People and their ridiculous expectations....

clk · January 11, 2013

My rant, my opinion, right? Before you get started on how unsupportive and not nice I am, and how I should just dodge the posts I don't want to read, I'll kindly tell you to educate yourself on how I typically post and on my contributions to VST. (That's my nice way of saying I don't care what you think and that you shouldn't waste my time or yours telling me how mean I am.)

Because I cannot possibly be the only person so incredibly sick of these posts! Anyone else tired of the whining? I don't mind an occasional vent, but the outright whiny, childish and incredibly annoying posts just make me thankful I'm on VST (and on the other side of the computer) and not in an in-person support group. Because, really, people, this is getting stupid. I am not talking about actual complications or asking a valid question, either. I'm talking about the same cycle of wah-wah-wah about simple things that should have come up with only a few attempts at research.

Let's address a few of these annoyances that keep cropping up:

1) Oh my gosh, it's a travesty but guess what? You are NOT going to lose the weight faster than you put it on. I know - it's heartbreaking. I mean, surgery is supposed to be magical, isn't it? I, for one, got a free unicorn AND a leprechaun with my surgery. I get that you don't want to work at this. Really, I mean, taking advantage of a fraction of the stomach capacity and learning how to eat wisely so you can develop a healthy relationship with food and gosh, to live the rest of your ENTIRE LIFE not obese, not overeating and to have a chance to ditch the bad habits and emotional baggage...that's just way too much to wait for. You should probably just be angry at the world and vent on a public forum about how the surgery has ruined your life because you've only lost 20 pounds in three weeks. I mean, really! Those are some completely shoddy results, if you ask me. Because really, who thinks that a one to two year period of focusing on weight loss to lose the weight for good (especially after fifteen years or more of trying to lose the weight on various failed diets) is worth the time or effort?

2) Surgery hurts. I know, I know. You probably didn't realize that having anesthesia and being flopped around, pumped full of gas, sliced open, having an organ removed, having staples and stitches put in and having drains in your body would actually hurt. But it does, imagine that! I know, in most cases it lasts five to ten days before you're feeling better, but surely your world is ending, your pain is the worst ever and you definitely need to post about it here so we can all give you pats on the head and you can scare the people researching the sleeve away. Be thankful you're not one of the people with a REAL complication causing ACTUAL serious pain. Or maybe you are. We can't tell or guide people to their doctors because there are just so many suffering people posting that it's a challenge to weed out the ones with real issues and the ones who forgot to take their pain pills. I know, we all handle pain differently. But really, a teeny bit of research would help with expectations, wouldn't it? And let's not forget how tired you are post op. Who knew that eating less than 300 calories a day after major surgery and having to really work at staying hydrated would wear you out and make you tired? Ugh, it's completely unreasonable!

3) It's hard to eat when you only have 15% of your stomach. Who knew? I mean, sure, that's why we had surgery, but I know you figured you'd just have a smaller stomach made of cast Iron that could easily tolerate at least half a bacon cheeseburger within a week of your operation. All that sipping (of warm or room temp liquids!), all of that discomfort when you try to shovel in a cup of oatmeal in week three, the challenge of finding Protein you can eat easily, the challenge of finding a shake you actually like - I mean, who knew that was going to be part of the game? Oh wait, what do you mean everyone that actually researched their surgery knew about this stuff? Well, never mind that. Post about it so we can all hear how different and more difficult it is for you, because I'm sure it was a walk in the park for everyone else.

4) I'm sure your heartburn and acid reflux are terribly uncomfortable. It is for all of us. I'm sure the gurgling and healing stomach sounds are annoying and hard to get used to. They were for the rest of us, too. Which is why you should be on a PPI. If you did even a cursory bit of research on the sleeve, I am certain the fact that acid is an issue post op for almost everyone came up. So if you aren't on a PPI (think Prilosec or Nexium - Tums and Pepcid aren't PPIs) you should probably be on one. Even if your surgeon didn't suggest one. And if he/she didn't prescribe one or suggest one, I'd question that surgeon, because this is a known issue post op for nearly every patient. But it's your body and your suffering, so hey, why not be a tiny bit proactive and ASK FOR ONE if one isn't offered? While we're here, you should have done enough research to realize you'd need sublingual B-12, an Iron supplement and Calcium citrate as well as a multi until your doctor does bloodwork and tells you your levels are fine without supplements. I know, it's HARD to take all those pills...it's so annoying, too. But if you don't take them you'll be tired and sluggish and forgetful and won't feel up to par. But you knew that from all your research, I'm sure.

