to say yes and when to say no but never, ever give any food or food group a pedestal that builds them up as something you can't have or that you resent avoiding. Odds are good that half the foods you'd do this to don't even taste the way you remember. Trust me on that one! The only foods I have to keep very strict limits on are soda and popcorn. I never cared for popcorn much prior to surgery but it's one of my favorites now so I control my intake. And soda, despite how awful I feel from the sugar (we have REAL sugar here; no corn syrup) if I drink too much, is still a beverage that makes me want more if I have it too often. So I limit it to a small glass bottle once in a while, maybe once or twice a month, and it's not an issue.

You're doing this. What you shared is the start of the head work. Keep on and you'll not only reach goal, you'll understand why and how you eat and be able to change/control that behavior for good.

~Cheri

[*Dean* 1,594]

Strange fruit- stinkin thinkin will get you nowhere.

Stinkin Thinkin I'm gunna use that!