The surgery finally hit me tonight....

GiGGlesTX · November 5, 2006

Tonight I watched the movie, The Notebook and broke down :think . I initially started crying over the movie (4th time I've seen it), but then I started thinking about what a huge change I will be facing in the next month (surgery date is Dec. 11th). This past month I have been focusing on the surgery finally being approved and thinking about the health benefits and self confidence to be gained. I guess with all of this change I started thinking about the emotional side of changing. I feel like I am passed by without any notice now from society because of my weight. If I do get attention, it is usually negative. Will I now be judged on being skinny? Of course! I don't want to be judged for being overweight or being skinny. I just want to be looked at for the person I am on the inside. However, I don't live in a perfect world so this is a lot to expect. Then, I started thinking about the stories I've heard of friendships being lost over losing weight. I love and cherish every friend I have and couldn't imagine being without them.

When the surgery was approved I decided to have counseling to help me through the process. I've never been to counseling, but feel this is imparitive in my success with the band. I have been overweight since childhood so this will be a huge change in my life.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm off to bed now :notagree . Crying wore me out! After 12 kleenex's and three phone calls to friends I'm better. I'm glad I was able to let go and explore my feelings...it was very needed.

mypov · November 7, 2006

Hey Giggles,

I just want to offer my support to ya. I am having my surgery on Dec 18th and I'm trying to push off any worries and just take it a day at a time. Daily life gives me plenty of other things to think about...

I think if you find a good therapist it is a great idea. So far I've met with one but she was very thin herself and I just got the feeling she couldn't relate at ALL :rolleyes She was probably wondering why I was so "weak" I couldn't just do it "on my own" and she seemed very confused that I'd have ANY reservations about losing weight- but my weight is sort of a protection for me. If anyone doesn't like me- i blame it on my weight. If I fail at something, I blame it on my weight, on and on.....Its what I know.

Anyway, just take it one day at a time and it sounds like your friends are already a great support system for you- no reason to think they won't continue to be. Good luck to you!!!

GiGGlesTX · November 14, 2006

Thanks mypov, this definitely lifted my spirits! I use my weight as a way to try to avoid things in life. That way I'm never rejected. However, I started back to college this semester even though I was sooo scard!

Good luck on your surgery