5) I doubt you're starving. Very, very few people do not lose the hunger post op. I have seen a few that struggled with this but they are few and far between. I know, you probably didn't do enough research to realize that you still have ghrelin in your system for a few days post op, or to find that acid gurgling in your belly feels exactly the same way as a rumbling tummy. You probably thought you'd be immune to head hunger, because you thought obesity was only caused by eating too much, not by any type of emotional attachment to food. You probably didn't realize that two or three (or more) weeks on a liquid diet would be challenging, mentally, even if you don't really want food. I know, I know, we already covered that surgery is supposed to be magical and you wanted it to control your feelings about food and your desire to eat for the rest of your life.

6) Diets don't work. Isn't that why you finally opted for surgery? Then why do you insist on treating the way you eat post op like a diet? Why do you insist on carb counting yourself into misery and allowing yourself only enough calories to sustain a ten pound cat instead of an adult human? Why are you surprised, after years of failed dieting, that the desire to binge and graze and eat emotionally show up when you restrict yourself the way you've always done on past diets? Why do you insist on eliminating entire food groups for fear of gaining weight, only to post at one or two years post op that you can't understand why maintenance is so hard and you can't stop eating junk? Oh, that's right, you thought the sleeve was part B of your diet and treated it that way...and got the same success you got from all those diets you did prior to surgery as a result.

7) It's hard to break bad habits and be healthy. We've covered this! Surgery is supposed to be magical - and therefore any emotional eating problems, baggage from your childhood, poor eating habits you're reinforced for years, etc. should just be magically erased when the surgeon slices out 85% of your stomach. I know, you don't understand why this is so hard! I know, you're so frustrated and you regret your surgery because you want to eat and you can't. Why won't your sleeve stop you from eating those Cookies or that big bowl of ice cream? This is completely unfair. I suggest you post about how the surgery is a waste of time and/or money because it didn't do the head work for you, cause this isn't supposed to be hard. It's magic.

8) Some people lose hair and get loose skin? AH, say it isn't so! If losing the weight and being healthy isn't worth a temporary trade off, surgery isn't for you. I know you already have diabetes, high blood pressure and are slowly killing yourself with your obesity, but you have an irrational fear of loose skin and thinning hair and aren't sure if this surgery is for you. I get that. After all, I'd rather die slowly with beautiful hair than compromise my vanity for a few months and extend my life in the process. I mean, really, we have to have our priorities! So please, as soon as you notice some hair falling out, please panic and post about it and ask if anyone else has experienced it. I'm sure you're the very first person it's ever happened to before and you should frantically warn everyone and work yourself into a frenzy envisioning your bald dome if it continues.

9) If you post stupid, tiresome, uneducated or ridiculous things to strangers on the internet, sometimes you get snarky, short or even blunt and (borderline) rude answers. I know, I know. You live in a world where everyone sings kumbaya together with genuine feeling before they start their day on the communal farm. Well, lots of us don't live there or have an infinite amount of patience and tolerance for those that think we should all be the same. I might answer one way and many other someones will answer another way and between all of us, hopefully there will be enough of an answer that anyone with the same question (but who doesn't necessarily have the same expectation on how it will be answered) can put together a solution. And then, in a perfect world, they wouldn't post the same question two threads down less than 24 hours later.

I love VST. I love that I found this site and researched my surgery for ONE WHOLE YEAR before opting to slice out my stomach. I love that it is full of resources, full of true experiences, full of warnings, full of advice for those that bother to search it out. Even four year old threads can still be relevant today! I love being able to come back here and "give back" in a way, by helping people with genuine questions and genuine concerns. I want to cheer other people on their journey and I want to help people approach this surgery in a sane way that will help them not just lose the weight but keep it off forever.

But for goodness' sake I simply have to acknowledge that I am only human and only have a limited amount of GAF when it comes to some of these posts and lately, some of these members.

It shouldn't be exhausting and aggravating to be here! I've been around the military too long, I think - I'm about a step away from yelling at some of these jokers like they need, instead of being diplomatic and polite.

My vent, my opinion, remember? Remember: you can always just skip over my post and not respond if it really bothers you!

~Cheri

Bobo · January 11, 2013

Amen to that!

LaserSkinGirl · January 11, 2013

Love this.... Fantastic thoughts!!

jgirl75 · January 11, 2013

Very well said!

moregoodtimes · January 11, 2013

Hallelujah!!! Cheri, I am soooo glad someone said all this! I heard about WLS back in July/August 2012 and began doing research. I educated myself on the various types and then dug deeper into the band and VSG. I attend a seminar to learn more and decided VSG was best for me. In my digging for every site I could find on VSG, I ran across VST! YEAH!! I only read for two solid months before joining and making an initial post. I sat nearly every evening for a couple of hours and read new posts while taking notes on various major topics. I now have a notebook filled with what to do before, during and after the surgery.

This past month, I have prayed that you would NOT leave this forum. I have watched several of those who post with quality, thoughtful answers slow down with their posts and then seldom or never post again. I miss missdiva and especially lollyfiddy – just to name a few. I love that you, OTR and butterthebean (as well as many others) who have hung in there for those of us who need you. We probably don’t support you as well as we should, so I am taking this opportunity to say a huge thank you and beg you to hang in a bit longer. Your input has been invaluable and I’m betting there are many like me who seldom post but soak up all your good info.

A few months ago I began trying to figure out why this site had changed so much since I first began reading. I started hearing people who were within days of surgery, and even just post-surgery, ask some very basic questions, which, had they read about this surgery for even an hour, would have known the answers. I kept being shocked at the questions, the lack of knowledge, and the lack of support from the doctors as well.

My conclusion is that this surgery has become so popular that the numbers have exploded and (this one is going to irritate some, but here we go) those less experienced in solving life’s problems – the young, the oblivious and those who feel entitled ( the world owes me) are headed to the surgeon’s table thinking this is a breeze. They never get the part that this is a complete life style change REQUIRING the individual to participate in its success. (here’s my disclaimer – yes some in those mentioned categories will succeed and many seemingly educated, dedicated and responsible people will fail – read through the words and try to get my meaning please) I’m really trying to figure out the very obvious change I see with the postings the past 3-4 months. As an aside – Dr. Oz had a segment on.. I think in October maybe and he said he could not believe more doctors were not recommending WLS and why more people were not asking for it. He has huge influence on sales of anything he mentions! Maybe…

The surgeons are certainly not going to turn these bucks.. I mean unhealthy people.. away and more and more doctors and surgery groups are and will be cropping up to meet the demand – without providing the proper info and without doing all the extra testing and after care that helps to ensure a successful surgery.

Example – Family of 3 – mom, dad and grown daughter - come to the same seminar I attended. All 3 had sodas and passed a big bag of corn curls back and forth, rattling the bag and crunching during the presentation. The doctor talked about the life style changes you should make after the surgery and mentioned regular walking. The mom immediately huffed and whined… “I really don’t like walking and do as little of it as possible.” I am betting that one of them if not all, have had the surgery by now. I hope they are successful, but I’m not sure I saw the level of commitment and willingness to change that long-term success requires.

I think there will be more and more people coming to these sites seeking help so I do hope those with true knowledge and experience will stay for those of us who have done our homework and want to hear the truth.

And people, please go into this fully informed… read, read, read. Watch the videos of the surgery online. Commit to the program which means when you are in the losing phase, don’t eat or drink the crap you used to just because you’re in the solids phase. It could be a long haul so either leave the old habit in the dust permanently or figure out how you will manage small indulgences that “fit” into your maintainence plan.

This is a temporary tool requiring your total focus and participation if you want to have life-long success.

Just my 2 cents… take it or leave it.

Hallelujah!!! Cheri, I am soooo glad someone said all this! I heard about WLS back in July/August 2012 and began doing research. I educated myself on the various types and then dug deeper into the band and VSG. I attend a seminar to learn more and decided VSG was best for me. In my digging for every site I could find on VSG, I ran across VLT! YEAH!! I only read for two solid months before joining and making an initial post. I sat nearly every evening for a couple of hours and read new posts while taking notes on various major topics. I now have a notebook filled with what to do before, during and after the surgery.